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I’ve been talking to this guy for the past year on and off, but in the past 6 months we’ve become best friends who talk every day and have also been intimate w each other. The past three months I’ve been abroad and I’ll be here until the rest of the school year. Before I left we had two very romantic nights and before he left for summer vacation it was the same. He called me once a week while he was overseas in summer, and we continued to talk everyday since I’ve been here. We didnt become exclusive before I left bc we wanted to keep our options open bc that was most realistic for the both of us. But we act like we r bf/gf and he just got me a bday present. This weekend he went MIA w school stuff but also bc a girl asked him out. He’s upset that he feels guilty and like he’s betraying me if he says yes. So he decided to tell me that he doesn’t want to stop talking to me but he thinks we should change how we talk to each other to be “strictly as friends.” I got upset and lashed out at first. We resolved it and he still wants to talk to me regularly bc im his best friend but just as friends and I gave into it. He doesn’t wanna lose me just bc he wants to talk to other ppl bc we r incredibly close. He doesn’t understand his feelings and he’s struggled w that for a while, but in this case bc he doesn’t understand his emotions he makes it my problem. And it’s annoying bc he just shut down and won’t come to terms w his feelings for me. He loves me and doesn’t understand it bc it’s uncomfy bc we can’t be together bc of distance. The difference between him and I is that im very comfortable w how I feel about him but im still open to exploring things here bc I understand we can’t be together. I don’t tell him im on hinge or that I flirt w guys bc I know exactly how I feel abt him and don’t feel the need to do that. He feels the need to tell me everything bc he doesn’t understand his feelings for me and he looks to me to explain. I also think Our closeness challenges his sense of who he is. We talked last night and he made it all abt him, didn’t ask what I needed etc. it felt mean and I was upset and I don’t think he knows how upset it made me. When I said he bought me a present a week ago he said “that was before this happened tho”. I haven’t texted him since last night. He’s clearly in denial of his feelings and this happened practically overnight bc a girl gave him the slightest attention. this isn’t the guy I know or love. I’m not sure what to do and I keep spiraling bc he knows the insides of my brain more than anyone else and I just want him to be ok with his feelings for me. Idk I just need advice plz help!! I’m spiraling!!

My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years, I love him a lot. I am always worried I don’t love him enough because it doesn’t feel like my past relationships did, which were super intense and passionate. It makes me feel so guilty. Like in my past relationships I swore these men were making love to me because of the way I felt. Yet it was all in my head, they were just horny young men. I was just a body to them. I worry that I don’t love my boyfriend because the sex isn’t passionate. Or the love isn’t intense. But sometimes the sex is passionate I just don’t get that overwhelming feeling in my chest that I did in the past when I was infatuated with people. I love my boyfriend with my whole heart and I can’t imagine life without him honestly. Why does my brain worry about these things. Why does my brain compare these things? I feel guilty for even thinking about sexual relations from my past. I love my boyfriend more than I have anyone else before. Sometimes I feel like I don’t feel the intense feelings because of my medicine and my therapist said this is very well possible. Any advice?

I’m losing it completely, I’ve never had a flare up like this with contamination. I’m so burnt out seriously , I feel like I’m going insane. My hands are cracking and bleeding from washing them and my family’s getting very tired of me , they think I should go stay in a hospital or something for a while because of how bad it is. OCD as taken away my relationships with people , I can’t sit on the couch anymore with my family , I can’t hug my dog anymore , I can’t relax ever. I just needed to write this down as I really can’t process my feelings right now as I have too many thoughts , any advice?

Hi all. This is my first post. I am 45. My wife and I recently went through a rough patch and I don’t wanna throw away 20 years but I can’t shake or get over the amount of work I put in for our family and she doesn’t even come close. She says I do all the work I do bc I am the only one who cares about it. I really gave a good go at overlooking the fact that it isn’t 50/50 and was going good for like 2 weeks and now we are back again bc I feel overwhelmed and need help and support and I get none. Am I a bad person bc I feel that when I have a ton on my plate she should support me and take some of it? I tried to talk to her about it and she told me “I never said I was changing and I am not doing anymore than i currently do” For reference: I vacuum the entire house once a week Do 6 loads of laundry Handle all the bills and taxes Dust everywhere but our bedroom Go to the dump Handle the kids school stuff and pick my daughter up every night from sports (1hr and 10 minutes from my work) Clean all the a/c filters etc in the house Deal with any maintenance of home, vehicles etc that needs to be done She… Cools dinner 4 days a week and forces us to pay to eat out the other 3… says she deserves a break…. Cleaned the hardwood floors every other week Dusts the bedroom every other week Cleans her personal bathroom ONCE A MONTH! (Yea that’s a pet peeve) Grocery shops (she orders online and sits in her car while they load it) Am I out of line here by asking her to do more, it’s a real sticking point of our marriage. I love her but I am killing myself and no matter what I say she shits on it.

