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Been really worried about this lately. Having a huge identity crisis and worried that i’m just a shell and what if I just take the identities of people around me? I’m scared

So im going into grade 10 next week- and honestly I thought I wouldnt be nervous but now I am 😭😭 like i usually get really bad back to school anxiety. I worry about a lot of things- like what if I forget something? What if I say something wrong or stupid? What if I look ugly? What if I seem annoying? What if my teachers dont like me? What if I have a bad class? What if I dont do well? What if I make a bad impression? And like im used to it- but it doesnt make it any easier 😭😭😭 im also scared bc during school my mental health usually notttt good and I cry like every three days and stress a lot about making my assignments perfect or studying for like 7 hours bc what if i forget something??? 😔 and honestly its really exhausting and socially draining to be at school sometimes- so im really afraid. And in the first day teachers usually do ice breakers and I HATEEEE THEM 😭 because I feel anxious and awkward but I can fake confidence really well so its not that bad 😭 and also I want to ask one of my soon to be teachers if I can apply for an IEP- which is just like extra time or support for those with various learning difficulties or disabilities or in my case, OCD. But im scared it will come off as needy or pick me 😭😭😭 or like as if I am trying to get some sympathy points and I dont want my teachers to have a negative impression of me…

I (15M) want to get help but I’m scared of punishment. I live in Arizona and I think I have ocd and it’s making me go insane. First off I hurt so many people in my freshman year of highschool I was overly sexual and went too far over texts being way too open with myself and the reason I was probably overly sexual was maybe because when I was 8 or 9 I was shown explicit content by my older brother and I think that gave me compulsive sexual behavior disorder cause I got addicted to it but idk if I deserve sympathy cause my little brother was also shown it at the same time I was and is not a bad person from what I can tell. But yea when I got into highschool idk why I thought I could be so sexual and not see an issue with it and I hurt 3 people because of it 2 of them said they don’t care about it anymore and just found it annoying (I still feel guilty what if they are lying to me to make me feel better) and the third one doesn’t want to talk to me ever again and I deserve it I scarred him for life. And before highschool I begged a 16 yr old for pictures and this is when I was like 13 or 14 and I was so persistent with it and honestly kinda Manipulative (my friend says not to feel bad cause he was grooming her kind of but I still feel bad) and then in highschool I begged a 17 yr old for pictures this was when I was 14 and I gave him my friends ass pics because I wanted pics from him and he agreed ( my friend was 15/14) and I lied saying it was my friends little sisters and my friend told me she could get his pictures for me and I agreed and we later stopped cause she felt uncomfy and we both thought it was honestly gross I think and then he got upset and said he was gonna send her sisters pics to her to make her upset or blackmail her and I got scared and told her what I did and she felt sick and I told the guy what I did and told him I was gonna cut myself and he told my friend what I said and she told me not too and that she forgives me and I feel so bad cause that’s so wrong she felt she had to forgive me. After that the guy said he was manipulating me the whole time so I would feel guilty about what I did later. And now I feel so much guilt from everything and how I hurt so many people I hurt my little brother I was so rude and mean to him and yet he still loves me and I’m having thoughts on what if I’m a child predator or what if I sa’d my baby cousins or sa’d my little brother (besides the time I did cocsa when I was 9 or 8 and he was 6/7) or what if I sa’d someone at my school and these thoughts keep repeating over and over and it feels so real cause I think I’m honestly a monster and it’s not fair how I can keep walking the earth with innocent people

Hey all, this is my first post here, and I really think I'm going through the worst theme I've ever had. For weeks I've been having never ending reaccuring thoughts about everything having to do with being a person, life in general, other peoples lives and experiences, the meaning/purpose of life, and especially ruminating on death and the fact that everyone I know will die, including myself. It's gotten to the point of dissociation, and life feels simulated and fake. I can't think about anything else and the terror that comes along with it is awful (it's almost humorous to me that I'd rather have the POCD or ROCD themes I've had before, this seems so much worse) with death being the main fear in this theme I've given into the compulsions of researching death statistics (such as how many people die in my age group per year and how, car accident/heart disease/cancer statistics) over and over again and constantly repeating them in my head over and over. Driving got scary for a little while, but funny enough driving more (exposure) made that fear manageable. It's also gotten bad with the constant fear of knowing my loved ones will pass, and obsessing over how and when it'll happen. I'm also waking up everyday telling myself it'll be the day I die, and obsessing over the fact that most no one knows their last day and how genuinely terrifying that is. I'm constantly wondering what the point of anything is, if I'm just going to die, and almost prematurely mourning the death of loved ones and the loss of my own life. I am religious, and this offers some relief, but usually just ends in my OCD dipping into some Scrupulosity (which is just ugh why now this). Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this, I'm feeling pretty alone and depressed and genuinely can't see my life going back to normal or any way out of it.

