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I hate when my intrusive thoughts don’t cause anxiety because it makes me feel like they may be true. But then it causes anxiety that there is none

This is the longest episode I’ve ever been in whenever I do normal actions sometimes I think I’m just doing the action bc of an intrusive thought LIKE LITERALLY and then my heart drops immediately after I think to myself why do I only panic afterwards? Must mean I meant it and I liked 😃 when it comes to my alone times same thing I move my body when I get intrusive thought and it felt like I MOVED bc of the thought so I immediately panic and I try and remember the thought sometimes I can’t sometimes it’s not as clear this actions only happens in the context of intrusive thoughts ppl say it’s classic ocd i don’t think ocd can get this realistic to the point where I feel like I’m intentionally moving my body bc of the intrusive thoughts I feel sick and evil I’ve never dealt with this problem before I don’t understand myself nor do ik myself

I was sitting next to my daughter. Idk what happened it was like I twitched and my arm went toward her. But then i stopped middair. I dont recall the details but ocd says i was doing something inappropriate or touching inappropriate. Thats not who i am. It could have been an involuntary action or i extended my arm and than got anxious so brought it back but i tried ignoring it and had false memory now

I spiral so much its usually 1. Those mistakes aren't from someone who is not a p 2. But am I really attracted to children? 3. I might be.. but if I don't think about my mistakes then I wouldn't think if I'm attracted to children 4. Well then I'm not a p*do And repeat I'm scared if I'm not changed person now. It's pretty clear that I didn't found I was one? The scariest thing is that I still made questionable mistakes when I got pocd. This makes me worry if they weren't mistakes but genuine actions coming from being a p then it makes me worry because they're usually permanent Basically when I was immature I sometimes used to look up drawn NSFW involving minor characters and m*stur*aited to it. And when I dropped out and few years passed I thought I just want to talk with people that aren't adults(usually teachers. I wanted to talk with same aged people) and I'm lacking of social skills I know I won't do this anymore. I behaved sexually to groups of younger people to get their attention There's even more, like I used to play some game as 14(15?) and there's 9 year old character then when the character gets hit it would sound like moan and I somehow got surprised? And enjoyed? And I got some f*tish then I remembered childhood talk I had(it was some sort of sexual talk and about sexual action) and did that action from talk I had to fulfill f*tish I wasn't doing it for it being childhood talk.. but still scary. I somehow assume that I'm not attracted to children sexually. But it's odd if I'm not too as I explained those mistakes. I'm very clearly sure that there's more. This isn't pocd doubt. I'm sure there's more. I'm exhausted on trying to get help and think about figuring out if I'm p It almost sounds useless to do this since I sounds like one. I'm confused if I am since I'm confused if I'm attracted but there's past mistakes that sounds like I am then I assume if I'm holding myself to stop being a p or I was in better unrealistic case Of course I do not have sexual urge towards children currently but... what is going on I'm trying to stop thinking about mistakes to figure out clearly but it's hard. It felt like genuine actions back then.. so I'm not only offending one. Then I think if I'm attracted to children. Somehow I can't understand attraction towards children but I feel like I do.. I'm trying to not test myself Without past mistakes I wouldn't really think that I'm p*do maybe but I know that's not how it works so it's all confusing And when I got pocd then pocd got calmed down I've eventually found some hentai that have same features to the talk I had with groomer (was a talk about fictional character I created) it was even after I got pocd and then as I felt better and less anxious about pocd topic I Read that. I thought pocd will go away real fast. I think I was thought I decided to read it for PRIZE for feeling better now I feel so horrible. What even I was thinking. I don't want to live anymore. I wouldn't like to read them again. I just feel confused and bad I think I was 17. I don't know what is this called but it's like I can't exactly figure out when did things happened and when was when.. the odd thing is that I think I'm p*do for this and other disgusting mistakes but before pocd I haven't worried if I'm attracted to children (especially real ones. Never been my thing but I consumed drawn nsfw so...)

I got an email recently from NOCD complaining about a recent SNL sketch that apparently made light of OCD, or at least those who may falsely claim to have it. I didn’t see it, but it doesn’t matter, it’s very disappointing to see that the NOCD members in charge of the messaging within emails don’t seem to comprehend that wanting comedians to stop making jokes about OCD is, in and of itself, a compulsion. The email should have encouraged people who suffer with OCD, such as myself, to ignore “triggering” content, practice ERP, and move on. I’m also really tired of the unhelpful Howie Mandel commercials where he complains about OCD jokes. You don’t get better by giving into any compulsions, including the desire to complain about a joke.

