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I still do not have an OFFICIAL diagnosis (I dont have the means to do so) but given my symptoms, past and present in my life hugely suggest OCD is what I am dealing with. I cannot be 100 percent certain but after searching for answers and researching for a long time now, I am fairly certain and confident this is what I am struggling with. Given this step forward, I am making more effort into giving up compulsions. at the current moment I believe to be dealing with ROCD, as I have been having several intrusive thoughts that conflict with my relationship. For starters, recently over the past month or 2, I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts like not being over my ex, being attracted to someone else, losing feelings for my partner and not being in love, etc. I can consciously identify that I dont believe these thoughts to be true but it causes me so much distress and anxiety. It gets extremely unbearable some days, and I have leaned into 2 main compulsions. I have relied on thought checking and googling as my source of relief. At first the googling was genuinely to start finding answers; hence why I have made some of the discoveries I have about OCD including this site. But it developed into every time I was anxious, I would whip my phone out and start googling strictly to find an answer that would reassure me or calm me down. As for thought checking, it acted as a way to reaffirm my love for my girlfriend in my head when I have had the thoughts that collide with my relationship and how I feel about my girlfriend. It worked at first but developed into a compulsion where every time a bad thought got me worked up id either do my normal googling or Id think about that in my head to calm myself down. Over time these compulsions have gotten less and less affective and now when I do them it only gets me more anxious and desperate for reassurance (strengthening the cycle or whatever it is lol). I did some more research and finally have accepted the very real fact that I am going to have to sit in heavy anxiety and not give into compulsions for a while in order to treat this. I have to sit in the thoughts that make me feel all this hightened anxiety and distress without giving into compulsion. to be honest I am scared, the thoughts are more rampant than ever, but I am ready to commit to this. I dont think I am gonna be able to go cold turkey on my compulsions so I am ready for the reality I might relapse on the compulsions sometimes, But am gonna keep going until I can break these shackles OCD has on my life right now. I wanna ask, what is everyones methods they use to avoid giving into compulsion when the thoughts get loud? any advice is welcome :)

I really need help rn but I feel like a horrible person. For context: I am on my period right now, 2 hours of sleep last night because cramps were so bad, haven't eaten until now and it's 7pm, had to work all day, so it's kinda just a perfect storm. On top of that my ROCD has lots to latch onto: 1) Me and my bf of almost 2 years just renewed our lease for another year and that just is obviously triggering for ROCD. 2) Somehow the biggest trigger is the fact that he shaved his beard last night, and he often wears a thick beard and when he shaves it's like he shaves 10 years off his face and I feel like I'm dating a teenager. My ROCD is really latching onto this and I'm struggling to feel attracted to him and that's opening a whole Pandora's box of ROCD fixations for me and I HATE that my brain blows up such a tiny thing into the end of the world. On top of that, I'm feeling the INCREDIBLY STRONG URGE to confess (which is a compulsion) to him that I'm having these thoughts but I know that would only give me temporary relief and would make him feel deeply insecure about himself for no good reason. I hate myself and I feel like he loves me unconditionally regardless of how I look and I'm just being so nitpicky and shallow.

My boyfriend of 3 months is leaving for college in 2 weeks and I am terrified. He is picking up a girl on his way that is 12 hours away from where I am and they are driving together to the college. What if he realizes that I am not the right person for him? What if he falls out of love? What if he forgets what me and him have built here? It’s all about the “what ifs” and I don’t know how to stop. I have been praying for weeks now and I know the Lord will work in us to help this but what if my boyfriend is not in my future? I am terrified and have no idea how to stop the spiral.

this is how my google search history is looking like. do i know its bad? yes, can i stop it? no . i cant, it feels to real i dont have that “i know i love him” feeling that i used to have its like the thoughts and fears became true, i dont feel love im never happy i dont have moments of clarity, i have changed drastically, im not as living as i used to i never say i love you. I have too many thoughts. maybe this is not rocd. i always make my bf upset, i feel like i dont care, im scared that maybe im just scared if change and this is denial. i camt imagine a future together, i cant be happy. i used to be happy, i am thinking i never loved him, i cant remember how it felt to feel love for him. i dont understand what “chose love” means, when i dont k ow if i want to chose love. am i forcing myslef to feel? i cant stop please help me

