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looking for recommendations for counseling, I struggle with POCD, and just right OCD and probably a number of other s. I unfortunately don’t have insurance so I’ll have to pay out-of-pocket so looking for sliding scale options.

my intrusive thoughts have controlled me ever since i was young. i’ve had constant fears of my loved ones dying in horrific car accidents and being unable to come home from work at night, passing away in their sleep, cancer, etc. and i’ve always thought that praying (when i still identified as christian) and doing things in a “right way” (strict routines, repeating the same task three times no more/less, so on…) would save them. for a while, i was okay with not doing these things. i was okay with sitting with the uncertainty and letting my mind think “so what?” if those things happen because i felt safe enough to do so. but im afraid to say that during the summer, my worst fears came true—my intrusive thoughts seemed to come true. my boyfriend of years quite literally died and came back to life and i dissociated for those couple of weeks until my body finally let me register what happened. i was so afraid and scared and i felt my body get physically sicker as the days went on. not to compare my mental traumas with his, of course, i just don’t think i ever fully got over what happened. he is still alive now which i am always so thankful everyday for and i am learning to love our life together instead of grieving it like i did previously. while it’s never fully gone away, my compulsions have come back to haunt me again. i keep seeing things around me and taking it as a sign that he’s going to die again, and im even more convinced because he had another scare today and i couldve lost him again. i keep sobbing just about everyday and i cant stop crying because there’s nothing i can do to save him. i keep grieving him even when he’s still here and when we can’t talk for even an hour i begin to worry. i start to rearrange my room because i think it’ll save him. i try to text him every second like it’s some sort of spell because if i don’t maybe he’ll never wake up. i remake my bed three times because if i don’t then he’ll never wake up. im afraid to talk to my friends about this because i think im a nuisance and speaking it into existence will become real. i cant keep grieving him when he’s not even gone. even when he’s here, i grieve him. i want to be able to love him with no fear, but that’s all that consumes me. i pride myself in being able to handle these things, but this has been the worst year of my life. i don’t know how to move on and get out of this loop. does anyone have any advice? at all? anything would be really deeply appreciated.

What are things you would want portrayed in a fictional character with ocd?

OCD has been in my life since 2019, and I have no idea how to get rid of it. Everything started when I was 14. I had just started high school, and when I walked into the classroom, I was trying to figure out the atmosphere there. I was a very quiet kid in high school. I usually hated my skin, so I would wear my cardigan in a way that covered my hands and listened to lessons with my hand on my face. A few weeks later, people started insulting me, hitting me, and verbally harassing me. The bullying got worse, and from then on, I started bottling everything up. At that time, I cared too much about what people thought, and I began to believe others would harm me. Because of these thoughts and fears, I failed around 8–9 classes. In 2020, when the pandemic started, classes went online. I hated it, but I was happy because I wouldn’t have to see those people again—at least until I lost my grandmother. She passed away due to COVID, and that pushed me really far down. Back then, I had an edit account on Instagram. I loved making edits and I had friends I really liked. Talking with them made me so happy, but over time, their behavior toward me changed. They turned into completely different people I no longer recognized. They became horrible, and all of this happened just because I replied late to their messages. I wasn’t always online—I’m human too. They added me to groups, threatened me, and sent me awful messages. I began to hate myself more and more. Around that time, I also started becoming paranoid about people. When I met someone new, I approached them with fear, and this dragged me down further. For almost a year and a half, both online and in real life, I developed prejudice against people. This prejudice was mostly fear—fear and prejudice made me antisocial. When the pandemic ended, in 2022–2023, I had to do an internship in a place and a job I absolutely hated and couldn’t manage. The people there constantly mocked me, which pushed me down even more. I didn’t know how to deal with these situations because I was alone. I did the internship for about two and a half months, and when 2023 came, all the traumas and obsessions echoed in my mind. I felt terrible because of the disgusting events I had experienced. It felt like my brain had completely shut down. By January 2023, I was in an unbearable state. When I walked into the classroom, my teacher noticed something was wrong and started asking me questions. I immediately burst into tears and told her, “I hate myself.” At that time, the students in the back were making a lot of noise, so they couldn’t hear me. My teacher said, “Don’t turn around so they won’t see—come with me,” and took me to the teachers’ room. I told her everything, and I think I respect myself for that. But at the same time, my orientation felt like a burden on my shoulders, because I felt pressure from my family—as if I was supposed to meet a girl and start a relationship. I explained all the pressures, my obsessions, everything from beginning to end. She guided me and supported me. Almost all of my teachers supported me, and my prejudice toward people completely disappeared. Back then, I really thought I had beaten OCD. But in the following years, it came back stronger. I started hating my body. I took too many showers. The traumas replayed in my mind over and over. The more I tried to erase them, the more I thought about them—and I wasn’t the one controlling it. I couldn’t. When I do something, I often repeat it 4 or 5 times. I can’t pass through doors. I can’t touch certain objects. Even when I play games on my phone, I feel like I have to choose a character, but I keep choosing and canceling again and again. It repeats endlessly, and I can’t stop it. It feels like everything that once made me happy just disappears in front of my eyes, and I’m still fighting this. My family, my sister, my aunts, and my past teachers have supported me, but I feel like I’m disappointing them. That makes me feel terrible. On this site, I see so many people sharing their struggles with OCD, and knowing I’m not alone makes me both sad and, at the same time, a little happy. I just wanted to express myself this way. There are still things I couldn’t write—I really want to—but my thoughts exhaust me so much that I can’t.

