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the NOCD Community

I'm AuDHD. OCD has influenced my life for the last 30 years. A current thing I've been struggling with is what if I'm not actually autistic or ADHD & it's actually just OCD? Or what if I'm not actually OCD & I'm just AuDHD? What if I'm not OCD & really there's something wrong with me that has yet to surface? What if I'm faking all of it & lying to myself & everyone? & on on & on. Despite medical professionals, my psychiatrist, my therapist, my OCD specialist & family & friends all confirming I have OCD, I still am worried. Anyone else share this struggle? I wish there was a way to know for sure if I have OCD. I got diagnosed with ADHD as a kid & autism 13 years ago & OCD has always just been something everyone has always said "yes you have OCD." I wish it was like a blood test or something to confirm it.

Im struggling to identify what exposures I can do. Most of them have stopped making me anxious so I need to amp it up. Problem is I can't think of anything. Like I know for sure theres definitely exposures I can do but I can't remember them for the life of me I guess it makes sense. If you live most of your life in autopilot and fear, your brain wont retain much information other than the ones to survive. If you have POCD, Harm OCD, or any relating to morality please lmk what your exposures are (if you feel comfortable) :,3 I need inspo

I had my usual moment where I see a child and immediately try my hardest to look away and not have any thoughts. But for some reason the urges to look and act on horrible thoughts are really strong, like abnormally so? It's really weird and worrying me a lot. It's normally not this bad. It genuinely does just feel like my real desires at the moment.

I made an account on an app named“I am not Saint Joan”. Do you guys think that’s offensive or disrespectful to her? I have religious OCD but I love religious imagery and theology and saints and all of it. But I’m scared it’s offensive or disrespectful to her. What do you guys think? I really like the name.

18+ only One of my compulsions is m*sturbation, I'll get triggered by something and have to disprove it and find something "safe" to do said compulsion. Usually this means they have to follow some rules I have: 1) Don't do things I consider immoral (Cosplaying underage characters, doing step fantasy stuff, infantilising themselves in anyway, whether that's an outfit, a hairstyle or a word in a title like "teen" or "18 year old") 2) Be 20 or over (Although when I was in therapy, my therapist told me to trust the verification process of sites and I did so for a while before seeing something that made me doubt their ability on p*rnhub but obviously if people had bios saying they were 18/19 then that person wouldn't be safe, basically one person was verified and when I was checking their social media, I saw something that meant they shouldn't be, I reported everything of course and haven't used the site since.) 3) Don't follow people who break rules 1 or 2 (Usually I give people the benefit of he doubt that they don't know if it's only 1 person or so, but this is what I'm worried about.) I just remembered that the only person I still considered safe might not be, I gave them benefit of the doubt about one person they followed who did things I don't like (Step fantasy stuff) and I'm scared I shouldn't have, this popped into my head and made me check if anyone else in their following is bad the aforementioned person was fetishising the whole step family thing, yuck, and another who follows people I've blocked on Twitter, as I was checking their following I kept being triggered, I'm worried I never should've give them benefit of the doubt the first time, another person they follow, follows people I've previously blocked/reported for being scared they're infantilising themselves or the step family thing, I DM'd one of the people who follow a bunch of people who broke rules one or three to give them benefit of the doubt and let them know about what some of the people they follow do and did the same to the people I considered safe. But it feels like every person I considered safe at some point turns out to do something I consider immoral, sometimes it's me being scared (Like when someone was wearing a checkered skirt or a skirt with two lines at the bottom). The only reason I considered this person no longer safe was because of the site they used that I mentioned earlier

