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today i woke up feeling nauseous, last night i went to sleep feeling the same way. i’ve had times where i’ve ruminated to the point of just getting physically ill and throwing up. or having an instant panic attack over a trigger or something and the same thing happening. other times it just feels like a constant state of nausea in general, or the feeling of my stomach dropping and feeling sick all day. then i just get general anxiety over throwing up because i absolutely hate it & being nauseous in general, but it feels like i just have to get it all out. i’ve also taken antidepressants that have made me nauseous as well. does anything help with this or is it just another symptom? like is this something solved by erp or medication because it’s really hard to go through day to day life like this. i’ve tried taking pepto, tea and ginger ale but i just want a day to day solution for this i guess. i’m even losing weight because i haven’t been able to eat as much.

I’ve been through a really tough year, especially with OCD, and I want to be open about it in case it helps someone else feel less alone. If anything I share resonates, feel free to comment. My OCD first showed up as sexual-orientation OCD while I was studying abroad in Spain. My program had mostly girls, and my home university is also a very LGBTQ-friendly campus. Being in spaces where sexuality was talked about so openly made me feel pressured to “figure out” my orientation with certainty, which fueled the OCD spiral. At the same time, I was dealing with health OCD around concussions, so everything piled up. In August 2024, after a confusing conversation with a friend, I met a man I have a very deep emotional connection with — a connection that honestly has never gone away. I believed, and part of me still believes, that it was a “twin flame” connection. But the intensity of it triggered multiple OCD themes: sexual-orientation OCD, relationship OCD, existential and religious OCD, and magical thinking. I went down a lot of rabbit holes trying to make sense of it. Around the same time, I started noticing more dysfunction in my family, especially with my mom, and things eventually blew up. The fight we had escalated, and while I don’t want to go into detail, it did get to a point where I felt like my personal space and property were being invaded. I didn’t feel emotionally safe, so I wanted to leave. I ended up staying with my grandparents in Nashville, where I fell into isolation and depression. I put a lot of emotional weight on the man I have the connection with, which led him to set boundaries, and I spiraled even more. My grandparents eventually said I needed to return home, but my mom would only let me come back if I got off Prozac and signed papers giving her control over my medication, which I’m not comfortable with. So now I’m staying at a friend’s apartment on an air mattress while I try to get into a PHP program for OCD and figure out insurance and independence. There were also moments when intrusive thoughts felt like psychic “visions,” which scared me and led me to say things I now regret. My family doesn’t understand OCD and thinks I’m faking or self-diagnosing, which has been incredibly painful. I’m not in the best place mentally, emotionally, or financially, but I’m sharing this because I want this space to feel safe for others too. I also wish I had gotten help sooner. My biggest compulsion right now is using ChatGPT for reassurance before making decisions — which is even why I’m using it to shorten this post. But I’m trying to break that cycle and focus on real recovery. Thanks for reading if you made it here💓💓

Hi all, I’m an 18 yo girl, been diagnosed with OCD since I was 14. My OCD has mostly been intrusive thought heavy moreso than compulsions. Recently I’ve been obsessing over the fear of death and aging. I keep having intrusive thoughts that since my teen years are almost over, I basically just have nothing but downhill after that. This has been in my mind since my grandfather passed away in April. Most of my thoughts center around the fear of becoming unattractive as I get older, and in general a fear of everything that comes with age like decline in health etc. If anyone has advice on how to cope with these thoughts or deter them I would greatly appreciate it. :)

