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I’m freaking out that I still have love for someone from my past. Of course showed up in my dream last night. I haven’t even thought about this person for the past year while being with my partner. What????? Ugh this never ends does it

i finally moved in to my dorm and im with my dormmates rn, earlier i touched the string that my mom used to tie my bed foam and i feel like its from our house. i have a really bad contamination ocd especially to my own body fluid (semen), i used to touched things while my hand is contaminated with it back then and i feel like my family also touched those so i feel like everything in our house is contaminated with it. i want to move to my dorm without that feeling and sanitized all my things before going, but after that tie my mom used and touched i feel like my whole things and body is contaminated rn and i feel really really dirty and idk what to do

Ill edit the post in... What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... im so triggered...

I don’t know if I love him. I don’t think I do. I want to. I want to so fucking bad. I loved him. Before this I loved him so deeply we were such a good match but lately. Maybe just the past month were either fighting or not talking. Ik all couples go through rough patches. But this feels more. I wanan work through this. Ik all the problems are my fault. The jealousy, the resentment, the anger. It’s all on me. I’m the problem. But idk how to fix it. Idk how to stop being mad when he talks abt spending time with his friends. Idk how to stop being sad when he leaves to hang out with them. Idk how to not cry myself to sleep when he wants alone time. I wanna be with him. I want this relationship. But the good is so few and far between. The laughter and smiles is so fleeting. So much of my time is spent wondering if he hates me or if I hate him. I don’t wanna hate him. I wanna build a life with him. I see a future with him. But idk if I’ll ever truly be happy with him cuz of my jealousy and the fear I don’t love him. I try. I try so hard. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling but it’s so hard to make that choice when my brain tells me he wouldn’t make that choice. When I feel like he hates me and I’m boring him. When I’m insecure I feel so mad and angry that I can’t love him. I can’t feel any good feelings I’m just mad. And I hate it. I want us to be happy but I just know he likes being around them more. I just know I’m a chore to him. And I hate it. I love him. I love his beautiful face and his laugh. I love when we’re happy and good. And ik relationships require sticking it out through the bad. But I feel so guilty and so mad at the same time. I think abt are future and this pit is in my stomach and idk if it’s cuz im rlly anxious rn cuz i feel like he doesn’t love me or cuz i really don’t wanna be with him. I wanna be with him. I want him so fucking much. And I care abt him. But the constant questioning of my feelings and his feelings is driving me crazy. Idk what’s real and what’s fake. This relationship feels doomed and if it is idk if I’m gunna be able to handle the breakup. I love him. I care abt him. I want us to be together forever. I wanna grow old with him. But idk how to stop the bad feelings. How to stop the anxiety and anger. I just wanna love him and he love me. I pray for it every night and I try to be a good person but I’m so jealous and scared I keep ruing it. Idk what I want from this. Reassurance ig. Like can our relationship survive what’s happening? Is there a way to get better? To stop being jealous of him doing things without me. I don’t wanna become a bitter hateful gf. I just want us to be together and happy. Ik love is a choice not just a feeling. Ik you have to choose your partner every day even when you don’t want to and it sucks. But I’m so tired of feeling this. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. I wanna be happy in this relationship. Ik deep down he’s the one for me. Ik I’m where I’m supposed to be when I’m with him. But idk if I truelly love him or if I’m just scared of losing all that we’ve built. Idk. Has anyone been where I’m at and if so how did you get through it? How do you get through the constant worrying abt both yours and your partners feelings?

