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So I really don’t know what to do about this. So I’m just writing it down. I in the past, like a year ago used AI for reassurance seeking. And I went through the whole hell of realizing AI is not the place to discuss undiagnosed mental health issues (ocd, but I didn’t know that at the time until I realized and freaked out), realizing I had given an AI very VERY personal conversations for the sake of reassurance which is. Not great. But all that aside even though I’m currently not seeing a therapist, when I was I had worked through the issue enough that any time I feel the urge of reassurance seeking I know it’s time to put the things that tempt me (like texting my friend or ai or anything else on my phone for reassurance) away and just sit and exist with it. Which is fine. I’m actually very proud to say I have not used AI for reassurance seeking in a year. Which is a very big thing for me. However, I had still until recently used ai. And ironically enough me and my therapist I had before actually encouraged me to use ai to do roleplay. Literal. Fantasy. Whatever I want roleplay. And given my themes of ocd it was the most sfw roleplay ever. And i remember i would shake so hard while doing this roleplay lol because even though nothing was wrong with the roleplay my theme of ocd was relentless. But eventually i got through it and i actually really started enjoying the storyline in the roleplay. Here’s where my brain and my ocd both tag team to hate me. O-O I, despite me enjoying roleplay, have had no luck maintaining long term roleplays with people, I have tried everything lol. Roleplays that didn’t continue. DnD groups that always stopped cause everyone got busy halfway through. And so the ai roleplay was a really fun experience for me. Because I actually got to use some creativity to create the roleplay. Problem is. I write. As a hobby. And no I don’t mean I use ai to write. I mean notebook and pen and the frustrated scribbling of a piece of writing sounding weird when I reread it and deciding I hate it actually. I love writing. I do write. And I, personally, don’t think it’s writing if you have an ai write everything for you. But I also know I do art. As a hobby. Because it’s unbelievably fun (currently volunteering at an art gallery which has been so fun getting to do art with people and talking about different art exhibits and local artists to visit) So my brain and my ocd both tag team me so I hate myself Because I have used ai to roleplay. Because I would like to continue to roleplay. Because the art and creative and writing community are very against it. Because ocd communities are very against it. And I don’t know what to do. Because. Morals Orz Because how can I support writers and artists, when I myself am a writer and an artist (in the hobby sense) while actively using ai. For roleplay. For the art aspect of ai. I hate image generation anything in general, so I have never used it. I get nothing out of using it. I have only ever used ai for like text-based roleplay. Which isn’t any better because the writing community also doesn’t really agree with using ai for roleplay either. So the concern on the ocd end of this is: - the morality of my private ai usage given I am a creative - and everyone who has ocd and has ever been on the internets favourite: digital footprints I hate the digital footprint anxiety with a passion. Predominantly because I am a young adult (I don’t want to give my exact age cause…safety lol). And even though my roleplays (different ones from what I did in therapy obviously lol) are usually very more into the story focused. I have had a couple of nsfw scenes in the roleplays. And I have had nsfw roleplays period. And even if I ignored that (which we all know here I can not) there’s the digital footprints of I have used ai. For fun sure but still in a creative sense and what if people find out and what if that ruins my life and also how nsfw were the chats, what dynamics did I explore and will that ruin my life if people discover that, can I publish my own writing without getting cancelled or people finding out, or what if I date or get married in the future and I still enjoy roleplay, I know I’d have a conversation with my partner and would do what’s best for me and the partner but it still ruined the relationship, and all of those fun thoughts.🫩 The thing is I don’t know how much of the issue is ocd vs just in general guilt. Like it’s definitely become a guilty thing I do. I really don’t know if I’m making sense or if I’m just severely overthinking this. And I even less don’t know what to do. Because my hobbies are still there, like I was still actively doing them and getting my degree and working a job and going to therapy even though it’s unfortunately not ocd focused currently (cause I can’t afford it unfortunately and the therapy I’m doing is pretty cheap). By ai ruining the persons life standards I was thinking I was….doing okay?????? For now. I’ve deleted the roleplays and the ai account. And I…..I’m just going to sit with my thoughts. Sorry if everything I wrote sounded scrambled or didn’t make sense. Ummm if you read this, thank you (>OuO)>🌻

