Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Is ocd always false? How do I deal with my coming thoughts "What if its real" then it would gave me an anxiety

Hi, is it possible to actually stop intrusive thoughts or do I need to shift my tactic to accept I can’t get rid of intrusive thoughts but concentrate on how I react to intrusive thoughts. If so that’s a game changer in my life

When I was 15/16, I would talk to random strangers online in chatrooms. I was really lonely, moved to a strange city, and the pandemic had started during this time too. I thought it was funny to just mess around with people. But then it got weird. I would talk to people, tell them my name. I trusted some of them. It’s so embarrassing. I look back and realize a lot of those people were genuinely weirdos and idk why I was so gullible but. It all plays into my OCD. I keep thinking what if I talked to those people because I’m like them/will become like them. Why was I so stupid? What if I really wasn’t gullible and I knew better even though I know that I genuinely was sheltered and dumb asf because I was 15/16 and knew nothing about life?

I’ve been suffering from non stop 24/7 dpdr for a year and a half now. I never really had OCD in a big way before I suffered some major panic attacks. Since then I’ve been a completely different person. I used to live a carefree life of traveling. Socializing. Experiencing life. After my panic attacks I became agoraphobic, couldn’t leave the house or work. My thoughts were like a washing machine over and over. I’ve done a lot of work to help overcome the fear of panic, but I’m still stuck in a 24/7 DPDR state- my thoughts never stop, I’m always searching for answers about my mental health, I have music stuck in my head from the time I wake up to the time I got to sleep, my mind is racing, attacking what I value, saying hopeless thoughts, anxiously worried about everything, I don’t do physical compulsions but I’m mentally checking myself all the time to see if I’m in DPDR still, or if things feel “weird” - I have a huge fear of going crazy and death. Although I’m not having panic attacks anymore, I’m still mentally anxious all the time. I feel like I cannot escape my thoughts, they torture me. I can’t feel any emotions, I’ve lost my sense of self, I can’t make new memories or be present - I’m constantly in my head. A lot of what kicked this off was years of trauma that was stored in my nervous system, once unleashed, I haven’t been able to recover. I want my life back. I’m tired of living in fear and exhaustion to the point where nothing brings me joy. Anxiety and ocd have taken my freedom from me, I feel like the thoughts rule every decision I make instead of being able to live freely, sometimes I don’t think it’s anxiety because I can’t feel anything physically, but these thoughts torture me- no one should have to live this way. What do I do? I’m taking medication but all it’s done is stop the physical symptoms, the thinking has not gotten better

Hi! I’m new here. I have OCD but nothing to the extent that my young daughter does. I’m struggling so bad to watch her go through this and see the distress and panic in her face when she can’t seem to stop the compulsions or quiet her head. I feel like so many different types of OCD might be easier to battle with ERP. She has many different types but the one that’s hitting her the hardest and I’m struggling to find ways to help her with is the fact that her brain is telling her that if she doesn’t do this and do that and touch this this many times etc etc etc then someone (usually me) is going to die. She won’t say this out loud either because she’s afraid of speaking it into existence. How do you do an exposure for something like that? It has to be so hard when you think someone you love might die because you don’t touch something a certain way. I’d love to find someone on here who has ever experienced the same thing. Does this type of OCD have a name?

Has anyone here switched from Sertraline to Fluvoxamine equivalent dosage? I got diagnosed with pure o in 2019, sertraline is the only medication besides buspirone and hydroxyzine combined with it that put my ocd in remission and the only medications i have ever tried. Over the years i have gained weight which would cause a small relapse in symptoms and cause my dosage to increase. I have maxed out my dosage of sertraline as of now and since September of 2023 experienced a pretty large relapse (coping a lot better this round due to being in therapy but still experiencing anxiety/ocd daily when before my condition was 99% in remission. seemed to correct its self each time i went up on the medication. i feel like my brain is noisier than usual most days (anxiety related chatter) I am terrified to switch medications, although i know there’s a chance that the fluvoxamine could help me get back to a remissive state eventually. I feel good on sertraline, i feel positive and happy, it doesn’t dull my personality and i have been lucky to not have any side effects at any dosage. I know that taking the leap and trying the new medication is probably best, but i am terrified or side effects and not being able to sleep. Or it exacerbating my ocd. My ocd had me to the point of dysfunctional within weeks of being diagnosed. The intrusive thoughts were so strong that i couldn’t even fill out my own paper work at the doctor’s office because i was so overwhelmed, i would pause long in sentences because intrusive thoughts would interrupt me. OCD caused the ripple effect for me and gave me lack of sleep, depersonalization, derealization and disassociation and intense anxiety because i was so terrified of my own thoughts and was truly scared of everything. I have came such a long way in recovery and have been able to manage this past exacerbation. But do feel like i could be better. I guess i would love some encouragement or to hear a similar story? I know all in all this is just fear getting in the way. I have also considered to accept where i am right now, because i am not dysfunctional, and am able to go to work and attend school, i am just finding that i am getting caught up in the thoughts and experiencing the anxiety more than usual.

