My ocd really flared up today

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.

Today was a really bad day. I finally went on this app and started reading so many of my experiences through other peoples’ eyes. It was validating and triggering, and I spent the rest of the day shaking in bed. My mind is full of, “you’re sick, you’re crazy, you’re a burden, you’re an inconvenience, you’re a bad person because you’ve done bad things, your boyfriend shouldn’t love you, he’s been manipulated by you to stay…” I know it’s OCD. I know that now. I’ve known for years but I really know now. I really just want any advice at all. I have images in my mind I could never say out loud. I have guilt and shame that I could never heal from. I didn’t know so much of my personality was a neurological malfunction. I have gotten better but today it feels like any progress I’ve experienced never existed. But I know it’s possible. Please help.