Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Triggered 7 days ago. No relief yet. Suggestions please, Im running on fumes now from fatigue, on ways to reduce my mental stress?

Hi! I’m trying to say this story as short as possible. I started realizing I was having an ocd flare up a long time ago and I chose private psychotherapy because I thought it would be better. I had a bunch of other issues and I wanted one quick (I had tried 2 before) and when I met someone that I felt was kind of okay I trusted them with my ocd. The thing was that she was NOT specialized in ocd, in fact, looking back I realize that she barely knew how to handle it at all. I had a really good one when I was younger and I was not having symptoms when I quit years ago, so it surprised me a LOT that all I had learned got unlearned because I trusted a bad psychologist. I have currently Rocd and a bit of compulsive staring as well, plus tricomania. I really really want to warn you, DON’T LET A NON OCD SPECIALIST GIVE YOU ADVICE OR ERP!!!!! It has taken me a while to realize all the damage she did. But I was so desperate for a solution at the time that I ignored the signs. She had no idea what she was doing and she actually asked me what we should do! She also made my staring worse, because she told me to try to not look (which is actually wrong), she also asked me if I was really in love with my partner, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO DOUBTS AT THE TIME!!! She thought that I actually wanted sex with someone else and was like yeah it’s normal some people do that, instead of understanding my feelings and that I actually didn’t want to, but it was an intrusive thought. (It was very different from the classic: you know what maybe maybe not erp thing) She misunderstood everything and I now have to rewire my brain.

i saw a trigger in a instagram reel. i noticed the face immediately, i guess that's because she had a unique beautiful face and that's precisely what ticked me and made me alerted. and my brain started telling me that meant something, the cuteness and so on the potential danger that i felt, it seemed like a cue that something was there. and my brain started testing me with intrusive se&ual images. and im afraid that they weren't completely distasteful to my brain even though i didnt want it and i was freaking out. im afraid there might be of component of truth that makes something in my brain wrong. why did it feel like there was a potential "allure" in those intrusive images? why did it feel like i could like it? was it because the more taboo is something the more it feels "alluring" automatically? something in those se&ual intrusive images felt affine, akin, feasible to maybe my preferences? was it the association between intrusive pretty face + the intrusive image of a private area overlapping in meaning making me think that there could be some likeness? some potential attraction towards it? or is it really true and i have something in my brain that ive been in denial this whole time? maybe i'm a danger. im utterly worried abt this. why was i able to feel like there was some affinity towards those se&ual intrusive association-images? please if somebody knows, tell me, because until then i don't think i can rest in peace. and it's not a matter of uncertainty, this is something untolerable. i cant live like a guilty person and act like im innocent and that is all ocd. it feels perversed.

I had an "OCD episode" several months back from NOT doing the compulsion. Or at least not "resolving" / dealing with the intrusive thought. What if "Not" dealing with it creates an issue that never subsides or makes you worse? This sounds dramatic, but I literally feel and believe like I was psychologically traumatized by not doing a compulsion --- which for me has been ruminating and "problem solving" to "deal" with whatever "challenge" / intrusive thought comes up. When I wasn't able to "deal" with it properly in a kind of stalemate, the "anxiety" last for at least a month. And it was severe -- brain fog, sundowning, cognitive difficulties, I think maybe even disassociation. You could even call it a mental breakdown and burnout (from OCD itself). Even went to a neurologist 'cause I think thought there was brain damage or some sht. I'm STILL recovery from that. I feel worse cognitively, and even think it that episode pushed me into some type of clinical depression. So isn't that lovely that "not dealing with the OCD / not doing the compulsion" is actually a shtty choice (for me) as well.

I'm trying to get my head around ERP. What is the best way to describe how it's a "solution." Imo I think OCD happens with people who are very concerned with their own genuine integrity and probably their own "morality." So when something (like an uncomfortable "real event" that actually happened) messes that up, it's hard to grapple with that...hence the endless rumination and trying to "problem solve" it. But the mind doesn't let you sleep (i.e. OCD) if something is controversial and doesn't sit with you. Or if you obsess over something and it's based on a rooted fear. You just can't "let it go," it has to be addressed and dealt with. But what happens when it is NEVER dealt with? How does ERP address that dilemma as a permanent solution? Or does ERP only address compulsions and anxiety, but it doesn't actually deal with the issue causing it. Do you ever get REAL peace of mind? Or is just something to make you feel "less anxious" etc? Thanks I just want peace of mind. I haven't had true peace of mind in several years.

