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how can you accept the uncertainty when it's about hurting someone you love? i feel like i will never get it. it makes me feel selfish and like i don't care

im so anxious and i want to cry so bad, im so afraid i might have cheated on my lover but i don't even remember if i actually did it. i remember making suggestive jokes ( for my gf it's not cheating unless it's a blatant flirty joke ) to my friend but I don't remember my intentions and there's no way for me to remember what i thought while i was saying a stupid joke YEARS ago. i love them more than anything i don't want to have hurt her but there's no way for me to know that im actually a good partner. im so tired and scared i hate this illness so much I'm miserable. I want to cry but i cant

It feels like my boyfriend is ‘another compulsion” because he makes me happy and that is what ocd does, but when he is gone, my mind can go everywhere. Mostly thinking im not attracted to men (im bi and for some reason i feel like i have to choose 1 gender, and that that would be women) even though i know that i dont have to choose and can just be happy with my bf. But then my mind can go “but are you happy” or “youre not aroused right now or aroused enough so your gay or you dont like bf” Thats really hard, because my one of my biggest fears is being with a man all my life (having a family etc) and then falling in love with a woman and throw it all away. I really really love my boyfriend, but it can feel like this is not my real identity and im doing the wrong thing. Like when im not thinking about it, if thats maybe my ocd and not the overthinking. Does anyone understand?

Hey guys does anyone literally have a panic attack whenever you have to be in a situation (romantically) with a man?? Like I will literally freak the fuck out and throw up I mean that so seriously lol. I think it started after my abusive ex boyfriend.

do you ever feel paralyzed or scared to just get out of bed because what if the thoughts get worse because you're interrupting your mind being distracted i dread having to get up to even use the bathroom. being with my boyfriend helps but then it just gets bad again even while im with him. I just can't function im starting a new job soon too and I'm in online college. I can't bring myself to do any of it. the guilt, shame, anxiety, and fears just take over.

My name is Ann and I'm from Jamaica and I'm a teenager , growing up my life wasn't easy but my life was decent however I wasn't really close to my family so I grew to stay by myself and stay in my room and stay on social media. growing up I didn't really have a lot of friendships and the ones I did have unfortunately ended. I always felt left out by my bigger sisters however I always wanted to be like them so my childhood was surrounded by making up scenarios in my head for example my relationship would end and I would play music and imagining myself in the middle of his school dancing and he regretted leaving. I got hurt in every relationship I've been in and I wasn't close to anyone so I ended being the person that would talk to herself and if someone upset me I would argue with them even though they weren't there and that followed up with me being an attention seeker for example I would fake faint for attention and that's how bad it became and Even after that I kept living life and kept in my emotions. Fast forward I started dating this boy and he introduced smoking to me (weed) I did it for just a couple week in which I stopped because I got high and it made me scared because it felt like my mind was racing n I didn't know what was going on and my mom said I was acting mad so I develop up a fear of even going back in that state but I didn't give that thought any attention so it went away for awhile until out of the bloom I had a panic attack n I my heart was racing n I started being scared that im going to go mad and I'm going to lose my mind and I will end up on the road and everyone will treat me horribly and it became very overwhelming n I kept crying n I couldn't sleep and this fear was there for awhile n the fear got worse when I heard someone I know was losing there mind and hearing voices so that made it worse so I guess that triggered me even more and I went to the doctor cause I thought the stomach feeling was the reason it was happening but she gave me medicine and it still didn't work so I decide to learn more and I figured out it was anxiety and then I thought it was hypochondria and now I think it's ocd, I got thoughts that I was going to stab my mom and I dont want to do that but I thought about the time when I was a kid when I chocked a kid because the kid was crying too much and I feel complete guilt even though I was a kid as well I still feel like a bad person for that and then I have thoughts that I'm going to lose control in my sleep and do something then I got derealization and I was doing fine at first because I learned that everything happens because of ocd and I just need to accept it n sit with the discomfort until this morning I woke up and I was looking just thinking until my thoughts overlaped like I thought something then I thought about what I just thought so I was confused n I got scared and I thought that what if I'm losing my mind and I started trying to think normally but I just couldn't and my mind is blank and I'm not thinking anything now I'm scared of talking because I don't want to talk and it doesn't make sense.... What is going on with me rn and do I feel like I can't think anymore? I feel like I want to commit suicide n just overdose myself bec6of how I feel

So i use to get a lot of relationship OCD. I recently got into a relationship two months ago. i have been experiencing some relationship OCD thoughts like “do i like my partner enough” and to complete the compulsion of telling them that i am having this thought. I use to be able to conquer them but after bringing it up in therapy it got worse. does anyone have any recommendations on how to conquer this compulsion and thought? I don’t want to scare my partner away.

