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At this time in night the thought get high i start to feel scared and worried all i want someone to tell me its okay even tho i am always strong these days i feel so weak i hope the lord will cure me i believe one day i will be okay and my mind will be in peace

So the other day I was driving and started racing a car trying to be playful and cool. I had no idea who was in the car until I pulled up next to them at a stoplight and realized it was a man. I started to spiral because I felt as if I flirted by trying to seem cool and attractive and badass by racing- even if I didn't know who was in the car.. I know it'd be very different if it was a woman in the car, but I can't help but spiral snd feel HORRIBLE. I've came to the realization too that I like getting attention- I like to feel sexy, attractive, cool- not because I'm seeking out someone or anything in particular, but because I LIKE feeling like people find me attractive. When I drive and have the window down, I try to look cool and have my sunglasses on, music blasting, I feel sexy, I feel like other people find me sexy. Again, not because I want them to ask for my number or anything, but to look and to notice. I feel horrible about it because it makes me feel like these actions are technically flirting.. That by racing this car I was flirting even though, again, I had no idea who the person was in it or their gender until I pulled up next to them. I just feel like I shouldn't want to feel like I like when people are attracted to me, afterall, I'm in a relationship and the only persons opinion who really matters is my boyfriends... I've been thinking about confessing but I know it wouldn't make any sense.. Trying to tell my boyfriend I feel like I flirted by racing a little with a black car- which I happened to notice after the fact had a man in it, which made me spiral. The more I think about confessing the more I think about all the possibilities.. Him breaking up with me (which I don't think he'd do), him being disappointed, him moving on, him being tired of my bullshit.. Ever since we started dating I've been scared to dress up in public because I felt like I was trying to attract attention.. I started to dress up as exposure therapy and stuff but now it seems to have thrown me into a spiral because I LIKE feeling good about myself and I LIKE knowing that other people might find me attractive. I don't really know what to do but its been about two days and I haven't stopped spiraling. I feel like I'm being so secretive and that I'm hiding things from him.. I keep trying to tell myself that I've hid stuff from him in the past when it comes to ROCD but I don't really care about that because all of this right now feels too real. I DO like the attention. I feel like I shouldn't like the attention and I know it comes from a place of deep insecurity. I spoke with my therapist briefly about it and she said that it sounds like the OCD is speaking but I've like fully convinced myself I'm in the wrong entirely and that I need to tell my boyfriend or else I'll hide with this guilt for the rest of my life and be a terrible partner. Tldr: I feel bad for liking attention and feeling attractive to other people.. This was all triggered by me feeling as if I was flirting by racing a car which belonged to someone of a mystery gender, until I pulled up and realized it was a man, which sent me into a spiral. I know if it was a woman I would be fine. But because it was a man I feel like I flirted. I understand that reassurance and confession are not healthy but I feel as if this is something I NEED to confess, even though it'll probably just confuse my boyfriend and upset him. Because I truly don't want anyone other than him and I love him with all of my heart.. He knows I have ROCD and I've confessed in the past about my instrusive thoughs, but this feels like more.

Does anyone think everything is idolatry or everything is a sin and everything you enjoy is God telling you it’s wrong. Cuz sometimes my brain will be like oh if you go… then I go and try to overcome the compulsion to cancel or whatever it is. But then if I don’t go and I have anxiety then maybe I’m supposed to not cuz I’m denying my flesh by suffering for that. Then I’ll see a post online abt the same fear I was worried abt that I ignored and maybe it was a conviction. Then when I take a breather and just try not to think abt it and feel fine I’m like oh I’m being complacent in my faith and not following what God wants or I will frantically read the Bible I try to read it everyday but then if I don’t understand it as deep as other people who actually STUDY it am I even learning. Like I feel like I’m supposed to give up everythinggg If I love the Lord. And I try and ask him all my compulsions and what if thoughts but maybe I’m just ignoring everything he’s telling me. Cuz everytime I read the Bible I spiral unless it’s soothing but we shouldn’t just want the Good stuff but then when I feel convicted I’m like oh that’s good I def need to work on that or I’ll spiral down the rabbit hole over again abt salvation then Gods gonna be like oh you didn’t trust me. And what if I’m not truly being transformed or change or have never felt it but think about God everyday and I know he’s not a set of rules but feel SO MUCH pressure. But life isn’t supposed to be easy and we should deny ourselves if we want to follow him. And I’m just making excuses. And maybe he’s telling me to give everything up cuz I care too much abt material things. Then I’ll get in a really deep spiritual slump and I’m like why can I discern these real things and see that from a biblical lense and struggle so much with knowing the truth and then not wanting to deal with it. I’m like it must be a sign or a warning I’m supposed to do something For God. And that I should be farther along in my walk with Christ but I’m not doing anything to step boldly in faith and not telling people about Jesus and what if my what if thoughts are true and I can’t sit in uncertainty about Christianity. Other things yeah but not Jesus

