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Hey! This is my first post here and I’m not sure quite how to put it but I’d love to connect with people who have struggled with obsessive thought loops,? Sometimes I’ll think the same thought over and over for hours, days or even weeks every now and then. It can be a simple thought like about a painting i’m going to work on or it could be a thought about something horrible in my past. No matter the degree, the thought just plays over and over, sometimes it even carries to my dreams. It’s exhausting and I can hear a ‘second’ voice in my head begging it to stop but I have no control. This is actually the very first symptom of my OCD that I’ve ever experienced and it’s what made me realize that my thoughts are definitely unwanted and uncontrollable. I mean literally the same thought plays over and over. Like a song, but just a thought or memory. It can make me spiral horribly into magical and spiritual OCD and I’ve yet to find anyone to talk to about this. Thank you!

I feel like whenever I'm at church I'm not doing good enough or my praying isn't enough. I'm also disabled and half the time am unable to stand for long periods of time. My ocd keeps telling me that I'm not worshiping good enough because I'm sitting down or because I can't sing that hymn. It makes me feel so alone when I'm at church like god doesn't love me because I am not worshiping correctly.

“TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SCRIPTURES EARLY AND THEY WILL BE ABLE TO ACCESS ARMOR THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAD.” For me, I am always blessed and HIGHLY FAVORED. You don't have to be a strong religious Bible thumper to understand. You don't have to believe in someone's GOD. Just believe in something greater then you. So, what does this mean for you. There is not perfectly right or wrong answer. Grounded

I feel pain in my chest and can't breathe I always wake up anxious with intrusive thoughts that I'm unforgiven I'm scared so scared please I need anyone to talk to i can't breathe i can't get out no matter how hard I try and take my medication or talk to my therapist I'm so so tired.. I don't know who am I anymore I wanna be with God because of love not fear why I have all these bad intrusive thoughts I just can't enjoy because I have these thoughts always with me and always afraid and anxious can't enjoy anything

Hey, I am a 19 year old girl, who have since February 2024 begun questioning if I am a lesbian. I have always LOVED boys, and have always known that I do not like women sexually, but I remember one night I got the thought “what if you like women” and I have not been able to not think about it since then. I remember I began questioning this during Covid when I was home alone in 2020, but has since then been able to be 100% that it was just a fase where I was curious, but had since then been able to talk openly about me not liking women without it triggering something. But since February I have thought about it EVERY day and every single minute of the day. I have a boyfriend of 3,5 years who I love so much, but since I began having these thoughts I cannot feel attracted to him. I need to ask him for reassurance 10+ times a day “pinky promise I’m not into women but only men” and have to ask him a certain way. I also think “oh I feel the need to look at women’s private parts and get a tangly feeling 3 or more times before I can look away cause it has to feel right. I also feel like I can’t listen to eg “I kissed a girl” or “born this way” because if I do I will feel attracted to it. Another example is that I constantly seek reassurance from Google, ChatGPT or TikTok and it is so draining because in the end I keep thinking “I don’t have a OCD diagnosis what If im in denial and is just a lesbian who is lying to me bf” I feel as im in denial just writing this. I have lived with it for a year now and is starting to question “what if I have just changed and must accept that I don’t like boys and is masculine e.g.” but the thing is, I have ALWAYS loved makeup, and loves girl stuff, but when I have these thought I can’t feel as I am in control of who I am. It makes me question myself to the point where I feel as I have to go out and be with a women because it is what my brain tells me to do. During a 5 month period in between this year the topic changed to “what if I have cheated on my bf without him knowing because I don’t remember” and I went down another dark hole. I have thrown all my clothe from that period of time out because I felt guilty and as it held “bad memories” and now I regret it because the topic has changed. But during that time I had to seek reassurance from friends “have I flirted - do u think I talked flirty or looked at them, have I done anything” and I had to have it IN writing, otherwise it wasn’t valid. I even promised God that I would not go out clubbing until New Year’s Eve at 12 am, because then he would forgive me and it would make me a not lesbian person. But it did not help a bit, the topic just changed and my “am I a leabjan” spiral started again. And it makes me so sad because why can it not just think “okay you are bisexual” NOT JUST “oh you are either heterosexual or ONLY into women” it is like my mind is afraid. So I guess my hope and question is, is there anyone who can tell if this sounds like OCD, and if I am into women. Before gaining these thoughts I was certain, and I know i don’t ONLY like women, but I can’t even be sexually active with my bf because if I think of women during it, I must get turned on by it and be a lesbian. I am so exhausted. Sorry for the long question, I am just so drained. Backstory: my family has a lot of mental illnesses on my dads side, and when I was a child I dealt a lot with having to wash my hands until they bled and crying because i did not know why I lived. I was never diagnosed.

