Ugh

I always worry that my OCD is treatment resistant? No matter how much ERP Ive been doing for the past decade or so, I somehow am met with my themes again, sometimes coming back tenfold. Maybe I’m doing ERP wrong. Maybe I have something worse than OCD. I just have so many obsessions and themes and feel my avoidant behaviors trying to kick in no matter how much I try to resist. I’m exhausted…and it sucks. Even my sister told me “some people are not meant to overcome hurdles because God wants them to be stronger” referring to me. Now I feel like my OCD is impossible to get over. I don’t want to be strong, I want to be at peace. I’m not even religious and this is getting to my head and I’m spiraling. I can’t afford to be on medication or go to therapy. I’m struggling so hard.

KAW1007

Date posted: 25d

I feel the same way as you do. Even with therapy that I’m going to start I feel like I am too far gone. But that’s not true.

inky

Date posted: 12d

@KAW1007 Man, I feel this soo, so much. Sending you good vibes 💜

Brekgel

Date posted: 25d

You are not alone! My OCD was improving greatly but I am in a HUGE flare up right now that is making me feel discouraged. I know it’s possible to get better but it just might take a bit, especially if you have been struggling with OCD for a while. I am religious and pray daily that I will be healed from this, so I completely understand your frustration. I try to tell myself that literally every single person struggles greatly with something, even if we can’t see it, and this may just be our “thing”. I will say that OCD has made me grow in my faith and be more empathetic to others, even though I too am exhausted. No wonder we’re tired—we’re having to rewire our neural pathways lol! Praying it gets easier for you!

inky

Date posted: 12d

@Brekgel I feel this so hard! I’ve been in a flare up since May. So many themes, one after another and they don’t stop. I’m trying to tell myself this is a fleeting moment and feeling that’ll pass eventually. I just wish we could breathe and take breaks. I miss when I could enjoy things without an obsession being on the forefront of my mind. In spite of all of this, I’m glad that the struggle with OCD has helped you in your faith journey. Thank you for the prayers, you’re way too kind!

Anonymous

Date posted: 24d

You mentioned wondering if you have something worse than OCD. If you have a co-occuring conditions (even if the other one isn't worse) it can make things harder. If you haven't already this might be worth talking to a professional about. Or even reading up on other conditions if that's not affordable. Keep an eye out for if researching becomes a compulsion though. I was diagnosed with cptsd before ocd and it's hard for me to imagine erp working (or me even trying) if I hadn't started treating that first. It quieted ocd down a little for me. And helped me learn how to interact with it (ex: getting aggressive with/yelling back at my ocd doesn't work, I have to speak to it in trauma-focused way)

inky

Date posted: 12d

@Anonymous Speaking to it in a trauma focused way, love how you worded that! I never thought about it that way, but now I’m going to look at it through these lens. To be honest, I’m not sure what other conditions I have besides adhd (diagnosed for sure) and possibly autism, but I know that a therapist I was talking to says a lot of my behavior patterns and the context I’ve given her can be explained mostly by complex trauma (she didn’t diagnose me with cptsd bc it’s the us and it’s not a formal diagnosis here, sadly). It felt very validating to hear though since I did have a pretty difficult upbringing and this influenced the way I react to things

Anonymous

Date posted: 12d

@inky Ah you're right, I misspoke... I'm formally diagnosed with ptsd (im also in the US) but my therapist and I recognize/treat it as cptsd in sessions. Did the therapist you spoke to mention what modalities/ treatments she'd suggest for complex trauma? Some are still covered by insurance under a ptsd diagnosis.

mgmt

Date posted: 23w

No progress in ERP

In ERP, but have made no progress. I’m also on medication for ocd. I actually feel like I’ve resorted back to when I was at my worst. Is this normal? I feel ERP helps everyone and not me. It actually makes me more anxious and want to stop, esp because my ocd is on something physical (imperfections/hair color) I’m not giving up & going to continue through this journey regardless. I long for mental stability 😭

Dude01

Date posted: 21w

It's about the Themes, you can't convince me otherwise

"The themes don't matter, it's the OCD that's the real culprit!" I don't buy that. How's that? I didn't have this crap until the real event themes came along. I wasn't born with OCD, I didn't have it from a young age, etc. This was learned, this was real event theme triggered, this was a bad habit that kept on on going and never died, the frequency just picked up and now it's a daily hell. This wasn't happening before the actual themes. Which makes sense. It's a result of being "stuck" in a cycle of guilt, shame, and constant cognitive challenges to "deal" with past deeds. I've very skeptical of any future solution. The fact that there doesn't seem to be any permanent solution for real event OCD is defeating and depressing. I don't know how people "beat OCD" without some level of delusion mindset or baked out of their mind in medication. Doesn't seem to be a holistic or real solution to this. Just more of the same hellish routines. I'm just very pessimistic, it's been years. Where is the hope. Sick of being stuck like this.

Real Events OCD

Cherno

Date posted: 6w

ERP not working, been doing it for 8 months

My theme is suicidal OCD. I’ve been doing ERP since last year November and the overall intensity of my thoughts have not reduced at all. I have these thoughts 24/7 and my life feels like a living hell. Not two minutes goes by throughout the day where I’m not suffering from relentless thoughts. I don’t want to take meds because of the side effects and my insurance is coming to an end so it’d be difficult to ween off them by myself. I’m starting to feel so hopeless because I’ve done the toughest of the toughest exposures and I’m not getting better at all. My life is a living hell and I don’t see my condition with OCD getting better anytime sooner.

Suicidal OCD

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