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Any advise on how to over come cannibalism thoughts. I have thought about it to much where I feel like there is no return. It made me question everything.

Just a question, what is the definition of checking someone out? I have sexual ocd so it’s always saying I’m checking everyone out if I take my eyes off their face for even a second… I have a bf who I never want to betray… is it inappropriate if you think someone is attractive and look at their body? Not in a way of oogly googly eyeballing them or sexualising them, but my mum and partner both tell me it’s normal to see people as “a whole person” like not just concentrate on their face the whole time you’re aloud to look at the persons face and body without it being sexual - my brain doesn’t allow me to understand the difference :( I’m trying to do little exposures and even if I find someone attractive just trying to look at their face, their outfit, their body, etc, without paying attention to the thoughts. I guess I just am concerned about ever being inappropriate. My partner can look at a movie and not be worried if the girl is in a bikini for example he just looks wherever on the screen…. Is checking out when you have intent and you’re looking the person up and down trying to sexualise them?? I want to just be normal and have a hard time understanding what normal is - because a lot of my thoughts are unwanted sexual ones… I’m scared what if I had a thought saying “that person has an attractive body” then I looked down at their body, is that checking them out? Or is that just me going “fuck off ocd idc what you say” I just am genuinely confused and hope someone can give me some insight into what is normal and what is not, and what it means to actually check someone out… sorry for the rant, hope someone can help me cause I’m just worrying alot. Never wanting to be unloyal or disrespectful to my partner or relationship. I know everyone has different opinions on things but if a couple people could maybe give me some advice that would be appreciated? 🎄 merry Christmas everyone

I’m having a pretty bad relapse on my ocd and I feel insane. It makes me think I’ll ruin my relationship or that I’m disappointing God. Sometimes with the repeated thoughts and nightmares for a week or two and then being fine next , does this insinuate bipolar???

Today I met a good friend. I woke up with compulsive thoughts (suicidal, and I am NOT suicidal, so it's completely horrible; it takes over in every thought I am trying to think about my tasks- I am deeply sad and disturb about it, but ok- so used to it, so extremely used to it)- it's been happening every day for three decades as I at the same time been running a " normal life" so my friends find me entertaining, interesting, and they are all full of confidence in my plans, they take my sanity for granted - as I have trained myself to do- but after my cresendo in 2022 and finally breakdown January 2023 I been quite open about the diagnose I got from my doctor-I have OCD. Today I said honestly that my compulsive thoughts are more active again, and my friend, which I love and think she is wonderful- and then she suggest if I maybe have ADHD- and I answer that no, I have OCD, I have the correct diagnosis, and I an not doubting this. One of the good things in my life is that I am 100 prosent sure I have the right diagnosis- but- how to tell the truth?? My compulsions are internal ,and today I am struggling in every shift of the day, getting dresses triggers my compulsions, going to swim triggers, even if exercise helps after some minutes I have some good minutes in the water, then coming back home, starting to work on my projects that I am doing alone as I work alone, then getting dressed to meet my friend- all actions, getting dressed, getting a taxi,waiting at the restaurant, thinking about my future plans, every single thought triggers the compulsions ad if they where an Ecco, and then she arrives and I am enjoying it, but simultaneously my compulsions are Constantly in the background and they continue after we say goodbye. I go from the restaurant to my yoga studio- it's a 15 minute walk- each step I take comes with the suicidal thought: go shoot yourself, go hang yourself- arriving at the yoga- and it's so intense that I must stay flat on the floor the entire class and try to calm down my mind as I am feeling more and more afraid I will never get well, my life is over, it's getting worse and I am convinced my friend thinks I am making up my OCD. Now I came home and my significant other which I still hide 90 prosent from ask what's wrong and I start to cry, I can not tell, I feel certain he will think I am so nuts that it's not possible to live with me and as I write this I know how far fetched I am, and the fact that I write this and post it is my best moment today- because I am determined after I got my diagnosis: I want ro be completely OPEN- I refuse to drown in my shame and worry, I understand I can't help this, and I will do whatever it takes to become better abs better and rise awareness so it's possible for me to maintain my friendships, my relationship, my life. Thank you all for reading and sorry for my misspelling- I am just so greatful I came back to this app, to have somewhere to put this terrible life experiences is crucial now. Don't give up my friends with OCD! Keep going , we are getting there!