Hi this might sound crazy and I apologize I just want a little help sometimes with food I feel as if I need to finish something or else I feel I go crazy I tryed throwing away the food but that made me feel worse and I ended up taking it out of the trash and back in the refrigerator... it wasn't like it was on anything gross just on top of paper bags like the tippy top of the trash no cap and Im just panicking... this has happened to me before but its so distressing and my brain feels so foggy panicking... any help on this

I've become an OCD conqueror and Im pretty proud of myself. Not sure if anyone will read this. I've been battling OCD this year with the tools I've learned from NOCD and it's been challenging, but incredibly life changing and empowering. I still suffer from symptoms, I still do compulsions, I still avoid triggers and seek reassurance. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm learning and I'm improving. Progress isn't linear my friends, but it DOES get better. I feel so grateful that I got the help I needed. I was in a very dark place before starting therapy with NOCD, and I can't say I loved the process in the beginning. I didn't want to do ERP, I didn't want to discuss my symptoms or thoughts or talk to a therapist. Sometimes I did it half assed and begrudgingly, but I knew I had to stick with it to see improvement and I did. Recovery isn't pretty, it can be hard especially when no one sees you battling OCD and wrestling with the unbearable guilt, anxiety and rumination. ROCD had a grip on me. I've gone on trips with my girlfriend where I was convinced it was the last one, because nothing quite "felt right" and I wasn't sure if I was lying to her when I said "I love you." We'd be sitting down on the couch and I'd feel like I was being tortured, constantly doubting whether or not I'm in the right relationship or whether or not I truly love her, compulsively rubbing her arm or kissing her lips to see if I "feel in love." She never knew how much I was suffering. I would stay up late crying, wishing I wasn't a "shallow monster" who secretly didn't love his girlfriend, wishing I could stay committed and focused. Through this journey of recovering from OCD, using the methods I've been taught and being consistent with my exposures, I've managed to greatly reduce my symptoms. Even if I am suffering, I now know I can handle discomfort and that I'm stronger than I think. I can tolerate the intolerable, I can bear with uncomfortable thoughts, sensations and feelings. I can keep my cool. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. You CAN overcome OCD. You CAN make progress. Whoever is reading this, I'm incredibly proud of you for taking the steps to recover. These are skills that will help you for the rest of your life. You CAN do it. I believe in you.

With everything going on in the world, pacifically Gaza, I see a lot of videos asking to donate or interact however I am a minor so I try to at least interact. However, sometimes I do skip them which I feel bad for. I asked my mom and she said not to feel bad cause most are scams. My entire feed is just videos saying don’t skip, or little kids crying. It honestly makes me not wanna go on Instagram at all. However I do not know what the right thing is. I’m not (at least I don’t think you never know with OCD) trying to get reassurance I would just love someone’s input on this.

I said something stupid today. Again. 😞 I’m impulsive. I speak without thinking, and then I spiral afterward, replaying every word. I want so badly to learn how to think before I speak — but I feel like I’m just not wired that way. Can people even do this? I asked my therapist. He says I overthink everything and worries that if I try to pre-edit my speech, I’ll stop talking altogether and lose confidence. He also said it’s okay to walk things back and apologize. And while that may be true, I don’t see it as a big deal if I end up more quiet — because if I can’t say something intelligent, I’d rather say nothing at all. To me, the issue isn’t overthinking — it’s not thinking clearly before I speak. Then I overthink afterward, because what I said came out clumsy, careless, or unclear. Or I confessed something I'd rather not, like that meetings lead me to spiral analyze every statement I make in a meeting. I want to sound smarter. I want to be articulate. I want to speak without feeling ashamed five minutes later. I want to exist in conversations — especially at work — without constantly having to walk things back. And when I do have to walk things back? I suck at that too. My workplace is incredibly combative and political. Everyone’s always debating something. I’m the only left-leaning person, and it’s exhausting. I feel like I need emotional armor just to open my mouth. Toastmasters? Assertiveness training? Something? If anyone has even a glimmer of a solution, please share. I will cry tears of joy. Right now, I’m stuck in a loop about something I said at work. It wasn’t terrible, but it came out wrong — and I can’t stop replaying it. I keep wondering how it was received, whether it’ll be repeated, what people think of me now. Even though I know it wasn’t a big deal, it feels huge. I lose weekends to such stress. This always happens when I let my guard down. I say something off the cuff — because I’m anxious, or trying to connect cause Im anxious, confide in a colleague. Then I remember that I dont trust my colleagues cause they differ extensively from me. So I confess that I felt sexually harassed by someone & then when my colleague responds in a sexist way. I sit there in regret. Then I spiral: Why did I say that? Why didn’t I just stay quiet? What if someone tells someone else? What if I ruined my reputation? My workplace doesn’t feel emotionally safe — it’s full of ideological tension, judgment, and values that clash with mine. I’m constantly second-guessing myself. I don’t feel like I have the right tools to cope when I say something awkward or too honest. So yeah, even though ny therapist encourages me not to monitor myself too closely, but when things like this happen, it feels like I should’ve rehearsed everything beforehand so I don't internally scream.

