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So, my brain brought up a question that really affected my worldview. I solved the obsession, and gained some good wisdom on that could be useful towards unconditional loving self acceptance. Maybe I was being OCD about recovery, and tried to find logical reasons for why progress is important no matter the outcome when I should've just embraced uncertainty. So now I have an answer to the Obsession. But this obsession took me to a pretty dark place. And I know OCD is just gonna throw and equally Bad one at me if I use this information to my benefit because it will essentially be reinforcing the OCD cycle. "Oh, he got the solution he needed to now I need to throw a new obsession at his way." So what do I do with the wisdom I gained from ruminating here? It's useful and practical information, so I don't want to throw it out. But I can't reinforce the ocd cycle.

Ive been on this platform on and off for quite some time now. The last months have been quite challening. I started with erp but I still struggle to do it consistently. Idk if anyone can relate to what I am about to say, but sometimes when my anxiety is a bit hightened again, I get ocd dreams about my obsession and the feelings I have in the dream are lasting - so I feel them in reality as well - although I mostly feel them when I have nothing do to and I get hit with intrusive thoughts. That lasts probably for a couple of days and its an absolute nightmare. At the moment I am so sad that I feel like I am not able to date because I don’t really feel attraction towards men atm. This always changes but often times when ocd gets worse, my normal attraction fades away. A lot of people around me are getting into relationships and everybody seems to have their lives together and I feel like the odd one out. I wish to get married and have kids but it seems so far away from me right now and I feel quite depressed about it - and I get intrusive thoughts about this as well (that I don’t want to have a boyfriend etc) I wish to find some christian friends on here to talk about this journey, especially when you hope that God will deliver you from all this. I would be glad to connect with people!

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

I legit can’t get offf chat gbt . I go all the time for reassurance .

I have an obsession with doing bad prayers and it’s worse cause of meta ocd. I feel like I can psyche myself out into doing prayers I wouldn’t normally actually do. It’s not all just intrusive prayers either, but that is part of what Meta ocd is targeting. One issue, is that because of it, I’ll start praying for every little thing, like there to be enough soap, etc. I wouldn’t normally pray for this, but thanks to meta OCD I am and I still want it. This creates a bigger issue when there are other desires I have that I want but wouldn’t normally pray for. I can psyche myself out into possibly praying for those and meaning it, however this would not normally happen. Basically there is the fear of doing the prayer I know I could do. Then the fear of the fear of the prayer. Then the fear of the fear of the fear of the prayer, and it causes a lot of anxiety, and can lead to me actually doing it. I’m sure there can be confusion as to how much I mean things, but ocd will also hand select things I can mean (not just intrusive thoughts, since meta ocd is targeting things that aren’t intrusive thoughts). One way this goes away is if I allow myself to pray for all the bad things, even if I mean it. Because everything will go away, including praying for enough soap or something. But then I’m stuck on the fact that I prayed for the specific things. If I don’t do it, I’m stuck worrying about how my mind is going to manipulate me into praying for something

