Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have struggled with ocd my entire life until I realized what it was and why I was the way I was. My psychiatrist is trying one more medicine because we have “exhausted” all other options which is making me lose hope. I’ve been on many medicines since 8th grade and now I just feel hopeless, she said after if this medicine doesn’t work I should do TMS therapy which freaks me out. The medicine she is prescribing me is Anafranil? Guys I’m so just lost right now

I am feeling really scared lately, as my ocd has twisted triggers a bit for me. I keep having intrusive thoughts while feeling happy or I feel happy afterward, which TERRIFIES me. I have had SO-OCD/HOCD for about 2 and half months now. I just really want to know if anyone else has experienced intrusive thoughts in this way. I also can get really anxious at some specific people in general (namely people I find attractive (not in a weird way) or gay people/lesbians). Is this normal for people with SO-OCD/HOCD? I haven't had ocd for very long and only recently started ocd based therapy, so I dont know much yet.

Am I the only person who feels uncomfortable when they read words like “manage”, “cope”, or the decision to claim ownership over OCD? I find it to be so discouraging and it doesn’t align with my personal beliefs of what’s possible for me. I understand these are medical terms. But I don’t want to manage symptoms, I want to transform and transcend. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I’ve been finding it hard to find like minded people in this community. I joined a group call for a moment. Someone expressed that they want to feel like themselves again or feel normal and the host said “I don’t think that’s something that’s possible for people like us but we can manage or cope” I’m paraphrasing of course and maybe I misunderstood. That’s possible, but when I heard that I had to click off. I will be myself and be what I feel is “normal” to me. I hope I’m not alone on an island with this one.

can someone pls help me understand this? ive been in therapy for a couple of months, I have really bad OCD. since 2024 I worry about having cheated on my gf with a friend of mine ( who I don't talk to anymore because of this situation). at first I was like nah it never happened, then I grew more confused and then more certain. now most of the time I feel like I really cheated and that there's no other explanation. the only thing that confuses me is that I met this friend in 2022 and until 2024 I don't really remember thinking I had cheated, but I also feel like it can be explained by me not really realising the seriousness of the situation or something like that. this whole thing is kind of complicated so I won't delve too much into the details. my gf knows about everything and she doesn't believe I cheated, she thinks I have really bad OCD and that's that. she decided to stay with me and asked me to not bring it up again ( we talked about it MANY times) and to talk about it in therapy. and like, I am, but I'm really confused cus my therapist calls this whole situation "the cheating doubt" or "possible cheating" even when I said many times that I'm certain something happened. I don't really know what to do. does this mean my therapist thinks it's all a big what if, and that either things could have happened ( cheating or not cheating) and that my certainty is caused by OCD or what??? I don't get it I feel really alone

Just getting to the point where I’m beginning to accept that I have OCD. My psychiatrist recommended Vrylar to start and if I don’t like it, possibly Prozac. I have a lot of obsessive thoughts related to harm OCD and I think I have relationship OCD. I unfortunately just went through a breakup with a really kind boyfriend and looking back on it I realize how a lot of my thoughts were not lining up properly. I want to live a chiller life and heal for me and so I don’t push people I love away. I’m nervous about starting the Vrylar and not being able to socialize and have drinks out though. I’m also nervous the side effects like it making me tired. I’m starting on the tiniest dosage 3 days a week. I’m also considering starting other therapeutic options like ERP instead, but I think I need the meds too. Not looking for a decision to be made for me at all. I would love to hear some stories or tips on how to approach this process with positive thinking. And appreciate any experiences on Vrylar vs Prozac that you would like to share. Thanks!

Does anyone have a list or examples of “feared outcomes” for just right or perfectionism type obsessions?