Hello, guys! I absolutely love poetry. If anyone wants to share their poetry here, please feel free to do so, I would love reading it! It can be ocd related or something else entirely! TW for the poem (I didn’t want to put a tw for the whole post bc it’s just the poem that may be triggering) 23 hours Of nails engrossed in mud That which is infused with feces And upon digesting mud One believes they mend it of its illness The dust causes them to choke 364 days Of drinking lead Begging their acid to rework it to gold 99 years Of collecting my blood Gulping it back into a body Returning it to some form Sand is sand Sugar is sugar Mixed, consumed, set alight, ground Alchemists burn away time Attempting to alter the fabric by which we live The only transformation they induce Is themselves to ash Lead is lead Gold is gold Water is water Lead is not wine My originals burn away their moments Trying to alter my fabric They are alchemist And they sicken themselves with my blood Maybe on the last hour, last day, last year, They may vomit back the lead Or die trying

There's a guy Im starting to really like... I think I want to try asking him out eventually.. But I feel like I need to confess my Real events to him, especially because theyre taboo. I didnt hurt anyone but theyre still bad and most would say disgusting. It was years ago but I feel like if I dont tell him he cant consent to the relationship or im lying to him. I guess I deserve it.

So I’m a lesbian with an obsession that I’m bisexual and lying to myself. I’ve struggled with this on and off for years but it was always white noise because my friends were always girls or gay men so it was much easier to say “so what” and move on. But now one of my best friends is my straight male coworker (who is married) and our friendship has been hard to navigate (even with both him and his wife knowing I’m gay) just because of how it looks to others and how close we are. We have a very intimate friendship (hug a lot, look out for each other, compliment each other often, have each other’s best interests at heart) and it’s one of the purest platonic loves I’ve known. I feel so seen by him and vice versa. And my ROCD has latched onto it and obsessed over whether I care so much about him because I secretly like him. I know it’s not the case but I’m plagued by it, especially because I know his wife struggles with awful thoughts about the situation (we’re both meeting each other halfway but god it’s been so hard). My instinct is to look for other jobs and run away but the job market is so tough and I do like my job and treasure our friendship so much. My biggest fear is that his wife will “see right through me” and see our sibling-like banter for flirting and see that I like him when I can’t see it myself. I know that I know who I am and I’m not defined by my fears, or hers, but it’s hard knowing that if that Does happen (i.e. she sees a “romantic attraction” that I can’t), I lose a friendship that I care about so much. But running away feels like letting the ROCD win and “proving to it” that there’s something of merit to run from at all. I’m trying to take it one day at a time but my mind feels like it’s at a constant tug of war. I’m mentally exhausted. Then it makes me wonder if I’ll ever be able to be friends with a straight guy (or any couple) without being seen as a threat from either side (unless it’s a mlm one) which is dumb because this is the first time I’ve ever experienced this. But god it sucks to feel like the other woman when I just love my friend the way people love their friends. Ugh. Has anyone experienced this or something similar? It feels SO niche and it doesn’t help that there’s no representation in the media of this dynamic. I find myself “checking” with similar (but Actual toxic) dynamics in media and finding similarities with us and the love triangle in Daisy Jones and the Six. Or that we’re like Jim and Pam in the Office and that it’s only a matter of time before it becomes one fine mess. And then I force myself to watch Steve and Robin compilations from ST to cancel it out and tell my brain that we’re normal 😭 Any advice is appreciated!!!

hi there! i’m new here and new to ocd in general. i apologize if i unintentionally come off as assurance seeking, so please don’t hesitate to hold me accountable. i really just need an outlet so i’m not holding in all my panic. i understand that there isn’t a solution. but basically i was introduced to social media at a very young age. and of course i was very irresponsible. i was in multiple fandom spaces and my young brain thought i needed to create an account for every fandom. i’ve gotten rid of a good chunk of them but there is one i lost access to and i tried to get back in today so i can delete it. it turns out i might have gotten the username wrong because a screen popped up saying the log-in info was incorrect and they sent an email to the person’s account about the log-in attempt. and now i’m paranoid that instagram might somehow punish me for trying to get into someone’s account when it was just a mistake. and i worry that i might have caused whoever the account belongs to panic when i didn’t mean to (if the account is even still active, it looked blank). but yeah. i’m not sure what the point of this post was. i was just very distressed and typing it all out kinda made me feel better. so thanks for just reading if this even reaches anyone.

