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as the title says. i am trying, i really am but i cant help but think that i have been gay this whole time. it feels like i can never be happy again unless i come out. i cant do it anymore. everyday is hard. there are not easy days. i just want to love my partner and i cant. i look at him and i get this wave of anxiety and guilt. why can i just be me again? i miss the days there this was just a past thing. i feel alone and i feel stuck like this forever. my heart hurts all the time. i am trying to sit with uncertainty but i cant because it feels certain and that i know i am gay but i dont want to be. its really really sad. i hate my life and i need it to end. bye.

im having a unusually hard flare up for two months. ive never had it this bad before (ive had this on and off for many years - thank god not constantly.) lately, i keep having these images in my head and scenarios in my head of me "coming out" in the future and ending my relationship with my amazing fiance who i love dearly. he knows everything but i still feel like i am constantly lying to him, my family, and friends. i need to know that this is something the SO-OCD can do to you? the weird thing is, is that i have never been attracted to woman. i do admire their beauty and wish to LOOK like them or have a specific feature they have, but i dont have any urges to like be with them yet i am dealing with this really bad flare up. My brain keeps telling me that since i have never tried it, i would never know, and i am just getting really distressed from it. i just want to be happy again and it seems impossible. I am convinced i am only person that is using SO-OCD as an excuse. Any guidance or advice, or anything really, will help. i just feel alone and scared and sad all the time.

I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/

So for a while i have been suffering of HOCD combined with a little of ROCD and had massive episodes of anxiety and panic attacks, because of that I lost my attraction and my libido while also being in a relationship and that stresses me bad. Also since the start of the severe anxiety I started to lose it gradually over time and at the moment I do not feel any anxiety anymore while having these thoughts which makes me think that I want this to happen because they don’t disgust me anymore. Any advices on how to hold on and get over my OCD? Also is the disappearing of disgust a sign of recovery or denial?

I went to a therapist, I told her about the doubts I was having related to my orientation and the continuous compulsion to check again and again and the thoughts. I told her about my resources -podcasts by Ali Greymond, Chrissie Hodges 's videos, and the books I read to overcome and control myself. She said a couple of things that confused me: 1> Her daughter once asked her "what if she liked girls?" As a mom my therapist said, "Start exploring", and the daughter said naahh. I wonder if the daughter had a thought or was it a chain of intrusive thoughts that plagued her day and night like in my case. 2> She said my sources are right, but I should forget that and not think that I have ocd. 3> She also said if there is any chance I am straight, I should walk on that path- because she has seen lesbians and gays have no feelings for the opposite sex. She said she could see that I was not gay or lesbian in any way. 4> She was interested in my education and masters degrees wasted a lot of time talking about that. 5> She said all these thoughts are causing me anxiety disorders (but I don't have ocd, doc?) 6> She pointed out that being happy and in the present removes these thoughts totally but I am causing myself unnecessary distress. I was doing well before this talk with the therapist now I am triggered a bit. Please share your thoughts.

It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.

I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before

can someone with this theme help me i’m so scared and i can’t stop having panic attacks is this OCD??? So i always have struggled most with sucicidal ocd and harm ocd. i never really had any other themes. but recently ive struggled with SOOCD. My whole life i have never EVER been into girls ever and i could never even think of ever being with a girl in my entire life. i’m having extreme amounts of anxiety and i have compulsions to make sure i look at a girl and don’t feel anything towards them or anything. My mind is literally going “what if your just in denial” or “what if you’ve just been hiding it all these years” When i know i haven’t. i have all of the symptoms of SOOCD and i still know that im not gay,but these thoughts are extremely distressing and have been the worse to deal with. I’m constantly panicking and doing compulsions to get these thoughts to leave and they won’t. i’m scared and these thoughts are making my mind scared. What if i’m going against my morals and i’m lying to myself like and i just went through a tough breakup too so that is shooting these thoughts and anxiety. Please help omg!!!