I have OCD and C-PTSD and so sometimes having a different opinion makes me feel like I'm automatically wrong or like I'm a bad person for thinking differently. I feel like this is esepecially true with social media and Tik Tok when you see other people's opinions from a lot of different perspectives and people get labeled at a bad person by strangers who don't know them. I don't want to feel like a bad person for having a different opinion than friends and/or the internet. I mostly think the same as them in a lot of different ways, but one or two things I think differently (examples of my thoughts I see are different sometimes: I think people can change but that doesn't excuse their actions and they should get therapy; I don't think all AI is bad, it just needs better regulation and shouldn't be used to replace people, I think it can be a helpful tool; I think just because someone uploads something that's considered "weird" on a public site (like cosplay, or a fashion choice, or etc) doesn't make it okay to make a video about them and making fun of them or be mean (like the teen/child who did the "bad" red lobster cover)) How do I learn to be okay with having different opinions than other people?

OK, so I never had a boyfriend before because I’ve always avoided relationships because I’ve always had a fear of intimacy/ fear of someone getting too close (i have an avoidant attachment style) and just a hard time getting close to anyone in general. Well i am 22 years old now and i finally got a boyfriend for the first time and he is my heart in human form. Like i love him more than anything and i just want to love and support him as much as possible because i truly believe he deserves the world and more. OKAY SORRY ENOUGH ABT MY UNDYING LOVE FOR MY BOYFRIEND- i came on here to say i have been having these intrusive thoughts and they’re so disgusting. The thoughts are of me cheating and never I my life have i ever thought i?? I would do that so when I had this thought, it sent me into a panic. I was having anxiety for weeks and it was hell because it’s like my reality gets distorted. It just sucks because this is my first ever relationship and the only thing i want to do is just give my love to this man and make him the happiest person on earth. That’s is it i swear but my thoughts are so so so cruel. BTW i forgot to mention that cheating is his biggest fear in a relationship SO I know my ocd took that and RAN. Well anyways I can’t help but feel like I’m the worst human being on this earth but can some of yall send some ERP exercises and ways yall get over your ocd flares ups/ocd attacks please ? help a girl out 😔

I was on yt and I saw this kid whom I thought was pretty, but then I got a weird thought, and I got worried, I started physically panicking and runnin around, telling myself it wasn’t really attraction, idk if I’m lying to myself or not, I tried using AI for reassurance, but it didn’t work, this is the first time I spiraled since like 2 months… I can’t stand it I’m scared… idk it feels like I’m lying to myself, idk if it was sexual attraction or not, I thought she was pretty idk if it means something, I keeep rewatching the video to test myself. Please help me please.

I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist on NOCD for about 4 years now. I went through therapy here and I was officially diagnosed. My mom knows about the diagnosis because I’ve pretty much told her all my struggles and unfortunately confessed a lot of what I was dealing with in the past. She was not understanding at first and told me there was no way I could have OCD that I don’t “clean and organize” like people she has worked with before or been around. I told her that I wanted to go through therapy at the time and she said no and really said some mean and hateful things. Eventually though she did start becoming understanding but not in the way you would think. My mom isn’t exactly emotionally supportive. So talking to her about everything was really hard to go through. Well getting into what’s bothering me….in the past I have thought maybe there was a possibility that I could have autism. I’ve seen people on TikTok talk about it and what they have experienced and it was similar to me but I pushed it aside and never talked about it with anyone. I do struggle with “misophonia” and my mom is also aware of that even though she doesn’t believe in it either and that I’m just “misdiagnosing” myself. Well today she randomly says “There’s a video I watched earlier that I think you should see. I think you have autism. I don’t think you have OCD. You were misdiagnosed and it’s your trauma that is making you think you have OCD.” And it really hit me the wrong way and was quite triggering. The things that I have put in my head and all the hate towards myself before I was diagnosed came back because I was starting to second guess myself. I told her you can have OCD and autism at the same time. There’s no way for me to know unless I’m diagnosed and she said you don’t need to be diagnosed you kind of just know or something like that. But it really put it in my head that I’m making the OCD symptoms up and what if I really was diagnosed and it confirms that I’m a “bad” person. Sometimes I wish I never told my mom anything. She has never really shown care or understanding towards how I have been feeling for years. Who knows, maybe I do have autism but I know for a fact I have OCD. I just hate she put it in my head that theres a possibility I’m an imposter and I’m really what my mind tells me I am. If anyone relates to this please reach out. I’m not really asking for reassurance I just don’t know if I should listen to my mom. Yes I’m an adult. I’m 26 and still live at home. Now that she thinks I have autism, is she going to use it against me too? This sucks so much 💔