I just recently realized that this whole thing with asking about my partner’s past was a compulsion. At the time, I thought that the more I knew about his sexual past, the better I’d feel. I genuinely believed that having all the answers would bring me peace. But the opposite happened. The more I learned, and the more I pushed for specifics, the more it hurt. I pushed him to give me really detailed answers—and now I feel like my OCD has so much ammunition because of it. Now I’m trying to stop asking, stop analyzing, and stop hyper-fixating. Even though I feel intense discomfort and anxiety, I’ve been doing my best to sit with it and not give in. But my mind still races—it imagines him with those people, replays things I know, questions how graphic or emotional those moments were. It’s torture. And what’s hardest is that my partner has reassured me over and over that he’s never felt for anyone what he feels for me. We’ve committed our relationship to God, we got baptized, and we’re planning to get married. But the damage from all of the questioning and the OCD spirals has taken a toll. Now when I bring things up—even if it’s not about the past—he assumes it is. And it ruins date nights or intimate moments. It’s like this issue has taken over everything. We both love each other. We’re not giving up. We’re in therapy, and we’re trying. But it’s heavy. It’s draining us both. And I don’t feel like I’m choosing this—this feels like something I’m suffering through, not something I’m doing on purpose. He’s starting to understand that more, but I know his patience is running thin. So I guess I’m just asking… has anyone else gone through something like this? Has anyone pushed for too much information and then felt stuck—like you know too much and can’t go back? How do you rebuild your relationship when anxiety and OCD have already caused so much damage? Any encouragement, tips, or even just hearing that I’m not alone would really mean a lot.

My partner told his therapist about my OCD compulsions and his therapist basically said that I’m not being accountable for the role I play in our arguments even after my partner said that I am. His therapist just said I’m insecure and need help. I feel really dismissed right now and down.

Hi! I’m trying to say this story as short as possible. I started realizing I was having an ocd flare up a long time ago and I chose private psychotherapy because I thought it would be better. I had a bunch of other issues and I wanted one quick (I had tried 2 before) and when I met someone that I felt was kind of okay I trusted them with my ocd. The thing was that she was NOT specialized in ocd, in fact, looking back I realize that she barely knew how to handle it at all. I had a really good one when I was younger and I was not having symptoms when I quit years ago, so it surprised me a LOT that all I had learned got unlearned because I trusted a bad psychologist. I have currently Rocd and a bit of compulsive staring as well, plus tricomania. I really really want to warn you, DON’T LET A NON OCD SPECIALIST GIVE YOU ADVICE OR ERP!!!!! It has taken me a while to realize all the damage she did. But I was so desperate for a solution at the time that I ignored the signs. She had no idea what she was doing and she actually asked me what we should do! She also made my staring worse, because she told me to try to not look (which is actually wrong), she also asked me if I was really in love with my partner, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO DOUBTS AT THE TIME!!! She thought that I actually wanted sex with someone else and was like yeah it’s normal some people do that, instead of understanding my feelings and that I actually didn’t want to, but it was an intrusive thought. (It was very different from the classic: you know what maybe maybe not erp thing) She misunderstood everything and I now have to rewire my brain.