I hope this doesn’t trigger anyone else but I will be talking questioning your own ocd diagnosis Lately, I feel as though my ocd has been getting better! I have weekly therapy sessions and am on a dose of meds that I feel really help to alleviate certain symptoms. Because of this, I have started questioning whether or not I ever had ocd in the first place. I feel like a liar or a fraud. I deal with a lot of pure o ocd and I feel like a lot of symptoms can coincide with generalized anxiety disorder. I feel I might have both, but what if I was wrong about having ocd entirely? This really scares me, as I found a lot of recovery after learning about ocd, erp, and also from the community of others that feel and go through similar circumstances as I do. If I don’t actually have ocd I feel like I’ll lose all that. There’s another part of me that truly believes I have ocd. My ocd specialized therapist even told me I did, and personalizes my treatment accordingly, but what if she was wrong or I just didn’t explain my situation well enough. I feel like I oftentimes experience both obsessions and compulsions according to the different subtypes of my obsessions, but what if I gave myself ocd in believing that I had it? Like I was so convinced I had ocd that I actually gave myself some symptoms of it. What if this whole time it has just been generalized anxiety? Does anyone else have thoughts like these and how do I use treatment to combat it?

And the OCD can't touch them. I don't go back and rethink. I don't double check. I don't ruminate about them. My decisions are already made, and they help me go forward into freedom. But I will admit--my FEELINGS aren't always in line. Sometimes the FEELINGS are the hardest part of OCD. So we have to keep practicing going forward with our DECISIONS, even if our feelings tell us that doom and gloom is upon us. (Lol:) This is how we deal with OCD.

I have weird ocd ideas about my religious like i should do smth multiple times to feel not stressed or pray more than once or clean some of the statues or kiss them if i dont i am not good enough or smth bad will happen i feel so stressed

I’m young and am struggling with SO OCD, I’m straight but my thoughts keep trying to tell me I’m not, and are trying to tell me I’m a lesbian. The feelings I get when that happens are: panic, icky, scared, anxious, and really quite down. It ruins my day, it takes away my opportunities to be able to go out and enjoy life, it consumes me. Is there anyone on here that can give me some advice that they used to really help? I’ve heard, “your thoughts scare you so much because it’s not who you are” but then my intrusive thoughts come back and say “but that’s wrong, it is who you are” I cannot win

I am curious if others have experienced these things as well. When I was around 10 I remember my OCD centering around symmetry, when I turned my TV off I would always leave it on a specific channel and volume, same with my radio. I would comb out the ends of my rug, with a tape measure, measure the distance from certain items to the sides of my dresser to make sure they were centered. As I got older it morphed into different things, writing them makes them sound more odd but anyway: At one point while living abroad I was overly concerned about contacting HIV and was super conscious about not getting cuts, at the same time contamination started to concern me in general, I would ask my wife to carry a bottle of rubbing alcohol with her so I could douse my hands in it if I was obligated to touch something or shake someone’s hand. (Interestingly, that still bothers me even until today, now in my 40s, but not every person “feels” unclean to me, I can shake some people’s hand and be ok.) With my current job we are encouraged to carry pens with us so our customers can sign the invoices-I never do, and on rare occasions when I know they will say something, I will let them use my pen and then it goes directly into the trash. Also, at our warehouse, we have customers that come in, sit in chairs while waiting, I feel the chairs are contaminated, so I haven’t sat in those chairs for years. Sorry for jumping around on the time line here, I have also dealt with intrusive thoughts, this aspect of OCD goes back for years, it continues to annoy me, but I’ve learned to cope. These are more minimal things, but I’m guessing also caused by OCD: When I pump gas I have to stop on just the right numbers, even numbers are more “comforting” to me, also on the way to work there are certain streets I won’t go down, [I could and probably be ok with it] but I figure why even bother, it’s not a big deal I tell myself, I could if I wanted to… lol, but every morning I avoid those streets. I also obsessively worry about my wife and daughter when they get sick, especially my daughter and my wife has to tell me to calm down. I will ask her over and over about it and if she thinks she will be ok, in my mind, even though I know it’s unreasonable, I can’t help to always think the worse even though it’s a common cold or stomach flu. One more thing, bcs I know this is a long post, when we go out to eat, I have to sit in the “right” area of the restaurant. It can’t be in the middle or have people sitting on either side that don’t meet my criteria. There are more things, but I know this is lengthy. I’ve never reached out about this until now, nor can I say I have been medically diagnosed with such. Bcs of doubting and or embarrassment I guess, I haven’t been to a doctor. Note: My mother was diagnosed with it, my older sister as well. My daughter seems to be struggling with it too. However, to my knowledge OCD isn’t hereditary?🤷‍♂️