I have had a series of the same intrusive thoughts theme since I was almost 13... I want to obey & love God with all my heart, mind, and soul. I trust Him to work this out for my salvation. My thoughts: "Give your s*** away for xyz" - various themes - feel real (ocd) - as in 'temptations' - have disabled me, I am failing university, etc. - don't want to live with them anymore - don't want to leave the USA, afraid that God will send me back to my home country because of whatever reason - WANT TO BE FREE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD My question: should I treat this as a mental problem or a spiritual one? I have diagnosed ocd and am in therapy (with compulsions under control).

Backstory: I was raised heavily Christian on my dad's side up until about middle school but then was sort of transitioned away from it and was atheist/didn't think about it. Then towards the end of middle school and through high school I was pushed heavily by my mother's side (and by the internet) into more spiritual practices. Both of which triggered my OCD a lot. After realizing how much they affected my mental health I tried to get as far away from both as possible for a while. But now I'm receiving a LOT of signs to turn back to religion but this time Islam???? I don't know it's hard to describe but I feel very conflicted. There's a lot I don't agree with in the religion. It has a lot of the same contradictions and stuff that Christianity had that I can't get behind but also like... What if I'm wrong. I also keep doing these mental gymnastics to try and make everything I disagree with make sense and look at things in different perspectives than other people. There's a lot about the religion that compels me too, much more than Christianity. But now I'm scared to do anything sinful, even things that I used to feel no guilt for. The guilt is the WORST. I feel bad for things I shouldn't feel bad for. The other thing is I'm very queer, and trans masculine. I know that makes me sound crazy. That part of me is screaming not to do this. But the part of me that's compelling me back to religion is telling me that I would actually feel okay being straight and a woman if I accepted Islam. It's the ONLY thing that's made me feel like that would be comfortable and okay for myself. Maybe that in of itself is a sign that it's the truth. It's insane that I would actually feel that way. I would even be okay wearing hijab and everything, dressing modest and feminine. But on the other hand I will ALWAYS be a science first person. That directly contradicts one of the key ideas of Islam, that the Quran is the exact word of God and that it is unchanged. My particular issue being that I will never believe in creationism. At the same time I know that my dad would have been extremely proud of me for finding God. While he did renounce organized religion towards the end of his life (he was also very sick and on a lot of medication) he still very much believed in God and wished that for his children. Part of me feels that even though I cannot find God in Christianity he would still be proud of me for finding God in Islam. But I also feel a lot of my identity has been formed around the spiritual practices of my mom's side of the family. That is also what I'm constantly surrounded by and what is largely expected of my. I do fear falling too deep into those beliefs was the worst for my OCD though. I was constantly worried about all the things I "needed" to do or else I would have bad consequences. I even believed I was the reason of my father's death at some point. I might still believe that to a degree. I'm afraid I can't really talk about this with anyone because Im afraid I would come off as someone who just wants to parade around Islamic culture while cherry picking what I want from it. That might even be the case idk. I could just be randomly finding something to build an identity around because of some narcissistic need for attention. Idk someone tell me what I should do.

