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Been in an OCD flare up for over a week, now I’ve caught a cold and I woke up on my period. Don’t know how to go on.

Hello! I have been struggling with eating recently and im not sure if its because of ocd related to food or if it is arfid… im scared of certain foods triggering acne or causing allergic reactions so much so that i lost a significant amount of weight in one month- some foods do truly cause acne for me and i do have diagnosed ocd and im only allergic to mangoes- but yeah like some days i eat just fjne but others i really really struggle and end up on eating at all and just sobbing- nothing feels safe even though i safely eat lots if things- i tell myself its gonna trigger me this time or make my skin worse (i also have a chronic skin condition)- like I dont know i feel like i can barely eat but i love food- or at least loved it- i dont mind textures or anything- i love odd textures of food 😭😭 but its just im so scared and i feel like something bad is going to happen- can anyone who has experienced either arfid or food related ocd themes tell me their experience?

Making this post in case anybody relates. These are a few examples of some of my biggest online triggers. A small portion but I feel like it's a bit representative of the types of things that send me into long spirals. Triggering things like real event OCD, POCD, harm OCD, overresponsibility, and anxieties around being ethical, being politically knowledgeable and correctly aligned, concerns regarding altness and guilt around not being alt, worried I'm not doing enough activism or helping the world, etc. I feel constantly on edge worried about how terrible of a person I am because I'm not up to the moral standards of people I see online who are heavily critical of the average person such as myself. I feel immense pressure to copy the actions and beliefs of dedicated and determined activists even though that is entirely unrealistic for me in my life and the guilt eats away at me. Instagram has been super bad for me but I still get compulsions to scroll just to try and figure out how exactly bad of a person I am for not being like the good people on there who are preaching all these moral beliefs and politics and ethics and altness and how political they are. It gives me so much anxiety that I get nauseous and dizzy and eveb bedridden at times. Anything I say to try to comfort myself gets turned against me because then I can use those videos to say that I'm just a bad person who's turning their head away from problems if I try to keep my peace, and that even if I was exactly like everyone on there I still probably wouldn't feel right at the end of the day anyways because of the OCD, but knowing that doesn't make it stop either. It's very hard for me to step back from all that stuff until myself I'm allowed to exist the way that I do flaws and all and that the changes I do want to make will take time and that's okay and that it's okay if I don't want to change everything about myself, because then what happens is the guilt pours in and I feel compelled to mimic the actions of the most dedicated activists to try to make myself as morally and ethically and politically perfect as possible even though that it's not really possible at all. I have an exaggerated perception of my negative traits to the point where I can't exactly figure out where the line is between realistic and unrealistic depictions of how bad I am as a person because I can't see past in the exaggerations even though I know that there is exaggeration happening. Anyways, for the examples themselves, I was unable to attach a screenshots to this post so instead I'm just going to quote the text off the Instagram and Instagram comments screenshots: ((Reminder that these are a very small selection of examples of types of content that are triggering to me and also that this is not a criticism on these people at all. These are not exclusively the types of conversations that trade for me but they are an example and it doesn't matter whether or not anything in the post applies to me directly, it is still triggering, especially in cases where I have a different worldview or I disagree or I have different values. Also triggers regarding OCD content where people talk about OCD and the comments completely misunderstand it is a huge trigger as well. Not that for all posts included, I did not participate (comment) in these comment sections, nor have I participated in others)) Alt post: "Alt is reusing and upcycling. Alt is to be messy. Alt is diy. Alt is not supporting fast fashion" "Buying alt fashion is okay if you are buying small businesses and not wearing stuff once and then it ending up in a landfill. You cannot be alt if you buy your clothes from Shien or Ally express or Amazon. Thrifting is the best way to find clothes that are unique and learn how to sew even if it is a hand sewing just learning tiny amount of sewing and you will be able to create so much stuff and fix stuff" Comments: "People can be themselves as long as it's not at the cost of the planet and other people" " "I want to be myself while I disrespect the natural world that brought me here" seems contradictory. Yk sum stereotypical of a poser. Started with "bandwagon" pp wearing band shirts they don't listen 2. If you seriously think disrespecting what bought u here is fine then idk maybe u people needa be-" (message cuts off in screenshot) (POCD post): ""I can't believe you just admitted you're are a P-"" Comments: "Stop defending P- point blank" (Just a bunch of people trying to explain OCD and then everyone just ignoring that and calling poster a p- or p- defender) Political post: "When Trump straight up killed 63 girls and someone really says "I don't like talking about politics"" Comments: ""I'm actually not into politics" well bad news pal, cuz politics are really into you and you got to decide between cupcakes or bullets" "HOW TF CAN YOU NOT BE INTO POLITICS" "Yeah you no longer have the privilege to be "not into politics"" Final note: do not provide reassurance, please

