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Have you ever been feeling okay and then suddenly an old intrusive thought comes back but worse and you can’t seem to get past it as easily?

I have had OCD all of my life. It affects absolutely everything I do. Those of you that have it know exactly what I mean. I'm a 50 year old male and I have been on meds for 30 plus years. Most days I'm fine, except for a bit of compulsive checking. Lately, I have been absolutely overwhelmed with my job, which I absolutely hate. I have been at it for over 14 years. I'm at the point of a nervous breakdown and feel so terrible and ashamed for my poor wife having to deal with my emotions. I feel like a failure of a man and husband, though she's always by my side. I'm currently looking for new work but my OCD just accentuates everything. Lately, whenever I'm about to clock on for the day I nearly have a panic attack. And over what? A stupid job that would replace me in a heartbeat?? They have already led on that I'm not too far from that. OCD just makes everything soo damn big. Instead of realizing it's just time to move on and just take the necessary steps to do so, I Instead overthink and panic. This is my current struggle. Just wanted to share. Soo damn tired that all I think about is retirement. I'm just wishing my life away to the age when I'll seemingly be more at peace. Thanks for reading.

okay so i slept at like 3 am last night, so i obviously slept in lol. i woke up at like 1:40 to be exact but i also woke up multiple times in the morning just for no reason, i check the time and go back to sleep. i had to pee since like 6 am(the first time i woke up) but i didn’t because going to the bathroom and getting back in bed makes me feel dirty so i just went back to sleep. so fast forward to when i wake up at 1:40, i get up normally and as i’m walking to the bathroom i have to pee really bad like i can barely hold it. which is normal duh bc i’ve been laying down too long to know i had to pee really bad. i go to the bathroom and i sit down really fast so i felt a little pee get out before i sat (sorry if it’s tmi) but as i’m sitting i realize a wet spot on the lower part of my underwear and i start freaking out bc i know it’s pee but i’m asking myself what if i peed myself in my bed. so i felt my pants all over the inside and it wasn’t wet at all on my pants but i’m still scared. i showered and changed but now i’m asking myself what if i peed in my bed.. but what if i just peed a little on the way to the toilet bc i had to pee so bad i could barely hold it? does anyone else have this problem😞 i’m trying not to wash my bedding again bc i did like 3 times this week and i’m tired.

Hi everyone, it’s hard for me to share this but I wanted to give it a shot. OCD onset got really bad when I turned 19 and it’s been a huge struggle ever since. Even being able to accept help from NOCD was hard at first, I wasn’t brought up in a family that ever took OCD or other mental disorders as valid reasons to struggle. I’m turning 21 next week. These past few years have so much emotional baggage from OCD and trauma exacerbated by OCD. Sometimes I feel like it’s really hard for me to even assess the severity of my triggers and obsessions because I’ve become so used to being under constant distress. I can’t help but to feel at times that getting this disorder under control seems close to impossible. I’ve basically dropped out of college after trying to keep my head above water (and failing) for my freshman and sophomore year. I’m unable to study or even keep a normal job right now. I believe that now more than ever the world is in need of community building and organizing and I feel so much guilt for not being able to participate in that either. I feel like everything I want to be doing with my life right now, especially socially, feels so out of reach because of this illness. It makes it even harder to feel joy about life in this position, which can’t be good for my depression. I hope that soon I’ll be able to track my progress on here. I know growth isn’t linear and everything comes with time…but damn. This shit is hard.

I've been getting really poor sleep quality due to my OCD. Anyone have any tips or tricks for a good night sleep?

Hi Everyone I need some advice on how to decide what to do with myself. I can’t seem to find a way to make any decisions without doubting and It’s driving me insane because I don’t know how to help myself with my decision making

I really don’t understand myself, I tell myself they’re not real or thinking I’m not in my own head then I overthink that I would do something terrible to someone, then I get super anxious and worked up. I have control over my own self obviously, but if I just let myself go without thinking over my thoughts, I’m afraid something bad would happen. Therapy is helping but I don’t get it. I can be doing something so simple and my mind throws stuff at me, either from trauma, past experiences or something completely made up. I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to overcome this, because I beat myself up every time and think I’m a horrible person and don’t deserve the life I’m living. It’s so hard and some times I just want to give up, because it’s an everyday occurrence. It’s better than it is as but I’m done thinking all these dark thoughts and obsessing over them thinking that I could do these things because they live in my head rent free. I don’t want to do anything it tells me to do, so I fight. I fight hard and hopes that one day it will go away… does anyone else relate? I need someone to talk to about this.

