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How can I tell the difference between suicidal ocd and suicidal thoughts?

My symptoms have been getting worse the last few days and it flat out feels now like I’ve become this person and want to cause harm to my loved ones. Like I’m just resisting it. My brain is giving me sensations like I like that and makes me sad at the same time. I can’t tell if it’s anxiety or what or if this is what I want. When this started I knew I never wanted to hurt anyone and these thoughts were intrusive. Now they feel like they’ve become me. Please help.

When my intrusive thoughts get bad and I try my hardest to push them out it feels like I’m physically straining my head, like it legitimately hurts really bad and I feel like I get dizzy and can’t think and I can’t stop focusing and then my ocd causes me to think that there’s something wrong with my brain and that I need surgery or to be lobotomized or something crazy like that, does this happen to anyone else?

i had intrusive thoughts about suicide and wonder why i am like this when i truly dont want it i have fear of death etc suicide health anything i see about suicide or someone harming themselves. it triggers and i reflect it on my self at first it was images and urges now it commands and now it making me second guess if its really ocd i did recently get diagnosed with ocd and im in the process of starting CBT ERP and im scared that its gunna make it worse and i see my ocd it’s affecting my rlsp with my partner i took a break from work i dont go outside much now or do the things i enjoy bc im scared of having a panic attack and i look at everyone enjoying life and laughing and im stuck in my head about things i dont wanna think about ive been on this app for a while and it does help but i find myself excessively looking at people stories and comparing if its what im going through i would spend hours an hours on google comparing suicidal ideation and ocd and if i read something my mind starts getting stuck on that making me feel like thats what i have several times i felt i needed to go to hospital but ik im not suicidal and i dont want them to treat me crazy and now it sounds like i want reassurance lol but i guess i want some advice to get myself out of the thought loop so ican be more present ive tried meditation ive tried grounding techniques maybe im not being paitent with myself i have had obessions in the past and i was good for about 10 yrs and noticed these thoughts back in 2022 but was able to brush em off and at the time i was stressed about looking for a job then my dad passed away in nov andi got real bad urges especially if i had dreams about him but inwoukd be about to get myself together an was confused on what this was and then i watched a tv show and someone hurt them selves and i opened up to my partner about what ive been feeling and then i saw someone brother on facebook commit suicide and its been a crazy spiral from there. i guess my episodes have always been something about ive seen or heard or fears.

So yesterday at night I was okay I just had a mini headache and I was stressing all morning and worrying due to other reasons plus I’m on my menstrual cycle I don’t know if that helps any better. I was watching some videos and I started thinking about what’s my purpose here in life like why do we live if we are gonna die and what is my purpose and I don’t wanna die so I turned around to my safe space my husband he was sleeping already and I hugged him to feel better and all of the sudden it felt like I provoked it or like I made myself think it to harm him and I started freaking out because I was like what no I don’t wanna do that do I actually that’s the love of my life he’s my safe space I love him what would be my life without him and I started getting really bad BUT BAD urges to do it and like my mind was running like to 1,000x I started crying I was having a mini silent panic attack I wanted to stand up and run or do something to get out of my head I wanted to wake him up to reassure me I just felt like I was really gonna snap and like I was gonna stand up and do something like I felt it in my heart and I pressed the SOS button and after I was still kind of freaking because I was like well if I do it everyone is gonna hate me im gonna go to jail and I started freaking out because I felt like I couldn’t control myself cause the urges felt so real and writing it right now I feel it again and I’m really scared I go to a physc because I can’t control myself which yesterday I managed to do on my own but I feels so horrible to think that and I feel like a truly horrible person because they’re thoughts but the actions could be so real and I can’t I was doing a lot better :( I really was I don’t know what happened I want this all to go away and like I try to tell myself it isn’t real why would I act on them and I don’t know if my ocd gets mad and like tries to tell me they are and that I could do them and I really don’t want to I don’t want to do them that’s the truth.