(This post discusses Religion/spirituality in regards to Christianity. And thus touches on some Christian themes. But you dont need to be christian to read it/ or even benefit from it. So whatever walk of life your from and if your willing to give it a shot I hope it brings you some comfort too.) Hello soldier, how goes the day? But really OCD can make everyday feel like an uphill battle, and even at the end of the day you don't really feel like you won. Wherever your at in your journey today, know your not alone. I'm here talk about something specific, and if you've read the tags, you can probably take a guess. I have Religious OCD and a lot of other ones that interconnect with it. It wasn't always this way, but it has been the heart of my OCD struggle for the last decade. The battle has waxed and waned for that time but it has been terrible for over a year. Today I have spent trying to connect with God despite my OCD, and all my other issues. (Dont misunderstand me, ocd is a big part of my struggle-and it only to serves to exacerbate my other questions and worries.) Today I've tried to understand that God can handle my dirt and shame. And won't walk away even when I stop believing im not a lost cause.-and hey if you ever struggle to believe that God hasn't given up on you, your not alone. But im here to talk about something I've found in the last while. If your on this website then you know now that OCD is not something your alone with-despite knowing this it can be very hard to believe somebody has the exact same issues as you- and the more shameful it is-the less people want to talk about it. But GOOD NEWS- some of the people on this journey happen to be very brave (maybe you and me aren't feeling very brave right now, but thats okay too.) So I took the time this evening to look up some things about Christians with religious OCD. Because it is one thing entirely to know that OCD affects people from all walks of life. It is another thing to hear your thoughts come from someone else's mouth. So im gonna touch on a couple things I learned/relearned a few minutes ago. 1. Does your OCD make you question your salvation? If so, your not alone-this is something that a lot of people struggle with-and it can feel very scary. 2. Do you struggle to stop your compulsions? I think this is something we all struggle with no matter your OCD subtype. I have often tried to stop my compulsions ot even just delay them for a bit....but the guilt/shame creeps up on me, and i give after a bit because it's like a bird pecking on the inside of my skull-and then I feel increased guilt for trying to delay in the first place-its that little voice that says 'why did you tarry on the way to repentance.' (Yeah that voice is fantastic, it can actively impede your recovery to a stuttering halt if you let it. ) 3. All of our doubts leading back to one question. 'What if it's not just OCD?' Again I think this is something we all struggle with, but it can be especially difficult to deal with when your subtype has less physical evidence to go off of. Here's an example: when I was between the ages 5-10 my ocd centered around getting sick. Due to an incorrect allergy test-it was thought I had a dairy allergy. For almost 5 years I was on a dairy free diet. But, like I said the allergy test was incorrect. Nevertheless reincorporating dairy into my diet was a struggle. But it was less of one because I could active progress. The first time I drank milk was terrifying, but each time after that was easier and easier as I saw nothing happened. As much as I wish I could apply that to this subtype of OCD it's very difficult when there's nothing I can really do to be certain I have not sinned. (And im sure some other subtypes have the same problem) and so the question arises "What if it's not just OCD?" The what ifs will kill you-tonight i read how it's one of OCD favorite and most effective ways to keeping us trapped. (Feel scared and unsure-me too) I wish I could explain it the way I read about it if only to try and help you all understand. But the bottom line is this is another way OCD has disguised itself to make it look like a real threat. In closing (Land sakes alive, this was a long post and im still not sure if I made my point or not) all that doubt and fear your feeling-yeah dont let OCD use that against you anymore than it already has. (For a long time I've kinda looked down on ERP. Even if it worked for others, I didn't think it would work for me because how could this every be less scary with no physical reassurence -or worse what if by getting rid of my fear I tore down the one thing protecting me from actually acting on those thoughts. Tonight I feel hopeful again, if only a little (maybe even hopeful enough to give ERP a try)....and if your as tired, ashamed,sad, and weary as I am. I wanted to try and give you a little hope too. And if your feeling as lost as I was a bit ago try looking up some blogs from someone people who have your subtype-it is strangely effective to hear someone talk about fighting with doubts and recovery when you dont always feel sure it's possible. Good night brave adventurers....I dont know if today had more victories or losses for you but we're still here so it's not over yet.