Does anyone else struggle with this? I am constantly feeling jealous of all of my friends and wishing I could just be them because I know they don’t struggle with this and my obsession. I am even jealous of others with ocd, for example when I’m on here reading posts, I think to myself “I would rather have anyone else’s obsessions because it would be better than what I have and I’d be happy”. I know it’s not true at all because every time my obsession changes it feels just as bad as the last. But it is always in my mind it’s exhausting.

How long do you guys have to sit with a thought for it to go away? I have sat with thoughts for days and days before and the anxiety was crippling to where I couldn’t eat or sleep. Until I asked. And especially something I’ve already asked about before that upsets my husband but my brain was like did I hear him right? Yada yada. That’s about where I’m at right now. I feel so sick from anxiety

Red and bloody from the soap and water I have been putting on for 8 hours each day.

I'm going through an ocd flare up. I'm in a pretty bad depressive episode and just got triggered so it's harder for me to cope. Can't really get out of bed so can't take my mind off it. It feels so real this time. But of course I'm not confessing and this has happened many times before so I'm choosing to stay uncertain and live with it. Just wanted to share with anyone because it all feels really heavy and my close ones already seem so fed up with me hahs. If anybody is going through the same thing just remember that you're not alone!

Hello! I just needed a place to vent.. Me and my boyfriend are having a hard time right now because of my anxiety and because I have had vestibulodynia for 3 years. If you have a flare up of relationship ocd then this might trigger or something but I don’t know. Anyway, my vestibulodynia has made me afraid of intimacy a lot and my partner also in fear of hurting me has withdrawn a lot too. I still want him, it’s complicated. This year, things have been tougher with finding a cure, and that’s when I’ve started to have the thought ”what if it would be different with someone else?”, but I don’t want anyone else. I have had these urges to stare at attractive men, which I don’t really know why, a lot of fantasies come up in my mind, just popping in. About two times this year, I have been staring at an attractive guy/or just a guy a few times without really knowing why. I take it as a sign together with my withdrawal that I no longer want him, and is cheating. The thing is, I don’t like what I’m doing, and I don’t know why it happens, it’s like I can’t physically look away. I have to control myself to not stare. I know I can’t ask for reassurance here, but I would really like to know if this is ocd. I also had a fantasy of flirting but not leading to anything more, I think I wanted more chemistry with my boyfriend and it manifested into someone random that can’t hurt me. I don’t know what I just said meant but when I had it, I think I was clear with that I knew I only wanted those feelings with him, my boyfriend. The times I can’t stop staring, what usually happens in my mind is that I see that they are attractive, then I kind of take in their features but then I remember not to stare, but it’s weird cause it’s not like a calm ”oh so beautiful” it’s like my head keeps being turned and I physically cannot stop. I have heard of stare ocd but I’m not sure. It’s complicated because yes I feel sad because my vulvodynia messed up for us, because I was in heaven with him, before this relationship anxiety, and that was like one year ago still. When I don’t feel shame and when I allow myself, he makes me so so happy. But right now I feel like I don’t deserve him. He would never do anything like that. It feels like I have cheated, because it feel unloyal what I did. I wouldn’t want him to do that and I don’t know what I would do but I think I wouldn’t want to be with him. I’m so afraid that I have messed up. Sometimes I feel like I need to tell him, but I don’t know. I’m so scared because my dad was a cheater, I NEVER want to be like that. The fact that I’m doubting so much of I should be with him makes me feel like I’m cheating and he deserves better. It’s strange because it came from nowhere it feels like, it started when I started to give up on my vulvodynia for real, and when I felt like he seemed to care less. I never looked at guys like I have this year before, I feel so horrible. I wanted our relationship to be pure and loyal.

