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help i feel like i cheated while drunk. i went to bed feeling content w the night and sent my bf a happy drunk vlog. i feel like i cheated help

I am now at a place where my ocd fears are so much easier to manage since doing ERP and am on the right medication. I have been feeling so much happier although I now find myself constantly thinking about how I was approx 40 years ago ,before knowing that I had ocd. I feel so guilty of all the things I did for reassurance which I now know were testing compulsions. I ended up having a mental breakdown and I worry how all of this and the testing compulsions which were all based around my children could have affected them.as I wasnt diagnosed until 25 years ago They do not remember any of it, and I never ever harmed them or anyone else although as some of the horrible compulsions involved them I am getting into a bit of a state over this. I find myself wanting to tell them everything about the things I did , but cant as they dont remember I feel it would be unfair as it obviously had no impact on them, and it would probably be me just to make myself feel a bit better, is this just another kind of compulsion? i Am I thinking too much into this as I myself was so traumitised at the time. Please help me if you can as I have been so happy that I am now managing my ocd and I have had this horrible thing for 50 plus years , thank you for listtening

I feel like I have the WORST Intrusive thoughts in the world. Nobody has the thoughts I do

Hello lovely people- one of the things I have really been struggling with lately is my sense of identity, and just not feeling like myself. For reference, I am 19- and only found out I had OCD in October, I also left for University in September so moved away from my childhood home. Recently, in light of a real event shame spiral, I feel like my previously strong sense of who I am and what I am like has been shattered. This is making me feel rather lost… I suppose what I am asking is does anyone have a similar experience or advice on this? Some of you who have struggled with OCD for a while… how have you coped? How do I begin to feel like myself again? Thank you 🫶

Hey i am new here with religious ocd how this app work

Hello 👋 This is my first post on hear so I thought i might share my story I think I have been struggling with SO-OCD where i have constant intrusive thoughts doubting my sexuality (lesbian) and trying to convince me that im actually straight and have been living a lie. All I want is to be with women I have no desire to be with men but my intrusive thoughts are just denying it and they get louder every time I try to express myself or talk about it with some thoughts getting it so bad that it makes me feel physically ill or make me actually claw my skin or make me scream out loud. it started getting bad in 2022 when I started to discover my sexuality and all my thoughts were just doubts about it so I never seek help bc I feel wrong and delusional, school is what triggered my intrusive thoughts the most to the point where I had to leave high school and finish it online cause I couldn’t be around people anymore. REALLY disturbing Mental images of me having sex with men keeps popping up head even though I don’t want to some of these were men that I knew. THIS STILL HAPPENS TODAY I’m in university now. I would always hear in my head “oh if you’re thinking about it, therefore you’re fantasizing about it and you like it and you can’t stop thinking about men” I still get uncomfortable seeing straight couples be intimate or holding hands because intrusive thoughts would trigger being like “this is what you should have” or “you’re lying to yourself about being gay” or “your faking it” and it’s really tough because most of the people in my life are straight and I wanna be there for them when they get into relationships, and I wanna be supportive when they introduce their partners to me. I also avoid dating or any conversations about dating or sex. When people say “oh I think you have a crush on this boy” it will make me believe It’s true and it’s super damaging. And convos about sex will just make the mental images come back. I am super super sorry that this ended up being so long, I heard that it was more common in heterosexual people and it made me feel like I was going through this alone (idk if that’s necessarily true). i’m in the process of seeking treatment i still have bad days. Hopefully people can relate to me.

So.. i’m 19. Doing like semi well in life. My parents have my back so in the end i’m fine but damn i quit uni after just a year which was about a year ago and started nursing school which i lowkey also feel like quitting.. the thing is I’ve basically wanted to be a doctor ALL my life. I’m not super smart and i have adhd so my grades have never been amazing but my mom is a nurse and many of her coworkers have told me i would make a great doctor. It’s genuinely been a dream (option 1 was always to become an actor but that’s even less realistic lmao) and now with doing well in nursing school (all a’s but it’s a lot “easier” where i life than it is in the US) it’s never been as realistic for me to actually make it into med school. To get to my current struggle, it started with me wondering if i actually have what it takes to be a doctor. Just a quick reddit search and i fell into this spiral. Can i do med school? Am i too mentally ill? What if the job just ends up making me unhappy. Which specialty would i even go into? All that lead to me being STRESSED. I rarely talk to my parents when i struggle and i cried in my Mamas arms two days in a row. Like.. i’m 19 at some point you gotta know what you want no? And the biggest problem i have now is that suddenly i feel indifferent about being a doctor? I used to think id do well in med school bc it’s something i really want and am passionate about but now it suddenly feels like i dont care at all and i just wonder, is that ocd? Will it go away? It’s been like this for like a month idk

