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Hey guys. Just a reminder that regardless of the subtype, our need for certainty is the enemy. I hope you guys are doing okay today. Any victories or grievances that need to be shared?

Sometimes when I feel false attraction, I’ll say things out of disbelief and fear, for example, I see a kid that looks older and I feel sort attraction so I panic and say “I’m attracted” “I think he’s attractive” “he is/looks attractive” ,, “he’s attractive” ,, “he looks handsome” along those lines… I panic when I say these and my brain uses it against me… I genuinely feel like a bad person. I feel like I’m genuinely attracted now and that I’m a bad person and that I need to accept it, I’m so scared. I don’t want to be this person but when I think about it, it’s like it’s not bad to be one and I don’t freak out and it makes me worry

Hi everyone! I am a 22 year old AFAB nonbinary person from California, and I wanted to come on here and ask about people’s experiences with OCD surrounding taking testosterone and being trans/LGBTQIA/nonbinary. I am not talking about doubting identity but more so doubting whether taking testosterone is the “right” choice or whether the changes you might get are what you “truly” want. I would really love to hear from folks who also identify as nonbinary as I feel that nonbinary folks have a unique experience with taking hormones due to not being a binary trans person. I would definitely love to hear from anyone who identifies as trans or nonbinary, but I think that my experience with hormones is different since I know I don’t want to look or sound or feel like a full masculine person or man. For me, this means I am on a lower than normal dose of T right now, and I also don’t believe I plan on taking it longer than a few months or at least until I get my desired results. I want to be very androgynous, and I keep getting a bunch of intrusive thoughts about waking up and having all these drastic changes to my body and self to the point that I won’t recognize myself anymore. I know this is irrational and definitely attacking the fact that this is a huge decision to make to go on hormones, but I just feel like I haven’t seen this representation yet in both the trans and OCD communities. Again, please feel free to share any type of experience you have whether you are a nonbinary or binary trans person!

I keep feeling bad that I didn’t find my partner that cute at first. I didn’t think he was unattractive but when I first met him it was at work and him and this other guy were new. I thought the other guy was more attractive at the time. I even vocalized it to a friend. NOW my boyfriend is my whole world and I think he’s the most handsome man ever. Even more handsome than the guy I originally thought was cute. I don’t have a problem with his appearance or anything. I just feel guilty over not finding him more attractive than the other guy. It feels wrong and of course my thoughts are saying I should tell him this but I know it’ll just hurt his feelings.

Is this my life now? A loop of fears and panic? Freshman year.. two years ago is when all this started. When I began my journey with this debilitating and scary disorder. For a while I felt like everything was okay. Like things were getting better. But tonight it’s getting so bad. I’m shaking, the thoughts are literally making my body enter fight or flight. The feelings.. the thoughts it all feels so real. It makes me question every aspect of who I am.. Is this forever? Will this be my life? If it is, that sounds like pain.. I constantly check myself.. which ain’t realize might be a compulsion. But I wonder, am I lying to myself? But then again I wouldn’t fear it so much if what I felt was true. I try to stay calm, to not fight the thought but let it pass. But it only grows in power. It’s been giving me these fake feelings. Things in which i’d never felt before. I just want to be okay. And I wonder if that’s even possible anymore. All I know is that I have my family, my Mom, everyone who loves me dearly. Please anyone… I don’t want to beg but if you could give me some motivation or positive words i’d love that.

i literally cannot do anything bc of this ocd. i want to watch tiktok but i can’t bc i’m so paranoid that i will repost something by accident, especially something that could be inappropriate. i’m also scared if i like something on tiktok by accident or if i liked it and now i need to check it 100x. i just want to watch tiktok. it’s also on instagram too, i’m so paranoid that i will like a post or like a story. i’m so tired i just wanna be a teenage girl who can use social media normally.