20 y/o NB (Masc) CW: Mention of Kink At the current moment, I feel as if I have entered a stage of emotional burnout, in which my anxiety needs much more effort to be consciously present. This allows me to think a bit more clearly about potential big life decisions. This burnout was caused by a relapse into certain kink fantasies that I genuinely enjoyed, but I feel like the ethical tolerability of such a fantasy can be debated. I was somewhat pressured by a friend into it because it was purely fictional, but it still made me feel dirty after, even if it was fun to roleplay. I did try to go on trying to enjoy it for about a day like a normally did before I had my spiral. Cut to today, and I had another fantasy. Again, it felt good, but I felt so wrong after. This led to a short anxiety spike and subsequent burnout. Now I'm here, thinking about how that friend, as well as an unrelated friend group of mine who all share a common kink. I can't tell if it's subconscious anxiety, or if I've gained perspective on the topic, or if I just grew a bigger conscience, but I think I'm starting to outgrow that friend group, or at the very least I feel like I need to sooner or later. My issue is that I love them, and I don't think they're bad or malicious people. Maybe the fantasies are or aren't ethical, but either way, I don't think I can agree with that style of fantasy for much longer. And so I'm left with a difficult choice of staying with my friendgroup but risk losing myself due to permanent anxiety, or leave the friendgroup that I've spent years of my life with and love with all my heart, and learn how to be a more well adjusted adult while still running the risk of relapsing. I don't think the safe and stable core of the kink will ever go away for me, so even if I do leave, it's likely I'll "see them around" so to speak. I doubt I'll ever leave the more tame and ethically sound part of that community. Still, I don't know if I can keep the persona I have associated with this kink going 24/7 anymore. Hell that's probably why I spiraled in the first place. I'm not sure what choice to make, but my burnt out mind is currently craving the more stable seeming option of slowly drifting away, even if it hurts a lot. Not really a post to ask questions to y'all, more-so just a way to type out my thought process. But if y'all have any advice or input, feel free to five your two cents.

9 months ago my mental health crisis sky rocketed and I have been suffering and struggling since with a variety of severly increased OCD categories, but mainly Checking OCD, that has overtaken my ability to process and do a lot of things. I use to be able to function so normally (I'd check a small thing here or there, I'd straighten up a counter casually) without a lot of the struggles I am going through now - which have occured, spiked, and continues to drowningly debilitate me, After a few work related...traumas, if I may use that word. After working for a small business for 15+ years,(already in a state of despair, burnout and resentment for most parts of my job) being randomly and unprofessionally told by the owners (that were my bosses, mentors, and supposedly friends of 15 years) thst they were selling the store; which has felt like such an abandonment, jumped ship, thrown to the wolves feeling & that on top of that a category of service our store provides that is disgustingly drowning and has left me so beyond burntout and depressed and triggering more OCD snowballs. I have never experienced anything like I have been going through these past 9 months. Checking OCD keeps causing multiple relapses of compulsions and rituals, delaying and inhibiting fun, function, life, etc;, and seeing the ridiculousness of it but completely inable to face and overcome it. Because the trigger spiked and skyrocketed with work. And always continues and spikes when I think about work, come to work, or have to do the jobs that are triggers that I hate. A place I am at for 40+ hours a week. A very high paced, high stress, demanding atmosphere, that to begin with doesn't align entirely with my career goals and abilities, or a lot of it hardly aligns or meets my morals or lifestyle. And while I am completely grateful to have a job and one for so long, I want to be done. I am fed up. I want a happy healthy work environment doing something I am truly passionate about and excell at and not waste my abilities or talents halfassed-like in a work place where it's only a small percent of what they accommodate due to the wasteful demads of society, the world, and big corporations. There's no time, space or ability here to even begin to heal and or begin to try to get better. The new owner doesn't seem to care about my situation or even coworkers situations. No new employees hired to help with the rush. Only all these changes to ownership and then soon the store will have to be remodled and then at somepoint we will have to be open on Sundays. How am I supposed to get better when there's no support or time allowed or assistance from work in any way or anything. I dream of a fun work from home Graphic Designer Illustrator job, where I can have time to heal and get heathier and to be doing something I love and am passionate about thay actually means something and helps the world in some way. So hello to all who have read my nutshell of a journey. I desperately want to get better and heal and get back to normal. Putting myself out there like this is really hard. But to know and see how many others struggling with the realm of OCD gives me enlightenment and hope and courage. If anyone has tips or information for ERP with Checking OCD, I appreciate to hear your thoughts. Thank you and I hope you have a strong day.

