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the NOCD Community

Ever since I was a teen I wondered what my purpose in life is. I constantly wonder when my next long term relationship would end and mentally prepare myself for it so I don’t feel as lost and to have my own closure. No one’s ever proud of me. I don’t understand complexity. I need constant reassurance. I need to check and double check and triple check everything I touch for 5 seconds, especially if I’m locking it. I need to check and be reassured that the dog is in the house. I need to know everything that’s going on, and if there’s a change in plans then count me out. If I park a car I have to pull on locked door handles and make sure the gear shift is in park. I constantly google to try and make sense of my mind and feel somewhat normal or fit in somewhere, but normal is a dream. When I shower I must wash my body and then my hair and then my body again or else I’m not clean because my hair would be dirty from my body or my body would be dirty from my hair, there’s no medium. I cry because I just want to be normal. I’m tired.. Thanks for reading.

How do I stop replaying things that happened in my head? (Ex: someone flipped me off today driving and I can’t get past it & can’t stop replaying it in my head trying to remember every detail).

What do you do when it starts to feel really real and you lose yourself? I constantly get thoughts/images of me being romantically involved w a child and I disgusts me to my core but at the same time I get thoughts and this "feeling" that I like it and it freaks me out. I tend to say "i want to be someone my age or older" when I get those thoughts and I get thoughts that I’m lying and that I don’t see myself w someone my age or older and it’s so weird and gross. I’m so scared that I’m going to become something I don’t want to be. I haven’t been diagnosed fully but my psychiatrist said that she’s sure that it is anxiety disorder and impulse phobia which is very close/linked to ocd. I’m so scared that my fear is gonna become real and this is turning me into one and I’ve always been one or something.

Does anyone have any tips for how to make decisions faster and not go back and forth?

My therapist says i have ocd but i have a hard time believing it ive never heard of my ocd themes before,my themes is not being loved and not being worthy and also that im not my own person i obsess over these but i have trouble think this is something thats considered ocd,is anyone going through the same experience?

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” and the scariest of them all…”why would a see a doctor if this is all real” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

Can anyone tell me about their experience ending therapy? I think I want to soon. But I still have bad days sometimes. It’s rare but it happens. But at this point it feels like therapy is a crutch or safety behavior. I rarely have any exposures to do. I still get themes coming in (or trying) - I still check my thoughts. I’m just aware to detach and move on. I still do compulsions or rumination sometimes. But I don’t think I’ll get to perfection and even if it did I don’t know if more therapy is the answer. Feels like I need to let it all go. And exist without thinking too much about OCD anymore. Just curious!

I was on tiktok there was this video about a girl saying "I Always have obsessive crushes but Then when they like me back I realize I don't like Them, I just created an idea of Them in my mind" and I related and everyone in the comments were saying "this Is Just comphet", "I used to have crushes like this and I'm a lesbian", "She Will come out soon". I'm going Crazy.

Not every emotion we have is important or say something, i struggle with this alot. Why should i accept an emotion that doesnt help me? If someone hurts me, and i get a feeling that the world is evil, and i feel depressed, its nothing good in that to accept feeling depressed that the world is evil cause this thought is even a lie, its a distortion. Its okay to acknowledge that someone hurted you, but why should i accept feeling depressed cause now i think life is bad. I dont understand this. Then if you try to change that and say no, not everyone is evil, this isnt true, now youre fighting with the thoughts so thats a compulsion. Then all you can do is actually accept the feeling being there, which frustrates me cause its based on a distortion. Not every emotion is useful. For exemple i saw a post on tiktok that roman males had the right in their time to sell, or execute their childrens and because i dont have a good relationship with my dad, i had a thought that he would sell us or kill us, and that made me feel so angry at my dad and depressed, but then i realized this is a huge distortion, my dad its not like that even that we dont get along, but instead of relief i felt like i pushed away the emotions, not numbness, but that feeling that i just pushed away all. But what shouldve i done? Feel the distorted feeling that i made up? Do you know that we have alot of thoughts and a day and letting all their emotion be there would be really tiring. This really bothers me, if i dont have to let myself be controlled by emotions then why i feel like im pushing away and i get worse when im just not letting them control my day, not letting them get fully in the surface to control how i view things

I’m getting ready to officially start ERP next week. Doesn’t this mean I must accept whatever the OCD is telling me? In my case it means I’m an awful person who does not deserve my family/friends or happiness of any kind. Last night I was thinking about this at my son’s sport event. It occurred to me that if all the people there “knew” what the OCD implies, they would hate me and shame me. Maybe it was easier to just be mildly happy by placating the OCD with reassurance and the mantra—it’s not me, it’s OCD. Anyway, guilt ridden and anxious, I excused myself from the bleachers at my son’s game last night, acting like I had to use the restroom. I walked past the restroom, got into my car and went home and right to bed at 7:30 pm. (History: Pure-O/ False Memory OCD)