These are some of my experiences with some theatrical flare to better depict how it feels. I decided to share this because when I saw this community I suddenly felt less alone in more human. Lovecraftian door Lurker: I don’t know the subtypes so I’ll just be talking about my relationship with OCD. OCD! that lonely woman in the ocean singing your praise's, sure she’ll love you forever! Of course she isn’t a siren planning on dragging you to the depths and tearing you to shreds. OCD! that haunting whisper in the wind calling you to fly! fly! OCD! that Lovecraftian abomination chanting at you from behind a locked door. Banging demanding you bow to it’s will. For me it latches on to my trauma and PTSD circling them like some demented teacup ride. A daily occurance for me is recalling the day I died when I was like 6 i remeber each detail of the day the kids i met the activtes we particapated in, the heat. The height of the slide before i plummeted to my death. This day consumes my life. “Thud thud!” I ask my parents about it often they tell me it never happened i tell them they weren’t there. Each time they lie and say I’ve never told them. My boyfriend whom I’ve been with for three years hears the story offten and often deals with me asking him if he’s seen me ask my parents. “Thud Thud” Each time he says yes and I asked how they responded “like you’ve never told them.” I constantly become afraid that my boyfreind will drown because he can’t swim. “Thud! Thud!” and because he can’t swim that the car will go off the road into some body of water and he will die. ”Thud! Thud!” I feel the water filling my lungs turning them into fire, the fear of reaching out my hands with no aid. “THUD! THUD! And he will die alone too and there’s nothing you can do to stop it! THUD THUD!” I scream that same fire fueling my rage my tears running down my face like gasoline igniting the thought spiral further burning deeper into my self hatred. I scream again banging my hands on my head. Wish and hoping it will shut up the thoughts.“why? Why?! WHY!” Sobbing until I’m nothing but a puddle. . . Ya know a few months ago I was depressed the thoughts became too much, so I wanted to get high. I thought it would make them stop “Thud! Thud!” So I took a gummy it was unpackage, from a friend of a friend so now the word dog, in reference to a person is a permit part of my vocabulary. And I have memories from being in a comma because it turned out to be DMT and my 6 hour trip end up feeling like 6 months of HELL. The ocd thoughts that i usually see, in a flash became so real that i just cried for hour terrified i was stabbing my eyes out dead and this was my purgatory for leaving the church. ”Thud! THUD!” I stopped using my favorite water bottle after that. Before the incident The bottle up against the wall with the straw to the side of the wall because the thought that would repeat in my head would be that because of my clumsiness I would trip and fall onto the straw and it would stab my eye out and kill me. I had this thought often I kept look up what to do if you accidently get something stab/stuck in your eye. “Thud! Thud!”

It’s never been this bad before. I feel like I’ll never get better. Every day I remember new things to feel guilty about and new fears pop into my head. What if I get doxxed? What if I said something online that could get me in trouble? What if I was hacked? What if someone is looking through every post, every message, every account I’ve ever made. I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole and there is no way out. I’m 21, I keep thinking “no one will have grace for you because of your age. You are an adult. You should have know better. You don’t deserve to get better”

Hi I have a question. I love jesus he changed my life and Made me a better person but my ocd loves to confuse me so I have a problem where I remember something in the past and I repented ofc but not it makes me question my intentions and my ocd always puts the are you lying to God card which makes me super scared and then doubt occurs and I'm so exhausted I misinterpret a lot like the voice of God I keep hearing tell the truth and repent now that's it all Good if it were true see ik I'm telling the truth not because of some feeling it's because ocd's version is so ridiculous but It feels soo real I just Want go to God without feeling this fear if I'm lying to him and I fear if somehow I'm wrong. So much anxiety and questions like what if that is gods voice what if I'm wrong pls pray for me and I see videos and I'm scared if that video was sent to me by God telling me to "tell the truth" I say that because my ocd is causing me to doubt the truth being that ocd is wrong

I am a 18 year old masc lesbian with a loving girlfriend for 1 year, and I have been lesbian for almost my whole life and I have never been attracted to men in any way. flash to my past, My ex girlfriend who used to identify as a lesbian had cheated on me with a man. Recently I saw this tiktok of this masc lesbian turn straight and my friends and girlfriend made jokes I am going to turn straight for my male best friend. My male best friend came over and he’s a great guy but I do not want him in any way. when him and i were hanging out my mind threw in a thought it was “What if i like him”, i came back home and i had the worst panic attack and i felt so sick, i cried and i cried. ever since that day I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts, i don’t want a man in any way, and i feel comfortable as a lesbian but these thoughts won’t stop and they become worse when i see people say being lesbian is a phase or that i haven’t met the right guy or i’ll change in the future. i just want these thoughts to stop, i don’t want to stop being a lesbian ever, i love women so much and i just want all of this to be over with. i do not want a man in any way and im tired of my thoughts doubting myself and i hate the “what ifs”, I just want to be my old self, I want to be happy with my girlfriend.