I don’t know where to start and don’t want to write a really long msg. I am really in a dip. I struggle to accept I have ocd and that there’s not some real issues or something else the matter with me. Even though I relate to ocd and can see its has clearly been part of the picture in the past and despite a psychologist saying it sounded like ocd I find it hard to believe or accept. What i’m experiencing feels so real. I have persistent fears about my child being abducted and have horrible graphic images related to that. I also have a lot of anxiety in my relationship (which is challenging) plus I have other life stressors going on. I have worried my boyfriend is a paeodophile and set up cameras in my daughter’s room. I also fear he will harm or kill me. That he’s cheating on me or has done and I said this one day. My boyfriend had been out late getting drunk and I couldn’t get hold of him. I said I feared he was shagging someone out the back of the pub. At the time he was kind and loving and said not to think those things and that he wouldn’t do that and loved me. However those words obviously stayed with him and he’s since been very angry that I thought that and finds it insulting and says I obviously don’t trust him and that maybe it’s me that’s doing what I fear he’s doing. I got angry and said I’ve an anxiety disorder and he said not to raise my voice to him and he stormed off and left. That was the night before my birthday. He called the next day to say happy birthday and made no mention of him storming off and made no apology when I saw him later. He gave me flowers and presents and took me out for dinner then made comments about the age I had turned (I’m 3 years older) he says it’s just a joke and banter but I feel it’s disrespectful. Anyway my child who is with her dad wanted to say goodnight to me (she’s been not wanting to stay there which has added to my anxiety that something will happen to her - that her not wanting to stay there is a sign and she isn’t safe and that something will happen) Anyway she rang whilst my boyfriend and I were having sex (which felt a bit aggressive/violent but I didn’t speak up. He eventually said what do u want as it’s your birthday and I said to go slow which he did) Anyway we stopped having sex and I answered the call from my child. She was ok and we spoke briefly. My boyfriend was really angry and said all sorts of things about my ex having had a ex with me on my birthday in the past and what did he think we were doing and he should have told my child not to call. He said he felt like I made him look like an idiot and that he doesn’t know how long he can carry on never having time alone with me without being interrupted. He left and went to his house but not til after I’d fallen asleep. I woke up and panicked to see his car gone and thought he’d gone to harm my ex or daughter or both or that he’d gone somewhere else to have sex with someone else as we didn’t finish. It feels like I’m living in some sort of nightmare with this amount of fear and distrust going on.

my dad is scaring me saying I’m gonna go to jail if I’m 18 and still dating my gf, my gf is two years younger than me, I mean he didn’t necessarily say that but I feel like he did, because I don’t understand, I’m so scared I’m gonna go to jail or I’m doing something wrong… please let me know, I do not know law stuff.

Me and this guy went on 1 date but mostly hung out with friends (he would invite me) for the past two months Last week we did the deed and now he’s acting weird. He texted me something short the next day. Now he’s taking long to open my ig messages since I had sent him a flyer days after we hooked up He sent me an ig message this morning but haven’t opened it. I wanna be petty and do the same thing but I also don’t want to be at his level. Idk what to do. I just wanna forget him We work together too. Ugh

Yesterday at night I was doing lunch for my husband and I grabbed a knife to cut something and I used to get anxiety over being around a knife and yesterday I didn’t feel nothing not even scared and I started doubting myself and I started to think okay if you were to act on your thoughts what would you feel and I couldn’t feel scared and I was like fuck and I struggle with feeling in love with him because I struggle with relationship ocd as well thinking I’m not for him or just doubting our relationship and it made me think like I didn’t love him and then today I’m just thinking and it makes me feel evil because I can’t feel anxiety over doing something to him and I don’t feel scared or anything and I’m just thinking and it makes me think like I’m enjoying it and I feel good about it or I don’t care and it makes me feel uncomfortable not being able to not feel scared

Can I please hear some success stories with rocd? I see ones on here where it ends relationships and it's so scary to read. I would love to hear success stories. I have fear of him leaving me or cheating on me when I KNOW It's never happened and most likely won't. The fear is so hard to deal with when this theme spikes

I dont even know how to explain myself. Im 20 and I’ve never been in a relationship and one day i want to fall in love and be with someone. I really desire that and i want to love someone and i also wish i was a mother one day. The thing is, i always obsess about the thoughts of relationships. When i have a guy on my mind i always need to google stuff like “Signs you are in love” or “Signs you are attracted” just to know. When i think i might like someone i get these thoughts that “this is not it, you are just making things up etc.” I just feel so obsessed with it, like i always question if i can love, if i ever will be in love (i really want to), or the fact that some people at my age have a partner, slowly getting engaged or they are expecting a baby. Im scared that im just too old and nothing like that will happen to me. I just feel like urge to figure it out. Like who my partner is gonna be, if im gonna love someone. It’s hard to explain. I feel like i can not be just chill and live my life and not always focusing on these things. Then i compare myself with others and i feel like im broken because i feel like it will never happen to me. Then i even get thoughts that what if im aromantic. It also makes me anxious even though i dont think im one. Another thing is, that when this is mixed with SO-OCD its even more terrible😔 Sometimes when i have these thoughts about relationships and also so-ocd….i feel that my stomach is tight and i feel anxiety. Then i get scared that just because i think about relationships and i get tight stomach that must mean im just gay and denial and the thought about having a relationship with a men must be wrong for me, even though my natural thoughts are always with men. 😔😔 it bothers me. I feel like i will never be at peace.