I’m not sure if this is ocd but sometimes I’ll just be doing literally anything and my brain will be like what if this this and this happens and it’ll be like so random like an example id be like walking home and id be like what if my whole family got k!lled in this really brutal way and it’ll have nothing to do with anything im doing ill just get a really vivid thought of something horrible happening and it freaks me out every time and sometimes I just have random ones about like me like having a whole scenario of me singing in front of my whole school and everyone loving it (I can’t sing) sometimes the thoughts are just intrusive thoughts or somethings they’re like full on daydreams where there’s like a whole plot to it like even the bad scary ones it’s weird

Hello, everyone :) i posted because I am in a situation. I am a college student going into my sophomore year and my parents refuse to help with my college anymore. I was in Rotc but was dropped because I have asthma. They gave me a scholarship and was paying my in state tuition and my loans covered the rest. Should I drop out? If i continue I will be 300k in debt and i can't go to community because I have an associates degree when i graduated highschool last year.i thought about moving out and living on the streets or with a friend because my parents demand i go to college or they will kick me out.I am currently 19 and I am doing a dual major in BS Mechanical Engineering and BA Mathematics. I live in Texas and attend school in Oklahoma. Now i feel numb I have cried all I have cried and a part of me is saying stop worrying and leave it to God but I am struggling currently. I tried to file as homeless and fafsa said i cant they alr have my parents information. Fafsa still believes my family will pay but they are middle class and don't pay for anything.Please no hate to my parents on this post. I have accepted that hating them won't help. Any response will help! Also any tips on trying to calm down? My ocd has been horrible since I received these news this week and school starts in 4 weeks. I am just very upset and numb.

My obsessions have subsided but now I feel off, like I should be thinking about something. Like I don’t have any of those bad thoughts right now and it feels so weird to not be stressed out. I’m very confused

I first began NOCD therapy in crisis mode. I had been stuck in SO-OCD since 2022 and there came a point where I would have to do deep breathing exercises before my best friend’s bridal shower because I feared intrusive thoughts and feelings during the event. After spending two years in talk therapy, mentally and emotionally stuck in rumination and isolation, I made a desperate call to NOCD after a morning walk riddled with racing thoughts and tears. I began ERP therapy with Emily and in the beginning, there were many tears and anxiety over finally confronting the thoughts, images, and needing to develop new strategies instead of compulsions. Starting medication was the final boost I needed to succeed in my ERP homework and developing new neural pathways to combat OCD. The total war approach of therapy, medication, and taking each day as it comes has given me life again. I used to check my eyes because they would be puffy from the raging cortisol and stress. It’s been two weeks and my eyes look wide and clear again. Mental compulsions that would take hours of my day are now a blip in my brain that I can let pass and move forward with the day ahead. Thank you NOCD, Emily, Dr. Azzem and God for bringing me to life again!

i did something not very good and i cannot move on from it because i truly don’t feel i deserve to. it’s like inhumane and i don’t feel like i should ever be happy. trying to forgive myself and move on is the hardest thing to do.

I wanna make this a thread of things that are helping or helped you overcome pure ocd.. From morning walks, journaling, or even a podcast share it here for everyone to see maybe we all can use a thing or two to help us BEAT this

Hi All - This is my first time posting on this app. I am 29 and have been dealing with OCD since I was 10. I managed my OCD well from ages 10-18 due to many reasons (I’ll keep this short). At 18, when my OCD was in one of its worst forms, I went to a residential program to get better. However, I only got a small percent better. I carried on with my severe and extremely debilitating OCD. Somehow, I graduated college with honors, maintained a social life, and had a great relationship with my girlfriend. Not long though, from the ages of 18-25, my OCD got worse and worse over time. I was never fully committed to ERP therapy (only in residential and with two or three of the countless therapists I saw over my life). It was then at age 26, my therapist, parents, and girlfriend demanded I need to take time off my master’s program and go into a virtual intensive outpatient program. My relationship of 5 years was on the line. Unfortunately, I did not try hard enough and the IOP only helped so much, due to my inconsistent work. My girlfriend at the time left me, causing a huge scar that I am not over. This was two years ago in 2022… Fast forward after that, I have done more intense therapy and my second trial of a residential program in March of this year. I felt I also did make gains, but right when I came out in May, the compulsions came right back. I feel hopeless and helpless in my life. My parents don’t know what to do with me. All my friends and acquaintances are moving on with their life while I’m 29, have no job, am just getting back to grad school with extreme difficulty, have small hobbies/activity/stimulation due to OCD avoidance, and lastly, crippling OCD. I don’t know who I am anymore and don’t know why I haven’t had the strength to pull myself out of this 11 year OCD prison. It’s eating at me alive and I know people have said they felt similarly to hopeless and helplessness, but I don’t…unfortunately.

