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Hi Everyone I need some advice on how to decide what to do with myself. I can’t seem to find a way to make any decisions without doubting and It’s driving me insane because I don’t know how to help myself with my decision making

I really don’t understand myself, I tell myself they’re not real or thinking I’m not in my own head then I overthink that I would do something terrible to someone, then I get super anxious and worked up. I have control over my own self obviously, but if I just let myself go without thinking over my thoughts, I’m afraid something bad would happen. Therapy is helping but I don’t get it. I can be doing something so simple and my mind throws stuff at me, either from trauma, past experiences or something completely made up. I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to overcome this, because I beat myself up every time and think I’m a horrible person and don’t deserve the life I’m living. It’s so hard and some times I just want to give up, because it’s an everyday occurrence. It’s better than it is as but I’m done thinking all these dark thoughts and obsessing over them thinking that I could do these things because they live in my head rent free. I don’t want to do anything it tells me to do, so I fight. I fight hard and hopes that one day it will go away… does anyone else relate? I need someone to talk to about this.

I’m not sure if this is ocd but sometimes I’ll just be doing literally anything and my brain will be like what if this this and this happens and it’ll be like so random like an example id be like walking home and id be like what if my whole family got k!lled in this really brutal way and it’ll have nothing to do with anything im doing ill just get a really vivid thought of something horrible happening and it freaks me out every time and sometimes I just have random ones about like me like having a whole scenario of me singing in front of my whole school and everyone loving it (I can’t sing) sometimes the thoughts are just intrusive thoughts or somethings they’re like full on daydreams where there’s like a whole plot to it like even the bad scary ones it’s weird

Hello, everyone :) i posted because I am in a situation. I am a college student going into my sophomore year and my parents refuse to help with my college anymore. I was in Rotc but was dropped because I have asthma. They gave me a scholarship and was paying my in state tuition and my loans covered the rest. Should I drop out? If i continue I will be 300k in debt and i can't go to community because I have an associates degree when i graduated highschool last year.i thought about moving out and living on the streets or with a friend because my parents demand i go to college or they will kick me out.I am currently 19 and I am doing a dual major in BS Mechanical Engineering and BA Mathematics. I live in Texas and attend school in Oklahoma. Now i feel numb I have cried all I have cried and a part of me is saying stop worrying and leave it to God but I am struggling currently. I tried to file as homeless and fafsa said i cant they alr have my parents information. Fafsa still believes my family will pay but they are middle class and don't pay for anything.Please no hate to my parents on this post. I have accepted that hating them won't help. Any response will help! Also any tips on trying to calm down? My ocd has been horrible since I received these news this week and school starts in 4 weeks. I am just very upset and numb.

Hi, I'm stuck in a hole of overthinking and depression that has lasted 2 months. I had a baby 3 months ago but I remember the moment I fell into my theme of thinking about my thoughts. I'm obsessed that I'm going mad or that my mind is wrong. I analyse every thought that pops in my head. However trivial amd I'm like 'how am I thinking' or when I speak to people I'm like 'how is it that I can speak' it's insane and I'm going mad and it's left me desperately depressed. I'm away from my family and spend most of my days in bed. I feel like this is my life now and I'll never get the old me back. Is this OCD? Does anyone else have this? I'm going to lose my kids and my partner if I don't get better. I'm so depressed. I have been taking antidepressants but I just feel so depressed I can't see a way out.

I first began NOCD therapy in crisis mode. I had been stuck in SO-OCD since 2022 and there came a point where I would have to do deep breathing exercises before my best friend’s bridal shower because I feared intrusive thoughts and feelings during the event. After spending two years in talk therapy, mentally and emotionally stuck in rumination and isolation, I made a desperate call to NOCD after a morning walk riddled with racing thoughts and tears. I began ERP therapy with Emily and in the beginning, there were many tears and anxiety over finally confronting the thoughts, images, and needing to develop new strategies instead of compulsions. Starting medication was the final boost I needed to succeed in my ERP homework and developing new neural pathways to combat OCD. The total war approach of therapy, medication, and taking each day as it comes has given me life again. I used to check my eyes because they would be puffy from the raging cortisol and stress. It’s been two weeks and my eyes look wide and clear again. Mental compulsions that would take hours of my day are now a blip in my brain that I can let pass and move forward with the day ahead. Thank you NOCD, Emily, Dr. Azzem and God for bringing me to life again!

i did something not very good and i cannot move on from it because i truly don’t feel i deserve to. it’s like inhumane and i don’t feel like i should ever be happy. trying to forgive myself and move on is the hardest thing to do.