I'm a 73yo retired physician who's struggled with OCD most of my life. While initially tic like as a child, it has evolved into obsessive thoughts (like trying to figure out what time it would be if I interchanged the hands of a clock, constantly calculating exchange rates for money when I travelled overseas, figuring age differences between myself and someone else, to the month, etc), perfectionism (like cleaning shelves and countertops over and over until it felt right, screwing in a lightbulb until it felt right, often resulting in breaking it, etc.) But more recently small physical actions (like blinking 10 times in a row until it felt even, swallowing in a certain way until it felt right, often leading to drinking many glasses of water which I'd have to diurese the rest of the day, etc.)These are but a few if the myriad of symptoms that I get. It's like my mind sticks to things to keep it occupied. It's like there's a little dictator in my head that tells me what I need to do, and decides whether or not I did it right. It has waxed and waned throughout my adulthood, but I've managed to have a successful career and social life. I'm married and have a 24 yo daughter. But it sabotages enjoyment and peace of mind. There seems to be no definite triggering obsession other than the stress of aging and retirement, but over the last few months it seems to be getting worse. I had traditional therapy as a teenager, before OCD was considered a neuro disorder rather than from dysfunctional past experiences. I've had OCD targeted therapy including groups with the Anxiety and Panic Treatment Center in Portland, OR, which kind of helped for a while. I do see a family oriented therapist for other issues. As far as meds, once I conceded that I needed them, Paxil worked for a while, but had a side effect profile. Lexapro, although promising at first, doesn't seem to help much now. So I'm considering entering more focused therapy. I'm open to whatever ERP can offer, although the symptoms change continually. And the role of mindfulness... Sent from my iPhone

I’m really worried because I just remembered when I was I think either 19 or early 20, I’m 21 now. I was trying to stop watching porn and I remember googling hentai gifs a couple of times. Why why in the world would I have looked that up and not expected to not accidentally see younger characters I don’t know. But I just remembered I think there were some gifs of characters that looked younger and I think there was one with a girl in a schoolgirl uniform. I have so much anxiety in my chest I’m so worried. I was telling myself I probably scrolled past it because I do remember scrolling past things and I never ever looked specifically for characters that were younger because that’s gross. But obviously I have a memory of that so it doesn’t change the fact that I saw that. I’m so worried what if I touched myself to the younger looking characters??? Even if I just saw the gifs it’s gross. I feel like I’m not as worried as I should be but I know that’a not true. I’m scared, I don’t want to be a p. I really don’t wang to hurt children I don’t. I’m terrified of being a p. I’m worried because I think one gif I saw was a character on a work desk and I think I touched myself to that but what if it was a school desk and I’m remembering it wrong?? What was I thinking??? I’ve never ever looked up loli characters or loli hentai or looked specifically for underaged characters that’s so messed up. I’ve done so many wrong things I’m so messed up. I’m so worried that counts as underaged porn please god I hope I’m not a p word. Can someone help me?

Today I woke up with the intrusive thought „did I harm my dog sexually during the night?“. My brain is specifically relating to the time of 3:57 when I woke up once. From what I remember I only woke up and thought abt going to the toilet but being too lazy and scared of the night so I went back to sleep. But I keep being worried I might have actually been up before that time and done sth. Like I seriously have no Memoires of doing so. Only things that I know were produced by my imagination bc they’re not really possible. I’ve already asked my mother if she had heard me go downstairs at night (we have like some kind of door that keeps you from falling down the stairs which is quite loud to open) but she said she doesn’t know and she hadn’t heard anything and said she’s 100% sure nothing had happened due to how my dog doesn’t seem to care at all and seems to not be scared of me. I’ve also thought abt asking my father and sister but they can’t actually hear anything. Maybe at like 3 am they were up tho for a snack? I know my father often goes to the kitchen at night to eat sth and my sister too. I guess I’ll ask both of them tomorrow. And the thing is that we actually have a camera in our garden which captures a bit of the door where my dog always sleeps and we have a light there so I could’ve been able to check up for my dog in the cameras. Turned out that my parents had turned the camera off at some point. Seems like they only wanted to capture stupid animals hopping onto our car and watching our own family go into the house. Wonderful. I don’t know what to do. The only thing I could now do is either trust my memories and let it go or check for the logic. Last time I was scared I might’ve hurt my dog, I realised that it wasn’t possible for that to have happened and that all of my memories were false. But to be honest, I’m so tired I don’t want to fill 5 days of my life with checking the logic of my obsession. I’ve had multiple su!cide thoughts by now. I’ve spent almost half my day crying. This is my lowest point. I can’t accept the uncertainty. I’m so far in this rn I actually today decided to lock my room from now on and hide my key, take a picture of it to remember it’s exact position and then close the door of the wardrobe I’m hiding it in and putting tape around the openings of the doors from the wardrobe. I seriously don’t want to keep living if this is the life my brain chose to give me.