Hi guys! Kind of panicking right now. My mind has gotten so dark and my thoughts have gotten evil and terrifying I’m so scared. And I feel Like I’m at the point where I’m convincing myself they’re real. Like I’m terrified of acting on it or that I’m choosing these thoughts. I’ll tell you guys what thoughts they are. These horrible terrifying awful thoughts of not wanting others saved. Like thoughts like I don’t want others to know Jesus. Especially this one specific thought about this girl. It’s TERRIFYING because this one specific thought that is in my mind all the time is attached to real feelings I have for this guy. And this girl is a Christian and she’s so pretty and I started having thoughts that I don’t want her saved or to know Jesus so that this guy who is a really strong believer that I like won’t like her. PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW THIS ISNT ME YOU GUYS. I just need to know this thought IS NOT ME. And then it gets so bad to where I wake up in the morning and it feels like I’m accepting these thoughts. Like I want these thoughts. Or like I’m choosing them. I’m so deeply terrified I don’t know what to do. I just need to know they’re not me, that my heart is aligned with Gods heart. That I want EVERYONE SAVED

I've never shared anything on here before but I read a lot and I will say I am thankful for this community. I have had OCD my whole life. When I was a child I remember having thoughts in my head that made me uncomfortable, although I couldn't remember what they all were. I would neutralize them with a word. I would have nightly confessions to my mom. I do remember a very specific intrusive thought about God that made me panic and I remember exactly where I was. I would wash my hands until they bled to "prevent" something bad from happening. I developed sexual Instrusive thoughts of my brother being romantically interested in me and it scared me so much, I always fought with him for the imagined fear that played in my mind. I have a bit of harm OCD and my biggest nemesis is POCD. I am in ERP therapy but my mind WILL not let me do what I need to work on because I'm living in constant fear or what if this isn't just OCD. I cut out my compulsive prayer after a thought, but my big one is mental checking. I have to gauge the perfect reaction to a thought to figure out I don't feel any way about it. My mind puts myself or children in situations to check how I feel and it's constant. I can't even call that intrusive anymore, it's an automatic compulsion. One "compulsion" I find interesting and wanted some insights on is when I see an adult on tv talking, I imagine them as a child. Not even sexually. Just how they might have acted as a child that led them to their characters personality. I also have trained my mind to think sexual relationships with adults are "dangerous" because they used to be kids. My mind will not stop ruminating, will not stop trying to show me proof of my obsession. I have dreamed of finding life since I was 9, I identify as a straight female, always interested in adult men. I've struggled with this theme since my early 20s and it started out so little, with just random words and images that I dismissed away with my compulsions but now it has spread and over taken my mind with excessive doubt.

With my OCD I don't know what type of OCD I have but I have really bad intrusive thoughts I ruminate on a lot of things I think of and I am very obsessive especially whenever I am very interested in something or whenever I feel like I did something wrong. When I talk to someone and I think what I said was bad I'll have to try to explain myself to tell them why I'm so sorry for what I said, when I drive the windows have to be halfway down and if it's not halfway down I will consistently keep on checking until they're halfway down and the Radio has to be at a even number, everything has to be in a straight line or neat, but it's only specific things. Whenever I think I'm not doing something at my best potential I'll just keep on asking myself am I doing my best job am I doing the best that I can or am I doing something wrong? When I was younger I used to always say in my head that I love God but then on the other side my brain would tell me that I hate God and I would exhaust my self by saying no I love God and fall asleep. Lol I ruminate and obsessed over these thoughts to the point where it goes to the most extreme and it makes everything spiral. I don't know what this is and I got diagnosed with OCD last month and I'm scared now because this whole time I used to always think I was crazy

Have you ever felt like you're trying to convince yourself rhat these thoughts are from OCD and not you because you don't believe that you're that crazy or bad? But at the same time you feel panic when you have these thoughts?