Lately I have been micromanaged by my boss where I have to give updates at the end of each day. I cringe sending them because I wonder what critique I’ll receive in return. Lately he hasn’t been happy with my progress and wants to help me out. But I honestly find my boss incompetent because he’s not in the trenches with me working on tasks that I do daily. I suffer from OCD, especially checking OCD, in which the tasks I do are a trigger for it. I don’t want to tell my boss I have OCD because it’s confidential to me and who knows how they will react to the diagnosis. It’s just tough because there’s times I want to tell my boss so he can give me some grace…. I’ve been looking for other jobs because I don’t feel very valued and being micromanaged every day eats you up. I’m wondering too what jobs I can do that wouldn’t make my OCD so bad… Anyways, just looking to see if anyone else has dwelt with this. It’s not a fun time for sure.

I'm currently in my second year of nursing school. Before I began studying this, I've already graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing before. My parents wanted me to study nursing in hopes of securing a better life abroad, and I couldn't deny the opportunity of making my life better by doing this. I've had great friends during my first year, but they all had to transfer schools for personal reasons. Don't get me wrong—I truly enjoy learning everyday. I study so much about the human body, its diseases, and skills-based performances. For a while, I did enjoy what I do. Now that I'm in my second year, having been separated from my old friends and being constantly bombarded by a ton of school works, I feel incredibly overwhelmed. I still enjoy learning. I appreciate the fact that my parents are more than willing to pay for my education. But sometimes, living with anxiety and all, I think about not feeling belonged. I look at my classmates and realize how incompetent I probably am. My newfound friends have gotten two points higher in our return demonstration, and I feel like the dumbest gal in the room. It's anxiety and OCD telling me I'll never be enough, and it hurts to wake up everyday, facing those fears head on before I walk my way to school. I know these voices aren't totally true. After all, I graduated cum laude with a degree in writing. I've self-published some books, and I had the highest grade in Health Education two semesters ago. Still, I can't help but compare myself to people—mentally torturing myself over and over again about never being able to live up to people's expectations of me. I care so much about the opinions and views of my classmates about me—most of whom I barely know. I constantly find myself comparing my scores to my friends, and seeing them score higher makes me think how utterly stupid I am for thinking I stand a chance as a future nurse. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'm in the right place, or if this is really a path for me. To top it off, my OCD intrusive thoughts about cleaning my MacBook case terrifies me. I recheck my documents most of the time, thinking they'd be incomplete and I wouldn't know. I'd walk to school, anticipating that a car might crash on me. These are all just the tip of the iceberg. If I didn't have Dominic, my monkey stuffed toy and best friend for life, I'm pretty sure I would've lost my mind a long time ago. Everything hurts.