I've been thinking about gender for the past 4 hours trying to define things and understand things and it has me going in circles. I'm afraid of being bigoted and hurting people's feelings. I'm afraid of turning into a horrible person just because all this gender stuff is complicated right now. Man and Woman have sort of lost their meaning but they also mean something to every individual and I can't describe it no matter how hard I try. I'd be relieved if we all ditched the binary terms but trans people still use man and woman and it gets really confusing because I don't know what that means to them and what it should mean to me, but I understand that gender is a spectrum and that it all doesn't matter but it does matter and I'm so confused. These two words floating around my head driving me crazy. I just want to understand things the right way. I still call myself a man, but I can't say that I am one. Nor am I a woman. I call myself non-binary because it's the only term that fits, but I'd like to identify as nothing at all. It helps me feel better seeing through my perspective as I am not a man nor a woman or anything. I understand that for other people it isn't a choice. Other people are women, are men, are non-binary, are both. For me I feel like I choose which to be, like a mask maybe. I am not comfortable in my own body and mind yet, so maybe I choose what to be, instead of just being. It's so much. I fully support trans people and who they identify as, but I cannot stop trying to define words that can't be defined without upsetting someone. I can't see the end of this. Does anyone have any insight? Or is this just one big OCD moment?

I know it is Christmas but my anxiety is about NYE. Every year my friends want to celebrate it together and for the last years we have done so. However this year, I have not been much in contact with them and some friends organized a night, excluding other common friends of ours because they are not “party animal” and they want to be arty animals. Now on one side, I am not a party animal at all (even though I have been invited) and the idea of being forced into party animals celebration is horrible to me. However, my OCD is triggered by the fact that there are some girls that I do not know and my brain is already in OCD mode, telling me “You are going to be attracted by one of these girls,cheat on your bf and lose him forever”. Of course, this causes me tons of anxiety even though I know I am in love with my boyfriend and it is OCD talking. On the other side, my family is reunited to celebrate nye at my grandma house (she passed away in May) and they are all celebrating there and I feel like I will be happier there with them. However, I don’t know if I prefer that because I am compulsively avoiding the plan with my friends and feel safe or because I am truly happier with my family. I don’t want to do a compulsion, but at the moment I am so into the OCD cycle that I cannot distinguish anything anymore.

My ocd has been acting up and making me feel really scared. I guess some things I’ve seen have really triggered me and my thoughts are just so loud now. I just want to be able to enjoy Christmas tomorrow without being pestered by intrusive thoughts 😔I wish it would just go away :(

So I’m trying ERP and as a result I’m not able to function eat sleep properly should I back down to my ocd and just do as it wishes Or keep up with this ERP which has been failing for the last 3 months

It’s going to be two weeks since this OCD flare or episode or however you call it started. I miss who I was before this, the one who did ERP and took medicine and got to see a glimpse of what a “normal” life looks like. I am a gift giver and would be so excited about Christmas and wrap gifts for my nieces and nephews, I forgot to buy gifts this year. I’m trying my best to stay present. I stopped going to church, this episode has been so bad it brought me to church again. Seeking comfort. I did so much mental checking that I had no anxiety and started crying that I didn’t have anxiety. Of course mental checking will backfire. I hate that I’m putting my family through this. I’m so thankful for their support, but I feel so incompetent. I just graduated college after struggling 7 years and feel like interacting with society is too much. I’ve done it before but I’m just scared what if this time it’s different? I miss who I was before this OCD episode.