I've been struggling about OCD for a long time and I've only been made aware of it now. It's the cause of all my worrying, compulsions, and all the times I feel unpeaceful. When I first learnt about it I felt really relieved. My kind of "obsession" are intrusive thoughts that contradict my faith and values. I've spent years fighting these thoughts and doing compulsions of seeking reassurance from verses or praying and such or saying "no I don't!!" when they happen. I try to ignore them anduse cognitive defusion but sometimes it just breaks my peace. Another obsession I have is having images in my head about touching dirty things like the rust in my bathroom. A compulsions I have regarding that is imagining myself being anywhere BUT the bathroom but it doesn't stop. Now that I know, I'll try and find a way to heal, and figure it out with myself and God (because I can't rely on my parents, they're not the open-minded kind regarding mental health)

I don't know what's happening me recently, I was lukewarm and this year I've tried to get closer to God I feel distant from God and like even if I pray there's something I'm missing I read the bible everyday and pray everyday but Recently like in the Span of 3 or 4 weeks I feel off. And it keeps changing what it is like before when I would pray I kept getting loads of thoughts every time distracting me and loads of disrespectful thoughts and it was hard to pray and OCD and intrusive thoughts all the time but it was getting worse only when I prayed. And I feel like different things are going on distracting me and I keep failing the past 2 or 4 days I've been even more distant from God im tryna change that today but I feel like something is missing also that I feel God has been telling me possibly unless I'm overthinking that my heart is hardened and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm still lukewarm and what to do to be Born again, And I don't know if I'm giving my whole heart to God I want to but if I'm not then Idk how? And also I think my heart is hard in another way too like this distance and me failing God I feel sad but I can't even cry and my dog aswell I feel so bad for him he had had fleas for 10 months and treatment and shampoos didn't work and I think it's kind of my fault for letting him on carpets and my bed since I feel so bad for him because hd doesn't like to be alone and one of my little sisters has so many bites from fleas on her and it's my fault. I can't do anything right, and he is not eating enough because I don't have enough food for him right now and he's not even eating full meals I have no dog food left and my parent said I can't buy any right now but I've been forgetting to feed him sometimes because I've been tryna focus on getting closer to God but I'm failing everything, I don't know what to I feel bad for my dog too he's been my best friend since 2018 but I can't even cry when I feel bad. I also keep worrying if I'm lying to myself that I care or faking everything idk something says that in my head sometimes, But my mum said to me in an arguement in 2024, "Are you really that heartless?" I don't know what to think anymore I think I am. It feels like I have no control over my heart. I'm sorry I keep rambling about random stuff, the way I explained this is probably like a 3 year old sorry. I'm 15 btw

Everyday I wake up with a pit in my stomach and it doesn’t go away. I question reality and if anything is real. How it’s real and why it’s real? Everyday I wake up I’m disappointed I don’t have answers to life. By answers I mean the afterlife (if there is one) I find it hard to accept someday our life ends. It makes me wonder if life even has a point. It consumes me everyday and I can’t function normally. I wonder what I’ll do when my family members pass and where they’ll go. If I’ll ever see them again. I cry every night because I genuinely don’t know how I’ll handle that one day. I’m deeply afraid of losing the people I love and never seeing them again. Overall, I question everything about life. There’s so I don’t know and I know I can’t find the answer and that devastates me. I truly wonder how I got here and why I was chosen to be here. It freaks me out. I try to find solutions. For example, I consider myself agnostic. And I would like there to be a God but it’s difficult for me to believe it without evidence. What if it’s not real? And there’s so many things out there. I wonder if reincarnation is real or if it’s just something us humans made up for comfort. I’m working on my relationship with God but I don’t know. I feel guilty because I feel like I’m only doing it because I’m afraid.

