- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
compulsion/self compassion
how to not get frustrated with yourself when you do a compulsion (especially if it’s one that you always do)
how to not get frustrated with yourself when you do a compulsion (especially if it’s one that you always do)
Through therapy, I've learned some interesting things about the brain. When you do an action so much (in this case a compulsion), your brain moves it from the conscious side to the subconscious. Similar to how you know how to ride a bike, or you can be driving to work, zone out, but still get there safely and think, whoa how did I do that without paying attention. It's because it's a process that your subconscious recognizes so it's automatic. That's also what happens with compulsions. You've done them so much that now they're stuck in the subconscious part of your brain. Your brain just does them without you really knowing. But the fact that you're recognizing that you're doing them, and getting help is great! Like the others said, it's a journey but tell yourself at least you're working on it.
Just understand it’s a learning process and the healing process is an rollercoaster ride with many ups and downs. One of my OCDs is checking the doors often to make sure they are lock. If I do a compulsion and double check the locks I usually say “Damn dude you had it locked and are ahead of the game. Now I know I’m on it and I don’t need to check for next time.”
Sometimes it's hard to win against what our worried brain is telling us. It happens to me a lot too. I haven't really thought of self compassion for myself until I read your question. It's alright, as simply put as that. We can't be expected to cure our compulsions overnight, and progress isn't always an incline. One day in the far future our compulsions won't be as big problems as we put them out to be today
I'm also working through this
I cannot for the life of me stop ruminating or checking how I feel about thoughts or focusing on thoughts or creating more thoughts. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I want to scream. I try not to ruminate about the thoughts, but trying not to just makes me think about them more. I try not to check, but somehow, I still check. I want to let a thought sit in the background, but the more I try not to focus on it, the more I end up focusing on it. I don’t want the thought to expand because that feels like engaging with it, but I can’t just stop it from expanding. It feels impossible. People keep saying I’m in control of my compulsions, and maybe that’s true for the physical ones. But when it comes to the mental compulsions, I swear I have no control. It feels like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to have, like there’s some tool they’re using that I don’t have. Controlling mental compulsions has never felt possible for me. I’m starting to fear them. And every time someone says I’m in control and can just choose not to do them, I end up beating myself up even more when they happen. Or when I *choose* I guess. I don’t know anymore. If this is my fault, if I’m responsible for this, then what does that make me? I feel like a monster. I am at my wits’ end. How am I supposed to control mental compulsions when it feels like they control me? I freak out when they happen. They don’t bring me relief, they just make me panic. I want it to stop so bad.
What to do when we feel guilty about our ocd checking and compulsive behaviors?
So I just joined and I’ve been reading through this forum. And I feel a strong sense of compassion for everyone here. Reading about people’s OCD concerns shows me that people with OCD may be particularly sensitive and caring. I have struggled with OCD since I was a kid, but having compassion for other people’s OCD is helping me have compassion for myself. Maybe that perspective might help another person. If we can have grace for another person, we can give ourselves grace as well. I’m working on self forgiveness and gentleness when normally I beat myself up for my intrusive thoughts
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