This pattern has been happening for a bit My Brain will randomly notice traits and stuff about a fictional/cartoon character,then produce these feeling I do not want to act on The characters normally have traits I would find appealing, or they are random, and it gives these feelings of attraction and a crush I don’t want (I don’t want cause they are younger and that violates my values) If they were older, I wouldn’t care at all or would embrace it, but then cause their younger it makes me question myself And then I feel guilty cause “wym if they’re older??” But I know rn I wouldn’t want to act on it or anything. I just get guilty cause it notices stuff that I would be attracted to, but of course I don’t wanna be like that cause my values. And also cause the traits attract me but I don’t want the character or at least force myself to shove it away. Like it feels like a crush I don’t want to act on or pursue. I just get worried about these things. And then my brain notices or remembers the character and I feel a draw to it. So idk what’s happening and I don’t wanna say it’s intrusive if it’s not, so can someone help? So is this intrusive or no? I honestly keep going back hoping it’s intrusive when it’s probably not but idk But hopefully I don’t sound crazy or anything cause this is tiring and I don’t wanna seem like soem creep or anything

I feel like I’m running out of hope I feel like I’m growing emotionless, even though I’m crying. I feel like they’re emotionless tears. I keep having the thought “if you did it, you’d feel better” and it won’t stop playing in my head and I want to just be thrown in jail. I look back at old photos and think “where did this boy go?” “What happened to him?” And I’m struggling so much with my emotions and thoughts. I’m so scared and I don’t know if anyone else goes through this.

21 days until my birthday. I’m actually so scared and nauseous. I don’t want to turn 19 it really scares me knowing I will not be a teen after that, I can hardly articulate why exactly. It feels like I wasted my teen years and like a safety blanket has been pulled off. I graduated last year in May on the 19th and I really was just sad the whole time. I hate that I still miss school I really do. I miss navigating around the building and being surrounded by peers, when it felt like I was still young and a child. I still feel like a kid, I act like one and even look like one too. I also took a gap year after school because I was too depressed to think about anything but the here and now and whatever intrusive thoughts I had that day. During the summer I will be attending a pre college sort of thing and living on campus for a whole week alone. If I truly love it there I hope I can go and have time there when I am still technically a teen, the idea of being 20 actually makes me physically sick and I’m scared. Today I should be happier, I just was able to secure public transportation for people with disabilities to help them become more independent. The passage of time is my biggest fear truly.

I feel a bit anxious to be here, but I want to meet other people who have OCD. It feels really hopeless to me, I don’t feel like I’ll ever beat it. Sometimes I get spurts of hope, and think I should start therapy but then my brain tells me ‘I will forget something important’ and ‘I have to do what I do in order to keep everyone and myself safe’. I don’t know where or how to start, and I don’t know what to do.

Did anyone had weird experiences with their cousins when you were younger? I remember having this weird experience with my F cousing when we were both 13, and it's eating me alive with guilt and I just feel like I shouldn't exist

I’ve had Harm OCD for a few months, it was pretty much on set. Lately my intrusive thoughts are like “You want to” or “I want to” and each time, I get anxiety in my stomach and feel like I’m gonna cry or just break down. I don’t know if it’s OCD or not but it’s making me so sad because I’ve NEVER harmed anyone but these thoughts are scaring me and making me feel guilty and like I’m a monster deep inside. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is it really only me?

Want to know if anyone can relate. Have you ever had someone who minimized how bad you were feeling. You tell them and they reply with “just pray” or “just get up outta bed and start your day and you’ll be fine”. “Just gotta think positive”. For a long time I had that attitude too. Just keep going and I’ll be fine. For the first time I understand what it’s like to do what you can but still be down in the dumps for months. Comments are appreciated.

TW: Animals When I was younger , two situations make me feel so guilty and disgusted. I had harmed a gecko and two rats. This was 6+ years ago and for both of them, I cried and felt so guilty after situations. I hadn’t thought of events until just recently and it caused my OCD to spiral. I haven’t harmed an animal since and I love my pets but my mind races and gives me anxiety of “What if you do this to your cat?” “What if you did this to your dog?” And it’s been bothering me due to the online things of like “if you harm animals you turn into a killer” and it scares me, giving me anxiety when I see them walk into the room. What do I do??

