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I Am married to my husband who i love. OCD tricks me into thinking i don’t love him and that I’m secretly gay and don’t want to come out. I have been having intrusive thoughts but the anxiousness has been low but I’m starting to freak out. These last few days 24/7 “you’re gay you need to come out” “you’re lying” I literally don’t want anything to do with a woman but it feels so real that I’m questioning if this is even ocd. I have intrusive thoughts of doing things with woman but I don’t want to do them and then my compulsions come in. Why has my anxiety been gone the last few days? It just now came back. I’m afraid to be near my spouse because of these thoughts I don’t want to lose him but I feel so detached from reality. What is going on? I keep telling myself that I’m not gay but it makes it worse.

Ms.shelovesf...

Date posted: 21d

I’m pretty sure you already know but this is a play of sexual orientation ocd and relationship OCD. Well, I need you to separate yourself from the OCD. Treat it as a disorder not as an attack on you and watch yourself improve. Stop trying to prove or disprove it

Loveconquers...

Date posted: 21d

@Ms.shelovesfrogs How do I do that?

Ms.shelovesf...

Date posted: 21d

@Loveconquersall1 Observe, try your best to observe the thoughts like passing clouds. Don’t engage with the thoughts but you can use non-eganging response like “ I see, Yh whatever ocd” Stop checking feelings (the more you check if you love your husband, the more the feelings seem far fetched) Do erp(in your case, expose yourself to the thoughts) you can repeat the thoughts over and over Avoid compulsions (identify all, use an ai to identify them and stop or at least don’t engage in them) Live your life regardless. Ocd can create a tunnel vision that makes one forget it’s ocd when going through a relapse or spiral but try to ground yourself very well

JessieJoy

Date posted: 21d

Yep it feels so real bc it's OCD, that's what OCD does. Notice the conflict and distress you feel in yourself. That also means it's OCD. Otherwise you'd just think or know something. You wouldn't be doing all this mental wrestling. It's OCD. Let the thoughts be there. Doesn't mean they're true. It's being a bully. And actually it probably just means you care a lot about your relationship. And you care so much you're afraid of losing it somehow. So your brain came up with that story. That's opposite to the truth. It's your feared self. Not your real self. Your real self was there before the doubt. "I'm married to my husband who I love". That's the truth and fact. The rest is OCD.

JessieJoy

Date posted: 21d

I have lived experience with OCD and am also a therapist. I'm learning iCBT for OCD and it's really helpful. That's where these concepts are from. Like True self vs feared self. There's the truth. I love my husband. No need to prove it bc it just is. But then there's a doubt, which creates all the other noise. Tap back into your true self. The things you just know. The instincts. The things you do in your daily life that show you love him. Not all the what ifs and could bes and things you do to try to prove or prevent something that isn't true.

JessieJoy

Date posted: 21d

We are the person we are bc of our actions, not our thoughts or fears. If Someone was outside of you looking in on your life would they see someone secretly gay sneaking around cheating on their husband? Do you do that? Probably not. You probably spend your time doing things with, because of and for your husband and things you do show you love him. None of your actual actions show any real evidence for being those things you fear you are. If you were that person it would show in your actions.

JessieJoy

Date posted: 21d

I heard this example, what if a documentary crew was making a movie about you and followed you around? What are the things they'd see you doing? The facts, the daily actions. What kind of person does those things? Vs what would a movie look like if a crew followed around someone who was gay and didn't love their husband? What would that person be doing?

rosie_rosie

Date posted: 18w

So I’m really scared that I won’t be able to differentiate my thoughts, real thoughts, to the intrusive ones.

So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.

Animallover065

Date posted: 16w

How do I get past this last bump with my OCD?

I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?

yaya_zz

Date posted: 13w

Sexual ocd

Hey guys so I have been suffering with sexual ocd due to the fact that I don’t feel that romantic spark with him anymore, I love him and I know I do but I get to much in my thoughts thinking about why can’t I feel that anymore what has changed what if I don’t wanna be with anymore I’ve been with him for 4 years and at first I think it was ROCD but now I started thinking what if I’m into girls now I’ve always been the type to say oh a girl is so pretty or I like this about her but now I feel like every time I see a girl I’m like do I see myself in a relationship with her oh she’s pretty oh I like her voice do I find it attractive and sometimes I do !!! Which is killing me I feel disgust thinking about because what if I secretly am no shame to people who are my sister herself is but I just feel wierd because I wanna be with my husband and feel happy there not with a girl and feel like a man because I see myself in the mirrior and I’m like do I myself being a man do I look lesbian? Do I act lesbian or bi? What if secretly I wanna be a man or I imagine myself being a man in a relationship with a pretty girl and idk what to think

Sexual Orientation OCD

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