I wanna make this a thread of things that are helping or helped you overcome pure ocd.. From morning walks, journaling, or even a podcast share it here for everyone to see maybe we all can use a thing or two to help us BEAT this

Hi All - This is my first time posting on this app. I am 29 and have been dealing with OCD since I was 10. I managed my OCD well from ages 10-18 due to many reasons (I’ll keep this short). At 18, when my OCD was in one of its worst forms, I went to a residential program to get better. However, I only got a small percent better. I carried on with my severe and extremely debilitating OCD. Somehow, I graduated college with honors, maintained a social life, and had a great relationship with my girlfriend. Not long though, from the ages of 18-25, my OCD got worse and worse over time. I was never fully committed to ERP therapy (only in residential and with two or three of the countless therapists I saw over my life). It was then at age 26, my therapist, parents, and girlfriend demanded I need to take time off my master’s program and go into a virtual intensive outpatient program. My relationship of 5 years was on the line. Unfortunately, I did not try hard enough and the IOP only helped so much, due to my inconsistent work. My girlfriend at the time left me, causing a huge scar that I am not over. This was two years ago in 2022… Fast forward after that, I have done more intense therapy and my second trial of a residential program in March of this year. I felt I also did make gains, but right when I came out in May, the compulsions came right back. I feel hopeless and helpless in my life. My parents don’t know what to do with me. All my friends and acquaintances are moving on with their life while I’m 29, have no job, am just getting back to grad school with extreme difficulty, have small hobbies/activity/stimulation due to OCD avoidance, and lastly, crippling OCD. I don’t know who I am anymore and don’t know why I haven’t had the strength to pull myself out of this 11 year OCD prison. It’s eating at me alive and I know people have said they felt similarly to hopeless and helplessness, but I don’t…unfortunately.

Trigger warning: harm ocd, please help/read I was getting a drink for a server at my work place. I’m not a server just a host but they asked for help and we were in a a rush so I grabbed the glass cups we have and started scooping ice with the glass without using the ice scooper. (I’ve done this before) some of the ice was in a small bal so I used the end of the cup to break it apart because it didn’t fit in the cup. I wasn’t banging it against the ice with great force or anything, this ice wasn’t hard at all and probably could’ve been pulled apart with your hands easily. My manager saw this and got mad at me, I panicked and I froze up a bit and tried to continue to scoop the ice in the cup without the scooper and she got even mad and I dropped the cup against the table (it didn’t break) she started saying “child what are you doing child???” And rubbing her head and just got the ice properly and gave it to the guests. Later I was called in the office and was told I was fired because of a complaint I had gotten, and because of the ice and cup situation. I was obviously ashamed and I still am. I never thought I’d get fired from a job in life ever. But-that’s not what made this whole thing horrible-she told that “what’s if the glass broke or chipped and fell in the ice and hurt someone!? That is brand ruining! Job ruining!” She basically told me I could’ve killed someone and omg I wish that idea wasn’t put in my head. Now I can’t stop thinking about that possibility-that I could kill someone with my carelessness and absent mindedness she told how what if someone swallowed glass? The we’d have to pay and shut the restaurant down. I can’t stop thinking that I may or may have not killed someone doing this. I wasn’t slamming this glass into the ice with all my strength I was gently breaking it apart-now I wish I had checked the bottom of the glasses. I did this twice today (the second time being when my manger saw) and now I’m scared that I have hurt someone and I will ruin everything. I don’t want to kill anyone but I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to look things up but I’m scared I’m so scared. I know it’s my own fault I should be more aware, my parents and friends said my manager did too much and what happened could’ve been a teachable moment but because of that complaint and this situation I was fired and now I’m scared I killed someone and ruined everything. I don’t know what to do. I already have enough to deal with on my soul and conscious I can’t handle someone’s death. I’m so scared.

