Please help, ROCD is too much

I have an amazing fiance, our anniversary is coming up soon and I'm very excited, but my head keeps going back and forth on I love him or actually you don't love him. You hate him. It's so distressing. I keep looking up things to save relationships and comparing our relationships to other people like what am I doing wrong? And anytime I think of it, I also start thinking what if all of this is just in my head and it's not real or I'm just faking all of this. It's constant back and forth and it's making things hard. I'm not texting him as much as I use to and he noticed it. He feels bad and I don't want him to think it's his fault. He's the best fiance I've ever had and I don't want to lose him, but I want these thoughts to go away. Is it even ROCD or am I just losing it? I know I have OCD around food and gross sexual intrusive thoughts but I don't know if it's effecting other aspects of my life (I was only recently diagnosed) Please help, anyone.

Username: Muffin34Muffin34

Date posted: 11w ago

Well first of all happy early anniversary. Second you need to take a deep breath. I can tell your mind is going crazy right now with all these racing thoughts. I would do some breathing exercises or meditate just to relieve some of that pressure off of you. So with that being said, all of that you’re describing is ocd and you need to work on not feeding into it. I would start by not searching up things about your relationship because that’s a compulsion. Just because ocd tells you something doesn’t make it true. But you have to learn to accept uncertainty and that’s the only way to manage it. “Do I love my fiance or do I hate him? I don’t know and I don’t want to dig for an answer.” and continue on about your day. You have to basically be okay with the worst case scenario. And also be okay with feeling anxious. I know it doesn’t feel good physically at first but once ocd knows you’re not scared of it anymore you will feel a decrease of anxiety as you let the feeling sit there without interacting with it . Basically you need to truly be nonchalant towards the intrusive thoughts because it hates when you don’t care or not give it a yes/no answer. You can’t let ocd take control over because as you can see it’s beginning to cause riff in y’all’s communication and if you keep feeding into it, it will only make things worse eventually. You don’t want ocd to strain your loving relationship. And also I am not sure if you do this already but PLEASE do NOT confess your thoughts and constantly seek reassurance from him. I cannot stress this enough. Confessing because you have an urge to do it can backfire on you and it makes things awkward. Also he doesn’t need to know everything you’re thinking. Just continue to enjoy life with him and love on each other like the usual. That’s all that matters. OCD finds anything you enjoy to latch on and wants to ruin things. Remember intrusive thoughts are just thoughts. Don’t engage with it. Don’t analyze, ruminate, argue with it, replay it in your head, try to shoo it away, google to see what it means none of that. Because that sends signals to your brain that these thoughts are important and you will feel an intense feeling of anxiety. Then you have to deal with another day of ocd dictating you and you feeling guilty bc of your thoughts. And don’t feel bad about accepting uncertainty because we do it every single day. When you go out in the world it’s a possibility of something “bad” happening but that doesn’t stop us from still wanting to explore the world. You can do the same to your ocd 🩷.

Username: FlamoFlamo

Date posted: 11w ago

Thank you for this. I struggles with ROCD as well, I'm in a loving relationship, I love my boyfriend, he is fantastico, but ROCD cames and go and it's so difficult. What if I don't love him? What if there Is someone better out there? What if we are young to be bored? What if I'm going to ruin everything and cheat him? And everything cames with a huge sense of urge. It Is a nightmare so I completely get this post

Username: Muffin34Muffin34

Date posted: 11w ago

@Flamo Yes those what ifs can be a pain to deal with. I’m glad my comment helped you some 🩷!

Username: FlamoFlamo

Date posted: 11w ago

@Muffin34 Have you had/have rocd? Did you overcome It?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 11w ago

I can't thank you enough for this. I'll definitely have to apply Turning the Mind and Radical Acceptance for the uncertainy. I'll try my best to not engage in it either. I unfortunately already told him about the thoughts, but I'll try not to in the future. It really only makes him feel worse and scared and I don't want him to feel that way. I really do love him, the thoughts that I don't just get too loud sometimes. Thank you ❤️

Username: mellojellowmellojellow

Date posted: 11w ago

you are not alone! I get the same way with my boyfriend and it is honestly the worst feeling ever so I completely understand. I'm not a professional but it does sound a lot like ROCD to me. Just know that it will be okay and if you can try to communicate how you are feeling to him if you can. 🫶

Username: Fr0ggy

Date posted: 21w ago

ROCD maybe?

Do you ever meet a guy that treats you so well and you fall in love with him but then all of a sudden you get hit with thoughts of self doubt on weather or not you do love him or even find him attractive? I’m going through this right now and these thoughts overtake my emotions and any time we do lovey dovey things my stomach drops and I get anxious when I can’t feel any lovey dovey emotions. It also makes me want to run away or makes me question that I don’t wanna be with him and it’s stressful to deal with these thoughts daily. Anyone relate?

Username: BunnyTailz

Date posted: 16w ago

Relationship OCD

Hello, I recently discovered I may have relationship OCD. I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet but I started experiencing thoughts like “I don’t really love him” or “I’m gonna break up with him”, and sometimes even thoughts that he doesn’t love me or he’s gonna leave me. This all started when I got a text from a former partner, and it was very surprising. I thought since it affected me so much that it meant I still loved him and that I didn’t love my current boyfriend. Before this event, I struggled with intrusive thoughts and compulsions but never about relationships and I didn’t think I had OCD. I wasn’t experiencing any of these specific thoughts before I got that text, and it’s really scary and I’m afraid my thoughts are true. I really do love my boyfriend but these thoughts are really making me depressed.

Username: elwoodriley

Date posted: 14w ago

Is this ROCD or no???

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubts and anxiety in my relationship, and I’m not sure if it’s normal or if it might be something more like relationship anxiety or ROCD. I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone who is incredibly sweet, caring, and kind. And not to mention this is my first relationship ever. Despite knowing all of this, I often find myself overwhelmed by doubts. I constantly question whether I really love him or if I only like the idea of him. Sometimes, I worry that I’m just staying in the relationship because I don’t want to be single or because he’s the kind of person I’m supposed to be with. These thoughts feel so real, and it’s hard to shake them off, even though I don’t want them. I also tend to find “icks” or small things to criticize, and it feels like my brain is trying to push him away, even though I want to be with him. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and it makes me overthink whether I’m being honest with myself about wanting the relationship. At times, I rely on external validation, like when people tell us we look cute together. I’m scared I might be too focused on what others think, instead of how I truly feel. I also feel guilty about small things, like not responding in the way I think I should, and I worry whether I’m capable of loving someone else. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is, and it makes me try to find ways to dislike him, even though I know he’s a good person. I also feel nervous about things like meeting his parents or not fully enjoying his sense of humor, which adds to my overthinking. I want to be with him, but I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and overanalyzing my feelings. I just want these thoughts and anxieties to go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Could this be a sign of relationship anxiety or something more? Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.

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