18+ only I keep having groinals after seeing things I feel like I have to report (Like a minute or so after), for example, someone was calling out One Piece's massive problem with s*xualising characters that shouldn't be s*xualised and they posted an example but it was really disturbing and borderline really bad from what I saw for a split second before reporting it because even though they meant well, I felt their point could've been made without having the image there. Sometimes, I'll be on the toilet and scrolling on my phone, sometimes looking for something safe, sometimes just browsing social media, and I'll be itching or have my hand near my privates or be stretching my f*reskin because it gets tight and it helps with it and I'll see something normal like a meme or something with a kid and like quickly whip my hand away even though I wasn't do anything wrong and OCD has twisted this into me doing something horrible and sometimes this happens during a checking compulsion looking for something safe (Again nothing bad obviously) and I'd freak out and it'd just reinforce the compulsion. And sometimes if I've made sure someone is safe, my hand will start the m*sturbation/checking compulsion without me wanting to and doesn't stop when I want it to, it's never happened with anything bad but things I'm personally against (step-fantasy stuff or titles having the word teen 🤮🤮🤮 sidenote but it's insane that's allowed) would be overlayed on the screen or just people I haven't/hadn't cleared due to a bug that was just permanent when you exited full screen. Sometimes I'll randomly do the thing of stretching my f*reskin involuntarily when doing the ya know compulsion even though it's not a s*xual thing and OCD is messing with me. Maybe it's a compulsion but I don't know why, it doesn't alliviate any anxiety or anything I also have to repeat if I accidentally brush my privates or any weird body things. I clench my toes pretty often and sometimes it tenses my privates too. Or constantly looking at people inappropriately without wanting to like someone was rightfully calling out Lolita and Lolita aesthetic and someone posted examples (Nothing bad) but I saw that one of them had like the Tumblr caption/tags and needed to read them and then accidentally looked at them inappropriately and I hate it so much. Or just seeing entirely normal ads with kids and freaking out about them and it sucks. One thing that popped into my head just now was that I keep learning just how evil people I thought were trustworthy were, I remember a lot of people s*xualising the characters from Resident Evil Village, especially the tall lady and her daughters and I got reminded of this seeing someone play resident evil and now I'm terrified that they shouldn't have been s*xualised and I unknowingly did something wrong, the consensus seems to be the daughters are 19-23 but I'm scared that's not true because some random website said otherwise although they've got a lot of things wrong and mentioned concept art that doesn't exist so I don't think they're trustworthy but I think I thought the characters were adults at the time and now I'm scared that I was wrong even though they look like adults but what if I was wrong? (This wasn't recent, I'm freaking out something that happened a while ago, as with most of this stuff it's just popping back into my head now) Does anyone have similar experiences?

I have ROCD. Not just romantic, but every single one of my relationships in my life I have a hard time checking if they are angry or how they are feeling. Sometimes I’ll definitely act on compulsions to smooth out any situation I believe is tense, and only feel the ritual is completed when they seem happy with me and the relationship seems just right. Especially my closest family members. My erp on that is sitting with the word maybe on how they feel about me or our relationship. As for my boyfriend, we’ve been together 8 months but about 4 months ago my sister added him on Snapchat and I didn’t know and she had made him uncomfortable at my parents and he told me he wasn’t comfortable snapping her and that he felt it was flirtation and didn’t like it. I spiraled. For months. Up until now. Brought him in on the compulsions and had him reassure me he isn’t cheating constantly. Going through every corner of his phone. It was true betrayal in my head. Like he cheated on me with my sister and my sister betrayed me. How do you overcome checking to make sure the people closest to you aren’t betraying you? I think that’s the intrusive thought I have the hardest time sitting with. Anyone else have this experience or something similar? I’d love some insight.

Fiberglass exposure anxiety at work - OCD or legitimate concern? Hi everyone. I work at a manufacturing facility that produces aerogel fiberglass insulation products containing fibrous glass (>50%). I work in office areas, not on the production floor, but I’ve noticed dust accumulating on my desk regularly and engineering staff have large air purifiers in their workspace. I’ve been experiencing dry nose, nosebleeds, chapped lips, and sneezing constantly. Not sure if that’s regular office HVAC air or fiberglass particles. I reviewed the official SDS for our product which confirms fibrous glass indeed causes mechanical irritation to mucous membranes. I have OCD and my therapist has been doing ERP with me on this fear - I’ve been working unmasked for several weeks as part of treatment. I brought air quality concerned to EHS & HR and they basically downplayed my request for air quality monitoring data, which has escalated my concern. I’m struggling to tell what’s legitimate occupational health concern versus OCD amplification. I’m very tempted to quit my job over this. I’m on a visa so quitting has catastrophic impact on my life but nothing is more important to me than my health. Has anyone navigated something similar - real workplace health concerns alongside OCD? How did you separate the two? Did ERP help? I’m very very scared and anxious and very close to quitting. I don’t want to quit but don’t see any other option.