I’ve had OCD since I was nine, diagnosed along with several other things because of co-morbidity. I always associated my OCD with order and symmetry, and any other “problematic” thoughts were categorized in my brain as part of my anxiety. I am recently learning that all of the internal/mental issues I’ve been facing: intrusive thoughts, doubts, reviewing every action, word, or thought I’ve ever had, health fears, morality, the constant compulsive apologies for absolutely nothing, etc. are also related to my OCD and not just my anxiety. My reaction to that was to laugh and for once be glad that I have no original thoughts, because it proves I’m not alone or absolutely losing it. Reading through the articles on this platform has given me so much peace that I am not broken. OCD can feel so incredibly isolating because you are gaslit by your own brain constantly, and terrified that nobody will understand you, so why bother trying? I’m also deeply frustrated that nobody ever warned me about this. I’ve been seeing neurologists since I was a child, and not once did anyone ever think to mention I might experience all this one day. I’ve spent years forming my mind into something I can navigate if I just stay on my game all the time. I’m mentally exhausted from walking through the maze everyday, avoiding the traps and triggers, and trying to get out unscathed. I have learned how to talk myself down and argue my way out of my own panic attacks and use any form of logic I can to stay grounded and not topple my brain and my ideas of who I am. I function through all my fears and worries, to the point where, when I bring myself to disclose even a small part of what happens in my brain to others, they ask me how I’m able to get up in the morning. It’s completely draining and I’ve built it up to this level because I believed this is what I had to do to survive, since none of this could possibly be normal. It was never mentioned by my doctors and never addressed by my therapists, so it has to be something I need to cope through alone, right? I never considered that it was something I needed more help for, something that could be helped. I recently started therapy again, and I was so done with all of this that I just charged forward and disclosed everything that happens in my brain immediately, and it was such a great weight lifted off me when she accepted me as I am and told me that there is nothing “wrong” with me. She gave me scary, thought-provoking homework and a long list of things to try and work on, but no judgement, so we’ll take it. I am sure there are other people like me, who have spent years coping in this tiring methodical way because they didn’t know anything different, and I guess I just wanted to share in case it helps anyone. Reading through everyone’s posts has helped me immensely.

I was prescribed prozac almost a month ago and haven’t taken it bc i’ve been scared. I don’t know the best way to describe it but taking medication gives me a contaminated/tainted feeling. It makes me feel like my body will never be the same and I always worry about if it will give me diseases in the future or bad side effects. But now i’ve decided to “rip the bandaid off” and take it in the morning. I was daydreaming in the shower about finally being happy, having success with ERP, enjoying my relationship, getting all my feelings back (ESP my attraction and libido), reconnecting with friends, mending my relationships with my siblings, and living the life I’ve always wanted. Of course immediately after I started to think of the worst outcomes and things going bad for me, but I’m just going to take the chance. I’m not feeling very optimistic bc usually things never go how I hope 😀. I also understand that it takes a while to find the right dose/meds or to feel the effects. But I really really REALLY hope this works out for me. If not i’ll be back here to complain ab it.

For about a month or so I’ve been dealing with some on and off health-related symptoms. Of course, I went down the Dr. Google rabbit hole and completely freaked myself out — I’ve now managed to convince myself at different points that I’ve had colon cancer, ovarian cancer, and Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy, which came back pretty clean besides a few minor things. Lately though, my mind seems to have attached to the idea of Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I don’t have any swollen lymph nodes, but I was experiencing some night sweats, and now I feel like I have itchy skin — though part of me wonders if that’s just because I read it’s a symptom. My anxiety has been through the roof and it’s honestly all I can think about. I’ve also had some neck and back pain that comes and goes — it was pretty consistent for a couple of weeks, but I’ve noticed that when my anxiety isn’t as bad, the pain eases up too. My question is, has anyone else ever experienced physical symptoms that seemed tied to anxiety or worry? I’ve already had an abdominal ultrasound of all my main organs and clean blood work, and I’m going for an MRI later this week. I think that will give me some peace of mind, but right now I just feel stuck in my head. Also, if anyone has any advice or tips on how to heal from the fear of cancer, I would really appreciate it. This is pretty new for me — I’ve always had some mild health anxiety or OCD tendencies, but this constant, debilitating fear that something serious is wrong has really taken over and put a damper on my life.