So I have posted here before about this topic. I feel so ashamed so angry but I feel it is my ocd … so from time to time me and my psychologist will talk about different diagnoses ( like if it’s almost time to end our session) because psychologist and like the dsm manual and all these diagnoses are so fascinating to learn about but I feel like I want a “new diagnosis “ and I don’t understand why I feel like I get a high off of it and excited that there’s something “wrong” with me…the last time I posted this someone said maybe it’s because you feel seen and heard and maybe that’s the case but now I just feel like my brain wants me to stack up the diagnoses like tokens … when having this thought I’m very careful of telling it to anyone or even asking hey could I have “so and so diagnosis “ because I don’t want to be seen as an attention seeker because I am not I don’t know were the want or “need” for a diagnosis comes from I just feel it goes beyond so much more than being seen or heard … but what if someone knew my true thoughts would they think I’m attention seeking from now on and not give me any diagnosis or even listen now to what I have to say because they already think I’m doing it for attention or acting that way for attention and even if it is a genuine diagnosis what if I made up enough symptoms I have a diagnosis of something but it’s actually “fake” I don’t know why I’m doing this please help and please don’t stop believing me

Why everything I was once is gone? I had goals, I always been such an empathic and good person, I had so many plans in life and since ocd came to my life everything is gone, ocd has ruined everything in my life, I can’t see to find myself anymore. I hate my brain for making me think that I’m a bad person when I know I’m not. OCD really took everything away from me. I already have a lot in my plate for me to be dealing with this, it’s so unfair. I have never had it easy and now when my life was starting to get better I get OCD:(

im not diagnosed, but these past two days have been terrible. i constantly have this underlying feeling that i might do something that i think is gross and i feel like i can’t do anything on my own because otherwise i might do something wrong. like i feel like i constantly have to be in front of people so that i can make sure of my every action. this is so exhausting and I’m so confused. and like i keep getting terrible images and stuff replaying in my head. i also try to recall what happened but i feel like i have false event too. i used to have religious ocd and that eventually stopped completely, but now it feels like all my work getting over that was pointless. also like i feel like i might have contamination ocd but not the typical germ type. I just get terrible images and I can’t remember if those images are true or not even though they’re impossible and i feel terrible. I don’t know if i could ever get over this because even the thought of it is terrible.

I remembered something I did a couple of months ago that has changed me completely from trusting myself it was a conversation I had with my cousin and something they said unrelated made me remember this happening, I went into a full blown identity crisis i couldn’t walk out of my room or get out of my bed for months paranoid and scared of everything I’m still scared and feel like I don’t even deserve to shower I’m working on it slowly each day but I knew I had to get a therapist and I was diagnosed with ocd because of this event I remembered, and I just don’t know what to do…. I read online that it doesn’t matter how little or bad the event is it’s still ocd regardless when diagnosed but I know I have a compulsion to see others real events and it is nothing compared to mine which I shouldn’t compare but it’s difficult because no matter what I have to come to terms that it’s undeniably bad legally and morally what I did and it’s just so confusing how it’s something I JUST learned about months ago I’m literally in my mid 20s, and I went years without even realizing how troubled my childhood was and yes my real event happened during that time but I was still a teen and old enough to know better but I didn’t understand the magnitude of what I did at the time still no excuse though, this is where I don’t know what To do because 1. I already know what I did was awful and there’s no excuse for it 2. I can’t apologize in my situation that I don’t feel comfortable sharing specifics yet3. Yes I know I changed so much obviously I’m a grown adult now I know what’s appropriate and what’s not that’s why I’m so troubled over this and I never did anything like that again, I’m literally in the happiest relationship and seeing a therapist to also help me understand all this trauma, this event involved my cousin but even they are cool with me and very close as well hasn’t said anything I don’t know if they remember or not but it’s not something I can talk about with them at least not yet (again just don’t want to go in to specifics) but this is why is so confusing and has caused me to have intrusive thoughts about everything EVERYTHING the what ifs what if they remember what if I go to jail what if they hate me what if I’m denying who I have been and I’m this horrible person this whole time without even realizing and everything is a lie my relationship my joy for things what if I’m a ped, what if I can’t love or care what if I’m a person who just harms others manipulates I even spiraled thinking I was going to physically harm someone… it’s very bizarre to me because before my OCD my biggest anxiety was just having to learn how to drive…I’m in my 20s just to mention that again😭 I have probably almost all intrusive ocd categories, These thoughts never existed in my head until I remembered my event it has completely traumatized me but do I even deserve to feel better do I deserve to get help if I did something unforgivable do I move on or don’t? Should I even be living life I just feel guilty even breathing stepping outside I know for a fact if people knew they would never trust me they would feel like I probably should go to jail but do I go on to what others feel or myself? I know I wouldn’t harm anyone regardless of what my ocd tells me I never did anything like that again and wouldn’t but if it’s something that even legally I could be punished for does all of that not matter? I’m sorry I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is , I’m continuing therapy and getting the help but obviously my therapist cannot say if I should be punished legally but even my boyfriend said that if I turned myself in they wouldn’t even take me seriously because I don’t even remember everything fully it was so long ago, but from what I do remember it’s still bad enough mainly just of me being a teen, I don’t want to make that event my identity but I just am so freaked out I feel awful what if I caused trauma to another person and all these years I didn’t even know, this event only happened once that I remember, there were things that happened to me as a child that would explain why it happened but it’s still not an excuse, I did a compulsion and googled what would it be called or the charges for it and the words that popped up triggered me to my core as anyone would feel if they were as stupid as me those words I googled are what monsters are so it’s hard not to think of myself as that it’s hard to not make that my identity if that IS what happened, is living with this guilt my punishment?I don’t want to give up on life I want to love and care and just love life I know this is complicated and a lot not much I can do but I’m just so lost.