Hello everyone. I'm here in search of help. First time posting here so apologies for any mistakes. I'm not diagnosed with OCD but ive been dealing with intrusive thoughts for around a year or so. It could be more, but my specific problem i noticed started probably around 2024. It all involves obsessive thoughts towards an online friend I have known for a while. I have constant worries over past mistakes and things I've done/said to them, and even tho we have talked about them and solved them, my brain seems stuck. Things such as feeling bad and feeling they hate me even tho I know they don't, wanting to avoiding talking to them so I don't make another "mistake" again, feeling anxious when being texted, avoiding saying certain things and so on. I have urges to self sabotage or tell them my thoughts but I know I should not do that. I've been trying to do ERP on my own once I realised that Ive been falling back to old habits, such as telling my thoughts to my best friend (and other friends) and then the conversation dragging for hours without results. Or how I'd seek reassurance. Anyway, I made it a goal to not have an episode (as i call them) with the online friend I mentioned in order to teach my brain not to react with anxiety, and this lasted for april. It's may now, and while I think there's improvements, I feel I'm not doing things right? If this part is ocd, please ignore it. I cannot afford therapy hence my attempt on doing this on my own. I wanted to post here to break the "loop" (took a bit to make an account but I'm here now lol). Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, is there any advice you can give? I'd highly appreciate it! So far, anxious responses have been minimized, but I still get them. I make sure to ignore/not give attention to the thoughts but sometimes it feels impossible but I try remind myself progress is not linear. Aside from the problems listed, I noticed I'm dealing with some jealousy towards the friend, which I absolutely hate. Thank you in advance for reading. If a trigger warning is needed please tell me. If more context is needed I'll be happy to give it (since I feel i didn't explain my situation too well and it sounds too vague)

I don't understand how the solution to ocd is be delusional & ignore you thoughts & let them run. I've done exposure therapy at home & in session. Still feel anxious at 10! Still feel crippling guilt. The meds make it worse or do nothing. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I don't see the purpose of trying anymore. It's been 10 years. Anyone here actually better?! Happy? I feel like I exchange one intrusive thought with another...I think I'm spiraling

I had my usual moment where I see a child and immediately try my hardest to look away and not have any thoughts. But for some reason the urges to look and act on horrible thoughts are really strong, like abnormally so? It's really weird and worrying me a lot. It's normally not this bad. It genuinely does just feel like my real desires at the moment.

Can they manifest as anything? Sometimes I’ll feel as if something is entering my rear or mouth or something is is being done to my body ???

I was wondering if it’s normal to have the following thoughts or feelings: - feeling scared or nervous to hangout with partner - feeling like things won’t work out -constant fear of falling out of love. - feel like you absolutely want to break up - feel like it’s not going to get better - annoyed with partner, - constantly crying because of it And overall. I’m tired and feel like nothing is going to get better. I feel like I’m a horrible person.

I'm trying not to Google this over and over. If you committed a bad thing in the past, can your therapist report you? I'm scared to death of being reported but I need to confess to my past discretions if I'm ever going to get over this.

Tmi: I went to the bathroom and my stomach hurt so bad, then I went to poo and there was some white bits into my poo. Does anyone know if its a sign of cancer? It also smelled terrible and I feel nauseous. I'm so scared

I made an account on an app named“I am not Saint Joan”. Do you guys think that’s offensive or disrespectful to her? I have religious OCD but I love religious imagery and theology and saints and all of it. But I’m scared it’s offensive or disrespectful to her. What do you guys think? I really like the name.