OK, so I never had a boyfriend before because I’ve always avoided relationships because I’ve always had a fear of intimacy/ fear of someone getting too close (i have an avoidant attachment style) and just a hard time getting close to anyone in general. Well i am 22 years old now and i finally got a boyfriend for the first time and he is my heart in human form. Like i love him more than anything and i just want to love and support him as much as possible because i truly believe he deserves the world and more. OKAY SORRY ENOUGH ABT MY UNDYING LOVE FOR MY BOYFRIEND- i came on here to say i have been having these intrusive thoughts and they’re so disgusting. The thoughts are of me cheating and never I my life have i ever thought i?? I would do that so when I had this thought, it sent me into a panic. I was having anxiety for weeks and it was hell because it’s like my reality gets distorted. It just sucks because this is my first ever relationship and the only thing i want to do is just give my love to this man and make him the happiest person on earth. That’s is it i swear but my thoughts are so so so cruel. BTW i forgot to mention that cheating is his biggest fear in a relationship SO I know my ocd took that and RAN. Well anyways I can’t help but feel like I’m the worst human being on this earth but can some of yall send some ERP exercises and ways yall get over your ocd flares ups/ocd attacks please ? help a girl out 😔

I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist on NOCD for about 4 years now. I went through therapy here and I was officially diagnosed. My mom knows about the diagnosis because I’ve pretty much told her all my struggles and unfortunately confessed a lot of what I was dealing with in the past. She was not understanding at first and told me there was no way I could have OCD that I don’t “clean and organize” like people she has worked with before or been around. I told her that I wanted to go through therapy at the time and she said no and really said some mean and hateful things. Eventually though she did start becoming understanding but not in the way you would think. My mom isn’t exactly emotionally supportive. So talking to her about everything was really hard to go through. Well getting into what’s bothering me….in the past I have thought maybe there was a possibility that I could have autism. I’ve seen people on TikTok talk about it and what they have experienced and it was similar to me but I pushed it aside and never talked about it with anyone. I do struggle with “misophonia” and my mom is also aware of that even though she doesn’t believe in it either and that I’m just “misdiagnosing” myself. Well today she randomly says “There’s a video I watched earlier that I think you should see. I think you have autism. I don’t think you have OCD. You were misdiagnosed and it’s your trauma that is making you think you have OCD.” And it really hit me the wrong way and was quite triggering. The things that I have put in my head and all the hate towards myself before I was diagnosed came back because I was starting to second guess myself. I told her you can have OCD and autism at the same time. There’s no way for me to know unless I’m diagnosed and she said you don’t need to be diagnosed you kind of just know or something like that. But it really put it in my head that I’m making the OCD symptoms up and what if I really was diagnosed and it confirms that I’m a “bad” person. Sometimes I wish I never told my mom anything. She has never really shown care or understanding towards how I have been feeling for years. Who knows, maybe I do have autism but I know for a fact I have OCD. I just hate she put it in my head that theres a possibility I’m an imposter and I’m really what my mind tells me I am. If anyone relates to this please reach out. I’m not really asking for reassurance I just don’t know if I should listen to my mom. Yes I’m an adult. I’m 26 and still live at home. Now that she thinks I have autism, is she going to use it against me too? This sucks so much 💔

I Am married to my husband who i love. OCD tricks me into thinking i don’t love him and that I’m secretly gay and don’t want to come out. I have been having intrusive thoughts but the anxiousness has been low but I’m starting to freak out. These last few days 24/7 “you’re gay you need to come out” “you’re lying” I literally don’t want anything to do with a woman but it feels so real that I’m questioning if this is even ocd. I have intrusive thoughts of doing things with woman but I don’t want to do them and then my compulsions come in. Why has my anxiety been gone the last few days? It just now came back. I’m afraid to be near my spouse because of these thoughts I don’t want to lose him but I feel so detached from reality. What is going on? I keep telling myself that I’m not gay but it makes it worse.

