18+ what if?

18+ help pleaseeeeeeee What if he’s actually doing it I’m worried So I’m convinced my 9 year old brother is raping me in my sleep i saw that the controller for the lamp was on my bed and I immediately thought he did something to me and he said he didn’t put that on my bed that he woke up and went to my moms room to change and I just got a suspicious feeling like maybe he did do something to me I’m worried about it I’m just thinking every time he tries to get close to me is because he’s doing it for inappropriate reasons and I get weirded out by him being close to me or him looking at me or being talkative to me it’s like I’m very suspicious I want to ask him because I’m worried like you think he could do that to me? (edited)

I was on YouTube looking for saw traps I scenes and I see a saw 5 playlist and I was a bit horny because I was thinking of the guy I’m talking to and it’s like what if the playlist had inappropriate stuff on kids and I got arosal and then I got worried and went to see if there was stuff on kids there The gronial response gets intense I felt arousal because of the idea I might find content of kids there I think I’m a p how is this ocd I get worried when I open playlists or images because I’m going to think there’s inappropriate stuff and I don’t want to accidentally see it and I feel guilty afterwards I feel like I also touched my brother inappropriately I asked if I ever did anything he said no but what if he thinks it’s not wrong or he’s not telling me the truth

I feel like I did something bad now because I went to put the blanket on my brother and my hand was close to his back I had a thought before like “it’s time to touch him” and I stood up and he was on a call but he was sleeping so now I’m like why did I stood up? Was it to take the iPad or what exactly? I feel like a child molester I don’t remember touching his area or butt because I didn’t but I had my hand near his back I asked my brother if I did anything he said no I asked if I did anything when I put the blanket over him he said he was sleeping so that doesn’t reassure me So I almost acted on it?