I spiraled about something a few days ago and since then I feel like I'm in a completely different mood. I used to be very happy about who I was but right now I feel like the complete opposite. I feel embarrased about everythingggg I do. And then Instarted obsessing over certainty and now I feel like I can't be certain about anything. I feel like I lost my whole personality is gone and my OCD is off the charts. BUT surprisingly I feel much less anxious than before. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to consider taking medication. I'm scared.

I try go gym and tried mindfulness and meditation but nothing works, I feel out of control and the thoughts are so vivid. I have been going gym for a while now and Im getting obsessed with routine and that if U break it I will lose all my strength. But I've been so tired all week that I literally dont have the energy to go gym and it makes me feel horrible. I try do other things like cleaning the house or yoga to make up for it all week but I still feel irresistible guilt and I so so tired Im literally mentally tired. Any advice?

I have recently switched themes and now I have like 6 emails 4 old ones and 2 new I created to keep everything organized because one of the emails started getting a lot of adult content spam and I felt gross and that made me feel like that email is messed up now so I need to transfer everything over and delete unused accounts and separate emails for shopping and social media and then when I forget and use the wrong account for social media I want to start over all over again and create another email because what if that email gets sold and gets gross spam.Also when I have a image pop up in my head I don’t like I think to take a shower to reset or clean to reset the area I’m in.Are all of these things ocd?please help.Im out of therapy atm and I don’t know what any of this means.

Everyday I’m faced with different issues. I live in another state, but had to come home for a loss in the family. With dealing with the loss, now I’m having to deal with overworking after getting off work (WFH) to ensure my mother’s home remains clear of bed bugs left over from visiting family members that keep coming over to check on us. WTFFF! I’m exhausted when I get off work and these SAME family members’ keep showing up. Mom has politely talked to them about it by which they all started blaming the other and being in denial about the bugs being in their room, but instead in another member’s room (it’s a family of 9 people living in a 4 bedroom house). They have had these bed bugs for YEARSSSSS and that’s why I stopped visiting them. Whenever I did visit it wasn’t long at all and I stood up the entire time even after they constantly offer me a seat. We’ve told them about the bugs twice and it’s like they’re just disregarding what we are saying. They show up with their purses sitting all over the couch. Moving from the couch to the dining room table chairs just honestly all over the house. I feel sorry for them, but tired of having to keep steam cleaning every day they come over. I’ve offered to help them clean their place and they say okay, but never tell me when to come. How are they constantly getting bit by bugs and it’s not effecting? Is it possible to become immune to their bites? Well this is my mom’s home and I’m doing the best to keep it clean while I’m here, but the countdown is on until I go back home. If she don’t put her foot down and not worry about their feelings her house is going to be full infested like theirs. How would you handle this situation?

It’s been a minute since I have been on here. I did get NOOCD therapist session a while back to verify if I really had OCD. I was told it sounded like I had “just right” OCD. Of course, temporary relief only with that confirmation which are two professional takes on my situation. You think that would be enough for my brain. If I detect even the slightest doubt in someone’s voice on my ADHD/OCD diagnosis then It messes with me. I lost my Dad last month. I was taking care of him the best I could but I replay events. HOWEVER, I am on Adderall and when it quiets my default brain network I handle life without crying. I think about what I am doing but as it wears off then I am back to thinking about everything I don’t want to think about. Adderall for me confuses me if it’s right. Especially, when so much of my life is still a disorganized mess. I think it’s making me kinda detached from people. I don’t know that I feel things the way I should be that’s healthy. What breaks through the Adderall in my mind is I default to questioning my diagnosis again. I use to not believe I had ADHD, then didn’t believe I had OCD. I fully accepted ADHD but now I am questioning if it’s actually all OCD after all and being medicated completely wrong. I notice this has gotten worse, plus I am doing this gathering of things. People gave me or I found a great deal on. All with the intention of listing on eBay YET nothings organized and when I sit down to list then nothing happens. I can’t get things in my environment or mind just right to list. I get hung up on photos not being good enough plus everything else with double checking my entries being right. Then I don’t list because I doubt it’s good enough. I had this problem before my Dad passed away but everything’s off the charts right now I guess. My mother called me a hoarder. I have accumulated things faster than my abilities to organize and sell them has occurred but at least it’s all in a shop and not my house. She’s always been the worst for my self esteem. I guess I am mainly just venting here. I am sure OCD would flare up worse after loss of a parent. I just feel like the wheels have come off and don’t know how to gain control.