i don't even know if i have ocd but it would make sense. the semester before i dropped out of college i was completely unable to function — i was addicted to weed and getting high on cough syrup and i could barely eat. i ruined my friendships and broke up with both my partners because i was so so scared that people would find out how awful i was. i didnt feel like i could trust the people around me to be an accurate judge of morality because i felt like they were too black and white. looking back, I was the one that was too black and white but ive never trusted myself to be a good person instinctively anyways so i was just caught in a web of "i dont know if im doing the right thing i dont think im doing the right thing i think everyone is being too harsh but maybe they're not maybe im just a horrible person" and nobody SAID that but i believed they thought it (or would think it). i was trying so so hard to be a good person and to do the right things all the time and i was NEVER succeeding so i would just get high and try to shut off my mind and pretend it wasnt happening. when my cousin died it was awful and i was shocked and grieving but every time i cried i was so, so relieved because since i was 7 I've worried that if a family member died i wouldn't be affected. i felt so guilty when matthew died because even though i cried and i knew i was sad i felt like i shouldve been worse. i didnt like when people talked about it because i knew i shouldve felt more but i didnt know what to say and pretending i did and trying to act like a normal person grieving for their cousin was exhausting and stressful and i hated it. when i spiral about something i did or something i said i fantasize about being stabbed in the stomach or gouging my eye out and i used to cut myself for some sense of relief but now i mostly hit myself or use the end of my cigarettes or dig my nails into my skin because it's easier to hide. nobody notices bruises or tiny circular burns on your arms so i dont have to wear long sleeves and long pants. My entire life ive known there's something wrong with me and it's only recently that I've tried to talk to my family about it and every time i do it just goes horribly. it's not like theyre not supportive but they dont believe me and they just tell me it's normal and they get frustrated when i try to explain that it ISNT because there IS something wrong and i didnt know what but im pretty sure it's OCD because that makes sense with how my thoughts spiral and the guilt and the patterns and the rules for how i interact with people so that they might forgive me for everything else. and sometimes i just want to be hurt or sick or something undeniably horribly wrong so people will feel bad for me and i used to SH and act suicidal because if someone found out then maybe they would know how bad i feel and maybe then they would forgive me for it. and maybe this isnt ocd or maybe it is but im just so so tired of being told im fine when im NOT because it's not like i can just say all of this to them. it's not like i can say "the first time i tried to kill myself was when i was seven because i got yelled at so i tried to drink nail polish remover." i cant say "i dont know if i care if i die at 60 because of smoking" and i cant say "ive always been the fuckup of the family and the only thing that makes me feel even a little bit better about that is if i stop trying not to be." i cant SAY that

Hey guys. I have been doing something (not cheating or anything like that) but something not good to my boyfriends cat. I have hurt it when I’ve gotten mad or yelled and picked it up aggressively and I told him about it and how I feel really bad and I’m definitely not going to be doing that anymore and I have no idea why it makes me so mad sometimes. But my boyfriend graciously forgave me and said as long as I don’t do that anymore and he still loves me and always wants to be with me, but I just feel like i don’t deserve that. I feel like an absolute terrible person for those things and I truly don’t believe I deserve to even be loved anymore. I’m really working on trying to love his cat now, but it’s been going on for a while and I feel like i’ve done too much to come back from. I feel like a terrible person and like i’m scared i have no heart but i truly feel guilty and will never do any harm to his cat again.