Me (19) my gf (20) have been dating for 1.5 years. R-OCD hadn’t really attach to me until I suspected that she was cheating. We’ve discussed and resolved those concerns. However, today I was looking through her phone (out of paranoia) and I went back to her messages (on snapchat) before we started dating (big mistake and I knew it in the moment idk what drove me to keep going), and I saw her texts with other guys she was talking to before me. It hurts so much to see that and I can’t stop replaying everything I saw in my mind. I know I shouldn’t hold it against our relationship obviously because it was before us, but right now I can’t separate it even though I need to in order to keep the relationship alive. I have had this fear of her liking guys more than me, especially sexually, which has constantly triggered my fear of rejection and has constantly made me paranoid and on edge. It’s so hard cause I know this fear is irrational because no one is gonna be attracted to one person, especially sexually. It’s embarrassing to get into this but thinking about d-size really triggers me and my fear of rejection and r-ocd. I fear that that would somehow be the only thing that matters to her and that if she had expirence/ talked to someone with one she wouldn’t view me in the same light. This is especially triggering cause this is our first real relationship for the both of us. And she has always created this ideal notion of how amazing it is that our first relationship is gonna last forever and how we took each other virginity’s yada yada. This has made me paranoid and scared of her reactions to other men sexually, I think it’s because I fear that she doesn’t really know what’s truly out there cause she has no experience. I fear that if she actually see another man in a sexual context she may disregard me cause she hasn’t really been exposed to that before. So this whole time I’ve been scared of her finding other men sexually attractive, and going back to what happened today (me going through the snapchat messages with other guys before our relationship) im now triggered more than ever. And of course my ocd brain is obsessing about a sign that she may have been talking to someone with a big d and/or expressing how she wants one (embarrassing to even say this trigger). So now I’m triggered that she’ll never believe that I’m sexually enough, and that they’ll always be guys she would die to be with sexually more than me. While I try to make everything in the relationship perfect, something about the hollowness of her potentially rejecting me just based off of another man’s sexual appeal or d size is why I’m so obsessed with this sexual envy/fear. I’m scared I’m gonna self sabotage the relationship with my fears and I don’t know if I can handle what I was exposed to today. Seeing her talk sexually about other men with her friends before we were dating is so hard. The worst part about this is I have no reason to associate her past relationships with ours, it’s not fair to her. So now I’m in this state where I can’t look at my gf and our relationship the same even though she did nothing wrong. Basically I feel like I’m gonna end up running the relationship even though I dont want to and know I shouldn’t be thinking about the past. I’ve talked to my girlfriend about my discovery of her messges (minus the more embarrassing parts of my thinking) and she’s gave me the reassurance that they didn’t mean anything that’s why they never turned into anything blah blah blah. And I believe her but that doesn’t stop my ocd and this fear of sexual rejection. I know that having a girl never fantasize about other men sexually is impossible and stupid and I’m so angry that it triggers me. Our sexual life is actually pretty good and i don’t have any problems down there which just adds to my frustration and confusion about everything. Does anyone have R-ocd thoughts somewhat like this haven’t seen anything really similar?

I have been on medication and doing good with my ocd for a very long time. It’s been about 7 months. One of my biggest themes was that I might be attracted to my father in a weird way and wish I had someone like him or enjoy him. Almost like incest ocd. But I just saw him for the first time in a week or two and got super anxious when he complimented me and told me that I looked ok while I was upset I have gained weight. He was just being a dad and being thoughtful but my ocd took over and make me feel like I wanted more and what if I like him like that?? Now I’m super anxious and wishing that I never went over there today or talked about my weight and just ignored it. My dads super uplifting and sometimes I take that as complimenting and it makes me feel good but in a way that I’m also anxious 😬