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Life has been so tough for me lately. I’ve been stuck in an OCD spiral since last December. Most of my fears come from incidentally causing harm to my family or others. I feel like every action is a moral conflict, or that any time I make a bad decision, act out of frustration, or self indulge in anything, I’m debating about whether I’m an awful person who doesn’t care about my kids, my wife, or other people. I’m a stay at home parent currently, and all three of my kids are neurodivergent, with my youngest being on the spectrum. My youngest is nonverbal, so my OCD loves to manipulate that, making it hard to know if my son is happy, sad, upset, etc. Always feeling like I’m worried I’ll make too many mistakes as a parent. That any time I lose my cool, it means I’m just this awful person and parent. I’m burnt out from the stress currently, so I always feel on edge, which makes it harder to have the mental power to resist compulsions. I am in OCD therapy, which has helped. But every time I feel like I’m taking steps in the right direction I get sucked back in. Every time I resist compulsions, I’m triggered almost immediately after. Because I’m a stay at home parent, and a lot of my triggers and themes involve harm to others, particularly my family, it’s just trigger after trigger after trigger. My wife is exhausted from my mental health, which just adds to the guilt I already feel. I hate that my mental health is affecting everyone, and it only reinforces the idea that I’m causing harm or suffering to those around me. I just need a break. I cannot keep living my life this way. This is the worst my OCD has been, and I feel so traumatized from all the days and hours I’ve spent feeling like I’m at my limit. Thanks for reading. Feel free to respond if you can relate. Just needed to vent.

I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!

* Mentions of Sexual OCD, Hypersexuality, among other things. Recently, I had started to feel so much better, after trying to do some ERP therapy at home, i could feel myself becoming much more capable of holding back intrusive thoughts. Well since yesterday.. or, i dont know when, its been absolutely destroyed. About a month ago, I went out with some friends to the mall. everything was great, until while at the arcade, me and one of my friends tried pranking the other two by running off without them noticing. Well it backfired, one of the others went with him, and i was left with someone who i’ll just call J for the sake of simplicity. To cut it short, we had already pranked J earlier, so I stayed back to tell him about what we were trying to do, and things got weird. He started telling me to ‘go to the bathroom’ with him. I’ll admit that i didnt know what to say, i just felt off, but i wasnt going to do any of that. But i didnt say no. Long story short, i had to use the bathroom, so i left the arcade and went to another and luckily my friend distracted J so he wouldnt follow me in. I’d like to also add now that I have someone that i love dearly, me and him arent really together yet, but its a mutual thing. After that i cried when i returned home. and eventually i moved on, blocked the guy and everything. Now, i don’t know why, or how, but i cant stop having images in my head of what would’ve happened if i did do it. If i did go to the bathroom. And at the same time it shows me images of things happening in my own house, i see it in the shower, while on my couch, even while eating. And it doesnt stop at the sexual stuff, No. It shows me romantic versions of all this; hugging, kissing, holding hands, and in the background it mostly shows sexual scenes. All while giving me groinal responses and weird sensations that are akin to attraction of some kind. Im losing my mind trying to get it to stop. Its eating me alive, and its gotten to the point where i feel like im cheating on my partner. And my mind keeps tellint me that i actually dont love my partner, that I should’ve just gone along with what J was saying, and its making me feel like i dont really love my partner. That i should just unblock and text J. Its making me feel like ive fallen out of love and i dont know why, what if i did fall out of love? what if i end up doing something wrong, or making the wrong choice? Im scared of not loving my partner. I love my partner too much to lose him to this bullcrap. Has anyone else dealt with this? I feel lost and I dont know what to do. I cant even think about my own partner, not even about me hugging him, it gets replaced with J, everytime i try to think about anything it gets replaced in some way with something related to J. Even if i see a show, and i see someone that reminds me of J i instantly start getting intrusive thoughts and images. I feel so horrible, i feel like I’ve failed my relationship somehow. I dont know what to do.

