Is this OCD?

@Generiname Thank you so much. I’ll see if I can find threads but I’m trying to not reassure myself too even if it’s hard. But again, thank you

@Parthxus I don’t know the words you need to type, but they exist if you can trust the words of a fellow sufferer. They pop up all the time, and you know what? I’ve had the same thoughts! So count me as one of them. OCD is malicious and I’m sorry you’re also suffering so much

@Generiname Thank you for being so supportive. I was struggling with them a lot lately as I think my OCD has gotten worse. It’s got to the point I just wanna hide in my room all day and not be near my mom because I’m terrified to be near her and hurt her. But I miss hanging out with her and I know she misses it too

@TE1022 I’m so sorry you’re going through such tough times. Harm OCD is the scariest and for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling okay. But knowing my OCD, I’m scared that I’m growing numb or that I’m not having thoughts that something is wrong and I’m overthinking every little thing.

@Parthxus Wow!! I’m at the exact same place. It’s been a year for me, and at first. I was terrified of the thoughts. I did all the wrong things and fed ocd and performed so many compulsions. Since then, I’ve learned. Consumed so much ocd content, and learned how to respond, and it’s like I’ve become indifferent to the thoughts ( which is the whole point) but now I’m bothered that the thoughts don’t bother me. And the whole “if these thoughts don’t bother me what’s that say about me” stuff comes up. I swear it’s such a mind f***. I know it’s ocd but if I can think about terrible things and not feel anxiety or care that I had that thought it makes me feel so terrible but I know that’s an avenue of ocd. Ang I try to just let the mental discomfort be there, but it’s just such a crappy place to be mentally sometimes. Like you just feel off

@TE1022 That’s exactly how you’re describing at! I’m still getting sensations but I’m not getting anxiety, or not much and that’s what scares me. It’s the first time in days I’ve felt ‘okay’ and I really don’t know how to feel. You’re right, I feel so off and it’s so scary. Really is a mind f***

@Parthxus Faith over fear. OCD thrives on doubt. That’s why recovery is so uncomfortable and so hard. You have to just have faith and not give in to the discomfort and doubt. Like you mine was came about after a panic attack last April. It’s like rationally I know this is ocd, but my brain is trying so hard to convince me otherwise and I can’t give in to it. You’d think after a year of nothing bad happening my brain would get the picture, but that’s in the past and doesn’t matter. Can only control the here and now! And my response moving forward. You just have to remember what’s in your control and what isn’t. All you can control is your response to the thoughts, and what you choose to focus on, OCD will thrive on any doubt it can get ahold of, don’t give it what it wants. Just let it be!

@TE1022 I just have a question. My thoughts have gone through “what if” to “I want” and now “I need” thoughts and it’s so scary and I genuinely can’t tell if it’s my OCD or me and it scares me so much. I feel like I’ve lost so much emotion too which scares me because I wanna smile and laugh again but it’s been so hard. I genuinely can’t tell what is my OCD and what isn’t

@Parthxus OCD is the doubting disease. The fact you don’t like the thoughts and your even debating on wether it’s ocd or not proves it’s ocd. You have to label it for what it is and try your best to just refocus on the present. I’ve always been a good person, nonviolent, and accepting I have ocd and these violently intrusive thoughts are gonna pop up is so hard. But in reality what choice do we have! Gotta accept we have ocd and these thoughts are out of our control! We can only control how we respond to them! If you don’t like the thoughts(which you obviously don’t) then give them as little attention as possible. What we focus on grows. Choose to focus on the positive aspects you can find in your days and on the present! It’s so hard I know but this is the way forward and out

@TE1022 I’m struggling a lot this morning because I get super bad sensations in my knees to move and lunge at my mom (who I love so much and have never hurt) and it keeps scaring me. I genuinely want to hide in my room and sleep for the rest of the day to escape these thoughts. I’m struggling so much that I burst into tears and I’m just scared that OCD IOP won’t help me.

@Parthxus I know how scary it feels. I truly do! I’ve got two kids. When all this started it was terrifying. But I now know I can have whatever thought ocd wants to throw at me and I’m not gonna act on it. We always have a choice! And thoughts…do…not…determine…actions. You’ll learn to trust yourself. But unfortunately it takes time, and you putting yourself in those scary situations to show yourself your safe, and so is your mom! Also. Everyone with ocd worries therapy won’t help them! Once again it’s the doubting disease! The thoughts, urges, feeling are harmless. I know they don’t feel it, but you’ve got to have faith they are, and that therapy will work for you! It’s worked for so many before you, you aren’t special! It’ll help you too!

@TE1022 Thank you for all of this, I’m just struggling so much this morning. It’s so hard to trust myself right now and again, I start therapy tomorrow but I’m being so hard on myself because I’ve barely healed at all. I’m trying not to be but it’s hard.