When I first discovered OCD I felt like I was an exception and the anxiety and intense fear I had was just the overwhelming guilt you get after you realize how messed up your life is. Then I learned about what was actually going on and got some relief. And after a while I started ruminating more and more about and turns out what I did was NOT okay. I felt shame for it before that, but now I feel even more intense shame. I’ve been going through the same cycle over and over, being even more cautious of myself than ever. To note, since my event, I’ve NEVER done this afterwards in my life according to my memory and I was young when it happened, but not old enough to understand how serious it was. Since then, I’ve ruminated, compulsive searched, scanned over messages/conversations I’ve sent, look for forgiveness groups and felt like I’m just someone who’s actually shameful for what they did and afraid of consequences. What do you do with this? To me, I feel unforgivable, and my whole life is just an inconvenience to others.

I am In a 3 year old relationship. I did bad things towards my relationship with another guy we'll call S. I told my boyfriend everything and for months I'd go back and find new details and tell them to my bf and keep going to exhaustion.This S guy also molested me and blackmailed me. With this said, now I have to talk about my current issue. I'm 17. In class I see S everyday and I get irritated by him. I have thoughts like " what if I don't love my boyfriend?what if I see him as a friend? What if I love S?what if I want S?" And " S I hot" or like when I get ready " would S find me pretty?". I just wanna be with my boyfriend in peace and I don't wanna have these doubts at all or be attracted to anyone that's not my boyfriend. These thoughts are ruining my life. I'm scared they are true, I'm scared I secretly want him, I'm scared I find him pretty or whatever it is. It's been months and when I had something else to analyze I said with confidence that I found S ugly, but now that I "solved" that I'm back at this, figuring out if I find S hot if I want him or anything and it gives me anxiety. Because of these thoughts that persist for months I had panic attacks and tried to take my life before several times. I'm gonna see a therapist in 5 days. Can this be ocd? I just really want this all to stop and never see S again ever. Does someone have the same thoughts or the same experiences?

I'm not drowning in overwhelming anxiety anymore after starting medication, but I feel... off. There's still this lingering anxiety, but it's like it's blocked or something. I hate the sensation of it. I don't really feel like I'm living, just existing. I'm afraid internally, but I can't express it anymore or experience physical symptoms of that fear. I can't even cry, but I feel like I want to or need to :( Maybe things are just worse right now because I'm on my period, but I'm genuinely so tired. I don't know how recovery is going to be for me, and what if it's not enough? What if this doubt and guilt that surrounds my life doesn't go away? I'm just afraid because I enjoy living and I love my family, but every time I think about having to deal with this for the rest of my life, I get bad thoughts of ending things. I just want peace. I just want to be confident in my own identity for once.

Today at lunchtime, my friend and her boyfriend came over to sit with me like usual. Her boyfriend is almost always silent and we usually are the ones talking. Today, there was a point where he spoke and I felt a sense of attraction. Like I wanted to to touch him. So I made sure my legs were as far away as possible from his the whole time. Yet, I was speaking and trying to get his attention. After I left the lunch table I felt really guilty and I don't know what to do. I didn't say anything inappropriate it was just conversation and I didn't even speak to him directly but I was speaking in a way to get his attention and impress him, to make a move on him. Yet, moments earlier i was thinking of marrying my girlfriend and imagined how the ceremony would be. It made me feel so happy and just imagining it made me want to cry. Literally moments before, I was avoiding looking at others and making sure I didn't touch anyone. So I'm not sure why I did that, considering I don't like him and deeply in love with my girlfriend. I'm scared and feel really guilty.

Ive just found out the girl i have a crush on has a girlfriend that she is currently dating. Of course i will support them together and i can continue to be friends with the girl i like, but honestly... im heartbroken... and the fact that my OCD will always make me think I unknowingly explicitly cybered with a minor... and i cant get any sort of reassurance about it... im in a state of hopelessness that will never recover anytime soon... Im done trying to hope. Im done trying to convince myself that anything can be done to make me happy... if people want to call me an incel for feeling this way... think that im a creep... they can... im so hopeless and alone... and no one cares about me... no one...