18+ only Saw someone make a disgusting comment and someone was spreading awareness about it and OCD tried telling me to check their profile picture even though I already know it's just a picture of them. Someone was talking about how they were a victim of a horrific crime but they added a picture of themselves wearing a tshirt but they had one of the shoulders of the shirt hanging off and I had to keep checking you couldn't see anything bad and I don't think you could but OCD is messing with me. Had a really disgustingly awful and detailed dream were it felt like I was awake but couldn't change it or anything and OCD is saying I wanted this dream OCD keeps objectifying adults and giving me groinals and telling me to do compulsions but then I'm also seeing POCD triggers which makes everything 10x worse. Had to take a closer look at someone's profile picture and they were wearing underwear (Their bio said they were 24 which I read beforehand) and I saw they had an onlyfans and it caused a groinal and I hate it so much. Saw video of person singing into a mic, nothing weird or bad literally just their face and a mic and I think I had a groinal but I'm terrified I was attracted to them and I don't know who the person is/was. Needed to check someone's following but it refreshed before I could and OCD is saying horrible things, and then I saw a video of amputees in Gaza but got scared it was disgusting or bad even though it didn't seem like it was but it was just really messing with me. Saw something disturbing and reported it but it was trying to spread awareness about bad things in Gaza so I feel bad. Keep seeing horrific crimes and like babies with limbs amputated or in incubators and OCD is messing with me and giving me groinals and I'm trying to ignore it but I hate it more than anything. Had a groinal that lasted so long and I was adjusting my undercarriage and it worsened it. Keep having intrusive thoughts and I can't tell if they're really intrusive or not and I'm scared. Got scared about someone's profile picture even though I know it's most likely fine but resisted the urge to check it and OCD is messing with me because the person's 15. Intrusive thought defending horrible things. Scared that anime song that was popular in memes and stuff was bad and I didn't realise and OCD is even saying I did awful things I know I didn't. Keep saying people are pretty then freaking out and trying to figure out their age sometimes multiple times because OCD makes me doubt it even though everytime they've been people in their 20's although they may be playing people younger which makes me feel creepy. Watching a different man and ruminating on why the people are disfigured and it's really rude and I don't like it, I keep being rude about the people with disfigurements and I hate it. I meant that the main character was still awkward but OCD took it as me being rude about their appearance. I was looking at Adam Pearson's wikipedia page and the condition he has had a really disgusting censored image of a child when I hovered over it for a second and I reported it, why did they think that was okay dude and I'm freaking out and it's causing a groinal and I hate it so much. Going through bookmarks cause I think I got scared I bookmarked something bad even though I know I haven't but went on one person's profile who I remember bookmarking because I thought they might be safe for a compulsion but their pinned post was explicit (Wasn't anything bad of course) and I panicked and backed out and unbookmarked them but it was after seeing the above so OCD is still messing with me so much.

18+ only Someone made a funny joke but then people in the replies where being 🤮 so I reported them and checked the person's following, they didn't follow anyone bad from what I saw but they followed quite a few s*x workers and I just blocked the person because OCD was twisting my intentions and giving me a groinal, I even rechecked the person's following for like no reason (Before blocking them). Keep getting like underwear ads and stuff that's really triggering and making me want to do a compulsion. Tried to find more ethical sites but all of them seem to use performers who aren't safe. Did the compulsion to something safe but also reported something before that was on the homepage that worried me because it was animated (Not the website I was talking about yesterday obviously) Saw someone's profile picture and got worried about it and was instantly proven right when I took a closer look and their pinned post was really disgusting too, not explicit but definitely eluding to it and like just barely not explicit and it was horrible. Bunch of people on random tweets turn out to be horrible people who follow disgusting accounts so I reported like 5 of them, one person I saw immediately followed 2 accounts I'd blocked but still checked to see if they followed more for some reason, one person's tweet popped up and I didn't think to check their following but then got concerned and found the tweet again and sure enough they follow a bunch of dodgy accounts. Seeing people calling out others for defending horrific things and OCD saying I agree with the monsters is so annoying and disgusting. Saw a video that had a mother filming their daughter and she was wearing basically only their underwear and being really misogynistic and it was really triggering and I want to block the person who posted it even though they were calling the mother out and OCD is twisting my intentions, I saw it again and blocked the person, even though they were trying to do the right thing and calling out the person Accidentally liked a tweet that was actually made by a horrible person because I thought they were saying basically the opposite. I had to double check the safe video from earlier because I remembered the captions that were auto generated were wrong, tried saying they were saying oh no when they weren't but I had to make sure that was the case and it wasn't something bad it wasn't obviously but it caused a groinal and I had to do the compulsion again.

Hi all, anyone here had success managing OCD without meds? I used to be on SSRIs but voluntarily quit due to side effects. I want to manage it holistically - Keto therapy, exercising and staying busy. I’m also learning ERP with my therapist now. Escapism to junk food, porn etc over the years has fried my dopamine. I’m trying to rebuild that too. I’m also willing to do any supplements or stimulants like NAC, Inositol, Nicotine & Modafinil occasionally, Saffron extract, Ashwagandha. I’m truly just trying to get to a stoic state of mind where I can stay consistent with my efforts towards my goals. If you are strictly pro meds and don’t agree with my approach, I’d rather you not share your experience here since I’m really counting on Keto intervention as my final hope at managing this. I’ve lost my spark in the past few years and I don’t recognise who I’ve become due to this disorder. I welcome any success stories from people who are in the same boat as I and have had success managing this. I’m a 6’3, athletic, decent looking man who has a lot to offer but my potential has been completely engulfed dealing with this debilitating disorder.