I have very severe OCD and have tried pretty much every standard treatment, medication, and TMS. My symptoms remain severe (Y-BOCS of 37). My OCD therapist said he and the OCD center wouldn’t accept me as a patient this fall unless I did a higher level of care, like a partial hospitalization program or residential, at a place like Roger’s or McLean hospital. My parents said “we don’t have the money for that and neither do you.” I don’t mean to sound spoiled, but they are upper middle class and my brother and I get free tuition, cause my dad is a professor. My psychiatrist is recommending brain surgery or brain surgery trials (deep brain stimulation and focused ultrasound trials), given all the things that I’ve tried that have not worked. Their first reason for why I couldn’t do it was “we don’t have the money for it.” When I mentioned that there are trials for it that I wouldn’t have to pay for, they said “it’s not safe, and we will cut you off financially/take your car (it’s technically in their name) if you do it.” So I can’t do a PHP program or surgery, which are the two things that could probably have the biggest chance of working. I even found a study that isn’t surgery that pays like $1,200, but they said no because it involves driving in center city Philadelphia, and I wouldn’t be able to be home for winter break. They strongly want me to finish my senior year of college and get a full time job, and they are saying that a full time job will not want me to take time off to do something like a PHP program or surgery, and maybe there will be something noninvasive that will come to my hometown, which is in Western NY. I’m sick of the goal posts moving. It is being recommended by multiple doctors that I take time off for my health, the OCD has been incredibly resistant to treatments, and I am doing what they want, finishing out college AND getting a job over winter break, that I could be taking time off for myself. How am I supposed to get better, if I can never take time off, because it’s inconvenient? I just want to get better, and clearly this is not a normal case of OCD. I have asked multiple times about taking time off, and been shut down every time. I also got fired from an internship because they were frustrated it took me too long to learn things (OCD doesn’t help with that at all), and didn’t take initiative to ask other people how to do it. I told them about the OCD beforehand and how it can make it difficult for me to focus, and they didn’t even give me a warning before letting me go. I don’t know how much is society versus my parents, but I just feel like the world is not set up for me to succeed. I just want to get better

18+ I'm a week clean from porn but I still feel really dirty for ever watching it. The amount of fucked up shit I've probably seen without realising is horrible and makes me wish I never started watching animated porn. It's gross that I was exposed to it at such a young age and became so desensitised to all of it. I just hope Im not quitting too late and that I'm actually just a really bad person who doesn't know it yet.

I've been struggling with my mental health. I graduated back in june and i have been struggling to find work. With the struggles of finding employment, financially im not doing so great. I've tried everything like tailoring my resume, refining my portfolio, mentorship, stepping out of my comfort zone and attending networking events, and nothing seems to be working. I stay home most of the time and days go by where im starting to feel like time isnt real. For the past two weeks, my ocd has been flaring up really bad. Sometimes when im not occupied and stressed, my ocd creeps up and im scared. I feel like a burden and a failure. While I was in school, I was able to be in control with my ocd and i thought I was "cured." I want to ask why does these flare ups happen? i've dealtwith these intrusive thoughts before but whenever I have flare ups, it still triggers me.

My cat doesn't drink water and only eats wet food I read up on it a lot and read it was fine because he eats wet food I also saw people say they didn't necessarily need it because they eat mostly wet food and I've had my cat for a year now I've never owned a cat so I took that as they didn't necessarily need a water bowl so I didn't have one but I would add water to his food sometimes and he did have a water fountain but it broke so I thought it was okay for his to be without it and I added water occasionally but then saw others talking about it realized that my cat should still have water throughout the day I feel super bad about it I bought a water bowl as soon as possible and am ordering a water fountain when I get money from my boyfriend for it on Friday. I feel like the worst cat parent ever and i don't know how to move on from this. I feel very sad that I didn't know better. We took him to the vet about 5 times this year or maybe more because I was super anxious about his health which comes from my ocd. I am constantly worrying about his health. every time my vet said his hydration was good except for sick days when he vomited or had diarrhea which in that case I tried to add more water to his food. Has anyone else had an experience like this or similar and how do you move forward without the guilt eating at you? I really want the best for my cat but I feel like I'm not doing well enough. I just feel like a horrible person and I don't know if I can recover or be better from this but I think it's just my OCD but I'm not sure when I've asked people without ocd for advice they tell me to just move on... But I just feel a big weight on me and an immense amount of guilt. I often wonder how people can just move on so easily I don't understand it..