Literally everyone for months has been telling me that I’m NOT THAT and that it’s likely OCD, and I’ve gotten a therapist who’s an OCD specialist on here and even she told me I meet the criteria for OCD. So then why can’t I accept that it’s just that? What’s so hard to accept the simple truth of it all? I can’t just keep saying and reminding myself that these intrusive thoughts are a product of OCD cause then THAT becomes a compulsion. Why is it so hard to navigate and understand any of this? Why can’t I forgive myself and give myself a break? I feel so tired of thinking about it all all the time, but what else am I supposed to think about? I have let my life revolve around these obsessions for months and now that I got the answer I wanted, I still feel doubt? I can’t just forget about all of these thoughts and when they happened. Is this just my life now?

I was reading that Spirulina is a cyanobacteria and that it can repair the Myelin Sheath a bit. The Myelin Sheath is made partially from Cholesterol and B12, so eating steak and eggs is actually good to help repair the brain believe it or not. B12 and Folate are important in maintaining/building DNA and they work in synergy with one another. My OCD has went down 90-95% working on building the Myelin Sheath and repairing the microbiome/Gut....but I also take high amounts of Clomipramine/Anafranil and I now basically feel 90-95% normal. No more impulses that I don't really have control of, I have 95% control of my obsessions and compulsions too. It's like God almost healed me as a Christmas Present!! Take supplements of B-12 in all forms, take Methyl B-12, Hydroxo B-12 , Adeno-B-12 (these can all be ordered at www.seekinghealth.com) and believe it or not Cyanocobalmin is a good/great form of B-12, in one article it says it's the bodies most usable form....but those that have Methylation issues/MTHFR gene mutation may want to limit cyanocobalmin until they get there Methylation under control. If you don't know about Methylation please check out www.mthfr.com /Dr.Ben Lynch who also runs Seeking Health website and sells excellent supplements. If you have Mthfr, limit the synthetic form of Folate/Folic Acid and use Methyl B-12 and Hydroxo B-12. I am not sure about Cyanocobalmin I read mixed results on Cyanocobalmin one article saying effects Methylation but another article says it's best/most absorbable form of B-12 so I have to do more research. We need to build the Myelin Sheath up and repair the Gut through Probiotic Supplements and Yogurt/SourCream/Cottage Cheese/Buttermilk and Fermented Foods like Kim Chi, Sauerkraut (Sauerkraut is great! for the gut and Kombucha/ and I think Wasabi is fermented. If you have Severe OCD you will probably need SSRI's and Clomipramine. I know I am not a doctor and can't really give medical advice but I have lived through this OCD Hell since July 2007 and know what it feels like. I had/I guess still have to a degree POCD, Pet OCD, HOCD, Scrupulocity and Pure "O"....my Myelin Sheath and maybe Gut must be really messes up because I need 2 forms of SSRI's Sertraline at the max 200 mg and 40 mg of Fluoxetine and High Amounts of Clomipramine 150 mg. I even take 8 mg of Perphenazine as I have a little Psychosis, it must be the lowered Myelin Sheath-B-12 issues but again I am taking atleast 3 grams of Spirulina everyday and sometimes up to 10 grams and almost all forms of B-12...so if you are vegetarian you may especially need it. You might even need b12 shots from a naturopath or however you can get them. You need vitamin b-6 and Folate (Methyl Folate) to also help with Nerves and DNA repair. Again I know I am not a doctor but I have had OCD for close to 17 years and have done some goofy things in my OCD, OCD is so hard to control om a daily basis when it is severe and for some reason my brain has attached to some of the more taboo OCD themes. I am just trying to help people get out of this OCD Hell and trying to get back to a normal life, My OCD is so strong ERP Therapy doesn't really work for me. I have done a decent amount of counseling and even some on here and did one thing so weird I could only tell an OCD counselor. I believe in God and pray to him daily to help me and forgive me of some of the weird things that I have a few times and many things I have almost done.....OCD can be very hard to control when it is severe. I just want to say stay in the fight and Clomipramine and Fluvixamine can be a life saver for some. PM me if you have any questions, I am a nutrition and supplement need. I think eating steak (I really like Chipotle's Carne Asada) is really good for the nerves and eating eggs on a daily basis is good because it has Choline, B12 and a bit of Cholesterol which can be good if not taken to extreme and many other Vitamins and minerals are in eggs. Stay strong and God Bless!!