I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago but have found that most of my day to day struggles are dominated by OCD behaviors. I have contamination and health O and find that in my work and household with roommates are where my compulsions to clean are most present. ADHD is easy for me to talk about with people, but I am scared that if I talk about OCD with people in these spaces, everything they see me do will be filtered through a less-educated perspective of OCD, and I will be judged for it. I don’t want people to assume how I feel about the cleanliness of things and label me “overly perfectionist” or “too careful” bc I am fully aware that I cannot impose my fears on anyone and how unrealistic the fears are. Yet I still want people to understand what I’m going through 😔

I don’t know why my brain keeps targeting you but it is and it’s pissing me off, I hate how my head goes like oh did they bleed or enjoyed it or why didn’t they and I know full well why they didn’t and it just pisses me off because I don’t want these fucking thoughts anyone!- Or ask these questions. Oh did you cry?- Or the fact that more stuff pop into my head and me just imagining what happened is stuck in my mind and one of my thoughts- I don’t want to say sexualised- More like it popped up- About a baby!- I DONT LIKE THIS AT ALL!- I know it’s wrong!- I can’t even look at any other porn and my head keeps saying that I like my mom romantically and not platonically!- LIKE WHY ME?!— IT JUST PISSES ME OFF AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO SEE THE DOCTERS SO I CAN STOP SUFFERING WITH THESE THOUGHTS AND IMAGES, I FEEL LIKE I VICTEM BLAME THEM AS WELL, MY THOUGHTS ARE LIKE THAT WHEN I KNOW IT WASNT THEIR FUCKING FAULT!— AND IM SO SORRY.

So recently after a big obsession with so much anxiety and rumination it seems that I'm not giving a big reaction towards my intrusive thoughts and it seems there coming in less and then they usually come by and I don't give a reaction sometimes and I worry why didn't or why don't I have a reaction towards the intrusive thoughts what if there not intrusive then I start to worry but then I would just say oh this is ocd messing with me but thn I get the classic what if it's not ocd and it's you you like your thoughts you want to be xyz and I start to freak out why am i like this not giving a reaction it's soo annoying because I don't want to be/do my thoughts but then there's that are you sure thought and feeling that bother me sooo much I need help

I (15m)am seeking advice because I believe I may have a false memory OCD. I am worried that I may have sexually harmed people without realizing it, especially my young cousins. I am also concerned that I may be a pdophile as i think im aroused by kids but idk if its kids or the idea of s*x. I believe my exposure to explicit content at a young age may have also given me hypersexuality, which still affects me.I feel guilt too because when i was younger i did cocsa against my younger brother he doesn't remember it but i do and i'm just scared what if i did other bad things like that. I do not want to use this as an excuse for my actions at age 14 when I made sexual advances/jokes towards my friends, causing them discomfort and harm. Some forgave me saying they didn't care about it now, but one friend ended our relationship due to my inappropriate behavior during a game and is scarred/traumatized and doesn't even want to look at me i tried to tell him i'm sorry but he doesn't really want me talking to him ever again. I am filled with guilt and shame for my actions and consider turning myself in as a result. The idea that I may have harmed someone without remembering it terrifies me, and I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others. I'm scared to even encounter people I hurt. I'm a monster that deserves to be beat up/ publicly hurt as most pdos/ s*x offenders do.

Does anyone else brain convince them that there gonna commit the act of there intrusive thought ? Like I’m scared that I’ll actually do it .. Litterally had the intrusive thought about doing something and my brain made me think that I was actually gonna do it

i need to hear encouraging words. they likely will only make me feel good for an hour or so, since it’s not coming from loved ones like i need, but i just want someone to believe in me, for someone to know i struggle with severe ocd and have since i was 7/8. i want someone to know this about me and still encourage me to get better and have hope that i will become the best person i can be. i have no one. i’m depressed. i can’t keep living this alone. please

I'm scared that I don't have SO-OCD, I need to give an example first, let's take, straight female, fears being a lesbian, she, of course get's false atraction, very distressing and not enjoyable at all, she of course it's scare she's atracted to women now, but what she is scared about the most, really, is not being atracted to men. So that's OCD, but here is me. I'm more scare of being atracted to men, that of not being atracted to women, honestly I don't even care, I don't care if I never feel anything for a woman again, I just don't wanna fall for a dude. Also my false atraction feels good, not even anxious, not sure what to make of that

