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I know people are tired of my posts by now... but please... may someone respond to it...? i feel so alone...

I feel like I did something bad but when my brother smiles at me or wants to get near me I’m suspicious like what if he’s the one doing something to me I’m just like he feels comfortable with me so he feels safe around me but what if he’s the one doing something he looks at me and I’m just suspicious because why does he keep looking at me It’s the same when I keep looking at him it feels like I’m fixated to his face I just can’t with this it’s either me or him I feel like garbage

I want to get married and I’m scared I might end up being like those female pred because they’re always married!!! I’ve always wanted marriage Because I would feel like i would cheat on my husband because of the thoughts and unwanted urges and the intentional thought at the salon

I have OCD and C-PTSD and so sometimes having a different opinion makes me feel like I'm automatically wrong or like I'm a bad person for thinking differently. I feel like this is esepecially true with social media and Tik Tok when you see other people's opinions from a lot of different perspectives and people get labeled at a bad person by strangers who don't know them. I don't want to feel like a bad person for having a different opinion than friends and/or the internet. I mostly think the same as them in a lot of different ways, but one or two things I think differently (examples of my thoughts I see are different sometimes: I think people can change but that doesn't excuse their actions and they should get therapy; I don't think all AI is bad, it just needs better regulation and shouldn't be used to replace people, I think it can be a helpful tool; I think just because someone uploads something that's considered "weird" on a public site (like cosplay, or a fashion choice, or etc) doesn't make it okay to make a video about them and making fun of them or be mean (like the teen/child who did the "bad" red lobster cover)) How do I learn to be okay with having different opinions than other people?

Okay... so im taking the NREMT-B exam next week in about 5 days... Im genuinely nervous... I want to succeed so badly but because my POCD says my worst fears have already, or will, come true, that I dont deserve this and it makes me feel guilty... I'm a horrible person... ive unintentionally hurt people... ive done genuinely horrible POCD-related things as a 13-14 year old that make me feel genuine guilt as an adult... and it should... why do i deserve to help people, when all Ive ever done is hurt people....? (Also, for context, my biggest fear is doing anything inappropriate with minors in any way... and whether or not it has already happened... thats my biggest fear...)

I’m worried it’s not because why did that happened? I was fantasizing about this marvel villain in a sexual way and then when I heard my brother breathe I got turn on more so now I feel like a p

So I was talking to myself in the living room right and then I hear my brother‘s iPad that his friend talking and I was like what the hell is that and I was like oh that’s his friend and then I crotch down and I try to like put in the password so I can turn it off and it’s like I don’t know if my face made a smile because I was like oh this is the opportunity to talk to his friendyou know and I’m just like I looked at myself in the mirror and I’m just like predator because it’s like why would I feel good about that about having the opportunity to talk to a kid?

Ill edit the post in... What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... im so triggered...

Life has been so tough for me lately. I’ve been stuck in an OCD spiral since last December. Most of my fears come from incidentally causing harm to my family or others. I feel like every action is a moral conflict, or that any time I make a bad decision, act out of frustration, or self indulge in anything, I’m debating about whether I’m an awful person who doesn’t care about my kids, my wife, or other people. I’m a stay at home parent currently, and all three of my kids are neurodivergent, with my youngest being on the spectrum. My youngest is nonverbal, so my OCD loves to manipulate that, making it hard to know if my son is happy, sad, upset, etc. Always feeling like I’m worried I’ll make too many mistakes as a parent. That any time I lose my cool, it means I’m just this awful person and parent. I’m burnt out from the stress currently, so I always feel on edge, which makes it harder to have the mental power to resist compulsions. I am in OCD therapy, which has helped. But every time I feel like I’m taking steps in the right direction I get sucked back in. Every time I resist compulsions, I’m triggered almost immediately after. Because I’m a stay at home parent, and a lot of my triggers and themes involve harm to others, particularly my family, it’s just trigger after trigger after trigger. My wife is exhausted from my mental health, which just adds to the guilt I already feel. I hate that my mental health is affecting everyone, and it only reinforces the idea that I’m causing harm or suffering to those around me. I just need a break. I cannot keep living my life this way. This is the worst my OCD has been, and I feel so traumatized from all the days and hours I’ve spent feeling like I’m at my limit. Thanks for reading. Feel free to respond if you can relate. Just needed to vent.

What if the reason I had that inappropriate dream with a man is because my 9 year old brother did something to me in real life while I was asleep and I just don’t remember?

UPDATE: ive reduced my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation...

