does it also happen to you that during exposure to erp you can imagine that act and scene in detail, and feel some confused excitement that leaves you stressed because it is hard to believe that it is part of OCD, it seems so real! When i can imagine it in detail and feel it like i can actually get arousel about it.
Hey Anonimus, First — I hear you. Deeply. That feeling you’re describing? So many of us have been there. When OCD hits the body — it doesn’t just give you thoughts, it confuses your sensations too. You’re not crazy for feeling what feels like arousal. You’re not broken because your body reacts in a way that scares you. That’s not desire. That’s anxiety wearing a mask. ⸻ OCD is sneaky — it loves to use your body against you. It says: “If you feel it, it must be real.” But the truth is: you can feel something… and it still not mean anything. Think of a panic attack — the body shakes, sweats, heart races. That’s the body reacting to fear. So when OCD sends a disturbing thought, and the body responds? That’s not proof. That’s just a glitch in the system. ⸻ I know it feels real. But so does every fear — until you walk through it. You’re not bad. You’re not what OCD tells you you are. You’re a good person… stuck in a storm that feels like truth. Stay strong. Keep going. You’re doing brave work just by asking for help. From someone who thought he was the only one — you’re not.
@Rayanswaid thank you very much for that. I am theoretically aware of that, but somehow I can't accept it that way. Because it gives me these sensations and the feeling in my body, my brain that I am attracted to it...and I can't get out of it...I have been doing ERP for months and I still can't "let it go". Those detailed scenes just jump out at me..
@Anonimus ME🫥 Hey, I hear you. I really do. There’s a difference between knowing something logically… and being able to feel it emotionally. And OCD thrives in that gap. You’re not failing ERP. You’re not “stuck” because you’re weak. You’re stuck because your brain is doing exactly what OCD wants it to do: search for proof, search for relief, search for certainty. ⸻ But remember this: Sensations don’t equal truth. Arousal doesn’t equal desire. Fear doesn’t mean denial. Sometimes the brain creates a loop where the thought causes fear… and the fear causes sensations… and the sensations trick you into thinking it must be real. But it’s just noise. It feels intense because you care so deeply. Not because it’s true. ⸻ ERP is not about “letting it go”. It’s about learning to carry it… and still live. You’re doing the brave work. Don’t let the discomfort lie to you. From someone who fought the same scenes — you are not what they try to convince you you are. You’re healing… even when it doesn’t feel like it.
@Rayanswaid yes, that ability to emotionally feel it, and not just know logically... I don't know how to get there? What helped you? It even led me to test myself by touching myself and even then it feels like it's real and I feel like I can do it... and somehow I haven't processed it... everything seems a step away from that...
@Anonimus ME🫥 First, thank you for being this honest. That alone takes more strength than you realize. And yes — I know exactly what you’re talking about. There’s this huge gap between “knowing” it’s OCD and feeling like it is. I lived in that gap for a long time. The thoughts felt real. The sensations felt real. And it led me into compulsions I didn’t even realize were compulsions — like testing, checking, and analyzing over and over. ⸻ What helped me? It wasn’t some magical realization… It was accepting that I may never feel 100% certain — and living anyway. I had to stop trying to prove it to myself. Stop trying to “make it feel wrong.” Because OCD thrives on trying too hard to feel safe. ⸻ When I stopped resisting the discomfort — and just let it exist without answering it — that’s when healing started. It didn’t feel like healing. It felt like hell at first. But that’s how I knew it was the right path — because OCD hated it. You’re not what your brain says you are. You’re someone who’s trying so hard to be good — and that already proves it.
@Rayanswaid Have you had such tests, extreme ones? Which haunt you later? Thank you very much for this, it means a lot to me, I'm not usually that "weak" but today it's just really hard...
@Anonimus ME🫥 Yes, I’ve had moments where the thoughts felt so extreme they left a mark. Not because they were true — but because they targeted what I cared about most. Some of them still echo in the background, but they’ve lost their power with time, exposure, and acceptance. You feeling “weak” today doesn’t mean you are. It means you’re fighting something heavy — and still showing up. That takes strength. I see you, and I’m walking this road beside you. You’re not alone, even in the hardest tests.