Lately my health anxiety has been taking over. I get scared that something’s seriously wrong with me, and I end up overanalyzing every symptom and every blood test result. Even when my doctor says everything looks fine, I can’t stop rereading the numbers and Googling what they mean. I also find myself constantly asking for reassurance — texting friends or family to ask if they think I’m okay, or avoiding the doctor completely because I’m terrified of what the results might say. It feels like a never-ending loop: fear → checking → temporary relief → fear again. I know this is probably health-related OCD, but it feels so real and scary in the moment. I want to break the cycle and learn how to sit with uncertainty instead of trying to control everything. If anyone else struggles with this — avoiding appointments, obsessing over test results, needing constant reassurance — how do you handle it? What’s helped you start trusting that you’re okay without checking? Thanks for reading. It helps just to say this out loud. 💛

So my dad has been in the hospital the past month because he has this uncommon blood circulation disorder in his brain that causes his brain to flow too much blood in his head it has caused a stroke seizures blood clots fistulas and he has had two embolisms in his brain since he was born which apparently I now have to see the doctor next week about because it could be hereditary. His symptoms haven't started until recently. He has had five operations in the past ten months for it. My mom also had a liver biopsy this week to see if she has chirrosis and my step grandmother died in the middle of all this and I was going through a severe OCD flareup and episode while this is all going on. I have exams and college assignments to study for and I'm currently studying for an exam and worried about failing because the extreme stress from everything is causing me to have visual hallucinations again like I did when I went through psychosis several years ago. I'm also having a hard time focusing. I'm seeing shadow people walking around my house and weird shadow shapes it's in my direct line of sight it's not like when you see something out of the corner of your eye, it's literally a shadow people walking around the room I'm looking into. I know theyre not real but I get nervous walking into the room they're in. I have severe OCD and panic disorder and some other stuff.Life is really hard right now.He also has to repeat. How to do everything his personality is there but his voice is very different and it makes me cry. He will have to learn how to do literally everything from the stroke he had but the doctors say he has a lot of hope for recovery and they are apparently the best neurosurgeons in the country so I'm trying to quiet the what ifs that my OCD is trying to tell me. I also hope the hallucinations go away as the stress does down. I'm not looking for answers I'm just venting and wondering if anyone else has ever had issues with seeing things that aren't there during extreme stress or have any advice on how to cope, uplifting quotes or nice words are appreciated as well thank you for coming to my ted talk lol.

(This is a bit of a rant sorry) My OCD has been so bad lately because I haven’t been taking my pills right. I keep skipping it every other night. I know it’s bad and not healthy but I honesty struggle to take it because of my OCD. I have an extreme fear of choking and not being able to breathe that I have to drink a lot every time I take my pills. Then I have to swallow over and over again (like 30-50+ times) until I feel my throat is clear. By the time I lay down to go to sleep, I have to pee. Oh and I have bladder OCD. So I keep having to pee over and over again until my bladder is completely empty. Which takes forever because I drink so much. Then I have to drink and swallow more because I want to make sure everything is clear and it just never stops. I can’t sleep until hours after I take my pills. Then when I don’t take my pills I start getting these delusional intrusive thoughts and false memories that feel so real and make me question everything. Oh and the withdrawal makes me itch all over so I keep scratching for hours. It’s just so frustrating and I feel tired all the time and my sleep schedule is off because I avoid taking my pills sometimes until the morning and ugh. I just feel defeated. OCD is in every little thing I do now. It’s taken over my life, ruined my friendships (my friends barely talk to me anymore), delayed my college graduation, made me question my family and their love/goodness, almost ruined a family members life due to a false memory, given me depression and dread to the point I barely do anything, ruined the things I do love by feeding me delusional intrusive thoughts, ruined my mental and physical well being, made me question everything and every thought, sent me to the mental hospital like two or three times due to suicidal OCD and harm OCD stuff, and prevented me from finding happiness in the things I used to love. I know it gets better, and I have good days. But lately I’ve been so exhausted. In the past I had bad OCD (not as bad as now) and I managed to get over it by telling myself one morning “I’m not going to give in to the OCD” and it worked. I wish I had the strength to do that again, but I feel like it’s deeply rooted in my head to the point it’s second nature to give in to compulsions. I just want to rest, just get genuinely good rest and stop worrying. I want to wake up one morning and be able to live without worrying. I just want to be able to breathe freely. Is anyone else going through a hard time? I mean, OCD is like a cancer that spreads to every part of life. So I know everyone here has/or has had a hard time. I just don’t know what to do. I need some advice, if you even bothered to read this far. Thank you.