I have intrusive thought and emotional/relationship OCD And idk if I need to seek more professional help than what I’m getting I’m seeing a therapist but maybe I should one that specializes in ocd specifically. I’m not sure to be honest I wonder if it’s more than my ocd. It’s really hard for me to accept love…of all kinds not just romantic. My parents gave me a book of all the things they loved about me. I feel really guilty for admitting it but I don’t feel anything. I can’t be happy as much as I can be sad or angry. But I don’t think I’ve felt loved truly in a really long time. I think apart of that is the way I always have to go through a check list or things have to mark of boxes for me to experience something “genuine” (but that kinda defeats the whole point) which I think is why I struggle so much. But when it does come romantic love it’s kinda always been difficult for me. And maybe it’s just because I’m 17 or maybe there is something wrong with me. I never really like relationships when I was younger but I still had a few boyfriends it never went anywhere…but it went places when I tried girls. And every time ended in tears. My first kiss…sobbed my eyes out. When I told my ex I loved her I had a panic attack. It’s not that I don’t accept myself for being gay because I do really like girls. But regardless of its men or women I’ll never feel comfortable enough to let myself be okay with being loved. I also know how taxing it can be to be friends with someone like me let alone to me dating someone like me. “Stop asking if I’m mad at you or if you did something” “Why haven’t you answered me or reached out” My ex was the first person I told about my diagnosis because it made our relationship and why we ended make sense. I’m aware of how mentally draining I was. Idk I think I could talk about this for a while…I just don’t really know what to do from here I also think it got increasingly worse when I was SAd by someone I was seeing it wasn’t necessarily violent it was more just mentally manipulative and mentally abusive. I feel like people don’t really believe me and I don’t really need them too it’s not like I went public with it. I just kinda stayed quiet the best I could. It’s really hard for me to be touched now not even in a sexual way I mean I froze up when I went on a first date and started crying… I always hated big gestures and gifts but I think I despise them even more now. I haven’t seen anyone in almost two years just because I don’t really see a point. I don’t ever see anything going anywhere else but making me feel like what ever this feeling is. But I don’t like sitting with it. Anyway I really hope I don’t sound crazy or emotionally thirsty ig idk

I usually feel really lonely bc I need someone to vent to, and ig what I really want is for someone to fully understand me. The problem is, I think I compulsively vent but idk for sure if it’s OCD. Sometimes, I just need to vent, no OCD attached, because I feel lonely. That’s why I vent here, but I can’t vent all the way bc, you know, too many trigger warnings. I usually vent to my best friend, but I put too much on her and I lowkey think I may have traumatized her. She even said it’s hard to be around me because she knows all the pain I’m in. I feel so so so guilty and currently can’t get up because my guilt is sort of paralyzing me. I can’t tell if the guilt is ocd or not, but we’ve been bffs for 9.5 years. I just feel horrible and I decided to have a talk with her to make sure she’s setting clear boundaries with me, but she’s not ready for that yet (she’s a people pleaser). It’s also difficult because my ocd is like empathy ocd where it targets others pain (don’t know if that’s the right term but yk what I mean). I’ve tried journaling (I have OCD compulsions with that) and talking to myself and talking to my therapist but none of it feels the same as regular venting. I feel like I have no complete way to vent without hurting people… and there’s a lot of guilt.

Im struggling to identify what exposures I can do. Most of them have stopped making me anxious so I need to amp it up. Problem is I can't think of anything. Like I know for sure theres definitely exposures I can do but I can't remember them for the life of me I guess it makes sense. If you live most of your life in autopilot and fear, your brain wont retain much information other than the ones to survive. If you have POCD, Harm OCD, or any relating to morality please lmk what your exposures are (if you feel comfortable) :,3 I need inspo

I just recently broke up with most of my friends and I’m losing it I’ve never felt so alone before in the end I know it’s better for me because they were mean to me but it hurts and I know I’m going to be alone for a bit and I know I’m spending the summer alone and it’s killing me we were all so close and now their just strangers to me but I can’t deal with it does any one have any advice to accept this? I am trying to find a therapist but I need advice for the time being.

Hello 👋 This is my first post on hear so I thought i might share my story I think I have been struggling with SO-OCD where i have constant intrusive thoughts doubting my sexuality (lesbian) and trying to convince me that im actually straight and have been living a lie. All I want is to be with women I have no desire to be with men but my intrusive thoughts are just denying it and they get louder every time I try to express myself or talk about it with some thoughts getting it so bad that it makes me feel physically ill or make me actually claw my skin or make me scream out loud. it started getting bad in 2022 when I started to discover my sexuality and all my thoughts were just doubts about it so I never seek help bc I feel wrong and delusional, school is what triggered my intrusive thoughts the most to the point where I had to leave high school and finish it online cause I couldn’t be around people anymore. REALLY disturbing Mental images of me having sex with men keeps popping up head even though I don’t want to some of these were men that I knew. THIS STILL HAPPENS TODAY I’m in university now. I would always hear in my head “oh if you’re thinking about it, therefore you’re fantasizing about it and you like it and you can’t stop thinking about men” I still get uncomfortable seeing straight couples be intimate or holding hands because intrusive thoughts would trigger being like “this is what you should have” or “you’re lying to yourself about being gay” or “your faking it” and it’s really tough because most of the people in my life are straight and I wanna be there for them when they get into relationships, and I wanna be supportive when they introduce their partners to me. I also avoid dating or any conversations about dating or sex. When people say “oh I think you have a crush on this boy” it will make me believe It’s true and it’s super damaging. And convos about sex will just make the mental images come back. I am super super sorry that this ended up being so long, I heard that it was more common in heterosexual people and it made me feel like I was going through this alone (idk if that’s necessarily true). i’m in the process of seeking treatment i still have bad days. Hopefully people can relate to me.