Hey guys so I finally started doing erp for soocd, 6 long years of battling and I had the BEST week of my life, symptoms gone everything. Then suddenly I get hit with the what if my bf is cheating on me and holy this has hit me like a truck. I’m convinced my bf doesn’t love me he’s going to break up and he’s cheating on me, even tho he’s amazing. I need to ask for reassurance every second of the day and if he doesn’t reply I freak out convinced he’s gonna break up with me. Has anyone had this ? My poor bf is never going to get a break and I’m afraid this is going to ruin us. We have been together for a year and it’s honestly been a year of just struggle and pain because of my ocd, it’s attacked our relationship and everything. I want it to stop. Any tips?

Hello everyone, I'm just now hearing about the various types of OCD. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in 2007. I always suffered from anxiety since early childhood as I grew up in an unstable and abusive home between 2 households. I have insecurities with relationships both with family and friends. I tend to feel unworthy of love or respect which makes ppl take advantage of my efforts to make friends or ask for help. I wasn't shown much respect as a child which explains a lot of my symptoms of anxiety and depression. I feel like I was punished and blamed for not reporting my abuser as a child which haunts me to this day 50 yrs later.

Hi, I’m Lukas, 21 years old and am going through some sort of a crisis at the minute. Some time ago I had an argument with my boyfriend after lying to him about something. After weeks of worrying and overthinking I finally found the courage to tell him the truth, as I thought that would make me feel better and less guilty, which it did (he also want mad about it). However now I’m back to worrying as my mind is telling me that I did some other things, such as sleeping with someone other than my boyfriend. I’ve been finding myself spiralling for a day now and gradually start believing that I actually did cheat on my boyfriend, which I know deep inside me is not the case. However I keep questioning my memory and don’t know what to do. I have the urge to tell him, even though I know that my mind is just playing a trick on me. For instance I spent the entire day today with my friends and family, but despite that I still have the feeling that I did something just like what I previously mentioned, which is next to impossible. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I really need some help and/or advice.

Hey, this isn't really ocd related but I just wanted to know if anyone else has MDD ( Major Depression Disorder) it's also known as Clinical Depression. I also have OCD as well. But if anyone else has MDD, I'd just like to hear any advice on how to get over those tough days dealing with it or sharing your story with it. Mine just have been bad for a lil while now and today it just feels pretty unforgiving to me. I have work soon but idk, I just feel so out of it. And my bf and I are taking a break as of last night cause sometimes I just feel so different that I need to figure out who I am or what. I just get very numb or almost like a zombie almost? I can't quite explain it. But yeah I didn't know where else to ask and thought I'd ask here real quick haha. Thanks for anyone who replies. I just feel stuck, It's like I have the key to open the lock but my will power just won't let me I have looked on YouTube to look for people's experiences cause I like knowing I'm not alone in this battle. But I didn't really see videos besides Dr's. Telling you what it is lol where I'm looking for someone telling their story and what has helped them. I like supporting those videos cause it helps the community get more recognized.

Just a quick question for anyone on here today. Does anyone else's OCD get more prominent when they're mad?? Not necessarily "mad" but just frustrated. For example, I'll be having an argument with my girl and the intrusive thoughts just seem to arise way more frequent and severe i guess is a word i can use for it. They just pester me a lot more when I'm frustrated rather than just sitting around playing a video game or something. Appreciate y'all wit the feedback. Have a good one.

I have a boyfriend I’ve been with for 11 months today. He’s great, caring, kind, funny, etc. But he’s very aggressive when he’s mad or jealous and he is the rudest person I’ve ever met when we fight. He has squeezed me, grabbed me, pulled me, and today he hit me on the head with a water bottle, not hard, but not very gently either. I’m assuming he thought it was funny. We are 16, our families are close, so I wouldn’t consider this too serious because we’re young. But he never listens to me when I tell him, “that hurt!” He laughs and will most often say, “i barely tapped you.” He is about twice the size of me, and I’m starting to completely resent him, and honestly, I’ve told him that. For the most part we are very healthy, we have lots of trust and communication, we work things out beautifully too but he’s just too damn aggressive and won’t listen to me all the amounts of times i cry. he’ll call me names. I’m admittedly not the best girlfriend, i have a lot of baggage and trauma from my past that causes me to have an avoidant attachment style and have a rage problem. I understand the mean words he uses, but he should never ever be aggressive to me. I just need another side to this. I need someone to comment what they think so I can show him, because he just thinks he’s done nothing wrong and that I’m just dramatic. I know a lot of people on here are adults, so I’m asking for help.

I struggle a lot with ROCD and I'm so worried that I'm burdening my partner with these issues I have. He hasn't told me that or anything but I'm so worried that I'm letting him down by being so scared. Anyone relate?