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how to not get frustrated with yourself when you do a compulsion (especially if it’s one that you always do)

I was on the nocd live the other night and they told me that if you enjoy/like your intrusive thoughts then it isn’t ocd. i thought you could feel anything to an intrusive thought and it does not have to mean anything?

Does anyone else worry that you or others they have confessed to or sought reassurance from are downplaying or minimizing things that are actually a problem or bad? How do you know for sure if you downplaying something that is bad?

I hope this post can find someone who is currently going through false memory ocd. I just want to say, I have been dealing with false memory OCD for the past two months. I’ve gotten into depression because of it. But today, I had an awakening that truly made me wake up from this nightmare. Call me weird, but I sat in my living room couch and pictured myself as how I was without OCD or its thinking patterns. I also pictured myself as how I am now with OCD tendencies. I started to conversate about what I am currently going through and I was just able to step out of that ocd bubble and stepped out as a normal person with normal thinking behaviors and let me tell you I laughed. I was so in that head space of not having the agony of fear and anxiety weighing over my head at that moment, instead I felt ‘free’ like when I did when I didn’t have OCD. My point here is, today I realized how much OCD can ruin your life and distort memories in this case. In terms of false memory or OCD adding stuff to a memory, it’s so funny how we fall into that trap. This may sound harsh, but realistically you just know when you do something bad or if you didn’t. Yes, bad memory can come into play and other natural/normal things. But a person with OCD with good memory, come on, don’t we see that our ENEMY is doubt. Your brain is just naturalized to grasp onto things that point out. For example, my real event OCD memory is about that I had an intrusive thought to be friendly to a guy behind my boyfriend’s back. All I can think ‘with ocd tendencies’ did i just act on that, did I smile more when I had that thought because I was smiling during this. See what I mean, a person with no OCD would come to me and say you just know. I didn’t go out of my way and start having a conversation with this guy, simply although my ocd finds it hard to grasp on to this but I was just smiling to whatever the guy was saying and this thought came in the midst that’s all. I realized that the ‘ what if’s’ are simple fears. There are no ‘what if’s’ from past events im sorry. It’s a simple yes or no because you just feel it within yourself. I also realized people with OCD over stretch things. For example, the day of my false memory I told my boyfriend that the thought was about flirting when I know it felt as being friendly because I wanted to give him worst case scenario. Not only that but I came across this YouTube video that distorted it more for me. This doctor on YouTube said ‘ you tend to remember a memory best, when you remember it the first time. I had an immense amount of anxiety now asking myself if the thought felt flirtation. But I will not let a video or no man come and torment it more for me. We have to be careful with things we hear and watch. To continue, We have to come to realization that if you are doubting yourself and omg did I do this or did it play out like that, come on step out of that bubble and see the root of this. So much unhealed trauma that we drag with us every day. The problem is never the problem but the way we interpret situations and how much of a big deal we make it when it’s so small. You know yourself and you know when you do bad things or not. It makes you unstable to sit here and doubt your every action. Accept for the things that you do and move on and stop dwelling on the what ifs. God has not called us to be double-minded but single-minded. The Bible says ‘ a double minded man is unstable in all his ways’ James 1:8. You got this, sit yourself as a person with a normal thinking pattern or who you used to be without OCD and picture yourself with your ocd tendencies in front of you and talk it out. God is with you, we can do this. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

I am very bad I used to to do my compulsion a number of time in different days and than i ended it right and i started doing compulsion only on the day they appeared bc if i made them the next day it's wrong and i have to make it in different days and do another compulsion to he right i different days idk how to explain but it's ruling my life i feel tired stuck i feel loney and with no hope please help me i need someone to talk to

My bf and I of one month spend a lot of time together. but recently I feel relieved when he’s gone and prefer to be alone. The love I show him feels forced. I hate feeling this I don’t want to. He reassures me that it’s just OCD and I do love him and then I feel better and in love but then it happens again. I’m scared deep down I am losing feelings but am in denial. He’s such a great guy I don’t wanna feel this. But I feel like I want to push him away or do my own thing a lot of times and I HATE IT!! I’m so sad and frustrated. Can OCD cause this? Or should I break it off ):

I feel that I cannot go on sometimes, I feel that I would harshly judge anyone with my problem and with my thoughts, what does this mean and how do I stop it from killing me?

I'm having a hard time with these thoughts and was wondering if anyone could provide insight. Thank you. One of my intrusive thoughts is "What if you intentionally go and get soap, oil, toothpaste and smear it on your TV," and my compulsion is to check to see if I've smeared anything on my TV. The next intrusive thought is triggered by wearing my CPAP mask, which actually leaks a tiny bit of air. The intrusive thoughts is "Oh no, there is a tiny bit of air leaking and it's going to hurt your eyes," and my compulsion is to readjust my mask. The next thought is a bit tricky, and really tripping me up. The thought is saying "Since your CPAP mask is actually leaking a tiny bit of air, you need to put a tiny bit of soap, oil, toothpaste on your TV. Since your CPAP seal is imperfect, you need to make other things imperfect intentionally. If you don't, you're doing therapy wrong by not making things equally imperfect." This has been really hard to deal with, and it's really making me confused and tired. I'd like to add that I know a tiny bit of air escaping from my CPAP mask isn't a big deal. Would I prefer no leak at all, well yeah. And I know that smearing some soap/toothpaste/oil on my TV wouldn't be the end of the world, but at the same time, I don't want to do that. I don't want to risk damaging my TV.