For some reason. The thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore, wondering if I’m attracted to something doesn’t worry me anymore, I don’t even feel attracted to anything anymore, I always feel a sense of doom whenever I see a picture of a kid, don’t ever try to purposely find any of it attractive, but now my brain make me feel like I don’t care anymore, like I accepted the fact I’m a bad person, that I like these things, and would be into these things, but I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be these things. But why does it feel like I don’t care anymore? Why does it feel like I don’t care that I’ll turn into this person? Like I don’t have an anxiety anymore I asked myself if I found these things. I actually attractive, responded with yes and it felt like a yes, and it doesn’t give me an anxiety anymore??? Like it makes me feel like I accepted it and that I am a bad person, but I don’t wanna be a bad person??? Like it accepted the fact that I’m going to be attracted these things, I’m not attracted to these things??? it’s so complicated. I don’t understand. Why does it feel like I don’t care anymore? I feel like the only person who cares in my body right now? Like I’m not worried I’ll be a bad person anymore inside I’m not, but outside I do care to be a bad person??? I’m so scared. This means I’m gonna turn into a bad person. I know I’m not, and I will never be one. But why Is this happening? Is it a positive reason? negative reason? It just makes me feel like I wouldn’t mind him to be a bad person. But I would, but I just isn’t making me feel that way??? I can’t tell what it means anymore? I don’t wanna be a bad person. I don’t want to be. But every time I get a picture it’s just like I don’t know what to think anymore. Please help me.

Recently I’ve been having scary intrusive thoughts about hurting myself or others. I’m so scared, what do I do?? I wouldn’t hurt a fly.

So I’ll be watching callout videos and I’ll get these sorta intrusive thoughts and feelings as if I’m defending or sorta wishing the allegations weren’t real… why? I don’t know…. Is this an effect of ocd? I don’t actually agree with a single action these losers do and like this has to be a new intrusion cause before my reaction was pure hatred and frustration… Honestly I’m extremely uncomfortable with the way my brain views these callouts…. I don’t agree with my brain but it feels like my own thoughts….

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been trying not to post as much on here, but it’s been a rough time facing these thoughts on my own. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on and not take my thoughts so seriously but it’s hard not to sit with them. Basically, to try to cope, I’ve been watching expose videos on internet drama and those who have been “cancelled”. Sometimes, though, it can just get to be too overwhelming as I start comparing myself with the people in these videos and I just want to cry because I’m just so disgusted with myself. I’m starting to question what’s real or not, if I’ve hurt people in the past or not, and separating my thoughts from my actions. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t find happiness in anything. I just keep pushing my friends and family away because every little thing triggers me. Sleep is the only time that I can find peace. Because then, I know that I’m not hurting anyone—including myself.

Struggling today with my thoughts and maybe some dissociation. I can’t get any clear thoughts. I felt like lately I’ve started to recover and then the past few days have felt so hard. I feel scared for the future. I am scared I don’t have enough hope for living with ocd. I am scared that I’m not gonna be happy. I’m scared I’ll chose to end my life over this. I’m scared I’ll want to end my life. I feel weird. My thoughts are jumbled today. Something feels like it’s going to happen and that’s what is giving me anxiety.

TW I am so scared that I am a horrible person.I deal with harm ocd and pocd.I consider them the worst themes I had.It feels so real .Like one day I could act on them.And I am so scared.I know I will never do something like that .I doubt everything I do.I feel like I am a fake person.Like I put a mask but seem innocent but in reality I am a monster.I am so scared and disgusted, especially because some similar things happened to me.I am scared I will become like that people.Like I am already like them. I just want to live in peace without these thoughts .I want to help people.I want to become a psychologist but I feel like a hypocrite because of the thoughts that I have

I’ve been really struggling with urges, a constant numb feeling to everything that feels like I don’t care about things (like my beloved dog) who were the most important to me, and this dizzying pressure in my head that feels like it’s attached to the urges and I can’t think straight or control my own actions. But I’m also scared that since the thoughts are literally constant (they flip around to anything and everything then go back to their greatest hits) and I’m feeling like I wouldn’t care if I did them, they’re not intrusive anymore. Am I losing it? Having harm OCD I never thought could make you feel like you’re actually going to act. Not just be afraid of it.