Hit me with dares I’ll try my best I have severe contamination and somatic ocd. I also have some embarrassing health issues pls don’t judge! Here’s my theme: \- I am worried I can’t clean my body enough. \- I feel I randomly pee esp in the shower so it keeps me in a cleaning loop \- Using the bathroom takes a while bc I need it to be perfect \- I often get stuff on my hands when wiping (and that grosses me out) but I touch the toilet seat and handle to flush so I’m terrified to touch them ever \- I change my underwear a lot… but here’s why: I have hemorrhoids from straining to get the “last drop” of pee or feeing til it feels “just right”. So now I can’t fully clean down there and am worried about getting stuff on my underwear. This one is tough to work around bc sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t, if I don’t wear white… I don’t. So in that moment do I assume I do and just can’t see it or do I assume since I can’t see it I move on? Idk! But I’m planning to just wear regular underwear and call it a day and accept that a small amount won’t change or ruin my life. \-I struggle with laundry bc I don’t want to touch the contaminated underwear! I miss my life SOOO much. So please… dare me… I’ll try my best. It’s been really bad lately so this is throwing me into the deep end. Pls be kind, pls don’t push too hard, and pls don’t make me do something gently unhygienic… toilet seat/handle/sink handle are OUT OF THE QUESTION because I touch it after Genuinely getting traces on my skin. Anyway… yes gross embarrassing probably need to work on my Hygiene…

My OCD has shifted from a fear of being canceled publicly on the internet to being canceled in my own circles, especially since I’m very politically active and surround myself with likeminded people. I have fears of them judging me for the other people I’m friends with (outside our political circle) and being scrutinized for associating with people who aren’t morally/politically “perfect”. My OCD makes me chase moral perfectionism, and now it’s latching onto my friends, expecting them to uphold the same standard. I have this constant fear of being ostracized from my community (which I value deeply), and losing everything I’ve built / everything I love. How do you deal with this? Does scripting the worst case scenario help?

I’m stuck. Yesterday someone confessed that they were not giving their fear and anxiety to the Lord and not fighting. At other points a pastor brought up rooting up hidden sin. Where I’m at is this… when I hear those types of things I automatically get scared and then stop thinking about it. Because I don’t understand how to fight fear. And I don’t know how to fight sin the right way. I am scared that I start I will spiral. I am sick today and have had time to myself. When that happens I get really scared. Because all the reasons why I’m not a Christian and all the areas I’m not repenting come into focus. I am just waiting on God to help me not be so confused but idk how. At some level this could be OCD and legalism. But on another level there is sin that I don’t deal with but I’m scared to deal with it because I don’t know how. I get worked up really quickly when I think about the process that I busy myself in order to not think about it too much. If I am supposed to trust God with his sovereignty and believe that Jesus is enough to save me. How do I do that when the task that I have to do or the sin I have to avoid becomes panicky. Meaning I go into those situations or tasks feeling like whatever way i do this will be the easiest way possible meaning it will be sinful and I can’t keep on sinning just because Christ has died for me? Any help?

I am a mother to 2 kids and for some reason I am so scared CPS will take my kids. There’s no reason for this. They are loved, taken care of in every way. I think about it constantly. It’s so stressful and my chest hurts. When I hear the neighbors car door I check to make sure it’s not them. I look outside in my driveway to check and make sure they didn’t show up. I truly feel like I’m going crazy!! I’ve tried ignoring it and accepting the thoughts but the thought of someone ever taking my kids from me is way too distressing to accept. I need some guidance. I’ve been down this bad with harm ocd and I overcame it. I feel like I’m trying to dig myself out of a hole. My children’s father and I are also splitting up. He calls me crazy which doesn’t help so now I’m scared I’m becoming schizophrenic. I need guidance. Positive words. And just people who understand. This is awful.