Today is my birthday. A round number. I am alone with my 3 cats. One of them also has birthday today. I am waiting for my husband to come home from quite far away. I have been feeling anxious, worried, sad weeks before this birthday. I have been regretting thing from the past, all the years wasted on OCD and because of OCD. It is horrifying when you realize that half of your life is definitely over and you can barely remember years without OCD. I have been feeling so low that I was thinking of calling my psychiatrist and ask for help. I was scared I might do sth I don't really want to, but was devastated. I managed to get through pre birthday days. Now, I feel so terribly lonely. I have lost my family and relatives as a child because of OCD. Had to run away to save my life. I moved across the country almost two years ago. I have met some people. I got burnt every single times. I was a true friend to 3 women. One of them turned out to be either bipolar or a psycho. The second one with the biggest ego in the world. She would boss around and take advantage even of God him/herself. The third one I lost as a friend yesterday. I have known her for 8 months. I have been by her side through hell and back. She treated me as if I were worth less than all other people in her life. Yesterday I told her how bad she makes me feel, and she got angry and broke up our "friendship". I had often gotten into an argument with my husband over her. He saw through her immediately. He couldn't stand by and look how she manipulated with me. I don't know how to stand up for myself. When I do somehow, I get attacked and thrown away. So today I have been feeling so lonely I can't even describe how lonely. Instead of celebrating, I am alone, nobody except two old acquaintances from far away remembered it's my birthday. I feel worthless. I am driving myself nuts going through all that has ever happened to me over and over again. I still have a few hours till my husband arrives. I was hoping someone here could talk to me,say or post sth funny,... I would appreciate it. It would help me feel less lonely. I hope you are all well and are enjoying such a beautiful sunny day as it is here. I don't know what I would do without the NOCD community. You people here are life saviors. Love to you all guys. All the vest.

Has anyone ever had ECT treatment for their intrusive thoughts? Mine have become so bad I am suicidal, and while we are trying medications my psychiatrist has suggested ECT may be helpful? I’m just curious if anyone has any experience with this?

So, recently I’ve started looking into OCD. My partner thinks I could have it, and I used to think it was always just a cleaning thing or being a little particular. I talked to my partner recently about these intense intrusive thoughts and I guess compulsions(?) that need to be done or else things would feel bad. That’s obviously simplified, I don’t really want to get into full detail since I’m still real uncomfortable with it? I don’t know, I’m worried that I don’t actually have OCD and I’m just using that name with something that’s not that? When/how did some of you realize you have OCD?

Nsfw tw// a compulsion I struggle with is m-sturbation. when the groinal responses and thoughts get to bad I do that to gain some sense of relief. but sometimes I end up agreeing with the thoughts or think bad stuff while doing it just to “give in” and also “test myself” and finish so i can find some relief. but IMMEDIATELY afterwards is a sense of shame and regret of wtf did I just do? i guess doing this gives me a sense of control over whatever this is so i try to agree with it but the compulsion is so gross and so is the theme so why would i ever find relief. i honestly believe im a p in denial. my pocd has been acting up non stop for almost 2 and a half months. I feel like im going to cry

Does anyone recall what triggered there ocd or has anyone gotten a proper explanation of why this happens? I know people say it attacks what you love the most. And can someone explain HOW it feels so real. I’m SO tired.

Went down the rabbit hole this morning after I got off a call with my nurse practitioner. We decided to up my fluvoxemine and change from Zyprexa to Abilify because my intrusive thoughts and depression seem to have worsened. For whatever reason after I got off the call, panic set in maybe about changing meds or upping my dosage. My mind was racing and I couldn’t calm down. I probably said “kill myself” and “I don’t want to kill myself” a hundred times. I haven’t had a panic attack in a few weeks and this one was bad. I’m finally calmed down but still having the intrusive thoughts. What have I done to deserve this. I can’t take it anymore.

I called a therapist to consider switching my therapist and told her about my thoughts and then she asked me “is it the ocd thoughts? Don’t you have a plan to do it?” SERIOUSLY?????????????

Hey all. I’ve been struggling really badly with mental compulsions. The more I don’t want them to be there, the more they come. Mental checking/reviewing is the easiest way to describe it. Anyone have any tips on how to break the cycle?

I’ve been posting a lot lately because I’ve been super scared of an old theme coming back. All because of a TikTok I saw about someone who potentially was going to hurt their pet. I’ve had ugly themes like this before but it was a long time ago and I got over it but now because of this TikTok I saw-I feel it coming back and I’m scared I don’t want to think those thoughts again or make connections to my past that weren’t a big deal- If there’s someone who overcame an old theme, how did you do it? What did you when it was coming back? I just want to feel normal for once without this crap.

I looked back at my life wondered if I did terrible things and just don't remember and as much as I can sit here today and say to myself I know I would do that, and I could never forget if I did... I still can't trust myself. I hate this