I always worry that my OCD is treatment resistant? No matter how much ERP Ive been doing for the past decade or so, I somehow am met with my themes again, sometimes coming back tenfold. Maybe I’m doing ERP wrong. Maybe I have something worse than OCD. I just have so many obsessions and themes and feel my avoidant behaviors trying to kick in no matter how much I try to resist. I’m exhausted…and it sucks. Even my sister told me “some people are not meant to overcome hurdles because God wants them to be stronger” referring to me. Now I feel like my OCD is impossible to get over. I don’t want to be strong, I want to be at peace. I’m not even religious and this is getting to my head and I’m spiraling. I can’t afford to be on medication or go to therapy. I’m struggling so hard.

i’m a little worried everytime i think like sexual about my girlfriend my thoughts feel replaced by kids and it makes me think that im the thinking on purpose am i?

I want to know if this an ocd thing because I haven't read about it when I started searching of the disorder to make sure I had it (that before my diagnosis) Does your thoughts get worsened when you are falling sleep or are half awake half sleep? I noticed mines would get intensified when I'm trying very hard to stay awake or when I'm close to falling asleep

Feel like I’ve been stuck in a spiral for a while. My OCD has come in waves over the years but this time it has been so debilitating. I’m in therapy, but I really struggle with sitting with uncertainty. My therapist will tell me to say, “Maybe, maybe not”. But so many of my fears and so much of my uncertainty feels too risky to just, “not figure out”. And if it’s not just thoughts, it’s actions or events. Whether it’s an event from years ago or 5 minutes ago, I feel like I’m ruminating and trying to perform memory recall. I analyze every action, thought, decision. I’m full of guilt and dread all the time. And then I realize how much it’s affecting my family and ability to be a fun and present parent. Most days I’m hardly functional outside of meeting my kid’s basic needs. I feel like I’m wasting so much time, but I just can’t get myself out of this constant loop. Every day brings a new event or theme or thought. I know I need to sit with the uncertainty but it’s so hard.

I Am married to my husband who i love. OCD tricks me into thinking i don’t love him and that I’m secretly gay and don’t want to come out. I have been having intrusive thoughts but the anxiousness has been low but I’m starting to freak out. These last few days 24/7 “you’re gay you need to come out” “you’re lying” I literally don’t want anything to do with a woman but it feels so real that I’m questioning if this is even ocd. I have intrusive thoughts of doing things with woman but I don’t want to do them and then my compulsions come in. Why has my anxiety been gone the last few days? It just now came back. I’m afraid to be near my spouse because of these thoughts I don’t want to lose him but I feel so detached from reality. What is going on? I keep telling myself that I’m not gay but it makes it worse.

For several years of my life, OCD made some days, months even, incredibly difficult. I wasn’t sure I would get through that time, but somehow I prevailed. Through therapy, I’m starting to learn how to handle my symptoms and move away from compulsions. That doesn’t mean every day is easy, but that I’m starting to stop avoiding the things that trigger me. I feel like I’m building more trust with myself and moving towards a brighter future that OCD doesn’t dictate. I am so grateful towards myself, my therapist, and my other supports that I have reached this point, and really proud of how much I am growing.