I have health OCD and I went to the dermatologist today to get some weird moles checked out and get a full body check. I asked her to go back to one and she apologized that she missed it and biopsied it. Since then, I’ve noticed that I have some other moles that I am nervous about and I’m scared she didn’t check them because she was in a rush and missed one that ended up getting biopsied. I really want to schedule another appointment but I’m struggling to be able to tell if this is my OCD brain or my rational brain and I don’t want to get in a loop of mistrusting doctors and scheduling more appointments and I don’t know how to navigate this without seeking reassurance.

all of my ocd fixations over the year have been centered on my values. my most recent one is alcohol and needing to be certain that I’m not an alcoholic nor will never become one. for context, I’m in my mid 20s and drink socially on the weekends or with my partner. my dad was an alcoholic and died from it a few years ago and in the last year, my main topic has been surrounding alcohol and fearing that people will perceive me as an alcoholic because of my dad or that I could turn into one unconsciously. recently I’ve seen stuff in my TikTok fyp related to going sober and it really exacerbates that ocd voice in my head and makes me want to seek reassurance (my biggest compulsion). has anyone ever experienced this or have advice? I enjoy drinking in moderation on the weekends but I’m tired of the guilt and OCD spiral I experience after. I also feel like the wave of sobriety (which I love and fully support for people) makes that voice louder for me because it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. My therapist has assured me that I’m the farthest thing from an alcoholic and this is largely a trauma response to watching my father drink himself to death. I resented my father at the end of his life because he wasn’t a kind person when he drank and he was extremely unstable. He used alcohol to self medicate and I’ve vehemently learned NOT to do that. I’ve been going to therapy for years, take Prozac, am in a healthy relationship, am excelling at work, am in the best shape I’ve been in in years and don’t even drink during the week, yet my OCD is more relentless than it’s ever been. the facts are contrary to the fear and I try to remind myself that but find myself getting stuck in this vicious cycle of feeding into my compulsions. my fiance and my best friends and family in my life who know about this obsession have assured me that this purely is my ocd and I have nothing to worry about, yet I can’t put this to rest. would love to hear if anyone relates to something similar. sending love to all my ocd baddies out there lol also for what it’s worth I’m going on an anniversary trip this weekend and I really want to enjoy red wine by a bonfire and not feel bad about it!

Hi guys! I posted 3 nights ago that I was starting Lexapro 5mg, and I took my third dose last night. So far it's been okay, and the worst side effect I've had is waking up in the middle of the night (after about 4-5 hours of sleep) with a ton of anxiety and racing thoughts. Additionally, my intrusive thoughts have gotten a lot louder and it's like my OCD is playing wack-a-mole. Part of the reason I was scared to start medication is because my OCD is latched onto my fear of developing some other mental disorder, and it's telling me that I have undiagnosed bipolar disorder and will develop mania from taking this SSRI (I want to add that my rational brain knows this wouldn't be the end of world, but my OCD brain tells me it would be). This fear has definitely been made worse by me waking up for 1-2 hours every night since starting, and then of course I've been going down the Reddit rabbit hole each time and convincing myself this is mania. I haven't had this much nighttime anxiety followed by constant researching since I was originally diagnosed this past spring, and it's really worrying me and making me not want to continue taking this (even though I know I should push through!). I will say that while it's hard to fall back asleep, I usually do for another 2 hours or so. I usually just lay there watching TV until I can, and this is also making me so sleepy the next day. I also haven't feel any like feelings of euphoria (if anything it's been the opposite because I'm so worried), and I spend a good chunk of my day scanning for any symptoms of mania. Last night I even did an imaginal exposure where I was like "maybe I am bipolar, maybe I'm not. Maybe I will develop mania, maybe I won't". I'm trying to not sound like I'm asking for reassurance here because I know that's another compulsion, but has anyone else experienced any of this when starting an SSRI? Any tips to dealing with this increased anxiety?

