anxiety

@JessieB kinda lost my google streak. was looking through an instagram account for ocd and saw a comment that was super ick and now has me anxious 🤦🏻‍♀️

@kodyisland Don’t feel bad. I have too today. But it wasn’t researching suicide OCD. It was researching side effects of Zoloft 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️ my good ole Health anxiety. Although I prefer that OcD over the suicide OcD any day.

@JessieB agreed! i was reading up to try to encourage myself and ended up making myself feel bad. and i did the same thing with googling meds a few weeks ago

@kodyisland Can I ask what made yourself feel bad maybe I can help.

@kodyisland Yep it won’t stop til we stop. 😵‍💫😑

@StoicGuy i was reading a post about being nervous to share intrusive thoughts. (i have harm ones) and someone commented about how therapists should report the thoughts and how could they know they aren’t real because some serial k*ller went to therapy and shared and the therapist didn’t report him and he k*lled people. which has triggered my anxiety obviously

@JessieB I take Prozac and I agree it's scary to see the side effects but every time I go off I have severe panic attacks so I will probably have to take for life. Anything is better than weeks long panic attacks though so I've accepted the risks of my medication. I wish I could be free of anxiety without meds.

@kodyisland Well I don't want to reassure you because that will strengthen OCD but NOCD does have a policy of what therapists are allowed to share. There are also HIPPA laws. People with HOCD don't actually harm people and therapists know this so they won't report someone unless they are sure someone is going to do harm. But a therapist would probably tell you that there's no way to know 100% if your fear will come true and you have to accept that. Honestly the best way to beat this illness is to face every single fear thought you have and accept uncertainty. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life but it really does work.

@StoicGuy i’m struggling a lot with just repeated thoughts of “i’m so scared” “i don’t want to hurt anyone” and just constant anxiety. how did you do it?

@kodyisland Well I started small with my smallest fears to build momentum. I repeated in my head that my fear may come true and I just sit with the anxiety. It sucks I know but you'll notice it's power weakens every time you can do this without a compulsion. It also helps to do exposures when you aren't already in panic mode. Set a time each day to do a few exposures and work your way up to the hardest ones last.

@StoicGuy i worry so much because my fears are about hurting people i love or myself so sitting there thinking it may come true scares the crap out of me

@StoicGuy did you do it with a nocd therapist?

@StoicGuy Same here. I could never stop it. Or I’d be at home and never leave

@kodyisland I like to think of OCD in this way. Imagine someone who is afraid of dogs. Most people aren't scared of dogs but someone could have an irrational fear like we do. Even if you place the cutest, smallest dog, a person with this fear would have anxiety because their brain is screaming at them to be afraid even if they know it's irrational. You would fix this by having them start with being around a dog. Then touching the dog once. Then petting the dog. After a few sessions of these exposures and not allowing compulsions then their anxiety would decrease dramatically because the brain has now been rewired. With OCD we all have made up fears so we need to expose ourselves to that fear until we no longer fear it. The only difference is often our battles are concentrated around something we can't see with HOCD. That's why I'm working with a therapist to help me come up with exposures.

@kodyisland Well you're not alone. Most people with HOCD have fears about hurting others because it goes against their values. You care about other people so this is why you have this fear. OCD attacks our weaknesses. It's insidious.

@kodyisland This is why OCD therapists don't worry about HOCD because they know a person is actually afraid to harm others because they are a good person. Someone who hurts others purposely doesn't have fears about harming others. They couldn't have HOCD because they wouldn't have any fears or anxiety.

@StoicGuy if you don’t mind my asking: i’m starting erp this week. how quickly did you notice a difference if any ?

@kodyisland Well everyone is different so I hate to compare and I suffer from other illnesses such as GAD and depression so that might make it longer to treat for me. But, it works really fast for me as long as I don't do any compulsions. If you perform compulsions it will take a lot longer. It's like there's a barrier that once you cross you are telling your brain it's not really a threat like you thought. I usually only need three or four exposures where I don't do compulsions and the anxiety drops to a 1-3 level.

@StoicGuy how does it work? do you do the same exposures over and over?

@kodyisland But with every compulsion you are telling your brain, nevermind, this is scary so we need to be afraid. That's why OCD needs to be beaten with the least amount of compulsions you can manage. 0 would be ideal but I understand that's tough for most people.

@kodyisland If you don't mind give me an example of one of your fears and I'll tell you how I would utilize ERP.

@StoicGuy one of my fears is losing it and k*lling my family

@kodyisland Okay, well that's trickier so I'd check to see what your therapist suggests but if that were me I would write out scripts of your fear. Tell yourself repeatedly that it may come true. You know deep down you love your family and you wouldn't hurt them but OCD attacks you this way because you care about them. If you tell yourself you would never harm your family then that's a compulsion. If you force the thoughts to stop immediately then that's a compulsion. If the thoughts come then recognize them as OCD and say to yourself " that could happen" You have to accept the uncertainty of not knowing. I know this is frightening but if you don't accept uncertainty then the fear will persist. It's important to note that just because you accept uncertainty this doesn't mean you believe it will come true. You just accept the possibility that one in a trillion chance it could happen.

@StoicGuy what’s an example of yours if you don’t mind sharing?

@kodyisland I'll give you an example of one of mine. I used to wash my hands multiple times because I was afraid there were germs on them. For my exposure I wash once only after using the restroom. Or before I eat. Or in situations where it is recommended to wash such as handling raw meat. The key is I don't listen to my OCD when it tells me to wash again and again because maybe I didn't get every single germ off. Another is with fear of blood. If anything even looks like a small red mark I used to avoid it. But unless I'm certain it's blood I don't avoid the object I tell myself it may be blood but I don't know. I have to live with uncertainty.