Does anyone get into a state of dissociation from having so much mental compulsions? I’ve been in a dissociative state for 2 months now and I do not know how to get out of it😭😭

I have been working with Kristine Guerra and we have made some big steps on my journey to recovery! In just a few weeks I have been seen almost 50% decreases in my symptoms. I have been enjoying my time with my daughter while having intrusive thoughts and still some doubt in myself but I have been able to go to work and be efficient, go to the gym, eat regularly, be social, and enjoy my time with my family. I really have been practicing my communication with OCD and basically just letting it know that it can stop lying to me. Yes I still have mental compulsions and physical behaviors but I am feeling like I am getting better at controlling it. The busier I am the less I think and when a thought pops into mind I just let OCD know "it is more than welcome to be here and it isn't going to stop me anymore." I really never thought that I would be feeling like I am today and I am so grateful and want to encourage anyone who deals with any type of theme to get help from someone and be open to sharing your experience with a professional. Is it awkward? Yes it can be but you also have to recognize that you are just trying to care of yourself. If we cannot be the best version of ourselves then we cannot live our life to the extent that we want to. I was so tired of moping around and being sad and feeling like I couldn't enjoy the moment. In reality we do not know when our last day will be. It could be after I write this or it can be somewhere in the future. Like they say in recovery or life in general "you can't be 100% certain about anything in life" and that is why accepting uncertainty makes you look at life in a whole different perspective and should be eye opening to you and make you want to just have fun. Finding what makes you happy takes time and especially when you are in a low state of mind it can be difficult to get out of that funk and get back to who you really are. Trying those new things in life, taking risk, facing your fears and developing into a stronger individual all comes from the struggle of having OCD in my opinion. I believe that OCD is a test to how much you can handle and is an obstacle to make you a better individual emotionally, physically and mentally. I have hope in my recovery and want to be better. Just know that you have to be patient and will have setbacks but that doesn't mean that OCD will be the end of you even when it feels like that. Be strong everyone!!! Have faith!!!

I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop ruminating. I can’t get over the false attraction. It is all so painful. I just want to feel like myself again. Are there any other lesbians on here who have ocd???

Does anyone else get intrusive thoughts that are commands? Like “you need to kill someone” or things like that. I feel crazy even typing that but sometimes mine are like that and I hate them

I’ve been reflecting a lot about my childhood and how my OCD tendencies were so obvious but I didn’t even know what OCD was… just thought I’d share so we can laugh (hopefully) and recognize that we can’t help that we have OCD! Most of the following were things I’d do when I was between the ages of about 8-16…I may or may not still do some of them 🤣 * praying with my hands turned up because if I prayed with them face down I was praying to the devil * Correcting mean thoughts about other people to nice thoughts otherwise I was a bad person * Beating myself up for not smiling at other people in public * Washing my feet every time I played outside barefoot because I feared that dog poop somehow got on my feet and I would get sick because of it (even if I know I didn’t step in any) * If praying specifically about someone else I would HAVE to include everyone or something bad would happen to them * Pushing a thought away by shaking my head no or literally spitting it out * Confessing about making a MySpace because I wasn’t allowed to have one as an early teen, and ruminating on it for an entire summer (!!!) and fearing that someone would abduct me (due to the horror stories of predators on it at the time) even though I wasn’t active on it * Constantly making sure friends liked me by asking them (“are you sure you want to be my friend?”) * Constantly making sure my parents weren’t mad at me (“are you mad at me? Did I do something?) * Over apologizing (like 5-10x) if it wasn’t a big deal and needing to be sorry was not necessary Oh ✨ OCD ✨ you’re so silly!

Hi all! So I’m home from college now for winter break and I was just curious: does anyone else’s OCD spike when coming home for the holidays? Like having an uptick in intrusive thoughts related to family members, being home, just surrounding that theme? Would appreciate input! It makes me feel so isolated. ..