I needed to get out of bed. I got intrusive thoughts. Anxiety and ocd as soon as as i wake up. I scoooted out of bed. But intrusivr thought was of my friend and their kid then ocd ad sensiromotor ocd i worried about groinals and hip thrusts. As i scooted out of bed i think i felt a pause or hesitation but im not sure. I recall scooting off the bed but ocd hyperfocusing on my goos and groinals and hip thrusts thoughts. I anxiously reacted and said NO repeatedly as compulsions. Now im stuck trying tk figure lut did j slowly scoot off the bed and ocd was just hyperfocused on groinals? Did i involuntary hip thrust or was i checking as a compulsion so hip thrusted intentionally? Thrn ocd said was k intnetionally hip thrusting while scooting off and having intrusive thiughts and arousing over my friend and their kid but thats ego dystonic and causes me anxiety and discomfort and i kept saying NO. Was it just sensirimotr ocd. Was i hesitant and thats ehy i slowly scooted out of bed and OCD just fixates on groinals. Im stuck figuring out whyd my brain fixate on my hips and groins. Did i do anything intentionally to act on the intrusive thiughts? Why was i moving sloe kr did ocd interpret that way because of anxiety? Did i hip thrust or was it just natural movement of scooting out of bed and ocd just worrying false alarms and making me feel guilt and doubt to keep me ruminating. I know i wasnt arousing over my friend and their kid. As i scooted and had intrusivr thoughts and groinals i felt so uncomfortable and said NO repeatedly as a compulsion as i kept scooting out. Of course scooting causes a natural hip thrust motion tk scoot out and groinals occur and my anxious discomfort and cringe face and saying no was me trying tk endure it but ocd thougjts hyperfixate and make me confused snd doubt snd says “was i hip thrusting snd arousing iver intrusive thoughts? “ this is ego dystonic. And i already woke up in an anxiety soup mentally. And i think i was just hesistant and ocd hyperfixates with sensiromotor and i was just trying to get out of bed. I dont want thoughts if my friend and their kid. Indont want groinals. So why woukd i arouse over it thats not rational logical kr who i am. Short answer please advise

I’ve recently had my meds upped after a really bad spiral / episode and i’m doing a bit better. My mum wanted me to go to the GP, a doctor she really trusts to affirm the dosage is ok, what’s really going on etc. I went to the GP and it was an experience that honestly didn’t sit right with me. I just wanted some community to know if i’m over analysing. I feel like I cannot tell my mum because she trusts this doctor so much. My mum came with me and kind of brought up how I was thinking it could be OCD but the doctor immediately wrote me off and was like it’s definitely not it’s just anxiety and depression and then he brought up how OCD is more like I wouldn’t be able to go through the door without tapping and checking and how he knew a friend with OCD in school and he couldn’t even leave his locker for 30 minutes because he had to keep checking. I 100% know this is OCD and this is what it looks like for some people and how debilitating it is but from what I’ve learnt and researched it’s not JUST that and I don’t really like the way he turned me down without asking what symptoms I have. I also feel like he didn’t have a good grasp on what it really is at its core because yes I don’t physically check but I don’t think it’s crazy that I thought (think?) I might have it (i have obsessive intrusive thoughts, ruminate, mental compulsions and body check). Then he kind of went on to psycho analyse me and ended up asking about personal stuff and kind of blamed all my intrusive thoughts on my relationship with my dad who is estranged, which was awkward and a little insulting. I’m not saying that has no impact on my mental health but it just felt uncomfortable and weird to me. Anyways even if I don’t have OCD, I’m not sure I do, I’m no doctor but I relate to many of you and I know that OCD is not visible in that way for many so it’s sad to think many others will be ignored or brushed off. Does anyone else have any stories of GP’s treating OCD this way ? :((

Currently feeling extremely shameful for something I did in the past. Any advice? I've had periods of coming to terms with it and understanding that it was just a mistake, as no one got hurt, but now it's resurfacing again.

Why is it that when I see, for example, a completely benign situation, with people who are not adapted to such things (pocd, zocd, socd) I see mimicry, movement, I see something sexual and I feel something😔

Okay... so im taking the NREMT-B exam next week in about 5 days... Im genuinely nervous... I want to succeed so badly but because my POCD says my worst fears have already, or will, come true, that I dont deserve this and it makes me feel guilty... I'm a horrible person... ive unintentionally hurt people... ive done genuinely horrible POCD-related things as a 13-14 year old that make me feel genuine guilt as an adult... and it should... why do i deserve to help people, when all Ive ever done is hurt people....? (Also, for context, my biggest fear is doing anything inappropriate with minors in any way... and whether or not it has already happened... thats my biggest fear...)