I keep spiraling.

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

Please help I am having the worst spiral I have had in 5 years. I am doing so bad to the point I could not even sleep. I’m so scared, anxious and confused. I did ocd therapy for a long time and my therapist told me I was doing so well I needed to stop. Which I was until about 2-3 weeks ago it started back super bad. And now as of yesterday the intrusive thoughts feel more definitive. They are making me spiral, it literally feels like my brain is jumping from side to side. I love my boyfriend more than I knew was humanly possible. I haven’t lost my attraction to him, not that I know of… I don’t want to break up with him bc i love him, I think he’s hot, I want to marry him but I’m terrified that I am just lying and that the feelings never were true! I don’t know how to make it stop. I tried all night not to research and I had to give in. 😭 this is hell

Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.