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Does anyone else Google everything? Like quite literally everything? Even if it’s not related to OCD obsession, I feel the need to understand everything.

I genuinely feel like this is the worst my ocd has ever been. I logically have no reason I’d want to harm myself. Great family, friends, job, low expenses at the moment. Not going through a loss. Feels like all day my brain is kicking the shit out of me telling me I need to kill myself or I should. Intrusive feelings and urges galore. Also so wrapped up in it that I’m unsure if it’s ocd or my own thoughts / I want them or not. Normally I’m the guy terrified to get on a plane because I’m afraid of death so this simultaneously makes no sense but also feels so real?? It feels like this is my fate now or something Any insight welcome

hi everyone I’ve been dealing with the loss of my sweet cat Oz and it’s really been weighing me down for the past two months since it happened. It was a very sudden death and it’s really made my whole world spin upside down and put me into a really bad place. Does anyone have similar experiences they’d like to share? I feel very alone right now and I know that this is apart of life so if you have anything you want to add I’d appreciate it. ♥️

Hello everyone. So, basically every time I feel any kind of peace/pleasure (simple ones, like hmm today I’m enjoying a song, I felt good with my sleep, etc) my ocd tries to convince me something is wrong and then I get anxious because I was feeling good. It’s so messed up. Anyone been through this?

I've been in a constant state of panic since last night. My brain...oh my brain I'm so sick of you. I have intrusive thoughts that tell me "I don't exist" "I'm already dead" The panic and hyper focusing has caused so much DPDR that I feel disconnected to where it truly feels like I ceased to exist. No matter what I tell myself, I can't calm down. Nothing is a distraction, not even video games. I don't feel real. It feels like my own voice in my head is numb. I can't concentrate, my memory is awful, and I'm just all around scared. I can't believe it's gotten to this point. I don't know what to do...I'm terrified.

So recently I made a post about having the theme of fear of psychosis and schizophrenia which has led to the fear of not getting sleep and being scared I’ll go crazy and start hallucinating from the lack of sleep. Last night I was able to sleep some hours after not being able to properly sleep for 4 nights (like I actually dreamt) but of course when I woke up I got the the thought “what if you didn’t sleep and you think you did” “what if you’re just hallucinating it” it made me instantly sick to my stomach! Of course I know I slept but these thoughts just get crazier everyday making me feel like I’m actually crazy. I just want to cry. It’s a constant battle everyday and I’m just so tired. I’ve never had these thoughts before. If anyone has gone through this please tell me what helped you. I miss getting home and looking forward to sleeping not being scared I won’t. And I miss just living my life and not having thoughts questioning if it’s my reality or not. Please I could really use some advice.

Something came up on my fyp on tiktok. The possibility of asteroid Apophis hitting the earth in 2029 and 2036. NASA assured it wouldn’t hit instead coming between the moon and earth. The comments are all fear mongering. They say you can’t trust NASA and they’d have a reason to lie to the common folk. If it was about anything else i’d wave it away because I don’t give sceptics the time of day but this is bothering me severely. I’ve been staring at a wall for the past hour absolutely terrified and trying my best not to reassure myself. This is horrible for me, because images of my own death and that of the world keep relentlessly attacking my psyche. I wish i could just wave this off but it’s sticking to me terribly.

i’ve made posts in the past regarding the same struggles and i haven’t found any relief. school has started and im managing my grades well enough; but im miserable, suffocating on my thoughts day in and day out with no one to turn to and nothing to numb the pain. my ocd is been preventing me from sleeping and i cant stop the thoughts. i’ve been on medications and tried different types of therapies but i feel so stuck. time is just dragging me along for the ride but i cant stop thinking about everything bad that has ever happened to me. i cant stop the intrusive thoughts. my fingers are raw from the compulsions and i genuinely dont know what to do anymore. i have no one and nothing; does anyone have any advice to dig yourself out of quicksand? how to return to the person you used to be and leave all of the struggles behind? to even get over it all?

So for the past month I have been dealing with the theme of going into a psychosis/or becoming schizophrenic. Having thoughts like is this really my reality? I am really here? I’m I just hallucinating what I want to see and did something horrible? Very scary thoughts. I’ve also been dealing with harm intrusive towards myself and towards my family. Recently this week I’ve developed a new theme of fearing not being able to sleep and going crazy from not being able to sleep. I lay there at night waiting to fall asleep and no matter how tired I was all day sleep doesn’t come. And then when I actually get some hours of sleep I question if I really slept and didn’t just hallucinate sleep. Which is very ridiculous I know. I’m just really scared and feel so helpless right now. I haven’t been diagnosed for OCD but I’m positive it’s what I have. I’m just so tired and feel like crying all the time. Sleep was the one thing I had to escape from all this crap and now that has gotten taken away from me as well. I just want my life back. Yesterday my family came over and for once I was able to forget about the thoughts for the time they were here and it felt so nice. I’m trying so hard to be okay for my family but I’m not. Im drowning on the inside and I just want to breathe. I can’t afford therapy right now and I have been prescribed sertraline 25mg for my anxiety but I’m to scared to take it. If anyone can relate or give me advice it would be greatly appreciated. I know reassurance is not what I should be getting but I’m just so scared.

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?

