Always feeling jealous of other people

Okay so, this is gonna be very detailed because it's a lot. I have a friend that going to be in China for an exchange program and that's obviously amazing! But...I got super jealous because my biggest dream is to live in an Asian country but as I always do when I feel jealousy instead of letting it consume me I tell the person I'm jealous of so that I can ensure it doesn't feel odd carrying around jealousy that they know nothing about if that makes sense. And so I tell him and he brushes it off, but the jealousy stays with me. I've also been having some harm OCD thoughts beforehand so the two thoughts merged and I thought of horrendous thoughts it's so scary cause these thoughts are not just intrusive, they have a meaning attached to them😭. Back in the day I'd get jealous and it would be just that...no harmful thoughts towards the other person but just because I've been in an OCD rut I have actually been unable to feel negative emotions anymore without them having to be tainted with harmful thoughts towards others or myself honestly like wth😭! I hate this! What do y'all do with intense jealousy??

Does anyone struggle with feeling like their ocd issues are not ocd enough compared to other peoples ocd? Is this an ocd thought itself lol

Do you ever feel like you wonder if your ocd would be less if you were with someone else? Or would it be better if you were with someone else? I’m really upset because I used to be able to enjoy myself even with the anxiety and now it’s like i am just analyzing and I don’t have feelings and I’m irritated because there’s things that frustrate me about him that I don’t like and my brain says if I was with someone else I would be able to deal with those things better and that we just aren’t right for each other. And the thoughts that used to make me anxious about breaking up don’t like it’s really me that feels it. I know no relationship is perfect but it’s like my brain keeps saying with someone else I wouldn’t feel like this or I would but I’d be able to handle it better. It feels like I have to just start fresh with someone new cause the ocd got too into this to the point where I don’t feel or even know what’s real. It feels like fear and anxiety and just being so into this has just made me feel not into this anymore but idk if I’m thinking right. It’s also just warped the way I see him like I only see the negatives and my brain keeps saying you don’t feel this cause it’s wrong. And it’s depressing bc of how happy and safe I used to feel. I’m supposed to see him soon and it’s like I want to but also don’t because I feel like things have changed unless that’s just something I made in my head and cause I don’t feel the feelings I used to. But then I think I will just be this way with someone else but then my brain says otherwise and it’s so confusing. People keep telling me not to make decisions because I’m fogged but it feels like I’m not. Like my brain is manipulating me. And also like all the things I used to like I’ve somehow turned into like distaste which is so upsetting. I would like to think this is just ocd taking control and confusing me and distorting my perspective but I’m scared it’s not and that my feelings are gone. Has anyone experienced this but it was still ocd?