Instagram/online triggers

Making this post in case anybody relates. These are a few examples of some of my biggest online triggers. A small portion but I feel like it's a bit representative of the types of things that send me into long spirals. Triggering things like real event OCD, POCD, harm OCD, overresponsibility, and anxieties around being ethical, being politically knowledgeable and correctly aligned, concerns regarding altness and guilt around not being alt, worried I'm not doing enough activism or helping the world, etc. I feel constantly on edge worried about how terrible of a person I am because I'm not up to the moral standards of people I see online who are heavily critical of the average person such as myself. I feel immense pressure to copy the actions and beliefs of dedicated and determined activists even though that is entirely unrealistic for me in my life and the guilt eats away at me. Instagram has been super bad for me but I still get compulsions to scroll just to try and figure out how exactly bad of a person I am for not being like the good people on there who are preaching all these moral beliefs and politics and ethics and altness and how political they are. It gives me so much anxiety that I get nauseous and dizzy and eveb bedridden at times. Anything I say to try to comfort myself gets turned against me because then I can use those videos to say that I'm just a bad person who's turning their head away from problems if I try to keep my peace, and that even if I was exactly like everyone on there I still probably wouldn't feel right at the end of the day anyways because of the OCD, but knowing that doesn't make it stop either. It's very hard for me to step back from all that stuff until myself I'm allowed to exist the way that I do flaws and all and that the changes I do want to make will take time and that's okay and that it's okay if I don't want to change everything about myself, because then what happens is the guilt pours in and I feel compelled to mimic the actions of the most dedicated activists to try to make myself as morally and ethically and politically perfect as possible even though that it's not really possible at all. I have an exaggerated perception of my negative traits to the point where I can't exactly figure out where the line is between realistic and unrealistic depictions of how bad I am as a person because I can't see past in the exaggerations even though I know that there is exaggeration happening. Anyways, for the examples themselves, I was unable to attach a screenshots to this post so instead I'm just going to quote the text off the Instagram and Instagram comments screenshots: ((Reminder that these are a very small selection of examples of types of content that are triggering to me and also that this is not a criticism on these people at all. These are not exclusively the types of conversations that trade for me but they are an example and it doesn't matter whether or not anything in the post applies to me directly, it is still triggering, especially in cases where I have a different worldview or I disagree or I have different values. Also triggers regarding OCD content where people talk about OCD and the comments completely misunderstand it is a huge trigger as well. Not that for all posts included, I did not participate (comment) in these comment sections, nor have I participated in others)) Alt post: "Alt is reusing and upcycling. Alt is to be messy. Alt is diy. Alt is not supporting fast fashion" "Buying alt fashion is okay if you are buying small businesses and not wearing stuff once and then it ending up in a landfill. You cannot be alt if you buy your clothes from Shien or Ally express or Amazon. Thrifting is the best way to find clothes that are unique and learn how to sew even if it is a hand sewing just learning tiny amount of sewing and you will be able to create so much stuff and fix stuff" Comments: "People can be themselves as long as it's not at the cost of the planet and other people" " "I want to be myself while I disrespect the natural world that brought me here" seems contradictory. Yk sum stereotypical of a poser. Started with "bandwagon" pp wearing band shirts they don't listen 2. If you seriously think disrespecting what bought u here is fine then idk maybe u people needa be-" (message cuts off in screenshot) (POCD post): ""I can't believe you just admitted you're are a P-"" Comments: "Stop defending P- point blank" (Just a bunch of people trying to explain OCD and then everyone just ignoring that and calling poster a p- or p- defender) Political post: "When Trump straight up killed 63 girls and someone really says "I don't like talking about politics"" Comments: ""I'm actually not into politics" well bad news pal, cuz politics are really into you and you got to decide between cupcakes or bullets" "HOW TF CAN YOU NOT BE INTO POLITICS" "Yeah you no longer have the privilege to be "not into politics"" Final note: do not provide reassurance, please