I’m in my 30s and just got diagnosed with OCD. It feels like a mix of relief, validation, and overwhelm. So much work ahead of me and can’t afford therapy right now. Had to go stay out of state in the house I was chronically traumatized in with the parent who harmed me most after my safe/loving parent died unexpectedly. I was there for several months and me, my partner, and our animals all got very sick. The house is legitimately contaminated- infested with black mold, mildew, cockroaches, termites, asbestos. It’s also “contaminated” with my childhood trauma. It stirred up a lot of OCD. There’s a new worry that my parent died because of me in some way, and that I might accidentally cause someone else I love to die if I don’t do x, y, z. Also worry that us being there might have long term effects & I’m the reason we were there. I’m scared my animals might have been exposed to something horrible and could die because we were there. I took them both to the vet and did some testing but feel embarrassed of how others perceive me when I express my concerns that are often hypochondriac based. I’m so physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted. When I start to relax, my anxiety/ OCD runs rampant trying to find something to feel bad about myself for. Dealing with resentment related to my family system, and the other adults in my life who didn’t do anything to protect me as a child despite me begging for help. Then I feel bad for not appreciating the love & kindness & privilege I did have. My living parent was saying lots of things that reignited old worries & created new ones. I’m home now, but the clothes/ personal items I brought there & special stuff I inherited or brought home is stressing me out. I’m worried it’s contaminating my clean safe space and I can never truly get away. I’m recognizing how that environment I grew up in conditioned this level of OCD distress. I need to start a new job now that I’m home, but it’s hard to do anything… cue the “I’m a bad person” thoughts. Applying for jobs is stressful too. I know I’m highly qualified but that’s stressing me out because I’m worried I’ll get an offer or an interview before I’m truly ready/ capable to start. I don’t have money to keep waiting and need health insurance ASAP. Worried I’ll accept a job that doesn’t have as good of insurance as a hypothetical other opportunity. It’s all so overwhelming and I’m really struggling to calm my mind, body, & soul. I’m not sure what I’m looking for from this post. Maybe ideas of how to quiet/ calm the panicked rumination that keeps creeping in as I settle in so I can feel more grounded & emotionally stable? Any coping skills that have helped you for these patterns/ themes? How you handle perfectionist tendencies in work environments?