You can laugh at the title if you want, it’s objectively pretty funny. Hi guys, this is my first time on this app and I mostly just wanted to see if anyone out there is in the same boat as me or works in health care and is dealing with this. I haven’t told anyone what’s going on. I’m in my 4th year of medical school and In the past year I’ve developed what I think is pretty bad health OCD. Now health anxiety is a really common thing for medical students to have, I know that. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that the constant lymph node checking, self diagnosing & examining and reassurance seeking could have definitely had crossed the line into compulsions. Both my parents are cancer survivors which is what originally made me want to become a doctor but now every single physical sensation I have sends me into hours or days of rumination that I or someone I love has stage 4 terminal cancer. I spent an entire vacation with my boyfriend having a silent panic attack and convincing myself that he was dying of pancreatic cancer when he just had food poisoning and was fine days later. I had a complete mental breakdown and told myself I had lymphoma for weeks when I realized I could feel some of my own perfectly normal lymph nodes in my neck. My logical brain knows this is completely ridiculous but the emotional brain will not shut the hell up. It seems cruel that I made it this far only to feel like my own damn brain is betraying my ability to think through health situations clearly. I’m determined to get my symptoms under control before I graduate in a year as I don’t want this to affect patient care. Just wanted to get this off my chest and see if anyone else out there in health care is struggling too.

I've already posted this but the guilt came up again. almost an year ago I was with my friend, who happens to be fat, and without thinking i jokingly lightly squeezed his man boobs as a playful tease. He got a bit uncomfortable and told me he didn't like to be touched. At the time I didnt understand, I thought he was being the usual shy, I didnt think it was that deep; because I thought of his man boobs like a belly, a non-se&ual area, not to compare my friend to a cat but it's a bit similar to when you have a fat cat and you find him being fat endearing so you play with him, and like pinch his belly. We already had a physical dynamic where I would sometimes pinch his belly and he would laugh it off, or when i would lightly low kick him etc... but pressing his chest might have been overboard and idk why that didnt cross my mind. There was no "consent" involved in that, i didnt even think of it, because for me his man boobs weren't something se&ual or private but something neutral and funny... After a while I realised what I did and the guilt started eating me. One day I talked to him and apologised for being insensitive, and that even though i didn't have se*ual intent, I shouldn't have done that. He said "don't worry, it's all good, really"; but he could have said that just out of politeness. And we kept being good friends after that and we have a good friendship, as if nothing happened. He doesn't try to avoid me or anything like that, he actively talks with me... idk We went to the movies together once and had a good time. Also bought him the books the movies were based on as a birthday present and he appreciated it a lot. I don't think he remembers it anymore, I asked him abt it again but he doesn't remember and also said he doesn't like that to talk abt stuff like that. this entire post happened because i used chatgpt and asked it if it was okay, and it told me it could be se&ual harrasment and assault and i freaked out. But it happened because i used the wrong prompt, english not being my first language, i asked "is it ok to fondle your friend's man boobs as a joke?" i thought fondle meant squeezing or pinching; when i replaced that word it just talked abt boundaries, it didnt mention harassment. i dont know.

Today I was listening to a sermon, and it was about pleasing God. Sometimes the preacher mentioned people who are not right with God, and I got scared. Sometimes I wonder what if it is conviction. But then I go and I pray but there’s some anxiety and I feel like I’m trying to force myself to do something. So it feels like either I was triggered by the sermon and as a compulsion I tried to pray really hard, or am I ignoring something? I feel like I am being OCD but I fear what if that is conviction. I know that repentance is not always easy, but I feel like sometimes I put unnecessary burdens on myself.