Okay, i leave for vacation tomorrow with my boyfriend and some of our friends. i’m so nervous about this trip and im really worried that i would hurt someone on this trip. i don’t want to hurt anyone, and im so so worried about it. i don’t even want to go anymore because im so stressed out. i’m not really getting any intrusive thoughts or anything but im still so anxious that im going to do something like stab one of my friends or my boyfriend, or lose my mind. i’m so worried. and then i seen this thing that said “people who hurt people do that because they want to and they plan it out” so now im scared that im subconsciously planning on hurting one of them even though i dont have a plan or anything and i dont want to hurt anyone. AGGHH😭

Hi everyone, I am currently experiencing what I believe is an OCD flare up. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I primarily suffer from Harm OCD. I used to only experience it about once a year but since my second child was born, I am experiencing it a lot more and live with almost constant anxiety and maybe depression? So the new thing is that I'm afraid I am developing psychosis. I am scared to look at my oldest daughter (4yo) because it scares me when she spaces out and stares off into space, chooses the color red for anything, or has dark circles under her eyes (she has asthma and always has them). I guess the fear is that I will be one of the those psychotic moms (specifically like Laurie Daybell) and think my child is possessed and hurt her. It is literally hard for me to look at her and I feel terrified to be alone with her. On top of that, I have intense guilt because it seems to be more towards her than my youngest. Has anyone experienced something similar? What type of ERP was helpful? Looking for a therapist now but it is so hard to find one that understands. It's so hard to talk about. Thanks for reading.

I honestly don't know how to fix myself. All these terrible feelings and overwhelming thoughts constant is exhausting im so tired of it all I really just want it all to end any means nessecary. And yesterday I actually made that decision and then I overthinked it, not to not do it. But what I wanted people to know or feel. And I had to tell them before I go. So I tired with my girlfriend, I guess I was not subtle at all probably because I was honestly at the really emotional stage of my brain cycle at that point and so we both were breaking down and she was panicking and I felt bad I was doing that to her but I didn't wanna lie and reassure her but she wouldn't calm down and kept saying how much it'd hurt her and that she'd do it to. Eventually I realized I have to stay alive for her for now at least (till she dumps me) but deciding that doesn't make the thought stop. So if anyone knows how to do that I'd appreciate it. I can't keep dealing with this cycle of feelings of numbness then overwhelming emotions and derelization, and depersonalization, the thought of how I really want it all to end, is there constantly. But I made a promise and I'm trying to keep it.

Hi All! I was stuck in an OCD loop for a while surrounding real events around children. I also struggle with incest OCD and my biggest trigger is my brother. I love him dearly but he is a big trigger bc he has always been a lot younger than me, he is 17 right now. The other night he wanted me to toss the remote to him and had his hands up in front of his face. Instead I tossed it in his lap. My intrusive thoughts and fears are telling me that I did this purposely so I could hit his crotch. Now I am worried I hurt him and he would be better off / not as traumatized if I was dead. I know this is extreme but the guilt truly gets to me. How do you all cope with uncertainty? Do I talk to him about it and ask if I hurt him or will it just make him feel more weird? What if I did do it to gain pleasure from it - how do I cope and move on from this?

All day today I keep getting this image popping into my head of myself slicing my dog with a knife and it keeps giving me this weird feeling that I want to/have to do it. Like it keeps popping into my head when I try to relax and ACTUALLY making me think I’ll act on it. Is this still ocd?? It feels like it would be satisfied if I did it. I hate this. I’m so scared. I had to do ERP with a knife today and it actually felt like I was holding myself back from just doing it. This is not possibly normal.

I genuinely feel like this is the worst my ocd has ever been. I logically have no reason I’d want to harm myself. Great family, friends, job, low expenses at the moment. Not going through a loss. Feels like all day my brain is kicking the shit out of me telling me I need to kill myself or I should. Intrusive feelings and urges galore. Also so wrapped up in it that I’m unsure if it’s ocd or my own thoughts / I want them or not. Normally I’m the guy terrified to get on a plane because I’m afraid of death so this simultaneously makes no sense but also feels so real?? It feels like this is my fate now or something Any insight welcome

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

I had a full blown panic attack the other night because I was in bed and woke up and was thinking I needed to get up because I was so anxious and I was thinking that what if something happened to me or what if I accidentally did something. Just to remind you I am in nursing school and working 2 days a week and am stressed and overwhelmed - any tips will be appreciated or encouragement