This is gonna be a lot about sex cuz idk what’s happening. I have a bf and sex is new as of mid august. But since I’ve been on birth control since end of august sex feels different? I’ve been on 2 types, a patch (forget the name rn) till October, now im on nexplanon. I have no period atm so that’s a nice bonus ig. But mental health is…. Uhhh not wonderful! I feel numb I feel like I’m not horny enough. Or I’m not feeling enough. I feel him inside me and everything but it’s not the same feeling as before And also: eye contact, I don’t get this intense sense of connection but it’s nice to look at him. It doesn’t turn me on more tho Neither does watching his head roll back. It’s hot but I don’t feel anything change down below and I don’t get butterflies anymore My mind wanders. I’m wondering if im enjoying it. If im playing an active part in the sex cuz im very…. Bad at it? I think is how I’d put it? I let him take control cuz it gives my brain a break but my brain is now saying that me not being able to be on top or don’t really like it means I don’t like him and/or im a lesbian depending on the day. Even before this I wasn’t a huge fan of being on top cuz I get embarrassed really easily and I don’t wanna ruin the moment ;-; Like it still feels good but it doesn’t feel as intimate as it used to when we first started dating/before ocd hit/in backdoor spikes (honestly we had some good times and I felt good). Is it just a “im used to his body” thing or am I just not feeling it? I don’t get turned on by seeing him shirtless or naked anymore. But don’t get me wrong he’s still hot I just don’t get aroused unless we start making out Also making out lately- no butterflies, I feel things in my groin but not my stomach or chest and my brain isn’t in it. It feels like im partially not present if that makes sense. I feel out tongues sliding around but it’s not as hot as it used to be and idk if that’s cuz im gay or if that’s cuz im in a depression hole cuz of my birth control and it’s made the ruminating worse and worse Also dirty talk isn’t doing much anymore, no butterflies as well. Maybe we need novelty? Maybe we need to be adventurous? Cuz rn all we really do is missionary lol. I should maybe communicate more as well 😅 Also: I find that when I’m waiting for him to either go to the washroom or get a condom or tie me up or smthn while we’re not touching or doing anything flirty, I start to lose steam and I start panicking which then makes it worse 💀💀 In summary: what am I meant to feel during sex? I know most women don’t orgasm from penetration, which is why a vibrator is always incorporated. What else am I meant to feel? I feel sweaty when he enters Idk it’s driving me nuts. After he and I finished up yesterday I found myself wondering if I liked it. It felt nice in the moment and I did finish. It was kinda uncomfy cuz I was laying on my own ponytail and it was being pulled by me lol😭😭

I struggle with rocd, and a big intrusive thought that I have is that I’m no longer in love with my partner. I am going through a depression right now, and I am struggling to feel any kind of passion towards anything at the moment. I am withdrawing from the people I love because I just feel like I want to be alone. When I’m with people I just feel exhausted by it. I guess my question is, has anyone ever felt like this from depression? Does it take feelings of love and attraction away? I can’t tell if this is my ocd or depression or a combination of both. But it’s starting to impact my relationship which makes me panic because losing it is my worst fear.

Im 21 years old, I had ocd seen I was 14 when it started it stopped me from telling anyone I have it. It was really bad at the time and I had no clue how to deal with it I even was able to kill myself at one point but decided to have hope it would get better. In time it did got better but I had no clue what was wrong with me and I didn't want to tell anyone. Until this year I finally found out what it was and my ocd started getting bad again but I'm doing better now. Is been 7 years but I really want my mom to know what I been through but I feel like if I tell her it hurt her and I feel bad for not telling her when it started. I just need same help getting the courage to tell her.