Have to go to court tomorrow and face my harasser. I am terrified and it’s making my OCD go out of whack and is scaring me.

It’s been a while since my last post and I’m doing good, but my ocd therapist on here and I believe that we try combining therapy and medicine since I’m still making good progress, the anxiety is still strong. I talked to a psychiatrist and explained what’s been going on. I’m willing to try some new medicine to see if it helps. Has anyone tried Escitalopram? I just want to know not for reassurance but just to hear some stories. If you don’t want to post, it’s okay, I’m just curious and I promise I’ll try not to look for reassurance

It’s near the tenth anniversary of when I saw my dad die, I can’t get the intrusive thoughts out of my head of him dying. Before today I was awake for 48 hours straight. God I just feel so exhausted.

it’s so funny how i can go from thinking i’m a lesbian in denial, to me being a murderer and wanting to kill my family, to me secretly wanting to be a boy, to me being a cannibal, then to me thinking i’m going to be possessed in a matter of minutes. whenever i’m not focused on a certain theme, i see how illogical it was and how there’s no truth to it whatsoever. but when i’m actually going through it, it seems like it’s the truth and i spiral. just love life 😍😍

Long story short, I have been dealing with OCD for the past two years due to trauma I developed from texting a guy I was not supposed to during my relationship with my partner of 2 years. Ever since, I have developed obsessions and fear towards men in general. 2 months ago today, I experienced something that has been one of the worst obsessions I have encountered. I went to the gym to cancel my membership. At the counter, I encountered a guy whom seemed very friendly and outgoing. By the start, I felt weirded out because I’m like okay this guy is friendly. I was being nice and chill without being so hard on myself. In the midst of me smiling to something the guy was saying, I get a thought of ‘ be friendly behind your boyfriends back’. I was terrified and that whole situation just felt wrong. Willingly, I told my partner and he tells me to move on and it’s okay. As an OCD person, I have tendencies of telling my boyfriend worst case scenario or being extra about stuff ( making things worse than what they are). Long story short, I have gotten over that situation. Now what I haven’t gotten over was from what I said. The day that this happened, I was telling my partner about this situation and looking back at our messages, I seen that I said the thought was about ‘ to flirt behind my boyfriends back’. Obviously that is unacceptable, especially if I said what if I smiled alittle more because of that. I remember a couple of weeks ago, I would scroll right pass this message and think to myself confidently ( I was overstretching that thought, it was about being friendly). Not until 2 weeks ago, I seen this doctor on a YouTube video who said you tend to remember a memory almost perfectly the very first time you recall it. So I’m like, I said that about the thought being flirtatious the day of and so am I going crazy. So yeah, ever since I seen that stupid video I have been overly examining trying to remember how the thought felt. Although I said that, I have some memory of overstretching and I also know that I recall the thought about being friendly not to flirt. Any help with learning how to trust yourself with memories? Do you guys think that it’s just silly ocd always putting doubt on everything? Please help!!!

I’m really hesitating about taking medication, I’ve always been scared of medication used for mental health but my psychiatrist considers that I would benefit from these pills and that they will make my recovery easier. Can you please share your experiences with ocd medication? Has it been helpful? Did it give you some sort of addiction? Secondary effects? Thank you 🙏🏼

Does anyone know if I might find it easier to treat my OCD now that I'm about to go on sick leave? I'm really exhausted and need a break, but I'm also worried because I've been working for a very long time and I don't know if I'll be able to go back. I'd love to hear from anyone who has found that a slower pace and less stress has helped them overcome their OCD.