I was awakened about and hour ago w/ the worst feeling on anxiousness I've felt in a while. These episodes have been escalating these last few weeks. It's becoming more frequent than I like and despite all my eating healthy, drinking tons of water, vitamins & minerals to support my health. I still haven't gotten any better, just worse than before each time. At this point in life I can honestly say I feel defeated ‼️ Defeated as a man, a father and a family member. My mental health is changing right before my eyes and I dont know what to do to help myself. This past week of making these posts have saved my life because I don't know what else to do. I'm at my breaking point right now and I'm unsure of what the future holds for me! I'm not that sharp knife I once was, I've been dulled down by society. Now I'm left with a mess I have " 0 " ideas of how to begin to cleanup. The amount of shame, guilt, anxiety, depression and every negative feeling known to man is what I feel. I feel so low and I'm trying to climb back to my feet despite my feeling overwhelmed with negative feelings and emotions. If I knew what to do to change my situation I would act on it, I'm trying this venting to strangers vs friends & family. I've tried counseling, meditation, yoga, I even tried staying busy and that's the only thing that worked! But unfortunately for me I'm too sick on a daily to even work. I'm barely able to shower because I'm so exhausted from running the water and getting undressed, so halfway through the bath I'm exhausted. I don't know why but I literally feel like I'm dying inside and no one cares! I feel like my life is under attack because of a past relationship that was a toxic roller-coaster of mixed emotions and physical abuse. We both had our moments of being the aggressor but her more than I. I'm just not a violent person unless you provoke me/back me into a corner. I'm not proud I put myself in a situation where I had to defend myself against a woman. At that time I loved this woman more than any woman I've ever loved. But she wouldn't stop breaking my heart and being violent when I confronted her about it. This became an issue throughout our 15 years together and I endured every bit of it trying to hold on to what I thought was love! I don't know what to call it now that I look back, I just know that I was crazy about this woman. We've been apart for the last 8 years almost and unfortunately she passed away last October just 30 days after she turned 39yo. That hurt me, my kids mom has just suddenly died and all I can think about is how we could've saved our relationship but we couldn't stop fighting w/ each other. So I eventually left and started life over, alone and from scratch. I began working on my mental health and going to the gym, reading more, and Journaling my achievements. I went from sleeping in my aunts backyard inside my car for the next 3 months maybe, sleeping in my car other random places and showering wherever I could. I got better mentally, stronger and learned more about myself than before. I began to grow into a mature version of who I was, pushed by my circumstances I had no other options but do better. Fast forward another 2 months and I was ready to move into my first home 🥳‼️ And for the next 3 years I lived there until my employer sold the company and we all got layed off. I got a job maybe 2 months after the fact and it was probably the best thing that happened to me in years. I made more $ than I ever did before and was able to buy a home of my own and move both my boys in w/ me. I took care of everything for me & my boys! They didn't want anything because I was able to afford everything they needed. My oldest son moved out and gave me a grand daughter and now my youngest is on his way to college. I know I have so much to be proud of but my health isn't making it easy to live in the moment and enjoy these things. I never feel good anymore, I worry about everyone & everything and I'm stuck in a cycle of shame, anxiety and depression. I have an appointment today w/ a gastro specialist and I'm praying they can help me get back to work and healthy of course! I can't take looking at my kids, I can't financially support either of them because my health is so bad. Most of their lives I was in between jobs until I got out on my own then I realized what I had been doing wrong this whole time. I was living above my means to say the least! Being single taught me some financial literacy skills that I've been sharpening since. Now its not $ I need 1st, its my health. Only then I can get off my ass and back to work. I've never wanted to work so bad lol, it stresses me out that I'm stuck at home not able to work and everything. Well I think I got everything on my mind off for the moment, I pray for those battling mental health issues. 1 day at a time! Start your journey to peace today, keep track of your accomplishments and celebrate yourself sometimes ✌🏾🫶🏾⁉️

For me I don't have lucky numbers, in fact, I hate calling my ocd-related numbers lucky or unlucky. I have "GOOD" numbers, and "BAD" numbers. Like if something is a bad number I have to either do a compulsion and/or use math to make it a good number. Idk when this started but I have a whole system in my head and I feel so embarrassed when anyone sees me doing something ocd related, like tapping or something. But that just makes me do it more... and sometimes I feel like I am imagining it because for me it doesn't define my whole existence exactly? I won't put my good or bad numbers on here because for me it is a bit triggering when I see someone say that their good number is actually (for me) a bad number... but anyways do other people feel like this at all? Any part of what I'm saying?