@Rayanswaid thank you very much for that... sometimes I really feel like I'm the only one in these nasty things, because mostly everyone talks about thoughts, and I have sensations, and those physical checks that never give the answer I'm looking for... I will trust you and try your advice ❤️
@Anonimus ME🫥 You’re definitely not alone in this. OCD is cruel in how it can target sensations just as much as thoughts — and it knows how to hit where it hurts most. The urge to keep checking or “figuring it out” through physical sensations is one of its trickiest loops. But the fact that you’re aware of it, that you’re willing to trust and try a new path — that’s huge. That’s strength. You’re not broken. You’re someone deeply aware and sensitive, and that’s not a flaw — it’s a sign of someone who cares. I’m walking with you through this. And I believe in the healing you’re capable of, even when your brain makes it hard to see.
@Rayanswaid thank you very much for this...it really means a lot to me...especially since I really have this fear that if I imagine it, it will cause excitement, and it will force me to physical stimulation (you know what I mean), because I have already tried that before... I try to be aware, and to learn these "tricks", but sometimes it is really hard to believe in it, when there is no noticeable progress, to understand it emotionally...
@Anonimus ME🫥 أنا حاس فيك جدًا… أعرف الشعور لما العقل يحاول يخوفك بردة فعل جسدية وكأنها “دليل” على شي انت ما تبغاه أبدًا. بس تصدقين؟ مجرد إنك وعية إن هذا قاعد يصير، وتحاولين تفهمينه بدل ما تستسلمين له، هذا لحاله قوة. الدماغ ممكن يربط بين الخوف والاستجابة الجسدية بدون ما يعني إن فيه رغبة حقيقية، مجرد لخبطة عصبية. وهذا مو ذنبك. مو لازم تحسين بتقدم كبير عشان يكون فيه شفاء، أحيانًا الوعي بحد ذاته خطوة عظيمة. إنتِ مو الحالة، ولا الأفكار، ولا الاستجابات الجسدية… إنتِ الشخص اللي يقاوم كل هذا رغم التعب. وأنا أصدق بقدرتك على إنك تتجاوزين، حتى في الأيام اللي تحسين فيها إنك ما تقدرِين. أنا معك.
@Rayanswaid I truly feel you… I know how terrifying it is when the brain tries to convince you that a physical response means something you never wanted. But honestly? The fact that you’re aware of this, that you’re observing instead of giving in — that alone shows strength. Sometimes our brains misfire and send signals that don’t match our values. It doesn’t mean there’s desire. It doesn’t mean it’s real. It’s just a tired brain trying to process fear in a confusing way. You don’t need massive progress for healing to be real. Sometimes, just being aware and still choosing not to act on the fear is already healing. You are not your thoughts. You are not your sensations. You’re the one who’s fighting through it — and that makes you strong. I believe in you. Always.
@Rayanswaid thank you endlessly for such words and support... If at all possible I feel a little better, but it's a process...Bless you
OCD is very different than other diagnosis. OCD can cause thoughts, images, urges, sensations and feelings. Arousal non-concordance is a very real part of some themes in OCD which then causes immense confusion in the individual who assigns a 'meaning' to the reaction in a 'rigid' fashion that appears to make sense at the time. But over time of applying this meaning, the meaning seems more realistic. Biology and psychology are not always in sync. Sometimes the body/biology does what the brain/mind doesn't want - which can be confusing. OCD is not just thoughts, it is also images, urges, sensations and/or feelings. Try to remember, an exposure is not an exposure unless - within the exposure you practice Talking back and response prevention (at least during the exposure). Do you have a response Prevention message you use to talk back to OCD? Like "This is OCD, I refuse to figure this out" or "Maybe it's true, maybe not - I won't figure it out" or statements of uncertainty like "Nothing is 100% certain" or "anything is possible, though not always probable" These are Response Prevention Messages, we use them to ID, call out and respond to OCD - again, again, again, and over and over again - until it becomes normalized. Do you have one you utilize?