My therapist isn’t specialized in OCD. I’m her first OCD client. She told me she’s taking courses in ERP and specifically sexual OCD since a lot of my themes are sexual in nature. I want help, I need help. It feels like every time I meet with her I get set back. I make progress a lot on my own. Sitting with discomfort, trying to accept the thoughts and uncertainty. But every single time I meet with her, it feels like I’m explaining OCD to her. She even went as far as to suggest that some of my thoughts that bring me distress are mine. I am not a cheater. They are not mine. Why on earth would they not be intrusive if I was in tears about having this thought? I feel bad. I really do because I can see that even though I can very much see her mistakes, I can also see that she’s trying to help me. I’m just so scared of getting worse. I’ve been in therapy for 5 weeks now. I feel like had it been with a specialist, I would be doing so much better. Instead it takes me days to come backs to whatever progress I’ve made alone after meeting with her. She’s a great person, she tells me she experiences intrusive thoughts too and she doesn’t have OCD which helps me feel less alone but I don’t think that’s enough for me. She’s always available for a call whenever I’m in extreme panic. I just don’t think this is working. I trust her and I tell her everything, but it feels like she’s just listening to me talk the whole time. We’re doing a workbook but she gives me absolutely 0 input. I just read my replies and she just sits there. I don’t understand the point in that. I feel so anxious right now. She wants me to get properly evaluated for anything that may be going on because on top of the severe OCD, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, GAD, and MDD by my primary care doctor but I guess she doesn’t trust those diagnoses? My psychiatrist also told me I have ADHD, which I’ve suspected my whole life but it sounds like my therapist doesn’t know how to handle OCD much less OCD, MDD, GAD, PMDD, and ADHD. She’s questioning the validity of my diagnoses instead of helping me figure out how to deal with all of it. This is so suffocatingly difficult. I’m also a huge people pleaser so how on earth do I end this thing?

My ex therapist said I was probably a lesbian if I had these thoughts, she never diagnosed me with ocd even if I was so obsessed with being sick that I used to go every day to the hospital for years. I was so obsessed with not loving my ex boyfriend, my mom, my Friends that I used to cry every day and Watch their pictures all the time to see if I loved Them. I Changed therapist and She immediately diagnosed me with ocd. But i'm scared to go to therapy now, because of my ex therapist. What If the second One is wrong and First was right? What If they can see things about myself I can't see yet. I'm terrified. I don't want to talk about myself anymore to anyone.

Before OCD I never felt any hatred towards gay people or bi people or anything like that, and I even recall some shows were gay relationships had really romantic moments that I could admire, but now it feels like I hate gay people like they anoy me or smth, and I don't wanna feel that way, I don't wanna feel this way, and ofc my OCD says that Im homophobic therefore I'm gay but I wasn't even homophobic to begin with I just don't know what to do right now

If you suffer from taboo themes, and deal with groinal responses… Do you feel they have disappeared? Do you still notice them? For myself, they have become so engrained/automatic , so while i do not get “anxious” by them anymore i still can clock them & it can feel discouraging … What are your experiences?

I was talking with my family. I got groinal and usually try to avoid it. My therapist said for erp dont avoid it. Even lean into or aomething. I felt my hips thrust or me lean forward as i was sitting and ocd makes me feel guilty. I than did mental compulsions like self talk repearing “no” and ruminating on it after. But i know i wasnt trying ti do anything inappropriate

It's funny but my soocd subtype seems to pop up during fall and winter, and leaves during spring and summer. Currently it has me overanalyzing my friendship with my friend who happens to be gay. It's really frustrating. What makes this even worse is this friend and I are fairly close, (I see them as a parental type figure) and it makes it really awkward especially when they use words like honey or sweetie. They're biologically female, but identify as he/they, which again doesn't help my OCD. They're like 6 years older than me. Idk I'm just freaking out a bit lol.

It feels like I want to be with a girl now!!!

Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.

I know I need therapy. I have a flare up every three months that rocks my world— it’s been like this for four years. I’m just too scared. I’m too scared to have a therapist tell me I’m a lesbian. I’m too scared to do ERP and have it not work because it wasn’t actually OCD. I’m too scared for the ERP to work and me finally feel comfortable with being bisexual or a lesbian. I don’t want any of that to happen. I don’t understand how I can get over this and still be straight. I’m petrified at the thought of therapy, but what is going to happen to me?

Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.

I’ve had sexual thoughts that get so bad I used to cry daily. Today I tried to sit down and let the thoughts be there and I didn’t really feel anxiety? Does this mean I acted on the thoughts or I wanted the thoughts? There was a specific event like two days ago that I’ve been constantly having anxiety about because after the event I started getting sexual images and then I wondered if I actually did that. For the past two days life has been so bad. Today I woke up and I replayed the events step by step and I couldn’t find when I could’ve acted on the thoughts, so that gave me relief. Then I tried sitting with the thoughts, and the thoughts that once made me cry and feel so bad didn’t really feel like anything. Am I in denial? Just yesterday I was thinking the worst and that I couldn’t handle any of this anymore. I know replying events is a bad thing too but I needed to know for sure if I acted on my thoughts. My thoughts are so bad and the thing is if I did act on them I’d never be able to forgive myself. I notice in the moment I didn’t really feel anxiety like I did but I got so much anxiety the day after everything happened and then I wondered if I did something bad. Can someone please help?

Anyone else will just be doing anything normal and I’m gay comes in? It’s so distressing and I try and say ok sure ocd but the anxiety over takes me and my mind won’t let me believe I’m straight when I am. I love men I’m Not attracted to women but when I ask myself the doubt is for sure there which sounds like Casebook ocd. I’m just sick of this I don’t want to have to laugh at things in my head that don’t make any sense it’s so hard and unfair