So.. i’m 19. Doing like semi well in life. My parents have my back so in the end i’m fine but damn i quit uni after just a year which was about a year ago and started nursing school which i lowkey also feel like quitting.. the thing is I’ve basically wanted to be a doctor ALL my life. I’m not super smart and i have adhd so my grades have never been amazing but my mom is a nurse and many of her coworkers have told me i would make a great doctor. It’s genuinely been a dream (option 1 was always to become an actor but that’s even less realistic lmao) and now with doing well in nursing school (all a’s but it’s a lot “easier” where i life than it is in the US) it’s never been as realistic for me to actually make it into med school. To get to my current struggle, it started with me wondering if i actually have what it takes to be a doctor. Just a quick reddit search and i fell into this spiral. Can i do med school? Am i too mentally ill? What if the job just ends up making me unhappy. Which specialty would i even go into? All that lead to me being STRESSED. I rarely talk to my parents when i struggle and i cried in my Mamas arms two days in a row. Like.. i’m 19 at some point you gotta know what you want no? And the biggest problem i have now is that suddenly i feel indifferent about being a doctor? I used to think id do well in med school bc it’s something i really want and am passionate about but now it suddenly feels like i dont care at all and i just wonder, is that ocd? Will it go away? It’s been like this for like a month idk

I was told it would be helpful to join a group, and I've seen so much about NOCD so why not a good place to start. It seems a bit cathartic to me to get it all typed out like this so I'm sorry if it's a lot. I was formally diagnosed when I was 31 (I'm 34 now) but I've had OCD since I was a kid. It wasn't until this past flare up (more on that later) that I started to think about it and realized how long my OCD both went unnoticed and that things I was doing was actually considered OCD. I'll spare specifics so I don't trigger anyone, but it started with compulsive hand washing. Then a few years later, every time I said a swear word or something negative about someone I would mentally apologize to God, as if I were saying a Hail Mary or something (which is ironic because I was not raised Catholic) As I got older, It wasn't a noticeable change but it progressively got worse. I would intentionally watch/not watch certain things on TV before school because I thought it would have an impact on my school day (Spoiler alert: It didn't.) Once I graduated and was out in the 'real world,' It seemed to quiet down a bit in terms of rituals and obsessions but I would ruminate a lot. Then, when I was 23, I had my first major spike. Again, sparing details but needless to say I now know it was my first intrusive thought. It literally blew my whole world apart: Working felt hard, I barely ate, I was sleeping too much, and there was only one specific thing that would bring me comfort (watching 2 Broke Girls.) I went to my GP and was put on my first SSRI (Zoloft.) It was okay for a while. The Zoloft was Zoloft-ing, my anxiety was calm and I didn't really notice OCD traits. Then my now-husband and I bought our first house and everything went into overdrive. Up until this point it was mostly mental checking (other than the handwashing in the beginning,) but the rituals started to get crazy now I think of it. I was constantly checking switches, locks and the stove (damn you, stove) before I left and I would constantly check the security cameras when we were away. That brings us to the second, third and fourth spikes between 2020-2025. Mostly related to current events of the time and they weren't as debilitating but they were there. The anxiety that followed was cranked up to 1000, and it was just an all-around bad time. That's when I started seeking treatment for anxiety again and met my Psychologist. During intake, I was diagnosed with GAD and OCD and was switched to Prozac as an SSRI. It seemed to work for me. The physical checking OCD symptoms slowly went away. That is until last week, where I had the most debilitating flare. Sparing details, it started due to an intrusive thought and mental images that were very distressing (and frequent.) It literally knocked me on my butt. It was nearly impossible for me to leave the house at all. I either worked (not very well) from home or I would call out. Watching one thing on the TV was the only thing to get me to stay calm. I was considering going to the hospital because I thought this wasn't normal. It started to question both the relationship with my husband and my sanity. It wasn't until I started realizing it was OCD more that I started to get better because I started learning how to manage it. I'm not at 100% by any means, While overall I'm able to function more or less normally because logically-speaking I know I'm okay, I do have moments here and there and I do my best to work through them as best I can. I'm talking to my doctor later today on managing my SSRI, I'm working on ERP with my new therapist (week 2,) and I have the Choiceful app to help me if things get really heavy for me (it's AI-run, but strangely enough it helped me understand without spiraling or Googling.) I haven't had a bad anxiety attack (where I felt frozen and felt like I was running on autopilot) in about a week which I call a win. Well, anyways, that's my story. I don't see this as a setback at all personally, but an opportunity to possibly manage the next spike better, knowing what I know now.