I’ve had 4 sessions with a therapist and I feel worse. At the moment, she is trying to get to know me and my problem, but that’s not helping me at all. I want to know what to do when I’m triggered, like things I can say to myself etc but she says it’s a process and there is a method to it. We can’t rush it, but right now, I feel worse when I’m with my boyfriend (I have ROCD) and am seeking more reassurance than ever before. I feel more stressed. I don’t know whether to trust the process of therapy and take that leap to try something different or try another therapist? I do really like her and the way she works. I’m so so unsure. What if I waste all this money and feel worse at the end of it? That will really defeat me and I will feel so hopeless. All I want from therapy are WAYS to actually help myself, I don’t want to just talk about my feelings and thoughts and why I feel them!! But is that the process of all cbt therapy? Do they have to get to know you in the first few sessions before giving help on how to help the problem? Or do some give you strategies when you ask? We are doing formulation diagrams, worry diaries etc. What if I see another therapist and they actually give me strategies straight away that I can use to help me? Because right now when I’m triggered, I’m completely helpless because I have no strategies to use to help me. Therapy just confuses me and if I take advice from the internet for strategies then what is the point in paying for therapy if I’m not getting strategies from it but someplace free? How do I know if this is the right therapy for me? These last couple of weeks I’ve never had this many what if thoughts, I just want to feel certain about something 😪 (my ocd hates phrases like red flags, or that doesn’t sound good etc, just hopeful advice would be amazing 🙏🏻)

It feels like I want to be with a girl now!!!

Please no nastiness. Myself and my boyfriend have known each other since I was 14. I met him because he and my sister were best friends. Anyway, I grew up and thought he was attractive. We tried getting together when I was 18 but I ran off. Anyway, we didn’t speak for over 10 years. I knew my sister and him kissed and had an incline they slept together but neither of them told me and my boyfriend said possibly but I don’t remember. Anyway, we have been together 10 months and my sister told my mum. My sister is telling me to leave him because he ‘lied to me’ but I don’t want to leave him. Then, she told me that in 2019 they exchanged texts but I was in another relationship at that point a long term one at that, so again my current partner wasn’t my concern. She then randomly stated that my boyfriend grabbed her bum when me and him met up again when we first got together (I don’t believe this for a second) I have also confronted my partner and he said absolutely not. When I had the incline that they slept together I said to my partner that I didn’t care, however it has come out now and naturally I feel a bit grossed out BUT he is very loyal to me, I trust him and ultimately I love him. Obviously I have mental images running through my heads and what ifs and makes me feel sick.

I have an amazing fiance, our anniversary is coming up soon and I'm very excited, but my head keeps going back and forth on I love him or actually you don't love him. You hate him. It's so distressing. I keep looking up things to save relationships and comparing our relationships to other people like what am I doing wrong? And anytime I think of it, I also start thinking what if all of this is just in my head and it's not real or I'm just faking all of this. It's constant back and forth and it's making things hard. I'm not texting him as much as I use to and he noticed it. He feels bad and I don't want him to think it's his fault. He's the best fiance I've ever had and I don't want to lose him, but I want these thoughts to go away. Is it even ROCD or am I just losing it? I know I have OCD around food and gross sexual intrusive thoughts but I don't know if it's effecting other aspects of my life (I was only recently diagnosed) Please help, anyone.

My ROCD has started kicking up again, and really really badly. My compulsions are all the “fun” internal ones, but also confessing. I’m with a partner who I wasn’t with last time this happened, and I adore him more than words can express, so it KILLS me that I have thoughts about him that aren’t true to who I am. It will be like, a few months ago I had a thought where I questioned if I was actually attracted to him, or if I could do better (which i don’t care? Because I love him so much. He is enough in every sense) but the fact I had that thought, and even stopped and engaged in it, now has me feeling so so guilty. Like I know I love him, I know I’m attracted to him, and I know it’s normal to have thoughts that pop up, that don’t always represent how you actually feel. But it just really kills me, because I confessed this to him. He was so understanding and literally said thoughts don’t bother him. Only actions do. But it’s still eating at me, because the OCD wants me think I engaged in that thought for a reason, and how could I ever think that about the person I love so much. Does anyone else get this kind of ROCD? Where it feels actually hurtful to your partner. I know it’s normal thought, I know everyone has questions and negative thoughts at times, but still it’s so hard to get past.