I think OCD sufferers are Truth Seekers Do ya'll have these traits too? Btw I'll be saying "we" a lot as figure of speech, but it could just be my experience. Let me know if you a similar experience. - Over-analysis - Grapple with Inconvenient truths. When inconvenient truths happen, we feel "icky", we try to "reason with it" to fill "less icky" or less uncomfortable. - It's based in FEAR. It may not even be a real-life fear, but it may be a psychological fear. I don't have contamination OCD, but I can speculate that it's like sitting with these "bad thoughts" like what if I get __ diseases, what if something happens to my family if I don't do ___, etc. It's sitting with uncomfortable potentials that may not even be true - or could happen - life can be unpredictable. - The need to be in control of different dynamics. - The need to "conclude" things - The need to be thorough - The need to categorize things and define things - The need for moral high ground and spotless integrity - We're our own worst enemy Overall, the NEED for certainty, the NEED to resolve something "once and for all," the ADDICTION to absolutism and conclusions. Not just because I suffer from it, but I think OCD people have good intentions and are generally good people. They are grappling with things, but it's because they love their families, it's because they want the best for themselves, they want good morals and good moral clarity. Those are all noble traits to strive for. It's the technicalities that I can get lost in. "How" do I conclude or "deal" with this latest theme. What is the "solution." It's "analysis" on steroids to the point where you forget the trees from the woods. You're lost in a maze. And that produces physical symptoms, stress, anxiety, etc. which just add to the stress and lack of clarity. And then the symptoms alone become the "proof" of the fear being true etc. I would get heart palpitations when I was worried about my heart. That's not actually having heart problems, that's the result of obsessing and OCD taking hold of that theme. But then again, some people do have genuine heart problems. And those are the kind of gray areas that OCD predictibly attaches itself onto. Lost in the labyrinth, I think we forget that the "conclusion" or the "right answer" or the "solution" or the "truth of the matter" that is that some debates don't need to be had. That's a hard pill to swallow for Truth Seekers - especially if something is unresolved and is controversial or we feel like it's damaging to us psychologically. I haven't done ERP but I've heard it's about "being ok with uncertainty." The reason why this is such a dilemma is that OCD people are Truth Seekers. Almost like an addiction. Other people may be able to be delusional and lie to themselves, but we don't let ourselves off the hook. I'm that type of person. If I do something wrong, if I've made bad mistakes, I don't let myself off the hook until it's a truthful thing that I should. Or even if I've "resolved" something, OCD will keep reminding, hovering, and challenging that truth. So I'm still wondering if Truth Seekers and ERP can coexist. THAT is my dilemma. I don't want pretend peace of mind because I'm believing some BS, I want TRUE PEACE OF MIND. P.S. - If I can find a couple silver linings for OCD for me, I think 1) It makes me more empathetic to what others have to suffer through 2) I think it makes me better at business. I'm SUPER thorough, and super analysis focused (too much actually), but that may mean I may go further and more in-depth and more continuous learning in uncovering what I need to learn to achieve a certain result. So my recommendation is if you have OCD, try to channel those traits towards something productive. GL!

i’ve been in a state of panic all night, when i tried to eat, this intense feeling of panic & dread came over me and i had to put my food to the side. and when i get this panic feeling, my immediate response is ‘i can’t deal with this, im gonna have to kms’ - which then leads to more panic that im losing my mind, and then MORE panic that i need to go to hospital etc etc it’s just never ending. the anxiety is so incredibly intense and i feel it so much in my chest. it’s so bad right now that everything feels like a trigger, if i move, i get that panic feeling, a random sound or something that ive read that has no correlation to my panic, will make me panic. i’m sorry this is so long, im just hoping someone can relate :(

I have a genuine fear of contracting tetanus to the point where I sometimes don’t even want to work in the garden or touch soil. My immunity is still great from my last booster shot (I had my tetanus anti-toxoid antibodies tested a couple months back and they are well above the minimal requirement) however anytime I get a small scrape or cut I spend the next week or so genuinely waiting for the symptoms to kick in. Lock Jaw, Fever, and Death. I had the smallest cut on my foot from stepping on a light plug prong and it barely (literally barely) broke the skin. It didn’t even start bleeding until about 5 mins later. However I noticed my feet were dirty form wearing sandals and even tho I cleaned the tiny wound vigorously and washed my feet, I know feel like it’s just a matter of time until I’m in the hospital and then soon will be dead. I rationally can tell myself that I’m being silly but my animal brain is convinced I’m on a path to sickness and then an inevitable horrible death that will leave my family in peril…. This cycle happens anytime I get a cut or scrape. (2-3 times a year) I hope I’m not alone in this. It really sucks dealing with this obsession on top of my multitude of fears.

Yesterday was one of the worst ocd attacks of my life I have a huge fear of believing delusions like it's not even funny I've had crazy intrusive thoughts like What if clouds aren't real What if the people around me aren't real And now the crazy one, what if I believe people are lizards like the stupid conspiracy theory, and I don't believe any of them. Never did the one I'm currently on, is the stupid lizard 1, and I'm having thoughts when I went on with my family, like I would like to be around du,mb, and then I'll get some intrusive thoughts. What if I believe there are lizard aliens? And then I hate it so much. Obviously, I don't believe that, yeah, and I don't want to believe it. I just hate it so much. And something I say jokingly me back to the o.C.D is then I'm also a lizard too But has anyone else had a crazy** Thought like this or crazier because I really hope I'm not alone on this. I don't believe the thought, but I'm just like so many fears and anxieties. What if I believe it? What if it's honestly horrible? Where did I get from hocd to this? Like I mentioned before I had health OCd Did it all start with a fear of going crazy? Then a fear of getting cancer, then a fear of schizophrenia, and then a fear of delusions. I have a fear of going crazy. That it's not even a joke heck. I think I'm in the early stages of schizophrenia. I'm scared i'm honestly scared