Just looking for a bit of support 🥲 I’ve had ROCD/SOOCD since the start of my relationship 3 years ago, and we’ve gone through many cycles of arguing, me freaking out and breaking up, and then making back up right away. Despite some success in recent months, we had a big argument yesterday and it led me to feel like we needed to break up for good. I said that I don’t think I can handle the uncertainty of not knowing if I’m truly lesbian, not knowing if this is the right relationship for me, or if I should just be single for a while because this is my first relationship and I’m still so young (24). I also feel so guilty for sticking with the relationship this long while he’s been so certain about me and I’ve been so deeply uncertain about him, even though he’s extremely patient with me and assures me that whatever happens, he understands and won’t hold it against me. But I don’t want it to be three more years down the line and I end it when I could’ve ended it years ago. I’m having such a hard time because I don’t know if I’m making the wrong decision. I truly don’t want to take such an amazing person for granted, don’t know if I love him in that way, or don’t know if I do and the OCD is just this bad. I do feel that there are true needs not being met outside of the OCD, but I still find myself wanting to be with him or trying to convince myself that my OCD or attachment issues are sabotaging my relationship. So much confusion and hurt 😭 we’re taking a break for a few days but I also have to decide if I’m keeping my flight to see him for his graduation on Wednesday, or if I cancel it to not make things worse. I HATE THIS 😭😭😭

ive been struggling with really bad OCD for years by now. ill be as brief as I can. at the end of 2022 I had a friend who I was really close with, I didn't know exactly how I felt for him ( I talked it out with my gf, she told me we could break up if I wanted to and I told her no), at the time i chalked it up as OCD symptoms making me feel confused about my feelings for him, which was even more confusing since I'm a lesbian lol so I started questioning my sexuality as well. we would make tons of sexual jokes and we were really affectionate and we cherished eachother a lot. after a while it passed and I knew I saw him as just a friend, nothing more. now, in the summer of 2024 I abruptly started wondering if I had cheated on my gf with him, I couldn't remember ANYTHING at all and to make matters worse it wasn't about physically cheating but what my intention was when we would make those sexual jokes. I reread all our old texts and I concluded I never cheated, even tho I still wasn't a 100% sure of my intentions I couldn't remember anything. I told myself I shouldn't have made those jokes because even tho I didnt cheat I didnt find it appropriate that i acted like that considering how confused I was, I told my gf everything and she said it was okay and it wasn't a big deal at all. still, I kept feeling extremely anxious, even if I couldn't find any proof of wrongdoing. with time I still couldn't find any solid proof of cheating, but I started having a weird hunch/intuition that something DID happen, I just forgot about it. at the end of 2025 I started spiraling completely, I felt more and more convinced I had cheated and I had suddenly remembered I had bad intentions in two specific conversations, even if I didn't remember it all before. then I started calming down a bit, and then I got worse again. after a while those two specific conversations ( which I talked about with my gf) didn't make me feel as anxious anymore, and I found another conversation with a much more solid memory of a bad intention surrounding it. so now this is basically where im at. I do feel really convinced I cheated most of the time, but I do find the timeline really confusing. like, I don't think ( even tho I'm not a 100% sure ) I remember feeling guilty or ever thinking I had cheated before 2024, so, if this memory really is true, it would mean that I would have cheated in 2022 and COMPLETELY forget about it/ suppressed it in the span of a couple of months ( since I don't remember feeling guilty of having cheated in 2023) to SUCH A DEGREE where I couldn't even remember it in 2024 when I actively looked for a bad intention, only to remember it at the end of 2025/beginning of 2026. or, it would mean that I just didn't understand I was cheating, I didn't realise I was making a terrible mistake, but like it would mean that I'm a really dumb person and sure ok I don't think I'm that smart but then again why didnt I remember it in 2024 when I first saw that conversation?? I just find it confusing and kind of weird but the memory seems so deeply real to me and I feel like I straight up remember it happening idk. but like I can't really remember feeling guilty at the time, but I do remember a weird sensation, but like it wasn't there at first I had to think about it a bit, and like it's been so long so it's completely plausible that I just don't remember anymore. i find it genuinely possible that I forgot about all of it just to remember it like four years later. I don't know, this is so confusing to me but it also seems like the answer is in front of me and what makes the most logical sense ( considering I have a memory) is that it happened, point blank. my gf thinks it's all OCD and that I didn't cheat, i haven't talked to her about this last situation, she specifically asked me not to and to deal with it with my therapist. I stopped talking to this friend but once I did explain the situation to him and he said it's clearly my OCD. idk