Saw a post that was really weird and so I reported it and before then a weird joke about someone's with a weird image and then I saw pictures of a celebrity and looked at them closer and accidentally looked at them inappropriately even though they're obviously an adult. Everytime I see a conventionally attractive adult I have to look closer and for longer and then my OCD freaks out about it. I'm scared I made it seem creepier in previous notes by not specifying that the celebrities are adults even though they obviously are. Was looking at someone calling out someone for being creepy and did a double take and realised you could see someone's butt in a bikini in one of the images and I'm scared it's inappropriate and I'm just so terrified I saw something bad and my OCD is messing with me about it in every possible way and I feel like I need to know if it's something bad but I just don't, I found one thing saying the person was born in 1990 so they would've been an adult but what if it's wrong? Saw they were showing Akira at the Vue and have heard good things but when I looked it up on BBFC it had some pretty dark themes and when I googled the characters ages they were all teenagers and I'm scared it's really bad but OCD is trying to tell me I still want to watch it even though I don't. There's a gymnast episode in this show I'm watching and I accidentally looked at someone inappropriately and then had an intrusive thought describing it and I hate it so much. People are saying an outfit a popstar was wearing was infantilising and I remember thinking the outfit looks weird but the infantilisation thing never occured to me and I'm scared because I like the popstar's music and my OCD latches onto conventionally attractive women (Even though I don't feel attraction) and they mentioned another popstar also wearing infantilising outfits which again never occured to me (But I also don't think that one's true from what I've seen) Had an intrusive thought pop into my head that was like anticipating a punchline Saw another disgusting human being doing something truly evil, I reported them and another person who while calling them out, still posted censored versions of the things they did as evidence whicb is really misguided and disgusting.

My grandma just had a stroke and is in the ICU not doing well. My ROCD has been flaring up. I feel like all i can still think and worry about is my relationship even though all of this is going on. it makes me feel guilty and like why would i stay in this if i can't even grieve other things in the way i normally would. Has anyone else experienced ROCD flaring up even worse with tragic life events?

I just got broken up with because I am depressed and it was over text. My anxiety and ocd have been awful and he said that can only be an excuse for so long so now I’m going insane. I am so sick.

I have struggled with ocd my entire life until I realized what it was and why I was the way I was. My psychiatrist is trying one more medicine because we have “exhausted” all other options which is making me lose hope. I’ve been on many medicines since 8th grade and now I just feel hopeless, she said after if this medicine doesn’t work I should do TMS therapy which freaks me out. The medicine she is prescribing me is Anafranil? Guys I’m so just lost right now

It started with my sexuality. Out of nowhere my brain started questioning it, like “what if you’re not straight?” And it didn’t feel like curiosity—it felt forced. Like I had to figure it out right then or something bad would happen. So I started checking, analyzing, trying to be 100% sure. That’s when everything got worse. Once my brain saw that got a reaction, it moved on to my gender. Now it was “what if you’re actually a girl?” And it hit even harder. Same thing—pressure, urgency, nonstop thoughts. Not something I wanted, not something I was thinking about before. It felt like my identity was getting ripped apart in real time. I kept trying to solve it. Trying to land on an answer. Trying to feel certain again. But that just fed it. Now it’s escalated to the worst one—my brain throws out thoughts like “what if you’re a pedophile?” And that one feels disgusting. It goes completely against who I am, but my brain keeps bringing it up and then making me question it. Like I have to prove to myself I’m not a bad person. So I check again. I argue with it. I try to get certainty. And it just keeps coming back stronger. It feels like my mind just jumps from one thing to the next—whatever will scare me the most and make me react. Sexuality → gender → now this. And every time I try to fight it, it digs in deeper. I don’t even feel like I trust my own thoughts anymore. I just want my brain to stop attacking everything I care about and let me be me again.