Hello everyone I am new here!! My name is Brittany and I have had OCD since I could think, I have intrusive thoughts and I have to do certain rituals daily or I feel like something bad will happen to my loved ones, my rituals are I have to touch certain things around my house, and when I work out I have to do the workouts until they feel right and it gets so exhausting and I feel like if I miss a day of working out I will lose everything I've worked for and I been working out for like four years...I just care about my loved ones so much and I feel like I can prevent something bad from happening to them if I do it, I know its the ocd talking but in my brain that's what I think..I also hate hair I have two dogs and they get hair places and if it gets on my clothes or bed I can't stand it so I have to dust it off or get it completely off my clothes before I can think right again, idk what to do anymore and it would be so nice to have people to talk to who are going through the something Im going through people who understand the mental exhaustion this causes, I'm always tired and know its from this..also I am always worried there is something wrong with me so I'm constantly googling my symptoms and I think it all boils down to my ocd and the anxiety it cause so it makes my body stay in fight or flight mode...

It sucks sometimes. Just gonna put that out there.

I’m convinced I’m not over my ex again. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 7 months. My last relationship ended abruptly and horribly so. I’m worried because I still have thoughts of like, if I wasn’t with my bf maybe I’d call him up and hangout with him. Maybe part of me is upset that I can’t do that ever again, like he’ll never be a normal person again. Part of me seems to miss the dynamic we had, I miss going to the mountains and playing guitar with him. And my relationship is going through a terrible time, and I’m starting to fantasize my past or question myself when I realize I like the idea of it. Logistically I’d never go back to my ex, but I feel like I want to. One time when we broke up for a second, I contemplated about following my ex but didn’t yet. I labeled it as OCD for a while, but I finally told my boyfriend I think there’s parts of it I never got over that I want to work out in therapy. But what if I don’t want to get over him?! These thoughts plague my head for days and then go away and then come back. I swear it’s real though and I feel so guilty. Why do I feel like I want him back? I was so sick when I dated him

Do you think it’s possible to move on from a real event that’s actually bad? I did something horrible when I was a child and I often see people talking about how it doesn’t matter if you’re a child you deserve consequences etc. I don’t know how I can forgive myself. It makes me so sick to my stomach very often to think about hurting a close friend (at that time). I don’t know how or why I was such an evil child but it breaks my heart for that person. I’ve done erp and it always comes back.

I’m sorry for the stupid question but I’m wondering how you guys manage to quit obsessively googling stuff or using ai when your having a bad time mentally with your OCD. I feel a lot of guilt over this stupid compulsion cause I know how bad ai is for environment.

I am really struggling right now because a close friend of mine has not answered my multiple texts for almost a week now but I have seen her active on social media like TikTok. She viewed my Instagram stories but did not interact and she never viewed the comment I made on the one Instagram story she’s posted in the last week. I was really spiraling last night and called her but she did not answer though I saw she was active on TikTok a couple hours later. In my OCD mind the only conclusion I can come to is that she now hates me or is mad at me for something but given we spoke 3 weeks ago and don’t have many shared circles I couldn’t think of anything that could have happened that would make her cut me off so starkly. So again my OCD brain kicked in and decided the only thing that could have happened is that someone confessed to her in the past 3 weeks that I had sexually assaulted them or made them uncomfortable back when we played hockey together in high school (about 5 or 6 years ago). I have a very intense fear of ever having made someone feel uncomfortable as I am a survivor of sexual assault myself and this is a recurring theme in my OCD. I just can’t shake the feeling that something is very wrong and that it must be that I assaulted someone. These thoughts are pushing me to the point of insanity and I haven’t eaten or left the house in days. Any advice would be so helpful as I do not know what to do