I feel like im becoming more and more disgusting, shameless. I feel like I'm going back to the horrible things I used to do. What if OCD is the reason I'm a good person? And what if I'm not OCD anymore and I will become a horrible person like i used to? What if my partner is not important for me anymore? Or what if I always act "cute" and become an attention seeker like before and what if i start to become a disgusting love chaser? What if I become the same attention seeker, selfish, obscene, abusive, unfaithful, reckless, liar, pretender as I was before? What if i've never changed? I don't even react to OCD with bad feelings like I used to. It's like I like my thoughts. I feel like im proud to be evil and unfaithful and disgusting. I just want to feel disgusted towards to my thoughts. It's like I started doing the disgusting things I used to do again, enjoying it and normalizing it. I always feel like im pretending, acting a role to be different or be the center of attention. I feel like a narcissist. I feel like I don't respect other people as individuals. I feel like im manipulating everyone to convince them that im innocent... I still have thoughts that blame my partner for him being avoidant. I always want to accept and love him as he is. Without being disrespectful, expectant, unaccepting, unfair, ungrateful, unsympathetic... My mind tells me that I'm obsessive, that I'm exaggerating my partner. And my mind makes me feel like it's okay if I'm unfaithful to him, if I cheat on him, if I find someone "better" than him, and that it won't make me feel bad... I DON'T want to feel like that. Even if my partner is not the best like before, I want him to be the best *for me*. I want to be determined, devoted, extremely loyal to him, i want to love him. I want to keep choosing and doing all these things. I want to be a good person for people and especially for my partner. I feel like I've become the disgusting person I used to be. I want to remain a good person. People always badmouthed avoidant people and blamed my partner against me. And people always said "youre obsessed, you're exaggerating your partner" to me. Even though i did not. Is it wrong to love someone this much? I questioned. I don't want to blame people, but could people's comments be affecting me and my thoughts? Did I let someone else control me? I don't want to give up on my partner, be a bad person, a bad partner.

Is ocd always false? How do I deal with my coming thoughts "What if its real" then it would gave me an anxiety

Hi, is it possible to actually stop intrusive thoughts or do I need to shift my tactic to accept I can’t get rid of intrusive thoughts but concentrate on how I react to intrusive thoughts. If so that’s a game changer in my life

When I was 15/16, I would talk to random strangers online in chatrooms. I was really lonely, moved to a strange city, and the pandemic had started during this time too. I thought it was funny to just mess around with people. But then it got weird. I would talk to people, tell them my name. I trusted some of them. It’s so embarrassing. I look back and realize a lot of those people were genuinely weirdos and idk why I was so gullible but. It all plays into my OCD. I keep thinking what if I talked to those people because I’m like them/will become like them. Why was I so stupid? What if I really wasn’t gullible and I knew better even though I know that I genuinely was sheltered and dumb asf because I was 15/16 and knew nothing about life?

I’ve been suffering from non stop 24/7 dpdr for a year and a half now. I never really had OCD in a big way before I suffered some major panic attacks. Since then I’ve been a completely different person. I used to live a carefree life of traveling. Socializing. Experiencing life. After my panic attacks I became agoraphobic, couldn’t leave the house or work. My thoughts were like a washing machine over and over. I’ve done a lot of work to help overcome the fear of panic, but I’m still stuck in a 24/7 DPDR state- my thoughts never stop, I’m always searching for answers about my mental health, I have music stuck in my head from the time I wake up to the time I got to sleep, my mind is racing, attacking what I value, saying hopeless thoughts, anxiously worried about everything, I don’t do physical compulsions but I’m mentally checking myself all the time to see if I’m in DPDR still, or if things feel “weird” - I have a huge fear of going crazy and death. Although I’m not having panic attacks anymore, I’m still mentally anxious all the time. I feel like I cannot escape my thoughts, they torture me. I can’t feel any emotions, I’ve lost my sense of self, I can’t make new memories or be present - I’m constantly in my head. A lot of what kicked this off was years of trauma that was stored in my nervous system, once unleashed, I haven’t been able to recover. I want my life back. I’m tired of living in fear and exhaustion to the point where nothing brings me joy. Anxiety and ocd have taken my freedom from me, I feel like the thoughts rule every decision I make instead of being able to live freely, sometimes I don’t think it’s anxiety because I can’t feel anything physically, but these thoughts torture me- no one should have to live this way. What do I do? I’m taking medication but all it’s done is stop the physical symptoms, the thinking has not gotten better

Hi! I’m new here. I have OCD but nothing to the extent that my young daughter does. I’m struggling so bad to watch her go through this and see the distress and panic in her face when she can’t seem to stop the compulsions or quiet her head. I feel like so many different types of OCD might be easier to battle with ERP. She has many different types but the one that’s hitting her the hardest and I’m struggling to find ways to help her with is the fact that her brain is telling her that if she doesn’t do this and do that and touch this this many times etc etc etc then someone (usually me) is going to die. She won’t say this out loud either because she’s afraid of speaking it into existence. How do you do an exposure for something like that? It has to be so hard when you think someone you love might die because you don’t touch something a certain way. I’d love to find someone on here who has ever experienced the same thing. Does this type of OCD have a name?