I’ve recently had my meds upped after a really bad spiral / episode and i’m doing a bit better. My mum wanted me to go to the GP, a doctor she really trusts to affirm the dosage is ok, what’s really going on etc. I went to the GP and it was an experience that honestly didn’t sit right with me. I just wanted some community to know if i’m over analysing. I feel like I cannot tell my mum because she trusts this doctor so much. My mum came with me and kind of brought up how I was thinking it could be OCD but the doctor immediately wrote me off and was like it’s definitely not it’s just anxiety and depression and then he brought up how OCD is more like I wouldn’t be able to go through the door without tapping and checking and how he knew a friend with OCD in school and he couldn’t even leave his locker for 30 minutes because he had to keep checking. I 100% know this is OCD and this is what it looks like for some people and how debilitating it is but from what I’ve learnt and researched it’s not JUST that and I don’t really like the way he turned me down without asking what symptoms I have. I also feel like he didn’t have a good grasp on what it really is at its core because yes I don’t physically check but I don’t think it’s crazy that I thought (think?) I might have it (i have obsessive intrusive thoughts, ruminate, mental compulsions and body check). Then he kind of went on to psycho analyse me and ended up asking about personal stuff and kind of blamed all my intrusive thoughts on my relationship with my dad who is estranged, which was awkward and a little insulting. I’m not saying that has no impact on my mental health but it just felt uncomfortable and weird to me. Anyways even if I don’t have OCD, I’m not sure I do, I’m no doctor but I relate to many of you and I know that OCD is not visible in that way for many so it’s sad to think many others will be ignored or brushed off. Does anyone else have any stories of GP’s treating OCD this way ? :((

Anyone experiencing loss of attraction to opposite sex (what you had before any of this)…? I get the feeling that I like what I see in the opposite sex but then hit with what feels like depression or numb with makes me feel sad.

Does anyone else with OCD find it incredibly hard to live with roomates? Like I would give ANYTHING to have my own space. Unfortunately I’m an unemployed university student so have no choice. It’s really difficult to keep my compulsions and anxiety a “secret” in front of them but I don’t want them to think I’m crazy since we’re just not that close yet. Also being in the same environment with someone else 24/7 has my nervous system CONSTANTLY on edge. But that can be due to my CPTSD as well. I’m terrified of them thinking I’m weird and analyzing everything I do, even how much time I spend in my room and not socializing. But I would still love love to have the dream roommate girlfriendships. If you relate or have any tips, I’d love to hear it!!🫶🏻

I’m freaking out that I still have love for someone from my past. Of course showed up in my dream last night. I haven’t even thought about this person for the past year while being with my partner. What????? Ugh this never ends does it

I don’t know if I love him. I don’t think I do. I want to. I want to so fucking bad. I loved him. Before this I loved him so deeply we were such a good match but lately. Maybe just the past month were either fighting or not talking. Ik all couples go through rough patches. But this feels more. I wanan work through this. Ik all the problems are my fault. The jealousy, the resentment, the anger. It’s all on me. I’m the problem. But idk how to fix it. Idk how to stop being mad when he talks abt spending time with his friends. Idk how to stop being sad when he leaves to hang out with them. Idk how to not cry myself to sleep when he wants alone time. I wanna be with him. I want this relationship. But the good is so few and far between. The laughter and smiles is so fleeting. So much of my time is spent wondering if he hates me or if I hate him. I don’t wanna hate him. I wanna build a life with him. I see a future with him. But idk if I’ll ever truly be happy with him cuz of my jealousy and the fear I don’t love him. I try. I try so hard. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling but it’s so hard to make that choice when my brain tells me he wouldn’t make that choice. When I feel like he hates me and I’m boring him. When I’m insecure I feel so mad and angry that I can’t love him. I can’t feel any good feelings I’m just mad. And I hate it. I want us to be happy but I just know he likes being around them more. I just know I’m a chore to him. And I hate it. I love him. I love his beautiful face and his laugh. I love when we’re happy and good. And ik relationships require sticking it out through the bad. But I feel so guilty and so mad at the same time. I think abt are future and this pit is in my stomach and idk if it’s cuz im rlly anxious rn cuz i feel like he doesn’t love me or cuz i really don’t wanna be with him. I wanna be with him. I want him so fucking much. And I care abt him. But the constant questioning of my feelings and his feelings is driving me crazy. Idk what’s real and what’s fake. This relationship feels doomed and if it is idk if I’m gunna be able to handle the breakup. I love him. I care abt him. I want us to be together forever. I wanna grow old with him. But idk how to stop the bad feelings. How to stop the anxiety and anger. I just wanna love him and he love me. I pray for it every night and I try to be a good person but I’m so jealous and scared I keep ruing it. Idk what I want from this. Reassurance ig. Like can our relationship survive what’s happening? Is there a way to get better? To stop being jealous of him doing things without me. I don’t wanna become a bitter hateful gf. I just want us to be together and happy. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling. Ik you have to choose your partner every day even when you don’t want to and it sucks. But I’m so tired of feeling this. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. I wanna be happy in this relationship. Ik deep down he’s the one for me. Ik I’m where I’m supposed to be when I’m with him. But idk if I truelly love him or if I’m just scared of losing all that we’ve built. Idk. Has anyone been where I’m at and if so how did you get through it? How do you get through the constant worrying abt both yours and your partners feelings?