If the 20 is in college the 18 is in highschool but they met in public?? 20 turns 21 in a few months 18 turns 19 next year

Im trying so hard to be better... but I'm struggling... I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... and someone on here blocked me which makes me feel worse... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... and that I'll be cancelled and arrested later in life because of all of this... I have genuinely never felt more alone in my life than this particular moment right here... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

Today I'm going to try and talk to some therapists I'm not sure why but it's always been hard for me to get help... For some reason I earn for stability in life and organization but my body feel too tired to do anything I have no motivation for anything now. Even when I really want to go to collage and be normal citizin I still do nothing about it and blame everything on my family but then I feel guilty and blame my self for not listening to their advicese... And I also keep going through cycles of identity crisis I feel like I want the help but at the same time I feel awkward about it and I feel like I don't deserve the help because I'm lazy and a disappoinment to my family... I feel like if I have an understanding of my OCD and mental compulsions then I don't really need the help and that I'm just asking for attention at this point when really I hate attention and that's how my anxiety gets the best of me I feel overwhelmed with adult hood I don't know what to do with my future and I know I need the help but for some reason I keep pushing it away and have the strong desire to help and fix someone else who is dealing with mental struggles... Because my problem aren't as bad as there situation... For some reason this caused me to struggle in highschool I'm 19 now and I regret not asking anyone for help even though there was many time my teachers where concerned about my well being I secretly wanted them to notice my struggles but for some reasons I kept pushing them away... I honestly just Really don't know whats wrong with me I'm I just lazy?..

I know that no one owes you anything in this life but your parents while you're young. But after that its 100% up to you to get what you need for yourself! I get that part and I'm not that kind of person to throw things in your face I've done for you but if I did, I would be all day and night. I simply do things for people to do better and pass it on to the next. I'm a real people pleaser but w/ boundaries if that makes sense lol. I dont play well w/ ignorant people or situations and I'm good at never talking to you again if you take me out of my element/energy/composure. I've always been there for everyone else when they need anything but for me, soon as I got sick 09/2024 everyone disappeared right when I needed them! Now I'm left fighting alone, struggling to do the minimum 😫‼️ But I haven't given up or turned to drugs and alcohol. Nope, I have a different type of monster I use to cope w/ my problems and I'm tired of it not solving my problems. But it sure adds shame to my already existing plate of mental issues lol. Isn't life great? Here I am a 40yo man w/ more problems than a high school textbook. I made a lot of mistakes growing up but I never felt good about any of it, I feel absolute shame for some of those things. I wish to know what to do w/ the rest of my life. I mean every attempt to get help has ended w/ me not getting anything but more health concerns. It's almost been 2 full years since I got sick and over 50 hospital visits later I'm still trying to figure out my life! I have these kids and a 2 grand daughters to live for and I just refuse to give up knowing that no one will care for them like I would. They don't how much pain I'm in because I try to keep it to myself until I'm needing a Dr. I'm a real mans man is what I've been told because I have to be almost dead to want to see a Dr, I don't know why but I just don't like going to the Dr. So they know when I say that it's something wrong and they ask no questions. Well I guess I'm done venting for now, I wish you all a blessing so big you can enjoy the rest of your life stress free 🧎🏾‍♂️🙌🏾 Amen‼️ ✌🏾🫶🏾

I was crying to my partner because I'm just so overwhelmed dealing with intrusive thoughts and anxiety... then something in my mind clicked and was like "you're crying and being overdramatic, you're just making this up for attention" and "I'm not real, I'm imagining existence"... and I stopped myself from crying because I felt like an imposter? Does any one else deal with one or the other? or both ☹️

I just recently broke up with most of my friends and I’m losing it I’ve never felt so alone before in the end I know it’s better for me because they were mean to me but it hurts and I know I’m going to be alone for a bit and I know I’m spending the summer alone and it’s killing me we were all so close and now their just strangers to me but I can’t deal with it does any one have any advice to accept this? I am trying to find a therapist but I need advice for the time being.