TW: Checking I have a huge problem with checking. When I’m triggered by something, I tend to always grab my phone and start researching and spiraling for hours on end about that one thing. Usually it will feed into other things I worry about, and the cycle repeats. For example, I’m awake now because I’ve been up for the last 3 hours being paranoid about a Quora and Reddit post I made a while ago asking for advice. Constantly fearing that people sharing them are making fun of me, worrying about the comments and dislikes. I also tend to get in my head about rude comments. I made a lot of spelling mistakes in my Quora post, and people were coming at me kind of rude because of it, and it has me feeling extremely self-conscious, worrying that other people will find out it’s me and make fun of me. Anyone have any advice on how to stop checking so much and to learn to sit with uncertainty?

I never realized how bad my ROCD was until I started NOCD. For as long as I can remember I’ve been obsessed with how I’m perceived and what people think of me. I ruminate on any mistakes I’ve made and I assume the worst from everyone else. I compare myself to other people in every way imaginable and I envy people who have a sense of self, even if they’re vastly different from me, because I don’t think I’ve ever had a sense of self. I think my whole life I’ve lived for other people’s approval. I feel really crazy and weird for thinking this, I feel like if people truly knew just how much stock I put into their opinions of me they’d be weirded out. I wish I could let go of the need to be liked so badly. I don’t like myself and it makes managing this difficult

I’m 18, turning 19 in April on the 23rd. I’m so scared not to be a teenager anymore, 18 was already hard enough. Graduated May last year, I still live at home, but I am looking into college classes around here as well as public transportation specifically for people with disabilities like my OCD and autism. During high school I was honestly too depressed to even think about anything but the past and present. I couldn’t fathom the future. But now I am here. I cried during graduation, not happy tears. Becoming an adult feels like a safety blanket being taken away, I know 19 is still a teenager but what’s after that? I’m gonna be 20. Then 21, 22, 23, it goes on and soon I’ll be 40. Not a child. I still feel like a child, I act like one. I’m hardly independent despite how much I want to be. During the summer I am hopefully going to be attending a 1 week program at my current dream college, I want nothing more to live in a dorm and experience the university lifestyle but the steps there now that I’m out of school are difficult. I feel like I’m wasting my life. I don’t want to be 20 and living in a dorm because I feel like I’ll be too old and not get to experience the teenage college lifestyle. Does any of this make sense, I don’t know. I’m just dumping this all out.

I've been dealing with OCD for a while, and about 3-4 months into my current relationship (we've been together 7 months total), my theme shifted in a really distressing way. What triggered it: My sister jokingly called me "gay" during a phone call. I know it sounds minor, but it sent me spiraling. I started getting intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation, which then brought up traumatic memories from childhood when I was sexually abused by older boys in my neighborhood. More recently, I was watching an interview to try to cope with and process some of that trauma. The guest mentioned that he was gay but married to a woman, and said he could still orgasm fine with her — and now my OCD has completely latched onto that. It's been feeding my intrusive thoughts and sending me into a new spiral, even though I was just trying to help myself heal. Since then, I've been stuck in this cycle: - Constant intrusive thoughts and "false memories" that feel incredibly real - Severe performance anxiety with my girlfriend - Fear that I'll get flashbacks during intimacy - Ruminating over past experiences (including inappropriate situations when I was 11–12 that I now question endlessly) - I went from being confident in bed to finishing too quickly because I'm completely in my head For context: I was in a 10-year relationship with a woman before this and never had any issues with attraction or performance. I know my orientation — this is 100% OCD intrusive thoughts, not genuine questioning. I'm currently on SSRIs and SARIs plus L-arginine and L-citrulline. The meds helped initially with physical symptoms, but now I feel like my body's adjusted and the anxiety is back in full force. I'm so embarrassed and don't know what to do. Should I: - Find a specific type of therapist? (ERP? Trauma-focused?) - Is this even pure OCD or something else given the real childhood trauma? Has anyone dealt with sexual orientation intrusive thoughts combined with actual childhood trauma? How did you work through it? **Please don't tell me to "explore my sexuality" or suggest I might be gay — I'm asking for help with OCD intrusive thoughts, not questioning my orientation.**