Lesbian? I think…I feel like more of a trans man but won’t transition bc I’ve heard hrt can change ur sexual orientation (different story for a different time but I’ve wondered if denying myself of transition due to fear of liking guys might just be a huge compulsion) anyways, I’ve always found men gross and never understood attraction to them but now, I am getting tons of fantasies about men and lots of curiosity but I HATE it. It repulses me and makes me deeply anxious and upset, yet it turns me on. Like, I’ll get extremely turned on by fantasies of men and will get off to them but then afterwards I’m so bothered by that. It seems like genuine curiousity about what being w a guy is like but I’m not happy about that bc I find men so unappealing in terms of looks…Help me. I do not want to like men. I’m also not doing compulsions the way I used to when I had my first round w orientation ocd years ago which is truly freaking me out bc that means I’m rlly becoming attracted to men now. Before w my orientation ocd, it didn’t feel like genuine curiosity but now, it feels like I am actually curious bc when I fantasize I get strong urges to try things w a man but once I get off i realize I don’t truly wanna do that and I was just turned on. Idk what to do. I’ll be rlly not okay if my sexuality changes.

This is my first time reaching out for support on this in an honest manner, I'm in my 20s and I'm only just starting to receive psychiatric support the past few months, but it’s been slow on any diagnoses for any of my concerns. I have a loved one (a QPP) in the hospital, and he has called me everyday. Today, he asked a favor of me to get another number for him from a friend, and then told me he was going to sleep. Afterwards, I found out he got the number from someone else right after.. my mind is going to the worst, but now that I'm in my adulthood & more educated, I feel like this might be a compulsion. Could it be? In our teens I would do this alot, I would always feel like he is "lying" to me and I realize now I may be making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, even though it feels so distressing and worrisome.. I am realizing now maybe I shouldn't bring it up, that I could be seeking reassurance from him to encourage that compulsion, even though it would make me feel better for him to "fix it." Please help me identify this habit if you can.

When you get this badge NOCD invites you to look back on the changes you’ve noticed on your recovery journey and share them with our community. I want to share some things I’ve learned. I guess the change I want to share is I’ve done and am doing the hard things and can offer advice now rather than feeling hopeless alone scared and lost. I’m glad I’m still here if I’m brutally honest because at first I didn’t know what was going on and just knew I couldn’t continue to live like that. So thank you me, NOCD, this community, my wife and daughter, etc. First, you’re the expert on you - you’re the only one inside your body who knows what’s going on inside you - so advocate for yourself. I know trusting yourself at first feels impossible and with OCD is more complicated but it is a process so as you grow more confident know that you can change your therapist by contacting member advocates, your hierarchy - talk with your therapist, seek recovery information in support groups etc, medication under a provider’s guidance may need adjusting too. I thought these things were set in stone for a while but they’re dynamic and can change throughout the process just like you do. Second, when you reach conqueror status you’re going to have a lot of feelings and questions about it. For instance, I think we’re afraid sometimes to say feeling nervous about a big change is normal because we care about and don’t want to reassure each other. However I think it’s not ocd when it’s a normal thing to be nervous about, it’s human and it is a big change. OCD can latch onto it like anything else but being nervous isn’t always OCD. Remember to live in the gray not black and white. Third, living the B- (good enough not OCD perfect) ERP lifestyle is good for future you and to continue all the progress you’re making here. So when it gets hard ask yourself “is it worth facing the fear for you?” And I hope that answer is yes. I have come to think of it as a way of taking care of myself now as weird as it sounds (facing the fear). And therapists don’t all get trained in ACT but utilize the blog posts here like: https://www.treatmyocd.com/search/Value Because in my opinion ERP in it’s own without the values over fears piece is like climbing Mt. Everest without any climbing gear or a coat. Find your why for doing ERP. it helps you choose your values over your fears on those really tough daeys It’s been hard 2 take in this badge. I know it’s an accomplishment and I’m proud of myself. The reality is I’m having a bit of a spike this week so of course OCD has something to say about the truth and validity of this. It’s a little hard to take in also because I’m getting used to a new autism adhd late diagnosis and life stresses. But to myself and all of us I want to say congrats and keep up doing the hard work! “It’s a beautiful day to do hard things.” (Kimberly Quinlan) and like I learned from Mackenzie and Alex in support groups “you got this.”