My name is Lily. I’m from a small town in Colorado. I have had OCD since I was 6 but I was finally diagnosed at 9. I am constantly being bullied for being different and I came here to find others dealing with the sales things as me. I have never met another soul with OCD and no one in my area really knows what it is either. My most prominent OCD is sibling contamination OCD. I feel like my brother is dirty so I can’t touch him or anything in my own home. I can’t even touch the doors to leave without someone opening it for me or using gloves and washing my hands afterwards. I struggle everyday with anxiety which transferred over to harm and suicidal OCD. Whenever my anxiety gets to great I have to cut myself or sit on the roof and cry with my thoughts telling me to jump because I hurt my family emotionally. My parents call me a burden and my dad used to physically beat me. I’m trying to heal but all I can see in the mirror is a messed up 15 year old girl who is a burden to her family. Sometimes I wish I could just bring myself to the end and put my family out of their pain. I think I need someone with OCD to talk to.

hi so i just saw this tik tok of a guy who said that he still goes to church and still worships God even though he’s gay because God loves him no matter what and my first thought was to repost bc i am also catholic and believe that anyone can be and i think it’s beautiful that he still has a relationship with God. but then all of a sudden i was like wait i can’t repost this because im not gay and it triggered my ocd into convincing myself that i can entirely relate to the tik tok because i am gay and i don’t love my bf and now im distressed. and im also having false memories of myself googling if you can be gay and catholic which would’ve meant that im questioning my sexuality but i even did that. and now i feel like what if this means i don’t love my bf. i’m so scared and i don’t know what’s real or not

I want to share some thoughts that might resonate with those of you grappling with intrusive thoughts or lingering regrets from the past. First and foremost, it's essential to remember that our thoughts are not definitive representations of who we are. They often stem from random electrical impulses in our brains and can feel overwhelming at times. It’s important to acknowledge that these thoughts do not define us. Instead, they are just passing moments that we can observe without judgment. Secondly, it’s crucial to realize that past events would have unfolded regardless of our actions. We often believe we are the main cause of certain outcomes, but many events occur independently of our choices. Think of your life as a storybook; while you can read and reflect on the pages, you did not write the narrative that led to those moments. This perspective can help alleviate feelings of guilt and self-blame. Lastly, let’s remember that we are all human, and making mistakes is part of the experience. It’s vital to forgive ourselves for past errors and recognize that these experiences contribute to our growth. The mere act of reflecting on our mistakes shows that we have learned and evolved. To foster healing and personal growth, consider incorporating some positive habits into your daily routine: Get Outside: Aim for daily walks in the sunlight. Nature has a remarkable way of uplifting our spirits. Pursue Hobbies: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can help redirect your focus and energy. Volunteer: Offering guidance to others who may be facing similar challenges can be incredibly rewarding. It not only helps them but also reinforces your own lessons learned. By taking these steps, you can create a meaningful path toward moral repentance and personal development, freeing yourself from the burdens of the past. Remember, healing is a journey, and every small step counts. Embrace it with kindness and patience towards yourself. Have a great day all 😊

I was at my aunt’s birthday party today & I actually socialized (with my aunts/uncle only ofc). anyway, while I was on my phone to the side, I think I heard one of my cousins use an ethnic slur. but other people were talking so I can’t tell if I am imagining shit or if she rlly said it. it sounded like she did even though I didn’t hear it clearly. and I’m just disappointed, upset, angry, etc. my other cousins say the slur as well which is why I don’t like going to parties and talking to them bc I don’t fuck with that. I’m not surprised at them for using it bc they say it religiously. but I am surprised to hear it from this particular cousin. and the reason I’m upset is bc years ago we realized (when we were kids/teens) how bad the word was. I won’t deny that I also used the word back then when I was 14/15 but stopped at 15 & corrected myself. I took accountability and everything. we both agreed that the word was bad to say and we would stop. she was actually the one that caught me using it when she stopped and pointed it out to me. I think shortly after that, I stopped using it. (but she wasn’t the first person to tell me to cut it out. she was just the last one to tell me it was bad.) moving on, I’m upset bc I rlly believed she changed and would never say it again. I guess I was wrong. I had a lot of trust for her because she was basically the only one in our family (mom’s side) who understood how wrong it was. now I feel like I’m the only one that has truly changed. I’m fucking mad. like fuck. and just genuinely upset. I can’t trust anyone. I want to throw shit around. how many times am I going to keep hurting finding out who people truly are? now I won’t say she’s a bad person, she’s good but fuck man. why?? why say that word?? I believed in her. literally broke my trust just like that. I am very observant and don’t talk to people until I find some confidence that they won’t disappoint me. now after this event, it’s just fueling my morals even more. I can’t seem to talk to anyone without thinking “are they racist? do they hate gay people? what do they think of trans people? are they friends with good people or enablers of bad people?” and so on. I’m so fucking tired. and I’m scared of wondering what my friends (the ones that are close to me) think of certain topics. these are just my online friends. I don’t rlly have irl friends. it’s like I can’t have friends. and ik u can have different opinions of stuff but when it comes to politics, it’s just overwhelming for me. I can’t even think for myself. always obsessed with what’s “good” and what’s “bad” I’m tired of it all. fuck all of this. fuck bad people. fuck the world. fuck me. excuse my language. good night everyone. stay safe & take care.