Hey, does anyone has had OCD about hallucinations/schizoprenia? One day i was driving home at night and it was stormy outside, and thats where it started (about 3 weeks ago). I was soooo scared of the trees and everything around me looked like something else, but not exactly. I cant even describe it. But not like as i was watching in front, but in the side of my eye, and when i looked directly on the tree it was all normal. But from that night i have soooo much stress in me, that i see very vivid images (but like in my head not in real life) but it makes up like it will be in reality and i will see those images any second. But i dont see them. Like i know that that isn't real, i know that there is no one standing or that tree is not a big bird (funny as it sounds), but in my mind i convince myself that i will see it. Like one day me and my boyfriend were driving and i imagined that his face turns into a monster and when i looked at him everything is okay, but when i turned aside i saw in my thoughts that horrible face. I knew that it is not real and its just my imagination, but damn i am scared, like i can't even do anything, i think about seeing something in front of me every second and i am so avare of everything around me, like every person, every cloud, flower, everything. Tomorrow i have an appointment with my psychiatrist and i sooooo soo much hope that this is just my ocd and extreme anxiety... please someone let me know that i am not alone in this 😭

Hi everyone. I hope some of you can sympathise with me and my story, and why not share yours also..:) I wanted to share my story here because im at a very BAD point in my life and i basically feel burnt out and hopeless. My story with **OCD** begins in 2020-21 when i first googled if its normal to have constant thoughts you dont like or go against your character, and thats how i found out about ocd. Life was hell for some months as i constantly battled with some of the worst types of OCD that go against my character and who i am. *Also my dog was killed by a psycho and that impacted me a lot* -its a long story involving an ongoing *trial* My life was hell Long story short i visited a **psychiatrist** and got my diagnosis, she persisted its curable and others had overcome it and i did not go to therapy nor use ERP or other methods. I basically sat on a chair, cried for hours and explained what is going on inside my head and boom i just got meds and a new lifestyle because I HAD to go to another city to attend UNI. I got prescribed **escitalopram** and went back to Pharmacy school (yes the year i got diagnosed was my first year in Pharmacy School in my Country \[Greece\], i failed many classes and retook them next year, some i passed, some i failed again and with the pressure of time, many learning gaps and new classes i am now finishing year 4 out of 5, only having passed 22 classes leaving me with 24 more and thats when my troubles with mental health, anxiety and panic attacks begin again. \*my psychiatrist always tells me how a person like me is like a marathon runner trying to run with a broken leg. She used this analogy and never tells me you have this you have that. I see it written on my prescription though. Maybe so that I do not identify with my problem and use it as an excuse to cry all the time? She is kind of down to earth and harsh some times. But i know what i have. After balancing (or ignoring) my mental health all these years and some slight breath of fresh air and finally getting some stability for a short period of time- **without unwanted thoughts**- (purely out of attending uni and meeting my *boyfriend*, change of enviroment, having to live on my own etc.) last year my psychiatrist said that it was ok for me to get off meds and that i was stable and confident enough. **But i think i just tucked my problems with uni under a rug**. I got a part time job to help my financial needs and not be a burden for my parents who help me financially and i hated that job that only paid 3.5eur an hour and it wasnt worth the cope and it drained me so i quit after 2 months. I also couldnt attend university and had a major setback this year Academically. So much behing my peers. I feel like a failure and pharmacy school is hard and i have totally lost my spark and belief in my self and my abilities. I feel like i cant even remember basic chemistry, i cant recite anything, i cant absorb info OR MEMORIZE HUNDREDS OR THOUSANDS OF MEDS without crying and feeling hopeless before even starting. The constant anxiety and doubt about my future and panic attacks are killing me. I feel like i am brain dead and im constantly thinking about how many lessons i have to pass and i have Pharmacology Classes, Pharmaceutical Chemistry, etc etc while having so many