I don’t have much of a support system outside of my bf, so I find myself here a lot. I think I just need to vent, so forgive me if I do this too often. It helps to have a community of people who truly understand. I haven’t felt this debilitated by mental illness in months. There has to be some explanation, maybe it’s hormonal, because I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. The panic hits in waves, sudden and overwhelming, like my head is submerged in lava, burning and suffocating. Then, for a brief moment, I feel almost normal and wonder what all the fear was about. But it never lasts. The chaos always comes back. I even considered going to the ER because I’m not sure I can trust myself anymore. Something has to be wrong, because this isn’t me. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s not unbearable either. Since I withdrew from school, I’ve been so much less stressed that even my cycle, which has been irregular for years, has somehow regulated itself. But even with that, I feel like a failure. I was one semester away from finishing, so close, but OCD hit me harder than it ever has. It felt like drowning, gasping for air, reaching for something solid, only to be dragged under again and again. Now, I feel like that again, but worse. I feel hollow, like something is wrong with me at my core. I don’t just feel sad; I feel broken. I break down into uncontrollable sobs every few hours, and I don’t even know why. I just know that whatever is happening, OCD is taking full advantage of how vulnerable I feel. Is this what MDD feels like? Everyone tells me I have it, and it’s been confirmed by my psych, my pcp, and my therapist, but I still can’t seem to fully see it. I don’t know how to separate what’s OCD from what might be another disorder. I’m sorry to anyone also going through such a hard time, my heart goes out to you 🤍

Hey, this is my first time on here so I’m sorry if the story is long. I will try my hardest to make this short and sweet. About a year and some change ago, I matched with a girl on Tinder and we agreed to an FWB type relationship, but it did not last long because she decided to get back with her ex. Matter of fact, we only ever hung out twice in person, both times having or doing something sexual. Normally, I would not do anything like this, but this was at a time where I felt and still do feel like I don’t deserve a relationship or a girlfriend. Very negative way of thinking that I’m trying to work through therapy, but it was the way I was thinking and felt like I only deserved “meaningless sex” and I was lonely. During those times, we shared a lot of things that happened to us in our lives and we even shared that we were both Christian as well. I’m not sure it was one sided on my part, but it felt like we became good friends. When she told me that she was going to get back with her ex, I understood and respected her decision. Part of me did want to ask why, and almost tell her not to do it, but that was not my place and I did not wanna come off like I was “saving her for myself.” so I completely removed me from that and just wished her the best and we both kind of agreed that we wished we never hooked up because we really liked each other as friends. This is the part that concerns me and also makes me shocked with myself. The first time we met up, it was at her apartment, which was literally down the street from my grandmother‘s house. The second time we hung out, it was at a house. She was dog sitting, and that house was in my neighborhood that mom, dad, brother and sister and myself lived in. At this time, I did not live at home due to a new job, but I did live in the same county meaning that I can visit family if I wanted to. So that meant every time I visited home, I knew I could drive around to the house she said, and every time I went to visit my grandmother, I would pass her apartment complex. This information coupled with the fact I kind of missed her, led to me, wanting to check on her. Before I continue, I did not try to infiltrate her home or steal things or literally anything to cause her harm, as I had no intention of doing anything to her. It was simply driving past her apartment and the house she dog sat at. The best way I can describe it was if I was in town either to visit my parents or just was in town and impulse strike for me to drive by, I would try to ignore and or fight this feeling because at the end of the day, I did not want to do it, but I would end up doing it. This was not an every day thing. Matter of fact, it really only happened when I was visiting family. The best way I can describe my thought process was I just wanted to see if she was okay, while also slightly hoping that she would be single again but I realized it was weird. Mind you the times I would do this, I would be very uncomfortable. Anyway, I bring this up because I started being scared of being a stalker or having stalker like tendencies. I’ve recently discovered I had pure OCD and I have themes such as POCD, HOCD, ZOCD, false attractions, unwanted thoughts, images, things like that. But I also do struggle with ruminating in my past and ruminating about a lot of the mistakes I’ve made often wondering why did I do it and why wasn’t I stronger. So every time I try to remain in the present, I remember something from my past that freaks me out again and now I’m in the cycle. This is one of those things that worries me a lot to where I feel like I’m in a constant state of awareness often feeling restless. I told my therapist about this and he doesn’t think this makes me a stalker, but he’s also slightly glad that it scares me and I think that’s because if I wasn’t scared, he would be much more concerned about it. Yeah, I don’t know if that was OCD or not and I really came on here because there’s a girl named Tia Wilson, who I saw on Instagram, who apparently broke into a house because of their OCD. I can explain why I feel or hope it was OCD but I don’t wanna make this post longer than it is so I’ll just explain in the comments

I know that might sound weird but i obsess over the morality of OTHER people more than myself. I was reading an article about how the average man is attracted to kids (14-17) because fertility and youth and what not. Pedophilia is classified as an illness but teens aren’t because it’s too normal. Now i can’t stop thinking about how almost every man i will ever meet will be attracted to highschool girls. I think that’s immoral and desgusting even though science says it’s fine? It’s scientifically normal and legally a crime. So I’m obsessing over it and i don’t know what to do. It’s not the uncertainty because i know it’s based in reality. But i just can’t stop thinking about it and about how most men are bad people even though science says their not? Because it said being attracted to the kids was said to be normal but acting on it is wrong. It also made me afraid that i was allowed to feel that way and i probably did (even though i KNOW i don’t) which yeah makes me upset but not as much as the SHEER amount of men who it’s normal to be attracted to children. How do i stop thinking about this and actually be productive and happy in my life?