I think that basically the thought right now is a fear of being alone both physically/literally and philosophically. It feels like an excess of awareness that I am an individual, I am me and only her, always and forever. And who am I? Can I trust myself? Am I 'trapped' inside myself? Anyway, a lot of thoughts about self-worth and identity. Then I get scared of not being able to trust myself, of depending on myself to do things from the most basic like brushing my teeth to, I don't know, working and supporting myself, controlling myself, etc... and then I feel scared of going crazy because I don't think these thoughts are normal and that makes me feel even more alone, even less connected to others.

(I’m not sure if this has anything triggering but just in case—know that I bring up my OCD but not what it is specifically so I think it’s fine? ) Just really struggling right now and was wondering if anyone had any words of advice or encouragement? I’ve had OCD my entire life but it didn’t start becoming severe until I was around 14/15. It reached the point of extreme where going anywhere or socializing at all caused embarrassment because I had NO idea how to control compulsions and had no idea that’s what they were in the first place. I would also get lost in intrusive thoughts and physically couldn’t communicate. Fast forward and I was isolated throughout the years important to my development. Didn’t go to school, didn’t go to any social events, didn’t get a job (and then 2020 came along and I literally couldn’t.) and just stayed in my room letting my OCD consume me. It was really bad in 2022 and destroyed a very important relationship I had and set me back once again, it hit me extremely strong and a few months later I was once again just -stuck- these were years I was supposed to get ready for college but I couldn’t, and now this year I’m turning 20 and I have nothing to show for it. I’m still stuck and at this point I just feel like there’s no hope for me. The only job I can muster up anything for is creative writing but I feel like such a failure. I’m in such a dark place and I just can’t convince myself it’ll get better. Any words of encouragement would be nice because I just don’t know what to do.

I've seen numerous posts about changing themes and introducing new ones. Could it be that these categories are merely artificial constructs we've created to impose order on a disorder that isn't truly related to the themes themselves? It seems like they might provide a misleading framework for addressing issues and could potentially confine both patients and caregivers to a limited perspective. What are your thoughts on this?

Sometimes i feel like i need the opinion from people online to tell me if im a good person or not. I have thoughts of just posting every single bad thing ive done and let the people decide if i deserve to continue with my life. It sounds morbid but it is. I dont know what to do with myself sometimes especially when it comes to the future. What will people want to happen to me if they found out everything ive done. I put too much thought into these scenarios. Its really just how i feel. Maybe this has turned into more of a vent but- i also think that i should not continue my life myself, so that i dont have to see the “ inevitable” comments on my life later on. I think about it all the time. Its gotten so bad to where i feel like i need to be put away in a mental hospital for a week or two so i can get over myself but i havent and im scared too if it gets bad again. I just feel so unworthy of living sometimes. I want it all to stop but its so hard most days.

It feels like my boyfriend is ‘another compulsion” because he makes me happy and that is what ocd does, but when he is gone, my mind can go everywhere. Mostly thinking im not attracted to men (im bi and for some reason i feel like i have to choose 1 gender, and that that would be women) even though i know that i dont have to choose and can just be happy with my bf. But then my mind can go “but are you happy” or “youre not aroused right now or aroused enough so your gay or you dont like bf” Thats really hard, because my one of my biggest fears is being with a man all my life (having a family etc) and then falling in love with a woman and throw it all away. I really really love my boyfriend, but it can feel like this is not my real identity and im doing the wrong thing. Like when im not thinking about it, if thats maybe my ocd and not the overthinking. Does anyone understand?

I feel and I think differently to others. Broad and vast. Even in a crowd I can feel alone. I long for others to understand me, but if that meant them suffering a fraction of what I do, I'll burden this anguish alone in silence, with a smile wider than my heart can bear. My scars runs deep and my love deeper still. I will hold the line between my hell and the angels around me. Its not what I owe them, its what I don't.

I asked 8ball it said I'm going to hell and I'm not a good person

I know that Jesus died and paid the price for my sins and that they are pardoned. But do I really? Some part of me finds it hard to believe, as badly as I want to. I struggle with drug addiction, so each day as I use I think to myself how could God possibly forgive me when I’m sinning so willingly? How could he grant me access to heaven when I do what I do? I think of it like an apology (on my part) means nothing without changed behavior. So why should he forgive me if I won’t change? Can anyone explain that?

My theme has shifted drastically in the past year. I haven’t used NOCD in a while since i’ve been doing a lot better and thought i’d just check and see how the community is doing. Hope you’re all doing okay 👌🏼. I suffered with SO-OCD for over a year. Thankfully, i’ve somewhat overcome this and it’s nothing but a passing thought in my head After a period of peace I began having obsessions and fears about the end of the world. Specifically asteroid/comets. The sound of a plane, a low rumble, or a loud bang is enough to send me spiralling. I’d jump for my phone to see what the news was saying and even downloaded a flight radar app to check if what i was hearing was a plane or not. Last night i noticed a bright star start flickering and i was convinced i was gonna die. The dreams are relentless. Every night I have nightmares about the same thing and every night I feel absolute horror, coming to terms with death before waking up in a cold sweat. Let me know your thoughts or if anyone else is going through similar things.

I have powerful existential ocd. My current most distressing spike ever has me almost convinced that me and my son were sucked into a virtual reality in my phone or another dimension like a mirror or tv, and that this reality is all fake and I've separated him from the real world. All because I had a guilt thought nearly two months ago. On top of that, my partner let me know she's dating another man two weeks ago and I was just laid off today. I need kind souls that understand and some empathy. Thank you.