With my OCD I don't know what type of OCD I have but I have really bad intrusive thoughts I ruminate on a lot of things I think of and I am very obsessive especially whenever I am very interested in something or whenever I feel like I did something wrong. When I talk to someone and I think what I said was bad I'll have to try to explain myself to tell them why I'm so sorry for what I said, when I drive the windows have to be halfway down and if it's not halfway down I will consistently keep on checking until they're halfway down and the Radio has to be at a even number, everything has to be in a straight line or neat, but it's only specific things. Whenever I think I'm not doing something at my best potential I'll just keep on asking myself am I doing my best job am I doing the best that I can or am I doing something wrong? When I was younger I used to always say in my head that I love God but then on the other side my brain would tell me that I hate God and I would exhaust my self by saying no I love God and fall asleep. Lol I ruminate and obsessed over these thoughts to the point where it goes to the most extreme and it makes everything spiral. I don't know what this is and I got diagnosed with OCD last month and I'm scared now because this whole time I used to always think I was crazy

Hiiii, I’m Sara 💖 and I have Severe OCD 🧠, Severe Excoriation Disorder ✋, ADHD ⚡, GAD 😰, and Major Depressive Disorder 🌧️. I love using emojis if you haven’t noticed lol. To keep this as straightforward as possible I want to focus on the OCD and dermatillomania part today. I hope this can help some people 💬 and maybe give others a better understanding of what it’s like to live with these two issues! ☺️ I have always struggled with skin picking, especially on my face 😔, and it has made my acne worse and caused scarring. 🤕 I did not realize until my therapist told me that it can be connected to OCD. Sometimes I do not even notice I am doing it, and other times I am aware but cannot stop. 😓 For me, the OCD side is often tied to perfectionism or needing that just right feeling. 🫠 From thoroughly washing my face and hands, overusing or meticulously applying products to make sure the “ritual” is done perfectly takes both time and money. To having picking episodes which causes scars to heal slower⏳ and to also leave me with a “pepperoni face” 🍕 from all the red and raw wounds or with widespread hyperpigmentation that lingers for months. Oof 😅 ERP IS A LIFE SAVER!!! 🛟 Addressing that OCD pattern is a big part of ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention 🚪. ERP helps you face the discomfort without picking or fixing, so over time your brain learns the urge does not need to be acted on. 😤 Behold~ another technique, HRT! Habit Reversal Training can still be part of treatment, but timing matters ⏰. If OCD is the main driver, starting HRT too early, especially if it leans on avoiding triggers, can unintentionally strengthen the OCD cycle 🔄. That is why ERP often comes first, and HRT is added later once the compulsion has weakened. 🤗 Skincare time! Oooo la la la 🤭 For wound care 🩹, I keep it simple. When the skin is still open, I use a gentle cleanser 🫧, a moisturizer 💧, and Aquaphor directly on the wound, then keep it covered to protect it from bacteria 🦠 and UV exposure 🌞. Once the wound has closed and turned pink 🌸, I use a gentle cleanser, a moisturizer, a scar cream, and SPF daily to prevent discoloration and help the scar fade. Fidget toys 🪀 do not work for everyone (Ik people who love it 😍), but ERP paired with steady skin care has made the biggest difference for me ✨. If possible, I recommend seeing a dermatologist 🩺 to help heal your skin and give you tools for long term care, and ask directly if they understand skin picking and OCD and will keep that diagnosis in mind while treating you. Progress is absolutely not linear 📉📈. You will have times when you pick or have an episode, even when your skin has been looking great. 😥 That does not mean failure ❌. In OCD, compulsions are rewarded in the moment because anxiety drops after you do them, so the brain learns that the behavior works 🤥. ERP builds new learning that competes with the old habit rather than erasing it, which means stress, hormones, sleep loss, or strong cues can still light up the old pathway at times ⚡. The goal of therapy and strategies is not to create a life with zero urges 🚫, but to help you navigate 🧭 life with OCD by reducing how often urges show up, how intense they feel, and how quickly you recover when they happen. Most important part EVERR 😮‍💨🥰 The most important part of this process is practicing self compassion 💕 and remembering that no one is perfect 🌼. Every lapse is information you can use for the next step forward! 🫂 Thanks for listening to my Ted talk! 😄 (edited)

