SO-OCD, Straight OCD, my experience

Hello 👋 This is my first post on hear so I thought i might share my story I think I have been struggling with SO-OCD where i have constant intrusive thoughts doubting my sexuality (lesbian) and trying to convince me that im actually straight and have been living a lie. All I want is to be with women I have no desire to be with men but my intrusive thoughts are just denying it and they get louder every time I try to express myself or talk about it with some thoughts getting it so bad that it makes me feel physically ill or make me actually claw my skin or make me scream out loud. it started getting bad in 2022 when I started to discover my sexuality and all my thoughts were just doubts about it so I never seek help bc I feel wrong and delusional, school is what triggered my intrusive thoughts the most to the point where I had to leave high school and finish it online cause I couldn’t be around people anymore. REALLY disturbing Mental images of me having sex with men keeps popping up head even though I don’t want to some of these were men that I knew. THIS STILL HAPPENS TODAY I’m in university now. I would always hear in my head “oh if you’re thinking about it, therefore you’re fantasizing about it and you like it and you can’t stop thinking about men” I still get uncomfortable seeing straight couples be intimate or holding hands because intrusive thoughts would trigger being like “this is what you should have” or “you’re lying to yourself about being gay” or “your faking it” and it’s really tough because most of the people in my life are straight and I wanna be there for them when they get into relationships, and I wanna be supportive when they introduce their partners to me. I also avoid dating or any conversations about dating or sex. When people say “oh I think you have a crush on this boy” it will make me believe It’s true and it’s super damaging. And convos about sex will just make the mental images come back. I am super super sorry that this ended up being so long, I heard that it was more common in heterosexual people and it made me feel like I was going through this alone (idk if that’s necessarily true). i’m in the process of seeking treatment i still have bad days. Hopefully people can relate to me.

Evan ☆

Date posted: Yesterday

I get that same thought that "if you're thinking about it you must like it" or "it must be what you want". I don't know how to fix it, but I relate to you and I hope u feel better 🫂

Kevin V

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Understand that you are not your thoughts. You are your response to your thoughts. A straight person and a gay person both sometimes get thoughts about straight sex and gay sex. However, their responses are different, as the straight person would likely prefer the "straight sex" thought, while the gay person would likely prefer the "gay sex" thought. Thus, it is not that the thoughts determine who the person is, but how they respond to the thought. For example, I as a straight man enjoy the thoughts of straight sex that I sometimes have, while I find the thoughts of gay sex to be boring or unpleasant. I am not straight because I have those thoughts about straight sex, I am straight because I enjoy those thoughts, I want those thoughts, I wholeheartedly endorse those thoughts, I engage with them. You don't need to stop those thoughts or images, you can allow them to exist without trying to disprove them or argue with them or try to reassure yourself. Also, OCD actually seems to be more common in queer people than it is in straight people (like 3x as likely), so that means that a queer person is on average more likely to have SO OCD than a straight person is. It is simply that there are more straight people, so there might be more straight people with SO OCD than queer people with it in terms of absolute numbers.

_.eevee._

Date posted: Yesterday

@Kevin V Hi! tysm for your kind words it’s really helpful to know that i’m not my thoughts I will say sometimes it’s hard to not react to the thoughts as i mentioned they rly gross me out but im trying my best also i didn’t know that queer people are more likely to experience this type of ocd hopefully I didn’t come across like I was devaluing people‘s experiences. I just didn’t know.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond