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I’ve been having this thing going on where I can’t remember if I did something and I retrace every step and everything I did. And the something that I “did” is an intrusive thought. For example, last night my father in law was outside until the early am and I had an intrusive thought like what if I went out there with him and we did “stuff” and I just don’t remember. I don’t know why my ocd is obsessing over this, this isn’t the first time. I don’t know what to do ): I know I would never do something like that so why is this happening? I can’t stop rethinking everything to make sure nothing happened. Please leave your thoughts

anyone else just feel waves of anxiety even if they aren’t currently having an intrusive thought? like i had some thoughts last night and ever since ive just been getting really intense waves of physical anxiety feelings like in my chest and stomach is it like subconscious rumination about the thoughts?

Hi, I need an advice, I can't trigger myself! I want to do ERP but Everytime I try to trigger myself I feel nothing so it won't work. On the other side OCD triggers me outside of my ERP and I react wrong to it. Has anyone an Idea how to trigger myself properly, or should I wait for OCD to come? But how can I be prepared for it?

Does anyone get unwanted sexual thoughts? I get them frequently and I didn’t know what subtype to add them into because it didn’t fit the “children” one they had as an option. I get these with family members and it makes me feel horrible and disgusted with myself. I used to get them when I was younger and I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just remember that I felt really icky and grossed out. I know these thoughts aren’t me but lately it’s been getting worse and I’m not sure how to stop them. I’ve never outwardly confessed this to anyone, but I know this isn’t me. And I want to stop these thoughts. If anyone has any suggestions on how please help.

Like I want to know this cause I have guilt, anxiety, sadness and all of these feelings more than the other feelings. So what is considered as happiness in this recovery process?

You know what I really hate about this stupid disorder? That up until my first stuck intrusive thought (when I was 26), I knew who I was. I was happy. I had goals. I had friends. I was the most confident I’d ever been. Then from that very moment, it’s been 10 years of me being anxious, losing my life, losing just about everything. Not even sure who I am anymore. Questions after questions after questions of wether I’m attracted to someone, sexuality, ROCD, SOOCD. And not once have I felt myself. How can a healthy, happy 26 year old man go from one day knowing themselves to the next, 10 devastating years of not being able to think about ANYTHING OR ANYONE else except my theme? How?! I hate it.

Why I wish I didn’t have ocd So it all started back in march 2023 where I was in a Minecraft server my ocd being itself nagged and nagged me about organizing the schematic files so I got angry at it and did something I would regret dearly I would spam rage type the keyboard and create a schematic group something that inst deletable so I asked the staff to delete it and they kept delaying it and banned me for it and they also said I was unfit to play on a public server because of my ocd this made me very angry so I reported the server to mojang several times and they did nothing about it now don’t get me wrong I don’t care about Minecraft or the builds my ocd only cares about the technical aspects of things I just know that if the roles we’re reversed I would not get away with it because I have bad luck I tried contacting them again but they pretty much said “it’s over with it’s done” which made me feel like I had to move on and more or less like a product And trust me I tried to keep it together and be this non ocd normal person but things didn’t work out Something needs to be done about this server Also other real event things causing me more stress like losing a wire and items in the past I can’t function I can’t sleep and I can’t eat How am I supposed to live like this I already have white hair at 17 because of the stress But those dipshits don’t see it that way they just see the worst moments not the good ones That why it’s so hard to compete with those without ocd and why I don’t want to live anymore

Today was a really bad day for intrusive thoughts. I had ones that felt really real and like I voluntarily thought them. I’m really bothered because for some reason I randomly out of the blue without any kind of trigger or anything had the intrusive thought that I could r a child in a second if I wanted to. It’s so disturbing. I was literally cleaning my bathroom. I wasn’t even thinking about children, I don’t ever sit around thinking of children. It was distressing but I rationalized that I don’t have any desire in the absolute slightest to harm a child and I never have and never will, it came out of nowhere. Then we just had dinner and at the table it happened again and then more thoughts to make it worse like “maybe I do want to.” I was at the table with my family so I was trying not to scrunch my face or show it in front of them. But I went upstairs and was really upset. But I’m worried because what if I’m not that upset and what if I voluntarily am thinking these things? I don’t feel that sinking feeling in my chest, but I’ve just told myself that I don’t have any desire in my head, heart or body to even go near a child period. I don’t want other people to. It’s literally so ridiculous that I’m even having these thoughts because it’s so inaccurate to how I feel. But why am I having these thoughts?? I feel like I’m just in denial. And I’m kind of worried that I just post on here to have people tell me what I want to hear and make me feel better. I do feel better after typing this out because I KNOW I don’t want to hurt a child. It’s so ridiculous but I feel like I’m not caring anymore. I’m hopefully getting a therapist soon, but it’s just really defeating and I feel like I’m numb to it sometimes. Literally all I do is fight these thoughts and worry if I’m just faking my emotions and faking feeling bad. I’m worried I’m just practicing feeling bad to get out of trouble when I get a therapist. But also, if that was the case, why would I have stopped doing everything in life except sitting and worrying all day? I don’t want to resume life because I’m scared to. And I don’t mean that to pity myself, I just don’t want to live with being evil and it’s so exhausting every day.

Is it possible to just basically instantly forget you’ve molested somebody? I’ve been dealing with a ton of false memories lately and suddenly I got an image of me molesting somebody. I can’t actually recall ever doing this, it’s the last thing I’d do. There’s a lot of proof as to why it doesn’t even make sense to have happened. I’ve always been 100% sure I had never molested anybody. Is it possible to just fully forget that in a really short amount of time?

For the next week I’m gonna ATTEMPT at not doing any compulsions (researching, posting on here, ruminating, etc) and just let things be til my next session. However, I give up. Everyone is so quick to tell me “oh don’t worry it’s just OCD that isn’t actually you!” It all feels like bullshit. Yeah, sure, this wasn’t who I was before and my main focus of attraction has always been men and I’ve always felt disturbed by SA and pedophilia as a whole. But what about now? What about all the thoughts I’ve had the last year? Why would they show up when I’m literally enjoying myself sexually ESPECIALLY as I finish? Why does it feel like I think it’s ok or it’s alright when I know and have always known it was never ok? Everything from before doesn’t really matter anymore. What about now? Yes, of course, I have no interest in actually acting on any of it. But that doesn’t mean that that isn’t who I am. I know how RIDICULOUS it all is but there’s a reason why it feels real. I’m tired, and over it. I see all of you post everyday about how much you’re suffering, and I’m sorry. I’m suffering to, but I’m starting to think it’s for different reasons. I’m done. If you wanna reassure me, go ahead. It’s pointless.

I have a fear of intimacy, like, if a boy that I like likes me back, I get terrified. I did some research and ended up getting triggered. Someone in the comments of one of the videos I was looking at said to someone with the same fear that they could be "lithromantic"? So i researched this, and while, yeah some of it applied to me, my soocd was telling me that I wasn't straight and that I'm lithromantic and that I'll never achieve happiness with a man because of this. It makes me feel in denial and just as scared as I was about being gay. Like, i'm straight. And I just think my ocd makes me think that my fear of intimacy means I'm lithromantic, but I want to find joy in a man's compliments, I just can't because of the fear of intimacy and hocd. So it makes me prefer men not saying anything. Can someone help? X.

Anyone else feel so depressed because like I’ll share what I need from my husband over and over and he continues to neglect me? He works all the time and even when he’s off he’s never present. He’s always leaving the house and doing things or just doing everything BUT quality time with me and I’m pretty sure that’s my love language. It makes it hard when I have OcD on top of that because then the only time I do see him I’m trying to get support for my thoughts and he just gets frustrated and sometimes he’s used my OCD fears against me and I feel worse for them. I feel so alone, I’ve tried to tell him how neglected I feel, but he just says he feels the same, sometimes he apologizes, but then he doesn’t really change anything. I don’t want to have to beg my husband to spend time with me or fill my needs, I’m so exhausted. And OCD and depression on top of it while having no family support, just makes me feel so utterly depressed. Anyone?

Ummmm I read this post where a girl is saying basically that “someone with intrusive thoughts about raping someone could actually rape them as a compulsion” is anyone else actually as uncomfortable as me about this? Please tell me I’m not the only one who completely disagrees with that statement? I understand this girl has ocd and I don’t think she is capable of actually doing whatever intrusive thought is happening in her brain. But c’mon… if someone who claims to have POCD actually raped a child, that is not a compulsion, that is a CHOICE, to physically HARM that CHILD. And I would seriously consider that person probably doesn’t have ocd. I believe someone with those types of thoughts/fears would never act on sexually abusing someone, I know ocd can make us do crazy things but this has really disturbed me and hoping to get some advice on how I can approach this post on NOCD?

Hi folks, I want to do exposures and I need some advice from yours. So I have the problem, that if I WANT to trigger myself during and exposure, it won't work, I just don't hit the right spot. I must say, that I am doing these exposures on my own right now, because my therapist is in holidays and will give me scripts next week, but these are my problems with exposures: I am often too exhausted and worn out, so the stuff I try won't trigger me I don't hit the right spot with triggering myself, because it doesn't work Often I am triggered when I don't want to be and if I want to be triggered, it won't work I am often distracted by other stuff, other OCD stuff like my nose is itching, cool stuff I wanna do or cool stuff I bought myself, being bored Do you do you exposures a certain time a day or do you try to be calm before them so you can focus on the exposure or what do you think should I do? Appreciate advices, thank you

I am currently going through really bad OCD and paranoia thoughts that are taking over my life. I am obsessing over thoughts and that everyone is out to hurt me and get me even friends and that people are trying to ruin my relationship and hurt me. I feel like people I know are stalking me and have motives to ruin my life. Even if someone texts me I feel as though it’s because they’re talking about me to other people and everyone has bad things to say about me and that I’m a horrible person that deserves bad things. I tried therapy for awhile and the therapist believes I catastrophize everything, which is true. I obsess over past events to the point where I feel like the most horrible person in the world that doesn’t deserve to live or have friends. I always feel as though people are going to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend so I can never be happy around him cause I’m always fearing the worst or that he will find a reason to leave me too. Anytime things go wrong for me I feel as tho it’s because the people above and the universe think I deserve to be miserable too and that they do it to me on purpose. I need reassurance from everything and everyone and when I don’t get it I feel as though it’s because I’m a horrible person and the universe knows it and doesn’t want me to be happy. I need reassurance and just never get it. I just want to know that people feel this way too so I can just feel a bit more normal and relax a little . I have exams in a few weeks and I can’t study or anything because obsessive thoughts have taken over my life I’m afraid to leave the house or talk to people or do anything I just sit and obsess about every single “what if” thought. I just want people to tell me that everything is okay and I never feel like it is okay. Can anyone just advise me or help me calm down or have any advice that helps them get through the days? Thank you .