Just curious.....how many people who've received their " OCD Conqueror" badge still have regular intrusive thoughts that ramp up their anxiety?

I often wake up and wonder if I’m on my way to become a bad and irredeemable person because of my OCD Intrusice thoughts, I wonder if I don’t like feeding into them even though they cause me immense suffering after. I don’t know if this is a ritual but after I have a bad intrusive thought I often successfully chase it away only to have I reoccurs after and I wonder if I don’t like doing this on purpose so I may continue feeling terrible about myself. Often my thoughts are so terrible I fear I’m truly a disgusting and terrible person hiding behind the pathetic excuse of having a “mental illness.” I get especially suicidal and scared when I think about how I would view someone having the same thoughts and ideas which I may have, I would be disgusted and hateful of them, I wouldn’t trust them and and wouldn’t want them to get near me. So why do I cry so much when I think that no one can possibly love me or understand me because of who I am and the thoughts I have? How can I differentiate between people who are bad because they have these thoughts and people like me who believe they can’t control these thoughts? Are not the people who are bad the same as us, is the difference that we don’t want to give in to these thoughts? I often see bad people interviewed who cite a lot of childhood trauma for how they turned out. I too have a lot of childhood trauma, does this mean that I am like them and will become like them and do something terrible to harm others without my control? Or do I just like tormenting myself? I don’t want to eat or enjoy things or talk to my friends and family because I believe they deserve a lot better than having to love someone who they do not know is having these thoughts, I think they would be disgusted if they knew this about myself which is why I want to die because I believe that would be a lot better than the people I love shunning me, and what’s even worse being emotionally impacted by the realization of my horribleness. I don’t know if I thought I have is mine, but who else’s could it be? I feel so guilty all the time but I don’t think that absolves me from having had these thoughts, so what do I do. It has gotten so bad that I often ask god if he could give me a sign that I should kill myself and not be selfish enough to live being an irredeemable person. I’m not a religious person but I don’t know what a good person with these thoughts is good for. I would want to let time pass by and have a husband and kids who spent their whole lives loving me not know that I have these thoughts, because I feel I must confess to them. I have a strong urge to confess all the time, but I’m afraid doing so would have the people I confess to classify me as a sick person and deeep down I don’t think I am a bad person or a sick one. What do I do? I can hardly work, or do anything. Everything is so debilitating, I don’t know what will become of me.

Trying to just allow the thoughts to just happen. Idk what else to do.

Now I feel like one is imminent, I’m starting to really struggle and my anxiety is through the roof. I started Wegovy 4 weeks ago and also switched from combination birth control pill to the mini pill about the same time, I’m wondering if these changes are impacting my mental stability and triggering my OCD. I’m so scared, replaying real event (or false memory) things over and over again in my head again.

I wanted to see if any girlies had a similar experience. I’ve been on the birth control pill (sprintec) for about 9 years now. The onset of my OCD started half way through about year 4. I’m wondering if anyone has ever contributed their onset or symptoms due to birth control? Second question is it seems the longer I am on the pill and experience the week before my period (still in the active pills) the week before the sugar pills i have awful PMS symptoms that exacerbate my pure o harm ocd. I am considering coming off of the birth control as I’ve read several studies that it wrecks your gut health and depletes serotonin levels. Any gals notice their ocd to be worse and less manageable while on the birth control pill? Or anyone who had positive experiences coming off of it?

i constantly say things like under my breath to myself to “neutralize” thoughts and sometimes i even say the thoughts out loud and then i feel contaminated and have to brush my teeth and wash all my items around me. this is a daily occurrence. when i accidentally say things out loud im trying so hard not to say it that sometimes i do. please help

I just went on an internet spiral. Obviously it is one of my compulsions. I was researching about pedos and the criteria. I even went as far to almost sign up for a pedo support group because obviously I was convinced after my research. UGH I knew I was not supposed to do that. I feel worse and better at the same time. I hate myself. I hate this. I was really bad like this in October but I got put on medication and I thought I was getting better then this happened. I hate this. I don’t know who I am. I don’t want to be a pedo but sometimes I think I am in denial. I am so stressed with this and school (it’s mid term season). Literally this is the same time I had a break down last semester. I am seeing a pattern. I hate this I hate myself.