I remember when I was younger I accidentally slapped my brother in his privates (I KNOW it was an accident), and he said “can you please not touch there?” I remember i freaked out at the time worried that his tone was indicating that I had done this before or that i’d m*lested him before. I felt really anxious and guilty when he said it like that. I’m looking back on this and i am obsessing. Should I be worried? Should I dig deeper into my memories to try to figure out what else i could have done, was there any deeper meaning, what exactly was I thinking and feeling that day when he said that? Maybe I was anxious because i knew something had happened? I’m so scared. What do I do? The more I ruminate the fuzzier and fuzzier the memory is. Please help.

how do I know the difference between having having a low sex drive versus being asexual? I saw a video about how someone found out they were asexual because they were sad or crying after/during sex. I have cried after sex with my boyfriend sometimes and I often do experience sadness/anxiety many times but I believed that maybe aftercare needs to be prioritized more and that maybe my ocd/anxiety/depression puts me in a state of low libido a lot. There are times where I begin to space out during sex or begin to have uncomfortable thoughts, and then there are times where I enjoy it in every way possible. I also believe that because me and my boyfriend are going through the process of healing betrayal and trust in our relationship that that could be a big factor as well. all of these things add up as reasons for just having a low sex drive. I've also always said that i think i could be in a relationship where i didn't have sex often if at all and I think id be okay because it isnt a priority to me. But seeing that video really made me suddenly question it and it scared me a little because I have questioned if I really know sexual attraction vs. aesthetic attraction and now I just feel scared and confused. This could change so much for my relationship and I'm just scared that the answer is something I don't want it to be. could someone please help or leave some insights?

I have certain “good” numbers and “bad” numbers. The good ones are clean. They feel clean, good, and pure. They’re the numbers I count to in compulsions. Then there’s bad ones. They make me feel dirty and bad, gross. When I see, feel, think of this number I just feel very dirty. Then like I wanna rip my skin off. Get rid of whatever the number was related to. I wanna puke and cry. I was wondering if anyone else is like this? This also happens with colors. But mainly with numbers. Any tips on how to deal with it? I need to figure out how to cope. I saw and heard the number so many times today. I feel so gross.

I'm just not doing alright at the moment. The thoughts keep on showing up. They keep on haunting me. I keep getting thoughts that say I'm really not a good person. Or that I have ulterior motives that are against who I am. Like if I'm a pedo or if I'm a sex offender, or an abuser. Or just not a good friend. I can't sit with them any longer. I just want medication to help me with this, even if it feels like I don't deserve to have it. I keep thinking about how even though I was uncomfortable talking to a 17 year old when I was 19 about their OCD, I still went anyway and helped them. Why did I do that? Was it some kind of exposure? Or when I was in the awkward position of someone passing by a tight space and their behind touched my elbow. I had thoughts saying to move it and not to move it and I didn't think I needed to because it wouldn't happen or it was just because I was zipping my bag up in the moment. But since it did happen, now I think I'm a deviant or a dangerous person. Or the thoughts talking about my exposure to porn as a teenager and doing very impulsive, cringe worthy things in relation to the whole exposure. The things I've watched, seen, or heard of. It all disturbs me very much and I can't take any of them back. Last time in therapy I just ended up crying because I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm even scared to try and get my family on board with medication. I'm just afraid they'll be bad at me if I do take it. At the same time though, I don't know if I care that much because it's either that or I just keep going through the days like.. this. I don't want to keep this up anymore. I just want a way out. I just want my life back. Right now it feels like I'll never get it back and it feels like all of what my intrusive thoughts say to me is true.

It’s all becoming too much. Im scared that maybe I am just insane and crazy and I don’t deserve to be loved or to live because of my past actions that are disgustingly repulsive. What if im just using OCD as an excuse? I cant stop thinking about it and its making me depressed because im scared that I am just a terrible human being.

I won’t share exactly what my intrusive thoughts/themes are (or at least all of them) but I genuinely feel like I might be traumatised by how horrible some of them were. How do I get over this potential trauma?