Hello, I have struggled with ROCD for a while now and I wanted to get some perspective from others that also struggle. I have caught my current partner cheating before, talking inappropriately with another woman, and I got over that for the most part. Then I was sending myself pictures from my boyfriend's phone (with his permission) and i used the share button and on the recents it showed a girl's snapchat as a recent. I asked him about it and he denied it and I even checked the snapchat and did not see her on it. It has been bothering me for months but I have been getting better. Has anyone experienced things of this nature being an intrusive thought? I feel like I am rebuilding trust then the pain and memory come back of these things. It makes me dwell and worry. I am doing well with dismissing these thoughts, but it is hard when it makes me feel like I made the wrong choice staying. I am actively choosing to stay with him but my OCD makes me think otherwise. All in all, does anyone else struggle with something similar to this? Also, please no relationship advice etc., that would cause me to spiral I would just like to hear other people's experiences with this. Thanks!

I have a long story with both OCD and BPD (you can check my posts, but my main obsessions are real event and ROCD related. I also struggle with bigoted intrusive thoughts that make me question everything about myself and my beliefs. For the past few weeks, I have been feeling better and better. I have been healing from my events, and my ROCD has been only flaring mildly (exasperated by PMS). I have still been dealing with these bigoted thoughts that bother me though. I have been trying really hard to let myself believe that I am not my thoughts, or that even if these are deep down bigoted beliefs that I actually hold, the fact that they upset me and that I don't want them points more to my values than the thoughts themselves. So I have been feeling pretty good for a bit. I have been responding to the thoughts differently instead of trying to dig to find out what is my "truth". I have been trying to give myself CHOICE to be who I want to be, despite what any thoughts say. But responding like this can make me feel like I'm ignoring something. Like I am lying to myself so that I can feel peace (but even if that's true... I feel better than I have in awhile.) It feels wrong to feel good when I don't have "proof" that I am not hiding or lying about who I truly am. Almost all of my obsessing relates to my relationship in someway, probably because of my BPD. In terms of the bigoted thoughts, those target my relationship as well and make me feel like I'm actually a horrible person who is decieving my girlfriend if she doesn't know some of the fucked up thoughts I have had. For the past year, a lot of it has been transphobic thoughts that distress the fuck out of me because my girlfriend is trans. I am always afraid of not seeing her properly (we have been together for 11 years and she transitioned almost 5 years ago), and I have had checking behaviors around this because I always want the way I see her to align with the truth. I try to tell myself that even if I do have internalized transphobia, that's not who I want to be and I can work for my entire life to unlearn that way of thinking. And that I WANT to work to unlearn the automatic transphobic, cisnormative narratives that are drilled into all of us on some level by society. I like to think that the fact I care about this so much says more about me than any messed up thought. But I still get the, "If she knew that I just had that thought about her, she wouldn't want to be with me anymore/she would be so hurt", which feeds into my BPD/attachment/abandonment issues, which leads to confessing my thoughts either vaguely or in detail and seeking reassurance that even if I'm a bad person, I can change and still be with her because she is the most important person to me. I don't even know exactly where I am going with this. It feels scary to be in this place where I am feeling better, but not fully. It's also difficult because I have been going through my own gender confusion for awhile (leaning towards the label "genderqueer"), but I almost feel like I'm "making it up" to feel better about my "bigoted" thoughts, even though this is something that I have felt since childhood. Ugh. Also in terms of ROCD and feeling better, it makes me so afraid that I'm ignoring something and that's why I feel better. Like I don't have all the concrete answers on why I feel better, so what if I shoved it down and I don't actually feel better? How do I know if I feel better because I'm healing or because I'm in denial or something? If someone who relates could respond, it would mean a lot. I have a long day of work ahead :(

I’m sorry but some of you need to think twice before posting on the community chat. Listen, I use to trauma dump on here too but then I realized there’s a journal section to the app where you can write down all your thoughts and worries. What you post can be extremely triggering for some people and saying “what should I do” is not for the community to answer. Talk to your NOCD therapist about it please. I understand the want to know if people are dealing with the same issue but trauma dumping and seeking reassurance is different. Please be considerate of others mental health and keep the nitty gritty stuff for therapy. With love, your fellow ocd person.

I am feeling something I love and care about deeply in my life turn into something controlling my life. I love animals and I love my pets and started rescuing animals and finding many of them new homes and proper care. The snowball has just started rolling down the hill that I am filling all of my mind with the deep feeling of needing to do too much but even saying that feel wrong because these animals deserve good care. Every animal I am spending hours researching, comparing information and making extensive care packets. Occasionally feeling the need to re-research in case I missed something and could be mistreating the animal somehow. And I have started obsessively checking every marketplace everyday multiple times a day in case there is an animal that needs help or supplies that could be useful. But the saddest thing is that I can't seem to get my OCD to let it go because there is always something being neglected that needs help somewhere. I want to make social media content to help me help these animals instead of taking so much on just myself but I am also so scared of people online filling my head with conflicting information and getting mad at me for mistreating any of them in any way.