So sometimes when I’m on Instagram I’ll randomly save things to show people later or I’ll save videos where women feel confident in their bodies because I tend to get really insecure in my own etc. I was going through my saved Instagram posts because I was having such a bad flare up and I came across this one post I saved in 2024 of this girl who was wearing like a purple top that was slightly revealing and she had on a low rise skirt and was belly dancing. She obviously was an only fans creator and the caption on the video said something like “if we were the only two left at the tavern would you stay” i dont know it was so weird and just i was weirded out when i saw it 😭 but I think I saved the video to show my fiancé or my friend and be like look what the heck popped up on my page or either I saved it because even though she is an only fans creator, she was very confident in her body and she felt confident in her body and like a lot of times I’ve saved posts where curvy women will wear outfits and be confident and you can feel the confidence radiating off the screen even if it’s like a video like that and it just makes me feel good and feel better about myself because as a very insecure woman, confidence feels great, but with this certain post it didn’t. I was convinced that I had saved it for the wrong reasons and I was being so disrespectful to my fiancé even though I was weirded out when I saw it in my saved. As a compulsion I had to screen record the comments to make sure I didn’t like any of them and then since there were so many comments my Instagram like shut down and I freaked because I still had to make sure I didn’t like every single comment. Unfortunately, I had to go look up the Instagram page because I was like “I have to find the post. I have to make sure I did not like all 10,000 comments, I have to screen record them to be sure, I have to make sure.” And it was just making me so uncomfortable to scroll through her page because all of her page was just filled with only fans stuff and just so much weird and disgusting things and even that made me feel like I was being disrespectful to my fiancé and I just was like I have to find that certain video because I have to make sure I did not like any of the comments. To some this may seem like not a big deal but to me it is. My fiancé is my world and any post I see dealing with that stuff or even anything it’s like my brain tells me “You have to screen record the comments and make sure you didn’t like them.” Etc. I just know as a woman, I get really insecure in my body, so seeing women who are either my size or who are even bigger than me, be confident in a bikini a crop top or even an outfit that shows a lot of of their body, it’s inspirational to me because it’s like they’re curvier than me and they’re more confident than I am and it’s like you can feel the confidence radiating off the screen, but this certain time really messed with my OCD bad and like it’s just messing with my head making me think I wanted to see this even though I didn’t because I only have eyes for my fiancé. It’s just my OCD convinces me of all this stuff and it’s like it’s so stressful. I know this post is long but I’ve been dealing with this struggle for awhile and I wanted to share and see if anyone else has too, i definitely will be getting a therapist but this theme I have is one of the worst :(

How does everyone try to combat their real event OCD? I keep remembering this certain memory where an old friend of mine from a group years ago who was a guy messaged me on Snapchat last year on Halloween he said something to me. I don’t remember what he said and I responded and I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember that I removed him right after, as well as one other guy, I am pretty sure I remember why I removed them and it was because Im pretty sure I had seen a TikTok or reel or something where this person said you shouldn’t have guys on your snap in a relationship etc, and I had a thought where I was like “I don’t want my fiance seeing these guys that I used to talk to on my snap and think that I’m doing something wrong or anything.” I know I removed them out of respect for our relationship and I remembered because I remembered I had gotten an anxious and nervous because they were still on my snap, but 2 months after I un added that guy off my snap(December 2024) I panicked because I don’t remember what I said or he said and I got worried about what if I flirted, sent a nude or if I said something wrong. I spoke to my fiancé about it and he pretty much reassured me and he told me that if I had actually done something out of that intent, I wouldn’t have told him about it at all, so that helped me and reassured me for a little bit, and then my OCD moved on to another theme for months. Fast forward to now, I remembered the same thing and my thought was “What if I cheated and flirted, sent a nude or even worse? Etc.” And I started freaking out again and I started panicking. I told my fiancé about it again and he reassured me again but recently my OCD has been really bad and every theme I’ve had has caused me to just avoid it just sucks because I can’t go check if I actually said something flirty and I just didn’t realize it because I removed the guy last year right after I talked to him. I hate this ocd theme so much. My fiancé is the best man I have ever met and he is a god sent the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt him, but ocd constantly convinces me I did and I don’t remember. I know if I genuinely did something like that. I’d remember, but when I try to ruminate and think back to what went down, my OCD will give me like visuals or flashes of me committing the intrusive thought and it just makes everything so much worse has anyone else dealt with this?