Hello everyone, It’s the first time I’m writing a post about my health condition. I’m suffering from OCD. I diagnosed about 17 years ago. It was extreme in the beginning as I didn’t know anything about it. So I went to many therapists, tried a lot of medications and it had it’s ups and downs. I am now 37 years old and the last years I take fluvoxamine and I believed I was in a good condition until 10 days ago. My main OCD intrusive thoughts were about harming myself or others and most importantly sexual thoughts. Some years ago - I really don’t remember how that started - a thought stuck into my mind that I might like men with circle beards. I know that I don’t like men and I have a girlfriend for almost 10 years now. Sometimes I also have this thought when I see someone: He is handsome, could I like him? And that causes lots of anxiety. Additionally I have an extreme anxiety about some specific numbers. So in some days from now I was about to start a new job but unfortunately the interview was on one of these dates causing me EXTREME anxiety. I tried to do every compulsion possible but it just wouldn’t work. I was worse every day, I wanted to sleep only as this was the only time that my mind wasn’t thinking. A total torture. I reached a point that I thought: I wish I die so this ends. I can’t take it anymore. To make this even worse, the father of my girlfriend had sometimes a beard like the one on my thought. So the last the worst thought was that I should avoid my girlfriend because she’s his daughter and I can’t have a relationship with her. I would be gay or something. How is it possible to think like this? I love my girlfriend so much, she’s my other half. Last days I tried to do ERP on my own, exposing myself to these fears. The first hour I felt I was free and then suddenly everything went a lot worse. So I don’t really know what to do, continue ERP or do compulsions so I would feel better? Obviously I can’t start work in a few days in this horrible condition as today I couldn’t get up from bed and I was only thinking: I want to die. I’ll be sad losing this good opportunity for work but losing my girlfriend from OCD as well will be unimaginable for me. I’m feeling hopeless right now. I’m sorry for my long post and I would like to thank everyone who reads it. I’m wishing all the best to everyone.

I had a panic attack last Friday and I've been feeling derealization since. This is not new for me. I've had DR feelings ranging from "what if everyone else is fake? What if it's all a dream? Or a hallucination? How do I know if my thoughts are my own? What even is autopilot if I'm on autopilot? Are good and evil made up concepts? What is our inner voice? How can we see things in our memories?" Now my mind has decided to try this on for size: "what if I'm making everything up? People and all? What if the things I read in articles or even on here are things I've made up just to reassure myself?" Someone replies "I've felt this before" I'll be like "of course you have because I'm making this all up." And that freaks me out. I have been challenging the thoughts like I am supposed to with "okay, sure fine. So you made it all up. Does that mean you can enjoy it? What if the opposite is true? How can you be so sure it's not? And if you did make it all up, why is it bothering you so much?" I also am trying to say that I felt fine Thursday, and I haven't had a panic attack/episode like this since last October (2022) and my brain says "yea but what if that's because you made it up?" And then the panic restarts.

Hi. I get a lot of anxiety driving. My ocd likes to make me think certain things happen when they didn’t. I was driving home from work and just leaving the parking lot. Someone walked in front of my car and I didn’t see immediately but they were far enough away for me to break. Literally like 2-3 parking spots away from me. They crossed the street. I didn’t hit them. But my anxiety is making me believe that I did. I even looked in my rear view mirror and saw them walking into the store to show myself that I didn’t hit anyone. Yet I still have this anxious feeling. I know for a fact I didn’t hit anyone. It’s like I have to try to convince my brain that I didn’t. I probably sound stupid.

how do i know if it’s a real thought or if it’s my ocd ?

Ok so I'm just wondering if the compulsions are what's making this worse? The checking and need for certainty? I get groinals alot especially when triggered and it always makes me do a compulsion because I don't want to feel it, it makes me so I comfortable. I got no desire for sex with a man neither have I ever wanted it or had a crush on a guy but ever since this I'm so triggered by any gay feminine looking man. All my relationships since I was 16 has been ruined because of this I always had crushes on women, always loved women and fantasies about them all the time I only wanted women not men I respected others sexualities since I'm not homophobic but me myself I wanted to be with a woman that's my preference but if that's true why do I feel things below when I check porn? Why do I get false urges that cause me distress? How do I stop this it's been years and I'm still not willing to give up fighting I'm still holding hope that one day I can be happy with my girlfriend I love her so much and I feel like I need to breakup when I deal with this ): I hate it so fucking much I'm alwaus so happy when i feel straight and don't have these doubts. I'm happy admiring men and finding them handsome time to time but sex and romantic stuff I don't want win men its not desirable for me it wouldn't make me happy I want those things with my girlfriend ): pls someone help I need advice I got no one to talk to and it's getting bad again.