I was playing with my brother and I thought he was so cute because he’s little and at the same time it felt like I wanted to touch him inappropriately It’s weird because sometimes I get disgusted by the thought and then sometimes I feel like I would actually that

I hope everyone is doing well! I included this cute little image below, but I'm also in need of advice! I'm wondering if anyone has any videos of tips on how to focus on building confidence in yourself? I'm beginning to realize that I base a lot of my self-worth on other people's opinions... just in general. This is an example, but I'll hear about celebrity drama online and, at first, not really care. But eventually, I'll cave if people keep talking about it or it comes across my feed, and I'll just scroll through video after video—comment after comment—trying to make sure that my opinion will be the "correct" one. Does that make sense? This is so stupid 😭 but it really affects me. I try to stay off social media as much as possible, save for YouTube, but I feel like this is something I legitimately need to work on. I'm still young, but I don't want to spend my 20s letting shit like this affect me. I want to be confident in WHO I am, which is hard with OCD stirring up doubt, but I think it'd be good for me! So, if anyone has any recommendations or advice, please let me know! Thank you! 🤍

This might not even be OCD related, but I have a difficult time standing up for myself or just communicating boundaries with others. I'm trying to improve, but it's not easy. I always feel guilty after saying anything, like maybe I'm being dramatic, or maybe I'm in the wrong for not ignoring their words/actions and moving on. Even if the person doesn't respond with a negative reaction, I start spiraling :(

I thought when someone add young adults with ocd, mid-life adults with OCD, or older adults with OCD were actually adults I’m worried because I would look at someone profile and assume they’re legal age and talk to them now I’m just like I probably exposed them to inappropriate stuff because of my thoughts

My ex and I were definitely not the best match for each other, even though we convinced ourselves we were for nearly seven years. We said some things to each other we probably both still carry on now. One thing he’d tell me always was that I was mean when we fought/argued. But I only ever got that way when he didn’t listen…cause when I did soften my tone, or showed my vulnerable opinions he never took it seriously. I’ve realized over the years that my OCD usually gets heightened/worse either when I’m stressed, PMSing, or am on an estrogen related birth control. Sadly my life has changed drastically and so near the beginning of this month I switched to an estrogen/progesterone combined birth control pill. It has been great so far, up until this past week. My current boyfriend truly is a saint, and is the genuinely sweetest men I have ever had the privilege of knowing. But, I still get angry. Thankfully I never EVER get angry at him. I will talk my feelings out to myself (like at my job when I’m alone or in the car on the way to him) and work out my anger before I even see him: cause 9/10 times…it’s all in my head, with whatever is wrong. I’m just so worried that 1) one day that angry and mean side of me will come out again. I never ever want to make him cry, or make him feel unworthy (which is how my ex told me how I made him felt) and 2) that he’ll see me for who I ‘truly am’. He swears to me that I’m a sweet girl, and that I don’t have an angry bone in my body. But I see how agitated I get, I see how bitter I can be. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared of hurting him. I’ve been nonstop thinking about this past week and I just want relief or a break from me.

I feel like I m*lested my brother in his sleep because I was thinking if me touching his area disgusted me and I’m trying to remember if I got up and touched him but I don’t remember I was laying down I asked my brother if I did anything he said no but how would he know he was sleeping? It’s like what if I did something that I don’t remember?

I’m getting gronial responses by listening to an ancient Egyptian podcasts I love ancient history I was listening to one and they were talking about how he got married at such an early age and his wife was around 12 and my head is just hoping for him to say something inappropriate about them and immediately thought that if I wanted to listen to it that meant I was listening to cp and I got gronial responses and I just speed the podcast I had to take my head phones and lay down or eat a chocolate bar because the gronials it’s annoying I can’t even listen to music or do anything with my head phones on Then yesterday I was thinking did I touch my brother? Because when I was laying down I was thinking if I would get disgusted by touching his area it was just a thought because I don’t remember standing up and actually doing it but it’s like I feel like I did

Are intrusive memories a thing? Because I have memories pop up throughout the day, usually regrets or mistakes from when I was younger, but it's almost uncontrollable? It sort of feels like I'm testing myself to see if the memories still make me anxious or something. I can't tell if I'm willingly thinking of them or if they just invite themselves in. They're just always at the front of my thoughts unless I'm really engaged with something else or out and about with other people... I'm trying to treat them like I do with intrusive thoughts, but occasionally, it's like I can't resist NOT ruminating on these past events. I try not to, but then that only makes them more persistent. I'm just curious if anyone's dealt with this or possibly has advice? I'm guessing I'll just have to sit with it. I don't think I've asked about this before, but I might be wrong lol. I forget easily 😭 I'll probably speak with my psychiatrist about this, too, but our next appointment isn't until August. She's not an OCD specialist or haver, so I thought I'd ask here, just in case anyone can help! 🤍

What do you think? How does this resonates with others?