GAPS from not even attending, memory loss, diziness etc and i dont know what to do. My family is kinda poor and have gone to great lenghts to help me go to uni in hopes of a better future and get my mental health under control. I love my parents and they are true gems and they care avout me very much but they are also very anxious and when i have a panic attack they cant handle it and it all ends in screaming and telling me to quit if i cant handle it. **The thing is:** -I feel like i am disappointing them and my old self on top of all that. I was not like this. Maybe i got burnt out or maybe this was not my calling and i cant do it which lead to all this mental crisis. -But i feel like i *have* to give it a try for the shake of my troubles. All my teenage years i've been trying to score good grades to get into a promising school and help me and my parents some time financially. But i feel like i am basically stupid and cant get anything done. I open a book and cry. When in the past i had courage to study and i actually believed in myself. -I got into Pharmacy with courage, strength and many hours of studying but UNI has gotten out of hand for me and i feel like im crawling while my peers are running. -I am totally hopeless. I dont know what to do. I have like 4 or 5 more years before they delete me of the courses (thats how it happens here) and i feel like ive lost track of my life. I dont like anything about my life. I cant focus on my pets, myself, my boyfriend. i dont know what my next move is. I have failed so much and i feel like middle schooler in terms of knowledge. -I want a quiet life with a job that pays enough for me to survive and maybe travel once in a while, i want pets and a piece of mind I feel like cant do Uni properly right now and i dont know if anyone else has a similar story or has gone through such difficulty before How can i get back on track, get myself to study so much when i fear studying and failure. Its not like i have 5 classes left. they are SO MANY and scary and i need to enroll with 100% of my brain capacity again when im basically in a vegetative state crying all day. I was an A student, how could i let myself hit rock bottom. **I feel like i am throwing my life away** I dont have any friends in the city where my uni is and thats very hard. Also im not a social person and i cant easily open up. Do i continue and give myself an opportunity- mind you how hard pharmacy is or do i start something new from scratch? something easier in my town to soothe my brain? My Degree is an MPharm deegree which is very promising and allows me to go abroads which has been my dream . But i feel to stupid to complete the classes, too burnt out How can i start over when i am at this state?How will i complete my dreams when everytime i wake up i feel like a complete failure, unable to even read a sentence out of my textbooks. Is OCD about Uni a thing? Cause thats whats been going on in my head for months now. Anyone that's had a similar experience or has some advice to offer? About my meds now:: I take **Trintellix (Vortioxetine)** i am on my 2nd week and dont feel anything at all. Escitalopram (my previous drug) i think helped with the mess in my head 2 yrs ago but made me super tired and my mind was foggy and I couldnt attend classes easily. I needed sleep all the time and was lethargic. My psych says this drug is promising because i was also diagnosed with major depressive episodes with panic and anxiety attacks. Is anyone taking it? **Extra Notes**: * I dont know if i am capable of putting in any work in my state- seems like i cant after all this failure. * My parents are really depressed with my state. I dont know what i can do to help them. They said im killing them * Jobs in Greece arent easy to find- they pay shit- most are service jobs. I wasnt planning to do that with my life. Seems like i am wasting years and potential but at the same time my mind fights in favour of dropping everything * Should i work Season and save money for some other college? For something less hard. I cant survive here without some sort of degree. **My point is after all this blah blah:** How do i get past all that? how can i get behing my academic needs and stop the voice in my head? Is it possible for someone like me? ------- I really want to hear similar stories or opinions, or some spark of hope. I dont know anyone with ocd or even attending Uni with ocd. Please dont be harsh on me if you dont know how ocd works. I am battling with my head everyday to the point of mental and physical exhaustion Also my 1st language isnt english so sorry for errors Thanks for reading, *yes i know im undecided and a mess.* :) love and hope to all reading my story. I hope one day i come back with great news and stronger