Settle in and buckle up😊 THANK YOU for reading about my journey with exposure therapy for the last 2 years! I hope that you are able to see a bit of yourself in my story and that this brings you excitement and hope for what’s to come in your own journey❤️ Before I started treatment, my world was a very small place. I was house bound for over a month, wasn’t able to feed myself most days, couldn’t think clearly enough to succeed at work or hold a conversation, was isolated from all of my friends and loved ones and was trapped in my own head unless I was sleeping or inebriated. I had never felt more alone, was crying/having panic attacks every morning, and nobody knew that I was struggling. As a 25 year old woman with extreme people pleasing, I was an EXPERT at pretending to be ok.. IYKYK😉 There was very little that didn’t terrify me and things that had once brought me joy didn’t even feel like an option for me anymore. I got to the point where I didn’t even want more for myself because I truly couldn’t see a path to get there. It felt silly to wish for that. I had fully accepted that a life of comfort through extreme avoidance was all that was left for me. Over the last 2 years of exposure therapy, the biggest thing I’ve continued to prove to myself over and over again is that the world is not a scary place that I need to hide from and that I am WAY stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. This was not a smooth journey by any means… I’ve had just as many downs as ups and there will be more challenging times ahead with every new life transition. But throughout this whole time, I’ve learned to be patient with myself and my OCD. Every single time you prove yourself wrong, you build that muscle. That muscle doesn’t go away regardless of whether you have setbacks or feel like you’re regressing on paper at times💪🏼💪🏼 I’ve learned to think of my intrusive thoughts as a separate person (Jessica): an overbearing and overprotective roommate living in my head that I had to learn how to coexist with. She’s got serious boundary issues and has a messed up way of showing that she “cares about me”. I used to fight what she’d tell me with compulsions, immediately act on every doubt she put in my head, and fully entertain every worry she expressed to me as though it was fact. She really knew how to get to me where it hurt the most. I realized that she’s not all powerful and all knowing and that she (my intrusive thoughts) doesn’t deserve my time, energy and attention. When she pulls the fire alarm in my brain, instead of immediately thinking 🚨EMERGENCY🚨, I’m able to notice her acting up without emotion and can hear her out without covering my ears, usually roll my eyes, say “thanks for the input”, and then carry on with what I was doing. 👉🏻THE ONLY WAY I WAS ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THAT THE FIRE ALARM WASN’T REAL WAS BY RETRAINING MYSELF THROUGH EXPOSURE THERAPY. Don’t get me wrong, the intrusive thoughts still pop up in sneaky and different ways, but its second nature to identify them and NOTHING Jessica says can get a rise out of me like it used to. THAT is TRUE POWER. I don’t feed my OCD anymore and my intrusive thoughts have grown quieter and far less talkative. This has left a lot more room for me to rediscover some of the things that used to bring me joy: like hosting, socializing, and bringing new people together. I’ve also been able to push myself in the ways I want to and have discovered new things I’d never imagined I’d be capable of doing or would enjoy. Here are JUST A FEW of the things I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d be able to say: ✅I can enjoy the warm weather and feel the sun on my skin. ✅I can go to swimming/to a pool party. ✅I can wear outfits that bring me joy AND what I’m most comfortable in. ✅I am able to go on bad dates (and some good ones!!). ✅I am able to have sex with new partners. ✅I can host people in my space again without anxiety. ✅I can go dancing and try new things with friends. ✅I can say yes to spontaneous plans and do what I want to without needing to plan/prep around my compulsions. ✅I can and have made new friends. ✅I truly like where I live and don’t avoid certain spaces in my house. ✅I can make a joke, assert a boundary, and say whatever comes to mind without the fear of hurting others. ✅I’m not afraid of having kids one day (due to post partum OCD) ✅I am confident in myself, my sexuality, my values, and my worth as a person, regardless of what my OCD or anyone else tells me. The last one has become truly UNSHAKABLE for me. Over the last 2 months, I’ve gone through some of THE MOST uncertain moments of my life in which many of my worst fears actually did come true‼️but because of the past 2 years of hard work, I’ve been so much more equipped to handle these situations as they come, lean into the uncertainty, and habituate through the discomfort. Despite all of these setbacks, I’ve truly conquered my OCD and know without a doubt that you can as well. If you made it to the end of this post, thank you!! I hope this resonated with you… I didn’t recognize I was making significant progress until about a year into this, so keep it up regardless of where you’re at. Let my story be evidence that it does get better🫶🏻