what should i do to get over my fear of medication? i know i need to pair meds with my therapy. my OCD is very severe and i have agoraphobia as well. right now im not really seeing any changes with therapy alone and idk if i will see much change with therapy alone. i had a bad reaction to and SSRI once on the LOWEST dose (literally children are prescribed it) during trial and error and now im so terrified of all meds. i cant try a new med without being so anxious that i become symptomatic not necessarily bc of the med itself but just from the stress im under taking it. i also did genesight. my results were extremely upsetting. almost every ssri for me is most likely too strong and will cause me issues. the only ssri my psychiatrist is willing to try is one that i’ve ALWAYS hear d people say if they miss a dose of it, they’re like in shambles bc of withdrawal. i’ve heard the withdrawal from only one missed dose on this med is like unreal. i don’t wanna be STUCK on a med forever bc of withdrawal issues and i don’t want to forget to take it one day and have a bunch of problems bc of it. i also am just scared of having a bad reaction again too. the only other option she’d given me was lamotrigine which has a black box warning for steven johnson’s syndrome and DRESS syndrome. i don’t want to spend so long on it stressing ab if any little mark on my skin is the beginning stages of a deadly rash. i literally would be constantly stressed. i truly don’t know what to do about this and it makes me really emotional bc i do rly think i need a medication that works for me but the trial and error makes my ocd the worst it can get. just constant over thinking, panic attacks and fear. pls someone give advice idk what to do.

i am a trauma technician, a job i love very much. i’m in nursing school and i wouldn’t change my career for the world. anxiety? she would love to change everything i want to do. sometimes i experience the expiration of patients and that is triggering for my brain. i will obsessive over other patients who are no longer with us and it will be a constant cycle of *image* “i am safe” *image* “it’s okay its over with now” *image* and that’s the mentally exhausting cycle i go through. menstruation is making is increased at the moment, i am trying so hard to give myself grace and try to find peace in the moments. i just had a really hard 12 hour shift yesterday and i am overall scared of expiration anyway so it’s definitely a hiccup i have to manage sometimes. my coworkers are super aware about it and my therapist is too. i just haven’t been on here much? but now i know i need to seek support because the ocd is isolating and i haven’t found a support system or group that truly understand the intrusive thoughts and images. does anyone else think of a traumatic situation and almost put it into steps? for example first, this happened, then this happened, then i made it home so that HAS to mean i am safe that HAS to mean it’s over with now.

I used to be a past addict and I know what it looks like but now Its so hard for me to partake recreationally to anything without paranoia my health will just plummet. I partook in the booga suga last night and I know it triggers my ocd most times I do it and I’m stopping completely after this party im going to this weekend just because of how much the “repercussions”scare me. I honestly don’t do it often like 1 or 2 nights a month for just this past year and it doesn’t ALWAYS go like this but it does a lot where I get a little blood in my snot and then I start freaking out that i’ve messed up my brain or “am i doing this too much am I addicted?” Or what if I get a hole in my nose then I start going down rabbit holes scaring myself even worse. Ik what you’re probably all thinking is “why do it then?” I just wanna be able to have a little fun with my friends and not freak out about it. But I have explained to them that I’m quitting completely after this party we go to. I don’t want it in my life anymore I have completely kicked other things from my life that have royally messed me up this is just another thing I want to be rid of because of the fears that come along with it. Does anyone else experience this? Im spiraling right now honestly its rare I write on here but its kinda helping me at least stay off the internet.