i’m so stressed about college. i’m SO worried about meeting people, talking to people, making friends, meeting my roommates, etc. i’m scared that they won’t like me. i’m scared that i’ll say/do something that i couldn’t control and then they all hate me. i’ve been so on edge with my ocd lately, and it’s not very out of the ordinary to have me wanna do something like. weird. but it’s also just like…anything can happen. that little “your chances may be low, but they’re never zero” is always in the back of my head and it stresses me OUT. “the chances of you doing some weird and crazy thing or something out of pocket to your new roommates are very low, but never zero” like that TERRIFIES me dude. idk what to do. on top of it, im scared that they might accidentally do something and contaminate me or my surroundings or anything and then there’s nothing i can do about it. im always VERY particular with keeping things clean, with who can touch them, etc etc, but what if they do something behind my back? or what if they don’t but i think that they did and im stuck instead my head for the next like day or so? i’m so scared. i dont know what to do. does anybody have any college experiences they can share to help me?

hiiii everyone I’m new to this app :) I’m not sure if anything in here is a trigger for others so I just put a trigger warning js in case 😭 Sooo I’m actually not medically diagnosed with ocd, but I’ve had a very very strong feeling that I do for a few years but I haven’t told anyone abt it, bc i feel like it will sound like I’m trying to fake a mental illness for attention or something. Also, I know it’s bad to self diagnose, but my symptoms just sound a lot like ocddddd ans I want to go into therapy and get diagnosed or something bc I’m pretty sure I have ocd and even if I dont, I know what im experiencing is not really normal 😭 Some of my symptoms: Having like very sexually or violent disturbing images or thoughts pop up in my head that won’t go away and I have to like (this is so hard to explain) block it out in my mind over and over Having to repeat things and count things over and over for example I ALWAYS like I mean ALWAYSSSS. have to repeat “thank you God for today please keep us all safe and healthy” in my head especially when I’m anxious. And I don’t have to repeat it just in my mind either I have to like mouth it outttt. It’s so annoyingggg 🥲 My “magic” numbers are 3 and 10 bc I have 3 sisters and 10 is just the perfect number like it’s so equal. So basically I have to do things three times and if I count over three by accident or even think of it I have to count up until 10 and if the same thing happens I have to keep going until I reach 30 NOT 20 bc that means that bc there’s a 2 in the number one of my sisters will die 🥲 And if I don’t do any of these stuff that my brain tells me to do, you know that feeling when you have a huge itch and it’s itching super bad but you can’t scratch it?? It feels exactly like thatttt and I think that if I don’t do it smth bad will happen even though I know it won’t but like just in case I guess?? 😭😭 When I decide to try to go against these stuff it makes me super super anxious and sometimes, I have random like “attacks” where just nothing is perfect or just right but I can’t fix any of it no matter how many times I count, repeat, or cross it out in my mind, I get so much anxiety and it’s the WORSTTT. I’m not asking for a random person to diagnose me instead of a professional, but I just need advice. Thank you guys 💗 (edited)

When did you get diagnosed and what was the reason you knew that wasn't,,normal,, behavior and how did you handle the diagnosed and felt after you got it? I got diagnosed with I think 12/13? And it's bcuz I would arrange tables and my mum found it annoying. But for me the diagnosed was somehow relieving bcuz I knew I wasn't a freak ,but on the other hand I was sad getting the diagnosed bcuz it was written on paper that I am mentally ill

