Sexual-Thoughts/Images - Taboo

My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.

Username: OCDFamilyOCDFamily

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w ago

OCD is screaming at you to get your attention. Can you read a book like Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts?

Username: s13s13

Date posted: 11w ago

you used “disturbing and disgusting” those are your tell all, i know it’s bothering you just by the way you’re talking about it. so tell yourself “maybe i am attracted to my mom” and let the thought float away just continue on with your day i know even that is distressing to say to yourself but once you can get the thought to a point where it doesn’t bother you you’ll get that clarity of oh this is just ocd playing tricks on me again. i’m really sorry you’re going through that and fighting those thoughts feeling and or emotions but as we know common sense doesn’t work with ocd we must accept the thought and keep pushing on with your day

Username: SolroseSolrose

Date posted: 11w ago

@s13 Thank you for your response! Yes, I do just keep trying to accept the thought “maybe I am, maybe I am not,” but it’s difficult to say that since it feels like I’m agreeing with it and will be okay feeling that way. Plus yes, I do think of them as disgusting and disturbing, but I will say that and my mind will instantly go “you don’t really feel that way, you’re just in denial and because society sees this as wrong you’re just trying to conform so you won’t be hated.” But I know I just need to go “okay” to that kind of thinking as well. There’s a just always that doubt that maybe this is true or I will become convinced by these thoughts and ruin my life, or that I won’t be able to move on. But yes, I know OCD doesn’t work with common sense or logic. There will always be another doubt, what if, etc.

Username: JellyBeansssJellyBeansss

Date posted: 11w ago

This is OCD! I have the same thing and it’s a recurring thought that sits in the back of mind sometimes very quieting sometimes very loud. And they change themes! I had somatic OCD. Did I ever think it was at the time. No. I thought I genuinely could not breathe and I was dying. And every time it feels like the worst thing ever! Accept it’s OCD. That’s the first step towards recovery (recovery to me means being able to identity OCD in my thoughts I think for me it will be almost impossible to removed OCD completely)

Username: SolroseSolrose

Date posted: 11w ago

@JellyBeansss Thank you! Yes I think that’s the most difficult part is just accepting that these thoughts are OCD, because my mind will always tell me “no, you’re in denial and you’re just using this as an excuse to hide your true self/feelings.” It’s exhausting. Always feels like playing tug-of-war with your own mind. It’s the worst. I hope you are recovering well on your OCD journey! Unfortunately OCD is something we will always live with, but there will be times where you have zero symptoms. I have gone years without any flare ups before. Have to take a day at a time and be patient. Healing is never linear.

Username: JellyBeansssJellyBeansss

Date posted: 11w ago

@Solrose Yes that is exactly what my brain does to me to make you doubt everything. And when you have a moment with no symptoms your mind comes back with a vengeance. It makes you feel lost and that you can’t trust yourself let alone others! I hope that you are also doing well in your recovery! I have found this app so helpful talking with others. I like your saying tug of war because that for sure is what it feels like. I think it will be something we always will have and I’m trying to accept it as part of me!

Username: s13s13

Date posted: 11w ago

@Solrose YES i get those too really bad with my harm ocd it’ll be like “you wanna be like that, you like these thoughts” and in the moment it truly seems real but i keep living and keep proving to my brain it’s just never gonna happen. even right now it’ll scream at me “ but it could happen” ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN fuck ocd i hope everyone can get some clarity today it shouldn’t have to be like this :(

Username: shopgirl

Date posted: 23w ago

Thoughts about friends

How do you guys cope when your obsessions target people you’re close to? I recently had a sexual thought about a friend of mine and it started snowballing. We’ve been texting more and my brain keeps saying that it’s flirty, and if I were in a situation to kiss her I would. She’s a close friend of mine and I didn’t have sexual thoughts about her until recently. They make me feel disgusting and guilty, and the onset made me feel like my body was on fire. It’s starting to latch on to other friends, and my brain is saying I’m “tempted” by them, and if they came on to me I would give in and like it. I had SO-OCD as a child, and did engage in some play kissing with friends before my SO-OCD happened. (My OCD latches on to that a lot too as proof that I’m gay). I remember the anxiety I had about what I had done with my friend, and this feeling I have now imagining kissing my friends feel similarly. I don’t usually write on here to avoid confessing and reassurance seeking, but I’m at a loss. I have a heavy feeling in my chest and I don’t want to have the thoughts, but part of me thinks I might be liking them and maybe it’s internalized homophobia. I could handle being bi, but the thoughts about my friends and losing control feels so wrong. I’m just confused and want to know how to process when OCD starts attaching to people I’m close to.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: asbl

Date posted: 21w ago

Sexual intrusive thoughts

I had gotten a lot better with my OCD, in general I had a real grasp over my relationship ocd and intrusive thoughts, I was able to comfort myself and see them as just thoughts. This is really embarrassing, but I was triggered a week or so ago when my boyfriend told me one of his key rings came from a girl he slept with 1 time but was friends with (this was 6years ago and has nothing to do with me!) This trigger has led to my sexual intrusive thoughts returning, I have this thing where if I’m having a bit of ‘me time’ my brain sends me images of people I don’t want to think about at that moment in time. Two nights ago it was my boyfriend’s stepdad and I’ve felt guilty ever since. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve always had this sort of issue but I convinced myself that if I didn’t climax whilst thinking of them then it didn’t count and I could let the thought go, I didn’t climax over his stepdad but the thought now isn’t leaving me and I just don’t know what to do. I feel really alone in this and like a weirdo, does anybody else experience this sort of thing ever?

Username: niknicole

Date posted: 20w ago

Help

I haven’t been diagnosed yet but I honestly think I have POCD. I have been getting a lot of images or thoughts of children lately, like sexually too and it’s been very disturbing. The thoughts have been nonstop. I have three nephews at home and I’m scared that if I look at them for too long or make eye contact, then that means I’m attracted to them. I have been avoiding them for the past few days and when I hung out with my friend the other day, we were talking about our future and it made me feel so anxious and sad and guilty because of these thoughts I’ve been having. I have to keep telling myself that I know I don’t feel attracted to them in any way but then the question pops up, like “are you really sure about that?” I almost committed a few days ago because of it and the only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to leave my mom or my sister. I did some self harm too and I have to keep reminding myself that if I really felt that way towards kids, then I wouldn’t be going through this much. I feel so guilty because I’ve broken down in front of my mom and she keeps asking what’s wrong but I feel like I can’t tell her. Yesterday and today though, I feel really out of place because I feel like I can’t feel anything when the thoughts come up and I don’t know if that’s normal. Does that mean I’m actually that kind of person? It genuinely scares me to even think about.

POCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Sexual-Thoughts/Images - Taboo

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community