My OCD is doing okay today . I’m at work and sometimes it can flare a bit but im always okay. Next week I start a new job so I’m hoping for better days . I’ve had an OCD flare for about 2 months now . Around November 20th or so is when I started feeling anxious and then on thanksgiving I had intrusive thoughts come back . Now it’s January 29th so it’s been about 2 1/2 months of this OCD flare and it usually lasts about 2 1/2 - 3 months from my experience with OCD flares . Usually I spend a month ruminating and Overthinking and then the next month I tend to tell myself it’s time for me to let it go and then the 3rd month I create a change in my habits and my mind that tends to let the OCD go and the thoughts go away . The thing about me is I don’t get OCD spikes often . Literally like every 5-6 years when there’s a life change or whatever. So that’s how I know it’s just OCD because these thoughts are just thoughts 🙂. They seem terrible when you first get them but then they fade away over time and etc etc . They always go away . They just do . Eventually your mind is tired of trying to solve everything and then somehow your mind just decides that it’s not a threat and it’s not real and bam it goes away . Atleast for me it does . This is how I do it . One day I just decide it’s silly to be anxious about this nonsense thoughts and then it just leaves and doesn’t come back especially when im engaged with other stuff . I promise it gets better guys .!

so my boyfriend asked me why im so scared if i dont like him and maybe if thwe broke up i would not have this thoughts about him and that i will be better like that if all my thoughts were about me not liking him and i didnt even panic when i read his messages. i dont undestand, my relationship its perfect and im destroying it, why didnt i had any reaction while reading his messages, im so scared about this, he is very upset that im talking to chat gbt bc he knows about it (i havent talked in a while with it) and he told me why im so scared that i dont like him. i dont understand why i disnt feel anything does this mean im not affected??? now im imagining breaking up (i dont wanr this, or thats what i think) and i dont know im scared , he doesn’t understand he thinks im the one that does nor want to be better bc all i do is cry, i understand his part but i dont understand what is happening, im so scared im scared i dont want to be indifferent or act different or not care about him or the situation itself, now he gave me a normal message he usualy does and im scared im fed uo with him, i feel bad and what if we are not for each other but we have a beautiful story and so much in common i feel fake. I know that when yoy accept the truth you feel ok and not bad i dont want this to be the case, im doing so much bad to him

TW// sexual trauma, family ocd Please, anyone give this a read any advice helps. I’m going to try to keep the short. Basically, when I was younger, a family member of mine was very careless when they would engage in sexual act. For example, they would m/sturbate in the same room as me, not caring if I would see or not I guess. They also emotionally and verbally abused me a lot throughout childhood. I also went through other sexual trauma from other peers at school at a young age, and from a distant family member. I also was very hyper sexual as a kid. Throughout my growing up, I developed some sort of incest fantasy, but never really was fully comfortable with it. I am assuming my brain was sexualizing what I saw, as it has done that with quite literally everything. It was up until a certain age, around 14, when I realize these thoughts are bothersome, make me uncomfortable, and I do not want them to be there. I am around the family member I mentioned at the beginning 24/7, as they are an immediate family member. I love them dearly, but this is messing up my relationship with them. I’m very irritable around them, any sound, noise, or site, that suggest that they may be touching themselves again, triggers me very badly. Either with anger, groinal responses, or just uncomfortableness. We share the same bed and sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the night or something and I’m just sitting there listening or glancing over to see if this family member is doing anything inappropriate. I mentioned before these groinal responses cause climax even without me touching myself. So then this leads me to feel like I violated this family member, or did something inappropriate to them. Which leads to false memeries also. This makes me feel so gross. I hate all of this. I probably sound like a freak . If you read this, thank you.

So maybe the title wasn't the best to to put it but when you guys start having obsessive thoughts how do you stop them before it turns into compulsions and anxiety?