i’ve been doing so much better sometimes i forget i even have ocd and then it comes right back to remind me in new ways

Hello! I'm new here and new to OCD. My therapist suggested I might have OCD due to my tendency to ruminate endlessly on doubts and fears. These thoughts are indeed intrusive and I can't seem to stop them. The thing I'm kind of stuck on is that I can't see where the compulsions come in. Unless the thoughts themselves are compulsions. Can anyone relate to this?

I’m so tired of feeling like a bad person, i’m so tired of my brain treating me like I’m a pr//dator, it’s making me feel like I want all these things and I don’t. But I don’t even believe myself anymore sometimes. I used to get a feeling that reassured me that I wouldn’t do something like this but now it’s gone. Now it’s all feelings that I would do something like this. I’m so uncomfortable. I just wanna go back to normal so bad. I was just watching good mythical morning, every time they talk about their kids, my brain will always say “ they shouldn’t allow you around them” or “ you would hurt their kids” or “ you would be attracted to them” something along the lines of that. It’s always a different variation of that but they all mean the same thing. And It convinces me because it makes me feel like I would do something like that, wouldn’t mind finding these things attractive when I really would. I’ve been trying to move on from what happened earlier, but I can’t… I just wanna start ruminating …I just wanna stop checking…. I just wanna stop asking for reassurance. I want to stop, but I’m so scared. Even when I’m clearly freaking out about something I don’t want to happen, it’s still punishes me and says that I actually want it. It all seems so real, the attraction feels so real, the emotions feel so real, the intrusive thoughts feel so real. Everything feels so real. I’m just scared. I don’t wanna be a bad person. I don’t wanna do bad things. Just worried that it will never go away. Like I’m stuck like this forever. I don’t want this to be the first thing I think of whenever I see someone younger than me. I wanted to have a family in the future, but I can’t stand the idea anymore. I’m too scared. Not only because I’m afraid that I’ll hurt them or what if I feel an attraction. But I’m also scared of having to deal with my POCD and them… which would be a hard struggle. I just want this to stop. I want to be all over. Why do I feel like I want this? Why do I feel like I am attractive and I don’t care? Why does my brain try to make kids look older than they need to be? What does my brain do this? Does this mean I’m turning into a bad person? I never wanted to hurt people.… I never wanted to do bad things… but I genuinely feel attracted and I don’t know what to convince myself that I don’t… I don’t wanna be attracted. But my brain keeps making me feel like I do. And It does it by altering kids faces to look older, I’m really scared. Why do I feel all these emotions about wanting to do these things? Sometimes I’ll allow myself to feel it, but then I’m like why did I allow myself to feel that? Sometimes I feel like I feel things on purpose, and it scares me. I just want to not be a bad person. I don’t want this. I don’t care how much it tells me that I do or makes me feel like I do. I do not want this. Why do I feel like I do? I feel really messed up saying that… it honestly grosses me out, but I hope that people will understand this post.

Been prescribed SSRIs (sertraline) to try and help with the OCD. I know it's serotonin that plays a huge part in the OCD when it's at it's worst, so this is definitely the answer. Only problem is if I know that my OCD knows it too, and so I need certainty that the compulsions I'm stuck on can still be completed after taking the medication. Yes, I know how stupid that sounds. How do you overcome that barrier and take the medication? There are compulsions I feel I need to do because of how debilitating they can be - if I alter my brain chemistry there will always be doubt so I can never fully complete them (this is the OCD perspective). It just feels like when I start I can't go back.