i am 18 years old and a couppe days ago i posted about the state of my house (cat pee, cat throw up, grime, dirt, etc everywhere), and how my parents dont clean/are used to living this way. im trying to clean the kitchen, i was cleaning it and cleaned majority of the counters, the stove, the dishwasher, now my clothes have a faint cat pee smell, the house is basically drenched in cat pee. i feel stuck and really isolated, i hate living here but at the same time, its my fault too for not cleaning. it is just hard for me to clean, i dont know why, and the house has been this way since 2023-2024 or so. idk what to do and i feel so alone, i wish my mom would help. idk what my girlfriend would think if she knew the state of my house

hi everyone!! so idk if anyone will see this, but i guess i have a lot of questions. i got diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago or so but i’ve had it for as long as i can remember. my obsessions and compulsions root from my worst fears and what i’m most afraid of losing. when i was really young, it started with doing things or else the devil was going to come and get me, because that was my worst fear at that time. i have to count, i usually do things in pairs of 3. i HATE even numbers. only odd numbers. sometimes i spend a lot of time redoing something over and over and over again just until it feels “right.” i have super bad sensory issues. i cut the tags out of everything i own, my nails have to be short or else i will dig them into my skin until i bleed because it just doesn’t feel right. at school i used to be late to class because i would be at my locker turning the combination either 3, 7, 9, 11, or 13 times. it just depended on what felt right. before i would go to bed i would have to sit up and check the door 3 , 7, 9… etc. one time i had to check 27 times before i could go to sleep. i’m actually scared of getting things i want in life because my OCD will hold it against me. “you better do this or else you’ll lose this.” the more happy i am in life, the worse my OCD gets. it prays on my worst fears. if there is even something slightly wrong with my clothes: a tiny thread hanging lose, a bad memory attached, i will never wear it again. there’s one thing im sorta embarrassed to say but it’s one of my worst ones. basically: peeing. at night, i have to continuously go to the bathroom over and over again because i feel like my bladder isn’t completely empty. i will keep telling myself “it’s full, i have to go.” even when i just peed 5 minutes ago. and due to this, it causes a lot of wiping. i have wiped myself raw to the point i bleed a lot. it’s embarrassing, but i can’t stop. it never feels clean enough. my hair is never perfect enough. my clothes are ugly. i think i mostly struggle with perfectionism OCD. but is that it? i also feel like if i don’t do certain things, it will cause something bad to happen to my family or friends. like i have magical control over events. i don’t know. can someone help please?

Hi everyone, I’ve been spending more and more time at the gym and with that means I’ve been spending more time disinfecting and washing my hands. There are certain numbers I try to “hit” when carrying out tasks like the number 4. When washing my hands I will pump the soap 4 times. But then I think about how the running water + paper towel used adds on +2 pts and so I end up at 6 but I don’t like the number 6. So to combat this I will do 4 steps of 4 actions because I don’t like numbers in relation to 3,6, or 9 ( bc of course washing, rinsing, drying 3 times would not be adequate in my mind). But I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll mess up a sequence of what I’m doing and then try to combat the compulsion I feel in the moment and try to forget the number of actions I’ve just carried out. In my mind doing something “♾️” times is better than knowing I for sure didn’t do enough. (In cases like these I equate ♾️ to an undefined/ unknown #). It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m wasting so many resources and a lot of my time too but I still struggle to stop until I feel like everything is fine again. I spray my sanitizer spray 4 times on a paper towel and tell myself that 4 sprays + 1 paper towel is okay because at least 4x1 =4 and 4+1 =5 but it really just drives me mad but because 4-1 =3 I have to combat that with wiping an adequate amount of times.

My mom is visiting me and we have been sharing my studio apartment for about 10 days. I was already struggling with this because I have a hard time sharing my space with people—I like things to be clean and orderly and I hate not having total control over these things. She got sick with what we thought was a cold and I was getting very stressed/irritated with her coughing and sneezing in the apartment, even though I obviously know that it’s not her fault. Her illness got progressively worse (probably the flu), so she decided to get a hotel for her last night. I am alone in my apartment, which I am grateful for, and I cleaned everything down with Lysol, but I still feel as though my apartment is contaminated and I just feel grossed out and stressed. I felt fine earlier before I realized it is most likely the flu, but now I am starting to feel congested and I can’t tell whether it is real or just my paranoia