Life feels stagnant...

I'm not drowning in overwhelming anxiety anymore after starting medication, but I feel... off. There's still this lingering anxiety, but it's like it's blocked or something. I hate the sensation of it. I don't really feel like I'm living, just existing. I'm afraid internally, but I can't express it anymore or experience physical symptoms of that fear. I can't even cry, but I feel like I want to or need to :( Maybe things are just worse right now because I'm on my period, but I'm genuinely so tired. I don't know how recovery is going to be for me, and what if it's not enough? What if this doubt and guilt that surrounds my life doesn't go away? I'm just afraid because I enjoy living and I love my family, but every time I think about having to deal with this for the rest of my life, I get bad thoughts of ending things. I just want peace. I just want to be confident in my own identity for once.

hellokitty1

Date posted: 29w

I can relate to your situation. I am appreciative of my life too, but I do get suicidal thoughts sometimes. Recovery takes time, and stressing about if you will be able to recover or not is only back tracking you. Try to stay positive and do fun things that distract you like hanging with friends!

nae nae

Date posted: 29w

Thank you for replying!! I've been spending time with family and friends, and it's helping 🥲🤍

Crook

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w

If you haven’t, maybe check out Mark Freeman and/or Nathan Peterson on YouTube. They at least provide me with hope if nothing else.

nae nae

Date posted: 29w

I love Nathan Peterson's videos, but I haven't checked out Mark Freeman. I'll definitely be sure to, though! 🤍

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 29w

Is this the only medication you’ve tried? Sometimes, a different medication works better for certain people, or it may just be a matter of adjusting the dosage of your current one. Hormones can make everything feel so much worse, but please know that this will pass. I deeply relate to the thoughts you’ve had about not wanting to endure this for the rest of your life. I’ve felt that way too. But what keeps me going is hearing from people who overcame severe OCD and finally felt like they got their life back. I won’t lie—sometimes that kind of hope feels out of reach for me too. But they said it felt impossible for them as well, until, little by little, it wasn’t. Please don’t lose hope. *You* are also a reason I have hope. And I truly mean that.

nae nae

Date posted: 29w

Yes, I'm taking Sertraline right now, and it's the first time I've taken any SSRI. We're still adjusting doses and things, so fingers crossed things will calm down. I took a little break from social media and surrounded myself with family, and I'm feeling a little bit better right now. It seems to come and goes in waves... There's this one woman's story I saw on YouTube a while back that I'll always remember because that was the first time I felt like there might be hope for me, and recovery wasn't impossible. Silly enough, it's what keeps me going most days when I'm having horrible doubts. That, and others in this community whose stories I've read. By the way, thank you so much for responding. I find comfort in your posts. I'm sorry there are moments where you feel like that hope feels out of reach for you, too. I really, really believe we'll overcome this. Little steps, one day at a time 😭🩷

nae nae

Date posted: 15w

Mini vent (sorta)!

I'm struggling with a lot of doubts today, but trying the best I can to keep on living my life 🥲 I'm on 150mg of Sertraline right now, and honestly, I'm feeling a lot better than before. Do I still get triggered? Yes! But I'm handling it easier. The only issue is, I feel like I'm obsessing over recovering? Not if I'm doing it "right," but more so getting to a point where I feel "perfect." That's not possible, I know. Even before OCD spiraled out of control, I struggled with other issues on a daily basis. But life felt simpler back then, and I didn't have this magical (and annoying) ability to remember every single bad thing that's ever happened to me or every single intrusive thought I've ever had in extreme detail 😭 Whenever I'm feeling okay, I can not help but think, "Remember how bad it was (insert time-frame)?" And then my mind zip zaps through every instance I've ever felt anxiety, like...? I don't even know if it's me doing this or if its OCD, but it frustrates me so, so much when it happens. Anyway, that's all for now... If anyone can relate, we're in this together 🤍 Hang in there!

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 15w

Rant...

I just feel like therapy isn’t working… like I get to talk about myself and understand myself… but I’m already incredibly self aware. My therapist thought I was like 5 years older than I am… and she gives me such basic strategies that do absolutely nothing for me. And a psychiatrist prescribed me with Zoloft… but I don’t know if T want to take medication. I’m scared of side effects… and I’m scared of getting better… I’m scared of letting my guard down. I know it will make me less cautious which makes me less likely to push myself to perfection like I currently do, which I can’t have happen. Every time I talk to my mom about it, she’s always like “Let’s talk about this some other time, I’m busy with other things”, and then never remembers. But in the rare moments we do talk about it, she treats it like I’m signing up to be a drug addict. I also feel very guilty for spending so much of my parents’ money- therapy… medication… etc… and also the idea of my being unlovable is so deeply engraved in my brain… I genuinely, truly believe it. No therapy or medication can fix it. I can’t change my mind. My therapist tells me my misophonia is not a “deal-breaker” and that someone would be lucky to have me as a partner… but then why hasn’t anyone ever liked me? My own FAMILY can’t stand me. How do I believe something I know isn’t true? That’s even harder to accept than me being unlovable. I can’t see someone loving me. And it is so incredibly exhausting to seek love,e I know I cannot have. My sister says, “It will get better with age…” It has only ever gotten worse. To the point I don’t want to get better. It has reached the severity where I feel more safe and successful with anxiety. My past 3 birthdays have been me wishing for therapy. And now I have therpay- and medication, the potential key… and I refuse? Am I too deep in? I cant get out, it’s too late. How did absolutely no one notice how much I had and have been hurting? Why did no one listen to my cries or worries? I feel really depressed and hopeless right now. It takes so much effort to get up every day… I’m so tired.

nae nae

Date posted: 14w

Tired of feeling like a bad person

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Life feels stagnant...

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community