I really really need help. Please. So, lately, I've started to notice that I may or may not have a bi side. I'm a girl, and I'm a Christian. I love Jesus and I don't want to do anything that's against his laws so I can't be a bi. I just can't. But lately, I've started to notice that when I see, like, a really beautiful lady, I feel some sort of attraction and tightness in my chest. I can't deny the tug I feel whenever I see a beautiful lady and I don't want it. I don't read or watch anything related to lesbianism and I can't deny that I find gay couples cute but being a lesbian has always been a no for me. It's been getting worse lately and last night I had a dream. So, there's this live TV show that's going on in my country and I had a dream about one of the contestants. Mind you, I have no interest at allll in this contestant. I barely see her on screen and I don't even like fee any connection for her whatsoever. But in the dream I had, she was offering herself to me to y'know, do some stuff and what happened to my body is what is still shocking me. I HAD NEVER FELT SO AROUSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I still can't explain it. I don't know what happened or what's happening to me but I need help. Like serious help. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just can't be bi. I don't want to. I feel like with each day that passes, I start to discover new, scary sides of me and my OCDs aren't even helping matters. Please, any advice at this point would do. I can't tell my mom or even my youth pastor cuz I'm too scared that they'll start to see me differently and start judging me.

Yesterday, I was told by one of my coworkers my OCD is a sin. Now, I work at a church and I am pursuing a ministry career and I don’t feel like it’s a sin but it is really bothering me. I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this as a Christian battling OCD.

I have a 56 year old brother who struggles with substance abuse, homelessness and mental health. I began to notice a patter that when his life would be thrown into the maelstrom, it would often trigger my OCD and put me into thought spirals and feelings of depression. Well, I’m here again. My brother is in a South Florida drug rehabilitation clinic and of course I’ve back slidden into an OCD spike. My brother is at the end of his rope, and hinted to not having the strength to do this anymore, so I just shared this metaphorical story with him just now. I think it was written by a Christian author years ago, and their name escapes me. When I texted him the story, it occurred to me that there is relevance here for my fellow OCD sufferers. I’m am not a holy roller by any means, in fact I’m a lapsed Catholic who often struggles with faith and its meaning. The Lizard on the Bow: A Story About Holding On There was a man who had a tradition of taking a quiet rowboat ride early each morning. He’d walk down to the lake, uncover his old canoe, and slowly push off from the dock. It was his time to clear his head and connect with God. One morning, he set off like usual. The lake was calm, and the air was still. As he rowed out to the center, dark clouds began to gather. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and soon the rain began to fall. The peaceful morning was quickly turning into a storm. Deciding it was best to turn around, the man began rowing back toward the safety of the shore. That’s when he noticed something—on the bow of the boat, just ahead of him, sat a small lizard. It must’ve jumped on when he launched from the dock. Now it was stuck—surrounded by water, perched on an unfamiliar surface, and the storm was closing in. The lizard started to panic. It darted back and forth, unsure what to do, its tiny body trembling with fear. The man, watching, began talking to it—softly, calmly: “Hang in there, little guy. We’re heading back. Just hold on—we’re only 500 yards from shore.” But the wind picked up. The waves slapped against the sides of the boat. The lizard became frantic, searching for an escape—darting left, then right, then freezing, overwhelmed. “Almost there,” the man said again, “Just 200 yards to go. You’re doing fine. Stay with me.” But the storm didn’t let up. The lizard, confused and terrified, couldn’t see what the man saw—the steady progress toward safety. All it knew was fear. Despite the man’s reassurance, it made a desperate leap into the water. It didn’t realize that shore was just ahead. That rescue was almost here. That if it had just waited… just held on… it would’ve made it. The Message This story isn’t really about a lizard. It’s about us—about how, in the middle of life’s storms, fear and pain can cloud our judgment. When everything feels too dark or too broken, we start looking for an escape. Even if it’s one we can’t undo. But God is in the boat. And He sees what we can’t. He knows how close the shoreline is—even when we don’t. Sometimes, all we’re being asked to do is hold on a little longer. Not to fix everything. Not to be perfect. Just… hold on.

Does anyone watch any really intense pastors that don’t sugar coat the Bible like Philip Anthony Mitchell or people like that? I want the real truth but feel like it spirals me

Hocd now tells me that I do have OCD but I'm gay at the same time which means I'm gay and obsessing over being one bcz my religion doesn't allow it so it's a part of religious OCD. I don't know why the more this theme stays, the lesser interesting the life gets and the worst is that I don't feel much anxiety from this specific symptom so it's sickening. I just feel exhausted and dead to fight anymore. Bcz of these constant thoughts I feel like I really am gay and just devastated now