Has anyone here switched from Sertraline to Fluvoxamine equivalent dosage? I got diagnosed with pure o in 2019, sertraline is the only medication besides buspirone and hydroxyzine combined with it that put my ocd in remission and the only medications i have ever tried. Over the years i have gained weight which would cause a small relapse in symptoms and cause my dosage to increase. I have maxed out my dosage of sertraline as of now and since September of 2023 experienced a pretty large relapse (coping a lot better this round due to being in therapy but still experiencing anxiety/ocd daily when before my condition was 99% in remission. seemed to correct its self each time i went up on the medication. i feel like my brain is noisier than usual most days (anxiety related chatter) I am terrified to switch medications, although i know there’s a chance that the fluvoxamine could help me get back to a remissive state eventually. I feel good on sertraline, i feel positive and happy, it doesn’t dull my personality and i have been lucky to not have any side effects at any dosage. I know that taking the leap and trying the new medication is probably best, but i am terrified or side effects and not being able to sleep. Or it exacerbating my ocd. My ocd had me to the point of dysfunctional within weeks of being diagnosed. The intrusive thoughts were so strong that i couldn’t even fill out my own paper work at the doctor’s office because i was so overwhelmed, i would pause long in sentences because intrusive thoughts would interrupt me. OCD caused the ripple effect for me and gave me lack of sleep, depersonalization, derealization and disassociation and intense anxiety because i was so terrified of my own thoughts and was truly scared of everything. I have came such a long way in recovery and have been able to manage this past exacerbation. But do feel like i could be better. I guess i would love some encouragement or to hear a similar story? I know all in all this is just fear getting in the way. I have also considered to accept where i am right now, because i am not dysfunctional, and am able to go to work and attend school, i am just finding that i am getting caught up in the thoughts and experiencing the anxiety more than usual.

Have to go to court tomorrow and face my harasser. I am terrified and it’s making my OCD go out of whack and is scaring me.

It’s been a while since my last post and I’m doing good, but my ocd therapist on here and I believe that we try combining therapy and medicine since I’m still making good progress, the anxiety is still strong. I talked to a psychiatrist and explained what’s been going on. I’m willing to try some new medicine to see if it helps. Has anyone tried Escitalopram? I just want to know not for reassurance but just to hear some stories. If you don’t want to post, it’s okay, I’m just curious and I promise I’ll try not to look for reassurance

It’s near the tenth anniversary of when I saw my dad die, I can’t get the intrusive thoughts out of my head of him dying. Before today I was awake for 48 hours straight. God I just feel so exhausted.

it’s so funny how i can go from thinking i’m a lesbian in denial, to me being a murderer and wanting to kill my family, to me secretly wanting to be a boy, to me being a cannibal, then to me thinking i’m going to be possessed in a matter of minutes. whenever i’m not focused on a certain theme, i see how illogical it was and how there’s no truth to it whatsoever. but when i’m actually going through it, it seems like it’s the truth and i spiral. just love life 😍😍

Long story short, I have been dealing with OCD for the past two years due to trauma I developed from texting a guy I was not supposed to during my relationship with my partner of 2 years. Ever since, I have developed obsessions and fear towards men in general. 2 months ago today, I experienced something that has been one of the worst obsessions I have encountered. I went to the gym to cancel my membership. At the counter, I encountered a guy whom seemed very friendly and outgoing. By the start, I felt weirded out because I’m like okay this guy is friendly. I was being nice and chill without being so hard on myself. In the midst of me smiling to something the guy was saying, I get a thought of ‘ be friendly behind your boyfriends back’. I was terrified and that whole situation just felt wrong. Willingly, I told my partner and he tells me to move on and it’s okay. As an OCD person, I have tendencies of telling my boyfriend worst case scenario or being extra about stuff ( making things worse than what they are). Long story short, I have gotten over that situation. Now what I haven’t gotten over was from what I said. The day that this happened, I was telling my partner about this situation and looking back at our messages, I seen that I said the thought was about ‘ to flirt behind my boyfriends back’. Obviously that is unacceptable, especially if I said what if I smiled alittle more because of that. I remember a couple of weeks ago, I would scroll right pass this message and think to myself confidently ( I was overstretching that thought, it was about being friendly). Not until 2 weeks ago, I seen this doctor on a YouTube video who said you tend to remember a memory almost perfectly the very first time you recall it. So I’m like, I said that about the thought being flirtatious the day of and so am I going crazy. So yeah, ever since I seen that stupid video I have been overly examining trying to remember how the thought felt. Although I said that, I have some memory of overstretching and I also know that I recall the thought about being friendly not to flirt. Any help with learning how to trust yourself with memories? Do you guys think that it’s just silly ocd always putting doubt on everything? Please help!!!