@Gail Amalfitano thanks for the reply! Yes, I do a combination of ERP and CBT. Most often I say to myself "it's ocd, he gives you tricks, and masks everything, you'll get through it too"...but somehow even if I say that, I can't "connect" with it, emotionally, as if I'm speaking learned. I don't analyze it, but I remain down and depressed all day, because if by chance that image "bumps" into my mind, I feel "something" again...
@Anonimus ME🫥 - Feeling confused or even experiencing sensations like arousal alongside distressing intrusive thoughts during ERP can be jarring, making it hard to believe it's 'just OCD'. Many people find that OCD targets what matters most, creating thoughts and feelings that seem incredibly real. It takes consistent practice resisting compulsions – both mental and physical – for the anxiety to decrease. Progress often looks more like an EKG than a straight line, so be patient and flexible with yourself. If you’re struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/i-cant-stop-staring-at-my-childs-genitals https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/can-erp-improve-symptoms-of-depression/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/im-too-scared-to-drive-my-car-could-therapy-help
@Gail Amalfitano thank you, I was definitely thinking about additional support, because I really don't know if I always do everything right... I'm really excited by those feelings, plus the lack of disgust, repulsion, and I can totally get into that scene and feel the confusing excitement... Sometimes I think that I am only perverted and perverted when I can have arousal for that...
This excitement may be just a panic/stress/anxiety. I would recommend to just brush it off as OCD and not to ruminate. Even if you feel like no one else have those feelings or experienced something similar it isn't important as OCD is unique for everyone.
@genicrop09 I know that in theory, but it feels like that in my body, as if it were real, that somehow I can't throw it away, it's not that I won't, it stuck to me.. and when I go back in my mind, it feels the same...
@Anonimus ME🫥 I know it is very hard to stop compulsions but it is the only way out. If you can't do that at the moment you can gradually refuse to do them. For example, you got a thought then you say to yourself: "Yes, it is terrible thought, but it is normal to have it for someone with OCD, I will think it over, but not now, I'm too tired now too anxious. I will do it later" or "Those feelings are terrible, but they just feelings. They do not have a meaning, do not harm anyone, they come and they go". When I cannot unstuck from them I start to play some games (like sudoku) or try to solve mathematics or logical exercises. It helps me to distract myself and keep my mind busy.
@genicrop09 thanks for the advice, I certainly do that, but as soon as the thought returns, even for a second, the feelings return, as if it's exciting, arousel, groin…
@Anonimus ME🫥 I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but maybe you should think about acceptance. I mean like acceptance of your fate/reality that you have OCD and you will have incidents like that in the future. Maybe you once was scared of your intrusive thoughts and red information that if you are disturbed or scared it means that it's OCD. Knowing that info you OCD brain decided to give you feelings. It's like a snowball effect.
@genicrop09 Well, that's really hard for me. Not to accept that I have OCD, but to give it to me as a feeling, it's somehow too strong to be OCD! Have you had episodes like this?
@Anonimus ME🫥 I had not exactly like yours but similar. What helped me was radical acceptance at that time.
When it comes to soocd exposures, that sometimes means engaging in triggering things like sex and intimacy with my partner, but I worry that I am sometimes also being compulsive like wanting to be intimate to see how it makes me feel, check my feelings, sensations, emotions etc. and then at that point how can I really do the exposure? Idk I’ve just been struggling so much with this theme lately. I feel like a fraud most of the time and the thoughts convince me I am deeply in denial, constant loop.
Does anyone imagine they are doing their harm thoughts during an action, making you feel like you acted on your thoughts? For example, someone gave me a hug and at the last second I imagined I was touching something I shouldn’t during the hug? I want to make it clear it’s something I have zero desire to do! But the problem is, I thought it on purpose and it makes me sick !! Obviously nothing happened but my mind is telling me that was me trying to do it. Even though it was physically impossible to do. Am I a monster or could this be OCD? I’m freaking out and don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like I’m the exception and that this isn’t OCD. I know I post about this stuff a lot but I’m struggling and don’t know what to do.
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
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