Is this pocd? OCD?? Please no judgement!! This has been on going for years and I want the thoughts to stop and enjoy anime again :( not the other way around I used to love pride from an anime fmab (full metal alchemist brotherhood) when I was 14-15. And I feel so guilty because he took the form of a kid cause he’s a villain who can disguise himself and possess. I never liked the kid but more personality. I don’t think I NEVER EVER had romantic attraction to the body. I feel so gross talking about this as I’m older now and know what this is. The thing is Pride the homunculus character is ancient years old but his disguise is 10 years old and they have the same height but Pride is literally just a shadow with eyes and mouths in in the general lore of the anime. I do not like him now. As I got older I stopped liking him. Not in a sxual way even at all but just in general but my brain is making me think I like him or I used to in just a sxual way or ftish type of way but I DO NOT!! Idc I just feel disgusting. And I don’t want to have him as a favorite character anymore. How can I explain this to a therapist?! Any advice? No judgement please.

She laughed and said that everyone has these thoughts "i didn't tell her about the REALLY fucked up thoughts i experience cuz i was kinda scared" and then she said it's the demon just say ur prayers and they'll go away Even though i kept on trying and trying to convince her that they're clearly not normal but she kept on refusing and it kinda sounded like she didn't want to admit and believe that her daughter has a mental illness which sucks

Having a bit of an interesting time lately, feeling like I am on a roller coaster because every day has been a bit different. Yesterday was a pretty good day, my anxiety was low and intrusive thoughts were easier to work past. What I noticed was although anxiety was low, I still felt overwhelmed by thoughts sporadically throughout the evening. This morning I had some intense feelings after waking up, but find myself almost in the same place again. Any tips or tricks that have worked for you on managing through thoughts with low anxiety?

Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.

Hi, im 19 and ive been fandom spaces since i was 10 years old (long story short dont let little kids should not be on the internet 😭) anyways, im here to ask if anyone else whose in fandom are scared that what they ship might be a “proship” if your familiar with the term. I recently got back into a game and im worrying a ship i used to ship when i was younger is considered one. Its not based off game events but some people online have such scary reaction to it that it made me worry. Since im older i dont really ship them romantically anymore more platonically but i still worry about it because what if anything i ship is a pro ship. Advice is appreciated but also i just made to this post to find people who are always worried about this since i dont wanna be alone. Its scary for me because it misses with my POCD. Thanks for reading

Would it be logical to think “if I never worried about this before, it must be OCD”? I am trying to not reassurance seek, but when I can approach things logically, it really helps me. I have been dealing with varying themes since July and I try to be pragmatic about things. I’d like to stop things in their tracks if I can.

I actually didn't realise this til now because I just assumed it was a coping mechanism from when I was really young. But when I tend to get stressed out or overwhelmed, I'll often start talking out loud to myself (which mostly means just whispering to myself because if i spoke really loudly, my mom would hear me lol). But nowadays with my fear of being surveilled, I keep having to catch myself because it's such a habit at this point for me to whisper out loud. Especially with me trying to reason through my false memories or really bad intrusive thoughts. Another compulsion. And then I keep thinking omg did I have my phone with me when I said that. Is anyone watching me rn? What if this person (that probably doesn't even exist) thinks my thoughts are true? What would everyone else think? And then I spiral afterwards. It sucks because I feel like I'm policing myself even when I know these are all just things I'm saying out loud and they don't mean anything— they're just thoughts after all. But I have this worry that if someone overheard me or all of this was suddenly revealed, that it might change how people see me or people might hate me or think i'm a bad person. And then I worry about me being worried about that because then I ask myself would a good person be worried about this? Anyways, another long post with me waffling and rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️‍🩹

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

thought i was sort of improving but nope. I feel so useless. also a lot of the thoughts are "I wish/I want" now and those are the worst because they're so visceral. its so bad I have to go to a college close to ny house bc i'll freak out if I'm far away. maybe I should just give up

Basically I had a bad violent intruisve thought and I was scrolling through instagram story and on the chat box underneath my mind made me write it down on the reply box but I didn’t send it I wrote it down then got rid of it liked cleared it now I’m like why did my mind make me write that . ! Now I’m like omg why did I write that will anything happen or am I overthinking?

does it also happen to you that during exposure to erp you can imagine that act and scene in detail, and feel some confused excitement that leaves you stressed because it is hard to believe that it is part of OCD, it seems so real! When i can imagine it in detail and feel it like i can actually get arousel about it.