Life Again — My Journey to OCD Recovery

Hey Everyone, I have been recently diagnosed with OCD within the past year. Finding this information out gave me an answer to so many years of struggle and feeling alone. I have had ups and downs and have been successful for a long time along this path of my own. Unfortunately, I experienced a massive panic attack 3 years ago that hospitalized me and has left me feeling at the 'start' again, but this time it feels worse than it ever has before. Anything that puts me potentially by myself or having to do anything by myself I cannot fathom, I can barely make it to the gas station at the corner of my house alone. I have been in therapy, went through EMDR/ACT and CBT. I was doing great for a little bit and even made one appointment about 10 minutes away from my home all alone by myself (also note I am in a new area completely that I just moved too). I was on medication at this time *lexapro 20MG*, I am no longer on it due to my bloodwork being extremely abnormal for my age. Now that I am no longer on it - I have fear creeping in that the lexapro kept me sane and that I cannot cope without it. I understand this is not the case entirely but there is something in me that believes that to be true. Long story short, I am looking for individuals who have had the same experience as me and could give me some hope into getting back to my normal routine (even knowing I have OCD now). I just want to be independent again and not burden my loved ones and learn to be okay with myself. Thanks in advance!

Hey all, I was recently diagnosed with OCD and MDD a few months ago. I’ve been experiencing symptoms for the past 11 months though. I used to be a person who would downplay depression, reasoning that if someone is depressed, they should be able to snap out of it. This year has taught me the truth behind how debilitating mental health conditions can be. My OCD has been absolutely tearing my life apart. For the past year, I’ve been coping with excessive guilt over past and recurring mistakes, my anxiety of which has recently been causing me panic attacks and throbbing headaches. I’ve also been coping with feeling unnatural sexual attractions, to those of the same sex and to children, which contradict the values I hold at heart. At one point, even simply shaking someone’s hand would cause sexual arousal, due to my hyper-vigilance surrounding physical contact. My OCD and depression nearly led me to take my life a few months ago. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I’ve had to endure. My thoughts and feelings have been absolutely tearing my life down, bit by bit. I feel like I lost who I was, and like it’s impossible for me to know who I am. This isn’t me. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling constant sexual arousal, it’s so easily triggered now. I don’t know if it’s because of the OCD, if it’s a result of the SSRI I’m on, or if it’s just a product of me being a young adult—Or maybe a combination of all of the above, but it’s debilitating. How easily I get aroused causes me so much guilt. There is a girl in my life that I love, but it doesn’t help that I get aroused around her because of the simplest of things. It’s not what I want for us. I want to be able to hone in on my self-control. I can’t help but constantly compare who I am now to who I was just over a year ago. My happiness has suffered, and my endurance is draining. I know there is a long road of insight and recovery ahead of me, this is just the beginning. If there’s anyone who can relate to me in any way, feel free to let me know. Comfort begins with feeling understood.

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!