I have to vent to the community for a bit. I have digital contamination/ Real Event and False Memory. I have been struggling to get back into gaming which used to be a hobby I really enjoyed. I have spent the last year obsessively trying to clean up my digital footprint and obsessing over if I ever said or did something wrong or embarrassing in the past. It really dehabilitated my life for a year. I had been unemployed for 3 months after losing my job unexpectedly and just started my new role. So I am experiencing some change. I have been absolutely fixated on wanting to try to find my old game accounts but I’m too scared to check. So I feel like that’s avoidance but I also don’t want to get trapped down the rabbit hole of needing to check because that feels like the compulsion. So I’m just sitting here trying to be a good mom and wife while my mind is racing needing to check. I know that probably all sounds so minor to anyone else but it makes my heart pound and head spin. I’ve been diagnosed for 8 years. I have been in ERP for 1 year. It’s been life changing but I haven’t been able to have a session since Jan due to losing my insurance after my role was lost. I have battled contamination/religious ocd before and those were awful. This one has been really bad because I can’t escape my phone, laptop, emails, even logging in to pay bills used to shut me down. I work in business so technology is so crucial to me making ends meet to provide for my family. Every day is an exposure. I use ai for reassurance or work and wind up tail spinning about the information I gave it. I had when my kids are gaming but they love it but when my family decides to game together my mind races. I have to shove it down. It used to be such a fun family activity for us but it hurts me. My husband can’t stand hearing about any of my compulsions anymore. He spent so many years trying to help and support me but he’s exhausted and I just really am in a better place. Bad days still creep up on me. I just needed to vent to people who understand. Just posting this hard for me because again, it’s digital, it’s online, it’s to strangers about something personal. I miss the days I could join online communities and bond or even do marketing for companies and work remotely but my whole life changed after the spiral a year ago. Anyways, if you’re still here… thank you for listening to this stranger vent. OCD is a monster and I’m glad I don’t have to battle it alone and have this community. ❤️

18+ only OCD keeps infantilising grown women especially when they posting somewhat suggestive things I guess? (Could just be my OCD just assuming that but I don't know) and I hate it so much, I also saw someone I had to report, they didn't post anything I don't think but I just went to their account to report them because their name was a dogwhistle and the person my OCD infantilised despite them being 21 was really triggering and then when I was reporting the "person" I saw the link to someone I cleared as safe and the checking compulsion popped into my head again, I didn't do it but I'm having a groinal and everything. I then checked the first person's (Not the person I reported) following and they turned out to follow some people I find immoral so I reported them too but one person was just normal and posted slightly suggestive photos of themselves in like gym shorts and bikinis but I didn't know their age so OCD freaked out and said all these things about me for no reason. I needed to do the checking compulsion to something safe but then I saw two people I thought were safe uploaded new videos doing things I found immoral, I found someone safe but kept itching and stretching my privates when looking for something safe and I don't know why but I'm scared it's a s*xual thing, I was doing the stretching thing when I had a full on groinal and sometimes when I was ya knowing but I was itching compulsively before then and I didn't feel anything when stretching, I just have a medical thing down there and doing that helps, maybe it's a subconcious test to see if it is a s*xual thing but I've done it before under different contexts like just on the toilet and not really paying attention to my phone so I'm scared/worried I could've done it at an inappropriate time without realising. Also this is probably a dumb aside but I don't believe I feel attraction, I just use checking compulsions to "disprove" intrusive thoughts and destress. Before the compulsion I reported a bunch of people either being really disgusting about someone who posted a selfie or following people I've reported before or posting videos of other people possibly without them knowing and I also thought someone was safe and was about to find something of there's to complete the compulsion before one of their titles had the word "mommy" in it which I really hate but I feel bad because I already started the compulsion before finding that out and stopping. And I keep looking at people inappropriately, no matter who it is and I despise it more than anything. And I just learnt that Euphoria which I watched like 2 episodes of ages ago had a scene cut from the first episode because it was illegal and I'm terrified I saw it and didn't realise and I feel like I have to report it just in case but obviously don't want to see it.

Does anyone have a list or examples of “feared outcomes” for just right or perfectionism type obsessions?

so i have ROCD and at the start it was bad and then it calmed down a bit and its spiked up a few days ago and it felt worse than ever and it’s slowly going back down and i went for a run this morning and felt good but came back and my mind was racing with thoughts like “am i happy” “what if im not” “am i happy with what we’re working towards” and just a lot of what’s ifs and thinking in the future and i looked over to our bed and she was sleeping peacefully and i just feel horrible to be even thinking these things because i love her so much and I know that so why am i having these thoughts. It makes me feel so sad thinking about if she knew i was having these thoughts and i feel like i bad boyfriend and it really just breaks my heart. Im not so sad about the thoughts im having right now because I know it’s not true but it’s more just feeling bad for her in a sense. Anything will help :)