Does anyone experience physical confidence issues that might be related to OCD?

My brother and I (I’m 20, he’s 16 but he’s taller and heavier than me) used to get violent with one another. I had anger issues growing up in an angry home (our dad was just like this), and I would yell and shout a lot, and we’d get into physical fights. I’ve been a LOT better about it over the past few years especially since I moved out to college, but yesterday as I was laying on the couch healing from my wisdom teeth extraction, he started hitting me with a plushie and then wiped his boogers on it. I tried really hard to ignore him but he just kept going and going, and then i tried to leave the room but he followed me and kept bothering me. I finally slapped him, he punched me with what felt like full force in the back (causing me to tear up from the pain), and I ended up scratching him so hard that it left a big mark. He punched me in the back again really hard and I ended up just crying. I now feel really really really horrible. We talked it out and both apologized and said we loved each other. But now i’m really worried. I’m concerned that I’m an abusive monster, that I have a personality disorder, that I’ve traumatized him over the years. I don’t know if these sorts of fights are normal between siblings or if there is something seriously wrong with me. Things like this have happened before. I keep googling scary things.

Does anyone else feel resentment or scared of the holy Spirit after having Intrusive thoughts about him. I'm scared and I'm not sure what to do about it. I've been praying but I feel so insincere about it and I am scared that there is something wrong with me. I can't read the word holy Spirit without feeling angry or nervous or scared of what my mind is gonna say to him. I just want it to stop, but I also feel like I'm addicted to the bad thoughts and I am scared of myself and what to do.

so i wanted to come on here and tell you all about a break through i’ve had. i’ve been in therapy for ocd for 8 months now and i can say and confirm and it has truly changed my life. im still growing and healing, i still get thoughts, i still get my obsessions. but i can resist and ignore compulsions now. as i heal ive noticed the thoughts more, gotten nervous they might mean something. it makes you feel crazy and like your whole journey was a lie and that these have been thoughts all along that are true. i’ve been in an 8 month long relationship since january and with my ocd it has not been easy. many times i felt like i should give up because even though i love my partner, i can’t be with anyone unless im completely healed. but something in me always made me stay. i come back now in august with those same thoughts and i worried that this might that it’s the end or that he truth has come. however something stuck out to me after i read up on the matter more and gained insight. something i learned and will now always instill is that love should be freedom, and feel freeing. freeing to be you, freeing to grow. i realized quickly that ive been free to grow and explore. but ive been holding myself back. not out just of fear but of not realizing that i am my own liferaft. i hadnt begun to step into my true unblocked energy, one that knows and trusts what i need and knows that the universe, god, whatever is above will always align me in places at the right time. this of course, is a balance and not one that needs to be taken immensely serious. in fact we should be taking life less seriously. i say all this to let you all know and instill that as we step into our confidence and trust and instill the outward energy inward. rather than worrying on if they’re right for you, or if you are in the right relationship, or if you feel disconnected or lacking of connection. connect back with yourself first, you be able to understand and see that the only thing holding you back from achieving your goals and dreams with career, self, relationships and more truly lies within you. it’s uncomfortable, it’s hard and it makes us scared to loose the situations that don’t serve us. but once you connect back with the energy and trust you have for yourself, you truly begin to realize you can let people in, everyone including partners are people YOU let in your life and are simply people with other lives that you need not connect to yours in the sense of making personal decisions or dictating your mood. people don’t speak enough on what it means to heal after ocd symptoms go down. you realize it’s about getting through the thoughts to get to the root and do that inward work. it’s still something im working towards. do something you love, go for a walk, read a book, it’s uncomfortable because we’re so used to be preoccupied that when we step back into ourselves we feel like we don’t know ourselves and it’s ocd that tries to take over once again. trust in yourself, your own decision and what you want, feed your mind, and understand we’re all doing this for the first time, but you can handle because you are your liferaft, your safety and you security and peace. i promise it’s life changing. reach out if you need someone to talk to you will get through it💌💗

Answer please. Does anyone else with intrusive thoughts feel like your addicted to them. Like I can't help but feel like I need to have these intrusive thoughts. Ik it sounds weird but I feel it's true. Like I keep getting blasphemous thoughts and I feel like I need to have them. I know I do not but I can't help but feel like I do. Can OCD do this to you?