I've become an OCD conqueror and Im pretty proud of myself. Not sure if anyone will read this. I've been battling OCD this year with the tools I've learned from NOCD and it's been challenging, but incredibly life changing and empowering. I still suffer from symptoms, I still do compulsions, I still avoid triggers and seek reassurance. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm learning and I'm improving. Progress isn't linear my friends, but it DOES get better. I feel so grateful that I got the help I needed. I was in a very dark place before starting therapy with NOCD, and I can't say I loved the process in the beginning. I didn't want to do ERP, I didn't want to discuss my symptoms or thoughts or talk to a therapist. Sometimes I did it half assed and begrudgingly, but I knew I had to stick with it to see improvement and I did. Recovery isn't pretty, it can be hard especially when no one sees you battling OCD and wrestling with the unbearable guilt, anxiety and rumination. ROCD had a grip on me. I've gone on trips with my girlfriend where I was convinced it was the last one, because nothing quite "felt right" and I wasn't sure if I was lying to her when I said "I love you." We'd be sitting down on the couch and I'd feel like I was being tortured, constantly doubting whether or not I'm in the right relationship or whether or not I truly love her, compulsively rubbing her arm or kissing her lips to see if I "feel in love." She never knew how much I was suffering. I would stay up late crying, wishing I wasn't a "shallow monster" who secretly didn't love his girlfriend, wishing I could stay committed and focused. Through this journey of recovering from OCD, using the methods I've been taught and being consistent with my exposures, I've managed to greatly reduce my symptoms. Even if I am suffering, I now know I can handle discomfort and that I'm stronger than I think. I can tolerate the intolerable, I can bear with uncomfortable thoughts, sensations and feelings. I can keep my cool. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. You CAN overcome OCD. You CAN make progress. Whoever is reading this, I'm incredibly proud of you for taking the steps to recover. These are skills that will help you for the rest of your life. You CAN do it. I believe in you.

How long do you guys have to sit with a thought for it to go away? I have sat with thoughts for days and days before and the anxiety was crippling to where I couldn’t eat or sleep. Until I asked. And especially something I’ve already asked about before that upsets my husband but my brain was like did I hear him right? Yada yada. That’s about where I’m at right now. I feel so sick from anxiety