Im so scared to fall asleep I genuinely do not want to because the fact that there are confirmed cases of people murdering others in their SLEEP is enough proof that my fears are legitimate. What if i harm myself or my family. what if the next time my boyfriend sleeps over I hurt him. what if I am eating cough drops in my sleep and that's why they are in my bed when I fell asleep with them on my end table, and I choke on one and die. These fears are genuine like yeah ocd is probably amplified it but the proof that this happens is hard to ignore. if I could lock myself in a empty room every night with no way of hurting anyone I absolutely would at least I'd know me and everyone else is safe. how do I even begin to combat this fear again and not let this fear bother me anymore.

I’ll give you an example of what I experience on a daily basis, so there was this one time I was on a date with my gf at the time and I was so caught up in the moment then all of a sudden a thought pops up into my mind. In the exact moment of having fun with her, the thought was “she doesn’t love you, she’s only here for the ride, she only “loves” you because you make her feel good not because she loves you as a person” in a split second it hits me. It changed my whole demeanor, it ruined the mood for me, and I couldn’t tell her about because I grew up keeping my thoughts to myself or expressing my feelings as a weakness. So after that initial thought, I became so agitated to the point where I’d go quiet, and when she would continue to be herself I would get annoyed by her continuing to do whatever it was she was doing. I’ve continued this behavior up until she left me because I exploded this one time. Messy breakup, but i genuinely didn’t know what was wrong with me until I started reflecting. Now that I’ve fully acknowledged it, im trying my best to avoid it, but I still find myself struggling with it severely. I lost many friendships over this. What’s your advice ? Is this considered ocd ? One initial thought that lingers for hours or even days at a time for me. I’ve recently started taking Wellbutrin and im able to move on from the thoughts within mins but the feeling still lingers on. But whenever I’m not doing anything, the thought comes back. Before Wellbutrin, the thought would linger as I’d be doing daily tasks like cleaning, cooking, walking, conversing, and working. Am I screwed ? I feel extremely lonely.

Anyone get thoughts that they are possessed?

A good life, success, healing, beautiful things? ⚠️ Important: please don’t read if this is triggering. No one should think this way about themselves, of course you deserve it all. I struggle with real events and harm OCD. My worst fear is being a bad person, causing harm or doing the wrong thing. These thoughts haunt me all the time and cause me to essentially throw my life away. I don’t go out, pursue opportunities, etc. because what if I don’t deserve them? I think of the worst things I’ve ever done all the time. The things that I’m most ashamed of. Like a broken record that’s all I replay in my head. Doesn’t matter if it was 5 or 10 years ago. And I beat myself up for not doing better. And I just don’t know how to move past it. I’ve read a lot of quotes and books about self help and love and acceptance (e.g. once you know better, do better). But for me I feel like I have to hate myself forever. I won’t ever get a clean slate, there’s a permanent stain on my record. I just can’t forgive myself, whether other people know it or not, I can’t allow myself to move forward. It’s about integrity for me. Does anyone relate? How do you do it? I’m so sorry if you’re also struggling. I don’t wish this for anyone. Please keep fighting, you’re not alone. ❤️

Can ocd cause you to completely question what you thought you knew about yourself? Like make you analyse everything and then convince yourself it wasnt real? And can it make desires go away if you think about them too much? Spiralling all day today

I was in a server, and a person revealed her age to be 13, and my brain keeps being weird about it, by making me feel attraction and that I “want to be with them” when I wouldn’t ever??? But it’s so convincing and it’s a really strong feeling??? And it is genuinely scaring me, I don’t want to be a disgusting person, I do not, I instantly left knowing their age, but my brain is making me feel like I wanted to stay and that I find them attractive, I just want this to stop, I feel so convinced I’m a bad person, I’m so confused if I actually want this or not, it’s so convincing… My brain is making me feel like “oooh theyre so attractive” like please stop, it’s like torture in my head, I don’t want to feel this way, how to make this stop… I’m scared to be around 13 year olds. This is the exact same thing that happened with my ROCD when I was dating my gf (im now single) ,, it would make me feel attracted and that I wanted to date people even though I didn’t