The other day I wanted to sign up for this 2 day class that seemed interesting to me but thought I'd buy tickets in the morning and if not it wasn't meant to be but then it did sell out but I was extremely sad and emailed the company asking to be told if anyone dropped out or anything and long story short he told me that I can just show up but then I remembered how I had thought if I didn't get tickets then maybe it wasn't meant to be so I got concerned and just prayed to God that if I wasn't meant to go for some reason that something would block me from going or it would be cancelled or something. And then I got an email that it was postponed because of the instructors flight being delayed so instead of having one session today and one tomorrow they r having both tomorrow and I really want to go but I'm afraid God was telling me not to by postponing it. And it's a scary drive making me scared I'll get in a car crash

I remember when I was younger I accidentally slapped my brother in his privates (I KNOW it was an accident), and he said “can you please not touch there?” I remember i freaked out at the time worried that his tone was indicating that I had done this before or that i’d m*lested him before. I felt really anxious and guilty when he said it like that. I’m looking back on this and i am obsessing. Should I be worried? Should I dig deeper into my memories to try to figure out what else i could have done, was there any deeper meaning, what exactly was I thinking and feeling that day when he said that? Maybe I was anxious because i knew something had happened? I’m so scared. What do I do? The more I ruminate the fuzzier and fuzzier the memory is. Please help.

how do I know the difference between having having a low sex drive versus being asexual? I saw a video about how someone found out they were asexual because they were sad or crying after/during sex. I have cried after sex with my boyfriend sometimes and I often do experience sadness/anxiety many times but I believed that maybe aftercare needs to be prioritized more and that maybe my ocd/anxiety/depression puts me in a state of low libido a lot. There are times where I begin to space out during sex or begin to have uncomfortable thoughts, and then there are times where I enjoy it in every way possible. I also believe that because me and my boyfriend are going through the process of healing betrayal and trust in our relationship that that could be a big factor as well. all of these things add up as reasons for just having a low sex drive. I've also always said that i think i could be in a relationship where i didn't have sex often if at all and I think id be okay because it isnt a priority to me. But seeing that video really made me suddenly question it and it scared me a little because I have questioned if I really know sexual attraction vs. aesthetic attraction and now I just feel scared and confused. This could change so much for my relationship and I'm just scared that the answer is something I don't want it to be. could someone please help or leave some insights?

I have certain “good” numbers and “bad” numbers. The good ones are clean. They feel clean, good, and pure. They’re the numbers I count to in compulsions. Then there’s bad ones. They make me feel dirty and bad, gross. When I see, feel, think of this number I just feel very dirty. Then like I wanna rip my skin off. Get rid of whatever the number was related to. I wanna puke and cry. I was wondering if anyone else is like this? This also happens with colors. But mainly with numbers. Any tips on how to deal with it? I need to figure out how to cope. I saw and heard the number so many times today. I feel so gross.

I have been on and off 12-15 medications whithin the last 3 months for anxiety. I was having these horrible, awful intense looping thoughts. I would go through these breathing attacks, and I couldn’t stop thinking about my breathing for days, weeks.. months. They tried to give me antidepressants, and I did not react well to them at all. They put me on benzodiazepines, which was super nice at first but within a week of taking them I started going through depersonalization, depersonalization. This was 1-2 months ago I believe. I got prescribed seroquil, and still am continuing to take larazopram. I am still feeling depersonalized and disconnected from reality. I have been searching and searching to see what the hell is wrong with me. Just this week I got diagnosed with ocd. It has made me feel a little relieved, but now I overthinking if I take the new medication for ocd am I gonna have horrible side affects from the ssris. I need advice on which medications help ocd that are not ssris.

I'm just not doing alright at the moment. The thoughts keep on showing up. They keep on haunting me. I keep getting thoughts that say I'm really not a good person. Or that I have ulterior motives that are against who I am. Like if I'm a pedo or if I'm a sex offender, or an abuser. Or just not a good friend. I can't sit with them any longer. I just want medication to help me with this, even if it feels like I don't deserve to have it. I keep thinking about how even though I was uncomfortable talking to a 17 year old when I was 19 about their OCD, I still went anyway and helped them. Why did I do that? Was it some kind of exposure? Or when I was in the awkward position of someone passing by a tight space and their behind touched my elbow. I had thoughts saying to move it and not to move it and I didn't think I needed to because it wouldn't happen or it was just because I was zipping my bag up in the moment. But since it did happen, now I think I'm a deviant or a dangerous person. Or the thoughts talking about my exposure to porn as a teenager and doing very impulsive, cringe worthy things in relation to the whole exposure. The things I've watched, seen, or heard of. It all disturbs me very much and I can't take any of them back. Last time in therapy I just ended up crying because I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm even scared to try and get my family on board with medication. I'm just afraid they'll be bad at me if I do take it. At the same time though, I don't know if I care that much because it's either that or I just keep going through the days like.. this. I don't want to keep this up anymore. I just want a way out. I just want my life back. Right now it feels like I'll never get it back and it feels like all of what my intrusive thoughts say to me is true.