Hello! I just needed a place to vent.. Me and my boyfriend are having a hard time right now because of my anxiety and because I have had vestibulodynia for 3 years. If you have a flare up of relationship ocd then this might trigger or something but I don’t know. Anyway, my vestibulodynia has made me afraid of intimacy a lot and my partner also in fear of hurting me has withdrawn a lot too. I still want him, it’s complicated. This year, things have been tougher with finding a cure, and that’s when I’ve started to have the thought ”what if it would be different with someone else?”, but I don’t want anyone else. I have had these urges to stare at attractive men, which I don’t really know why, a lot of fantasies come up in my mind, just popping in. About two times this year, I have been staring at an attractive guy/or just a guy a few times without really knowing why. I take it as a sign together with my withdrawal that I no longer want him, and is cheating. The thing is, I don’t like what I’m doing, and I don’t know why it happens, it’s like I can’t physically look away. I have to control myself to not stare. I know I can’t ask for reassurance here, but I would really like to know if this is ocd. I also had a fantasy of flirting but not leading to anything more, I think I wanted more chemistry with my boyfriend and it manifested into someone random that can’t hurt me. I don’t know what I just said meant but when I had it, I think I was clear with that I knew I only wanted those feelings with him, my boyfriend. The times I can’t stop staring, what usually happens in my mind is that I see that they are attractive, then I kind of take in their features but then I remember not to stare, but it’s weird cause it’s not like a calm ”oh so beautiful” it’s like my head keeps being turned and I physically cannot stop. I have heard of stare ocd but I’m not sure. It’s complicated because yes I feel sad because my vulvodynia messed up for us, because I was in heaven with him, before this relationship anxiety, and that was like one year ago still. When I don’t feel shame and when I allow myself, he makes me so so happy. But right now I feel like I don’t deserve him. He would never do anything like that. It feels like I have cheated, because it feel unloyal what I did. I wouldn’t want him to do that and I don’t know what I would do but I think I wouldn’t want to be with him. I’m so afraid that I have messed up. Sometimes I feel like I need to tell him, but I don’t know. I’m so scared because my dad was a cheater, I NEVER want to be like that. The fact that I’m doubting so much of I should be with him makes me feel like I’m cheating and he deserves better. It’s strange because it came from nowhere it feels like, it started when I started to give up on my vulvodynia for real, and when I felt like he seemed to care less. I never looked at guys like I have this year before, I feel so horrible. I wanted our relationship to be pure and loyal.

I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!

* Mentions of Sexual OCD, Hypersexuality, among other things. Recently, I had started to feel so much better, after trying to do some ERP therapy at home, i could feel myself becoming much more capable of holding back intrusive thoughts. Well since yesterday.. or, i dont know when, its been absolutely destroyed. About a month ago, I went out with some friends to the mall. everything was great, until while at the arcade, me and one of my friends tried pranking the other two by running off without them noticing. Well it backfired, one of the others went with him, and i was left with someone who i’ll just call J for the sake of simplicity. To cut it short, we had already pranked J earlier, so I stayed back to tell him about what we were trying to do, and things got weird. He started telling me to ‘go to the bathroom’ with him. I’ll admit that i didnt know what to say, i just felt off, but i wasnt going to do any of that. But i didnt say no. Long story short, i had to use the bathroom, so i left the arcade and went to another and luckily my friend distracted J so he wouldnt follow me in. I’d like to also add now that I have someone that i love dearly, me and him arent really together yet, but its a mutual thing. After that i cried when i returned home. and eventually i moved on, blocked the guy and everything. Now, i don’t know why, or how, but i cant stop having images in my head of what would’ve happened if i did do it. If i did go to the bathroom. And at the same time it shows me images of things happening in my own house, i see it in the shower, while on my couch, even while eating. And it doesnt stop at the sexual stuff, No. It shows me romantic versions of all this; hugging, kissing, holding hands, and in the background it mostly shows sexual scenes. All while giving me groinal responses and weird sensations that are akin to attraction of some kind. Im losing my mind trying to get it to stop. Its eating me alive, and its gotten to the point where i feel like im cheating on my partner. And my mind keeps tellint me that i actually dont love my partner, that I should’ve just gone along with what J was saying, and its making me feel like i dont really love my partner. That i should just unblock and text J. Its making me feel like ive fallen out of love and i dont know why, what if i did fall out of love? what if i end up doing something wrong, or making the wrong choice? Im scared of not loving my partner. I love my partner too much to lose him to this bullcrap. Has anyone else dealt with this? I feel lost and I dont know what to do. I cant even think about my own partner, not even about me hugging him, it gets replaced with J, everytime i try to think about anything it gets replaced in some way with something related to J. Even if i see a show, and i see someone that reminds me of J i instantly start getting intrusive thoughts and images. I feel so horrible, i feel like I’ve failed my relationship somehow. I dont know what to do.