anon7336474864

Date posted: 12h

hello! i don’t want what i’m saying to be seen as reassurance, but my apologies if it does. i want to give my perspective as someone who deals with very similar issues than you do. activism: again, sorry if this comes off as reassurance, but i do want to say that through my own experience you can practice activism and being ethical through what you think you’re able to do. if that didn’t make sense, here’s an example: instagram is owned by bad people. its ai is unbearable and many things absolutely suck on there, but people still post and hang out there. though some people are right about some things they say, they aren’t people who are boycotting *EVERYTHING* they can. they are literally posting on instagram. so, i think that the main takeaway from people telling you to be an activist/alt/progressive/whatever is to do what you CAN. you say that you’re always afraid of being politically correct but “politically correct” is subjective to what you think is correct. if everyone has their own definitions of politically correct, then you must have your own definition, too. if you don’t have a definition, take some time to think about what you believe in and be confident in those, but also be open to being wrong if someone has a problem with your opinions. you have to make hard choices on certain things that might not seem “perfect,” but there is no “perfect” when you consume content and things under capitalism. stuff’s gonna be problematic no matter what, you just have to find out where the line of boycotting is for you. usually for me, if i need things from a company but that company is bad, i will boycott it if it has an alternative that is in my price availability. with things like amazon, i never really stopped buying from that company until i realized (way too late, but we live and learn,) that i don’t need to and it only causes harm. on those comments about disrespecting the world and talking about the earth being harmed, i think that there is no way to live on the earth without having harmed the earth and without having harmed other people. they’re writing these comments on instagram. instagram. owned by one of the big tech guys with a ton of money. typing on their phones that were probably made unethically, too. the idea that if you don’t do anything about every cause you’re a bad person comes from privilege. privilege to be typing on their phones in their houses talking about how bad you are of a person if you don’t stop buying from something you’re not in a position to start boycotting. they might have a point that people shouldn’t be buying from bad companies, but it comes from a privileged prospective to be saying that people who are literally relying on this stuff with no cheap alternative should be shamed for not buying the 2x more expensive stuff that is ethically sourced. it’s good that some people can buy the less harmful option, but some people aren’t as fortunate BECAUSE they’re getting screwed over by the country. on the pocd posts, there will always be people who will think the worst of you and won’t understand. that’s why we don’t tell our problems to everyone, and if we’re in a fortunate enough position, we tell a therapist or confide in community. pocd has a bad reputation because people see that word and get panicky. these people also usually don’t understand what ocd is even about, and if the people that have ocd judge that subtype, i would like to stress again that it seems crazy to people who aren’t suffering from it. as many times and you can say that it’s actually a fear of being a pedo and not the actual thing, these people will not listen. it’s better not to care about their comments at all because there’s nothing you can say to make them understand, anyway. i had to take 6 months straight of an ocd episode that i’m sure isn’t finished to come to terms with the fact that these people won’t change their minds, and there will always be someone out there that thinks terrible things of you. on the politics note, i don’t exactly know what your definition of “not political” is. for me, there is no way that i can’t be political. people in my life that i care about are minorities, and to stand with them is to “be political,” even if it’s as basic as human rights. if you’re talking about taking a break from the news or something because of mental health, that doesn’t make you not political. i think they just mean that saying you “aren’t political” is inherently right wing, because you’re privileged enough to not need to think about if your friend’s rights will be in danger under a new president (as an example.) “not political” is to be able to choose to partake in the politics of a flawed system that needs change. it’s privilege. hope this made sense and i can further explain what i mean on any subject if you’d like. apologies if this was reassurance seeking in any way.

anon7336474864

Date posted: 12h

(side note: if social media is stressing you out, it really does help to take a break. i know everyone says that, but it is good for you to just sit and not worry about everyone on the internet. i don’t think life is about seeing people suffering and hurt constantly, so you need to know when you should take a break because *you might break. i didn’t fully take a break from social media, but i’ve been taking a break from constant content discussing politics because it stressed me out heavily and i couldn’t take it anymore. i still get some posts about it every now and then, but i make sure that i can take some time to watch cake decorating and bees or something. it’s privileged for me to be able to do that, but i cannot as a single person be stressed on with the weight of every international problem without taking breaks to insure my sanity.)

NotAgain

Date posted: 12h

Yeah. I think overall I probably don't do enough by most peoples standards and im so uncertain about my moral lines that i don't know what my standards of what good enough looks like. i could make excuses that sound shitty and get all guilty about it or some bs but at the same time, i can barely even take care of my own basic needs the majority of the time, so it makes sense im not able to be in a place i can participate in activism and figure out how to live more ethically without damaging myself. It doesn't make me feel any kess shitty for it, but it does make me understand myself better and be more kind to myself. But yeah, thanks for the long message. Tough love remembering that causing harm is basically inevitable, but I think it's something i needed to hear.

NotAgain

Date posted: 12h

@anon7336474864 Definitely. Usually im goid at curating my online spaces but Instagram pulled me in lately and i noticed it's super bad for me so ive been trying to cut it back out of my life as much as possible.

anon7336474864

Date posted: 12h

@NotAgain - i hope my message could be at least a bit helpful, Yellow Deltarune if you end up taking a break and really thinking about everything you care for, you can have more distinct lines to go by. i personally learned that feeling bad only limits how much you can help, because you can’t help others if you need help yourself. you can’t live your life in complete misery, it makes things worse for yourself and the people in your life right now, along with people you might actually end up helping in the future. on a lighter note, there was a whole my little pony episode that touched on a few of these subjects, lol. from my vague memory, the plot was that a pony was sick, and one of the main characters needed to find her a cure before the sick pony would turn into a tree. the pony trying to help overworked herself so much that she missed sleeping and was a lot less of a help in finding her sick friend a cure. moral of the story, you need to help yourself before you can start helping others

NotAgain

Date posted: 11h

@anon7336474864 Thank you. Very true. I always seem to forget that one! 💖💖💖

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