SI themed ocd but no plans or intent

@Ellasmama I’m sorry to hear. Yeah honestly it’s tough. I have no reason to want to die

@Walters15! How are you feeling ?

@wmorris93 Feeling better today , has its moments . Difficult when it’s my time of the month . Before this I’ve always been afraid of death still am so I’m like why am I so afraid of this theme ! It worse when I’m depressed it just latches on and I feel like giving up

@Walters15! Yeah I’m feeling depressed too but I feel like I’m depressed because of the thoughts you know? Literally this popped into my head one day when I was struggling with a different theme. Then it switched to this. Although my mind sometimes wonders if this is even ocd 🤧

@Walters15! Probably pretty telling though that all of a sudden my other theme disappeared lmao

@wmorris93 Dude same ! I haven’t been diagnosed though with ocd but I have death and health anxiety . Before this I was scared of dying in my sleep from drinking to much alcohol and then it was having a heart attack and then randomly an image popped into my head about this theme . I know anxiety causes intrusive thoughts too though so whether this is ocd or anxiety it’s still a fear ! I’ve never in my life dealt with depression , it doesn’t run in my family at all but since having these thoughts it makes me depressed !

@Walters15! Have you experienced any ocd themes before ? I obviously don’t want you taking on a false diagnosis. I do have a diagnosis

@Moogle fan What have your thoughts been ? Did it ever make you think you were “s” for me I feel like it’s worse on my period like I get sad about these thoughts and then I start ruminating on life and then just wanna give up then once it ends I’m back to being able to ignore them . It’s so annoying !

@Walters15! Darn! Lemme just . @Walters15! What started this spiral was a harm intrusive thought that turned into a “do I want to kill myself?” No. I don’t but my ocd goes ok but what if you do? All day I would pinpoint things where I’d want to live and constantly tell my family that I didn’t want to die. I was an emotional wreck. I’ve had to learn to say “ok, maybe”. “I’m not suicidal” then respond with “or maybe I am” It’s hard but the weeks get less hard as I resist compulsions. I can focus more. Though the Thoughts are still there and they are unpleasant. I just gotta remain patient so it’ll go away. I do think OCD gets worse before our periods too- something to do with a hormone shift. I’m currently on birth control and I’ve noticed my emotions are all out of wack right now. But I’m also on anxiety meds. It’s exhausting but we gotta keep going. Just remind yourself it’s ocd and try very hard not to ruminate. The more you give it attention the worse it’ll get.

@Moogle fan Do you have instagram ? Maybe we can talk more about it ? It’s hard to even accept the “maybe I am” thoughts even when I’ve told myself and then once my period hits it’s like “I just wanna give up””it’s gonna be like this forever “ but never in my life have I thought this way . Like I’ve always always been afraid of dying , I wouldn’t even take vitamins before cause I was scared of how it would make me feel or scared to go on a plane cause I was scared it was gonna crash scared of dying of a heart attack and or in my sleep literally right before and then this randomly popped into my head and image and it sank me in so deep !

@Walters15! I’ve honestly felt super anxious most days and the ocd feels real a lot. You too?

@Walters15! Yeah sometimes it feels like I want to do it ?! Like it’s so messed up, confusing and makes no sense

@wmorris93 No I mean I def don’t want to do it , but my mind def plays tricks on me like I’m sad so I might as well do it

@Walters15! Oh for sure like I don’t WANT to do it lol but my brain is like telling me that I want to do it and it feels real

@Walters15! Oh for sure like I don’t WANT to do it lol but my brain is like telling me that I want to do it and it feels real

@wmorris93 Yeah no I get that ! And being depressed scares me !

@flocr Wow I feel so seen. Thank you ❤️ it’s been hard

@flocr Have you had the feeling like it feels real?

@wmorris93 Ohhhh yeah. I litteraly went to the hospital because I thought I was in danger. It felt so real. I really thought I needed to do something to solve it. I saw a psychiatrist at the hospital, and he gave me a diagnostic of OCD. I had so much relief.

@flocr I too went to the hospital one day. It was really scary. I remember even telling the nurse that day when I was in there everything and I had thoughts of “you just lied to that nurse.” It’s willldddd when you engage with it

@wmorris93 Also, I often get more intrusive feelings than intrusive thoughts. Very hard to explain, but its like a general feeling that I will do it or that I want to do it. Its so scary. And the simple fact that I find it scary and distressing is enough proof that its just ocd. But its hard to believe!

@flocr Yesss on the “believing” part. I think my brain has been so anxious that it low key believes the ocd is true.

@wmorris93 And its crasy because Im actually a very happy person. I was scared of death since forever. I remember being so affraid of an hearth attack, and then one day the thought of suicide popped in my brain. Since this moment, I never thought about a hearth attack! I love life. So why is this theme so stuck… Its so annoying 😭😭

@flocr That’s probably why it’s stuck. For both of us. I’m the same. Normally when I’m on a plane I’m scared that it’s gonna crash bc I don’t wanna die. And there’s no logical reason I’d feel this way. I had a different theme before and then it switched to this one day when it popped into my head

@flocr But yeah when I try to reason with myself I get thoughts like “no , you just wanna die now” like ?? WHAT lol

@flocr If you did wanna chat more lmk xx totally cool if not though I respect the boundaries of this app haha

@wmorris93 Yes! Of course! Do you have Instagram?

@flocr I do!

@flocr What’s your insta ? Or I can share mine and you can add me instead lol

@Walters15! I’ve definitely had thoughts of “I don’t wanna be here” but they were intrusive and I’d be like ?? Wtf why? I have no reason to feel this way

@wmorris93 Exactly ! Same here ! Before this I’ve never had this thought ever crossed my mind my mind !

@Walters15! Honestly I don’t want to reassure you or myself as I’m trying to respect the rules here however I think if this thought enticed you or I - we wouldn’t be on here chatting about it. I think we both have to be strong and choose to believe it’s ocd

@wmorris93 I agree ! We’re only feeding into it 🫠

@Walters15! It’s realllyyy hard because it feels hard to ignore or accept but I feel like it’s ocd. I don’t think (at least I don’t think) that people just randomly wake up and want to off themselves unless something bad happens to them ye know? It’s like a last ditch effort to escape a negative experience or life issue

@wmorris93 I also don’t think “s” people wake up and it’s a constant thought from sun up to sun down . I don’t think . 🫠🤦🏼‍♀️