idk what to say sometimes, it feels never ending. i feel the burning thought that i want to breakup and i can’t ignore it. truthfully i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to loose her, i love her. but i also question and do this and that makes me feel so guilty and idk how to express that. she is so awesome a patient and cares about me and so do it. but i worry that she likes me more than i do because i get like this. i get these awful images of breaking up or thoughts that im secretly jealous of my single friends and that im just convincing myself i want this. at one point before we were together i did want to be single and date around, but then i met her and fell. it felt good. but what if this anxiety is just me know its not right? what if i just want to be single? i dont think i do and i dont wanna be:,( but these thoughts!! i just get so scared im not spending my 20s the right way and that in order for me to actually find the right person or love that i needed to date around and not be with someone. it makes me feel guilty. but this relationship feels good when im not anxious. i freak out because i just don’t know why i get this way. it feels like my brain is telling me deep down i know the truthfor sure but i really don’t. it makes me crazy and like a bad partner. i do t want to breakup i really see a future tighter but im like what if its not right, what if its bad timing, what if i have to leave. phew. some days i dont feel like i deserve this conquerer badge.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years today because my rocd got so bad and overwhelming i pretty much convinced myself these past three years of my life i wasn’t “actually in love with him” and that I’ve been “faking” it. He means everything to me and i never actually thought i would break up with him but the thoughts were starting to become so painful i started to ruminate about “if im having these thoughts that means i don’t belong with him” and “we arnwt meant to be.”It’s gotten so bad that when i hear a sad song or break up song I’ve convinced myself that since i heard it that means that i need to break up with him. I’ve never felt such intense feelings our whole 3 years of dating. Now that i actually broke up with him my rocd is telling me that i need to get back with him and i really genuinely do but then i feel like ill always feel these doubts and scary thoughts and that it willl be a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. I feel like i just lost the love of my life. I feel like i let my rocd get the best of me and win. Now we aren’t together and i feel broken.

I’m worried that my OCD is going to plague me for the rest of my life. I have these awful flair ups that sometimes last months at a time. It makes me filled with anxiety and guilt. It’s nearly impossible to be myself during these times even for only a little bit. With that said I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years. I’m about to graduate college in the spring and I was considering proposing after that but I just don’t want to put her through the pain that comes along with being with me for the rest of her life. I feel that I should’ve broken up with her long ago so that she wouldn’t have to suffer from my depression and anxiety that comes with OCD. I truly care about her happiness more than anything else and I would be 100x happier seeing her with another guy that treats her right and doesn’t suffer from OCD. I don’t want her to suffer because of me suffering. I just want her to live the best life she can live and I don’t want her to live a lesser life being with me. It would hurt us both in the long run being together and knowing that she could be living a lesser life with me because of my OCD. I just want her to live the best life that she can and I don’t feel it’s with me because I know she is brought down and feels bad when I feel bad. She’s truly the best person I’ve ever met. She’s kind, caring, and outright genuine. I don’t think she deserves to be with me and I know I don’t deserve her. I just want her to live her best life and I don’t feel that it’s with me. Any advice you can give is appreciated.

My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.

I have this constant need to look up gay couples on tiktok and look up coming out stories or like talks about sexuality being fluid. And I always end up getting triggered by something because it feels like I resonate with one person or more. And then everytime I calm down it feels like im “pushing myself more in the closet”. Why cant I be like all my other friends… and I specifically saw a video of a girl saying “yeah to the people saying I love my man but I cant feel attracted rn or i love him but hes the last/only man I loved : you’re lying and you’re gonna live a miserable life and at one point you’re gonna explode and you wont be able to fake it anymore.” And idk I RELATE TO THIS ughhhhh

Helloo :) I never really see much about my specific theme which is scared of my bf cheating on me, or me manifesting him cheating on me. I get a couple others such as “he’s going to leave me, “ he finds me unattractive”, or “ what if he shares my private photos” etc. I usually get more “statement” thoughts rather than “what ifs” which makes me even more worried, I could of course be psychic/ my “gut feeling” is correct but whatever 🤣 was just wondering if anyone else had this type of rocd instead of the more common “ I must leave him” type :)

I need to know if anyone has experienced this because I feel like this is so different and WAY to real. I have a coworker that I got along with quite well and she became my false crush I was always obsessing over if I liked her it was so bad, when I was doing worse, there was times where we would have a conversation and that conversation no matter what it was I would repeat this over and over in my head, or when something funny or interesting happens my brain would immediately go, omg I have to go tell this coworker what happened, and it was so energetic too, I’m so scared this means that I actually like her and it’s not a false crush please anyone has experienced this before?

I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (10 months)I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!!

I had my heart broken so bad earlier tn by someone I love. Like so so bad I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m trying not to cry rn bc I’m about to watch some tv with my sister. How to people just not think about things? I just can’t stop no matter what. I’m hurting so bad and need a friend