18+ only One of my compulsions is m*sturbation, I'll get triggered by something and have to disprove it and find something "safe" to do said compulsion. Usually this means they have to follow some rules I have: 1) Don't do things I consider immoral (Cosplaying underage characters, doing step fantasy stuff, infantilising themselves in anyway, whether that's an outfit, a hairstyle or a word in a title like "teen" or "18 year old") 2) Be 20 or over (Although when I was in therapy, my therapist told me to trust the verification process of sites and I did so for a while before seeing something that made me doubt their ability on p*rnhub but obviously if people had bios saying they were 18/19 then that person wouldn't be safe, basically one person was verified and when I was checking their social media, I saw something that meant they shouldn't be, I reported everything of course and haven't used the site since.) 3) Don't follow people who break rules 1 or 2 (Usually I give people the benefit of he doubt that they don't know if it's only 1 person or so, but this is what I'm worried about.) I just remembered that the only person I still considered safe might not be, I gave them benefit of the doubt about one person they followed who did things I don't like (Step fantasy stuff) and I'm scared I shouldn't have, this popped into my head and made me check if anyone else in their following is bad the aforementioned person was fetishising the whole step family thing, yuck, and another who follows people I've blocked on Twitter, as I was checking their following I kept being triggered, I'm worried I never should've give them benefit of the doubt the first time, another person they follow, follows people I've previously blocked/reported for being scared they're infantilising themselves or the step family thing, I DM'd one of the people who follow a bunch of people who broke rules one or three to give them benefit of the doubt and let them know about what some of the people they follow do and did the same to the people I considered safe. But it feels like every person I considered safe at some point turns out to do something I consider immoral, sometimes it's me being scared (Like when someone was wearing a checkered skirt or a skirt with two lines at the bottom). The only reason I considered this person no longer safe was because of the site they used that I mentioned earlier

I feel like I’ve hit a dead end with ocd treatment and can’t figure out anything that is going to help me. I have extremely bad ocd and I have tried therapy twice a week at an ocd specialty center from October to April, (it got bumped down to once a week because we weren’t getting anywhere), I have tried nearly every medication. I have tried Prozac 80mg Zoloft 200 mg, abilify 10mg, buspirone 60 mg, Xanax and Seroquel for anxiety spikes, 20 mg of memantine, and I just started 150mg of chlomipramine (I started 100 mg over week and a half ago and 50 mg before that). I might have left something out. The medications have not done anything for me, and therapy hasn’t done anything for me. I tried ERP with my therapist, but because of the complexity of the ocd (obsessions stacking on one another), it was so complicated, I couldn’t explain it. At the ocd center they said that I need to do residential treatment over the summer for them to see me again. My parents said I’m not doing that over the summer and have threatened to make me take pay my apartment rent if I do (I’m 20). I have limited money. I’m likely going to do TMS over the summer if the chlomipramine doesn’t do something magical within a few weeks, and if that doesn’t work, outpatient therapy hasn’t worked and probably isn’t going to work for me, and there aren’t many medications for ocd I haven’t tried. I’m tired of living with severe ocd and nothing working. Nothing has even worked a little bit. My Y-BOCS scores are in the high 30s. It’s become the “new normal” for me to live like this and I’m afraid that’s how I am going to have to live my life. I don’t know if anyone has advice, but I am at a stuck point. My psychiatrist said he would refer me for deep brain stimulation if it got to the point where TMS didn’t work, and my parents said I’m not doing that. I’d literally be willing to do an experimental trial for something even with risk, because I hate living like this. If I am going wrong in ERP, I don’t know where it is, because I haven’t been able to articulate my fears to the therapist well, and we haven’t found an exposure that works well

Can any moms out there share their experience with what their OCD was like postpartum? (Not postpartum OCD, but your already diagnosed OCD) My OCD definitely amped up after my girls were born. The added stresses of life definitely make OCD more intense. What are your experiences?