Honestly having a really hard time sleeping, I don't want to disturb my friend as they already tried helping me to sleep and had a conversation with me for our debrief of our day and stuff... I'm just worried I might be losing it. I swear I saw something the other day and now I'm hearing things that are impossible cause they aren't even materialized around me. I don't know what's wrong but I feel as if I'm spiraling in many forms lately. I'm also scared to get judged if I say anything, or people will think I'm using my ocd as an excuse. I'm honestly getting really exhausted by a lot lately and I feel like its affecting my physical health as well.

PLEASE SOMEONE READ. I don’t quite remember the context in which my last post pertained to but it was probably not good. Anyway I have been steady in my recovery for a while but I typically have a “good season” in between my episodes. And normally my OCD begins to spiral around this time of year. I hate the holidays. So I recently had a lot of life developments including a new relationship and friendships ending in a messy manor. I’m really feeling a spike in my moral OCD “am I a good person?” “Am I a horrible person?” “Are good and bad people just too much of a black and white term?” I believe that good people can do bad things and vise versa but I always have a hard time distinguishing myself from those good and bad concepts. I got into my current relationship about 5 months after my last relationship ended which was a 2 year relationship and I find myself thinking about my ex often I love my current boyfriend and my ex was not a good person to me and I was the one who broke up with him because he was mean. But for some reason I feel myself thinking or reminiscing about my past relationship and even my ex. I feel horrible about this and a part of me wonders should I have not gotten into a relationship so soon after? My love for my current partner is not a question he’s amazing and he brings light and laughter back into my life so why can I not let go of the past? Secondly I had a messy situation occur between me and some of my brothers friends we had heated situation that has resulted in them claiming I am a liar and a manipulator and have basically been completely shunned for things that I genuinely did not lie about. They give me no room to explain myself and every time I have they simply say “no that’s not true” or “stop lying that’s not what happened” I hate when people are mad at me and I know I’m not perfect but I didn’t lie about anything what would I even gain from lying in this context you know? My point is that my brothers friends are related to my boyfriend and although my boyfriend does his best to stick up for me and defend me it still upsets me because i genuinely did not lie about anything? But of course now my OCD is convincing me that they are right everyone is right to not like me and maybe I am a liar maybe I am the horrible person everyone believes me to be? Please advice or something I just need someone to talk to.

I am freaking out right now. And I cant seek reassurance because of course, that would feed into my OCD. My friend is in the hospital right now and I was trying to make a video with our friends to say we miss and love her but now I am worried that she doesnt want me to do that. I am terrified that I did the wrong thing and now my whole friend group hates me and thinks im a heartless piece of shit. Im only in high-school so I cant do anything else. On top of that exams are coming up and I need to finish a ton of projects. I am so stressed out right now and haven't been sleeping so I got an ROCD flair up too. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you

I know a lot of people here might struggle with trichotillomania but mine got worse and I start active pulling and making bald spots on my lashes so I would love if can someone tell me what helped them get over it I know my exams doesn't help a lot but I have to get used to it

Were you ever afraid to start meds? How did you make your final decision (whatever it may have been) while coping with that fear? For context, I was initially diagnosed with CPTSD and ADHD, and my OCD diagnosis came 1.5 years after already starting treatment. Several months have passed, and I’m finally coming to terms with the severity of my OCD. I deeply trust and care for my therapist, and I don’t think I could or would be willing to continue healing without her. However, she specializes in Complex Trauma, not OCD. The work we’re doing is important and worthwhile, but I find my OCD has only gotten stronger since becoming aware of it. And I feel like I’m drowning. I see people discussing their medication journeys to assist with their OCD, and many call it life-changing, if not life-saving. And for the first time in my life, I’m considering this option for myself. I’m very aware that some of the fear I have is just the OCD itself in disguise. However, there is also fear that predates my OCD entirely, and it deserves a role in this conversation. I worry about introducing new variables (side effects, etc.) when my regulation and window of tolerance are already so fragile due to my CPTSD. I might be screaming into the void here, but I’m hopeful that someone out there may have some insight or experience to share.