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Does anyone have any tips for how to make decisions faster and not go back and forth?

This might be really disturbing but it can help you understand ocd. 2 years ago i didnt had the help for ocd that i have now, i just was in a discord server where people teached you to "accept everything and live your life" which in some way is good, but its just a tiny little part of ocd 4 recovery and every mental illness revovery, just based on that you cant recover, ocd is much more deeper. So back then i just had this advice, to accept every thoughts cause they are just thoughts... again this is not enough for ocd recovery. So i felt worse and that time harm ocd got really bad. Usually i had suicidal ocd but in that time i had harm against others, like killing my family. And this going to be so discusting, both for you and me but it might be a good exposure to me, i remember one night i was writing to someone what i was going through, and i wrote to her that im actually feeling that i want to hirt my mom. And i remember i felt like im going insane and i want to hurt my mom, i had random thoughts that said this will feel good, i will enjoy it. And lot of people doesnt know this but ocd can be this agressive, its not just "what if" thoughts. But because of movies we think that if you have thoughts like this, expecially telling you want to do, it means youre going insane, youre schizophrenic, you have demons and youre probably going to do it. These things were in my mind so i was just really sick of myself. I wrote this to that person and i really told her what i was feeling, that i feel like i want to do it and i would enjoy it. She told me to go to the hospital(cause i worded it really badly). I felt soo bad, i didnt wanted to go to the hospital but i felt shame that i dont want to accept that i have a problem. I still didnt went to the hospital and now im actually happy about it cause 2 thing couldve happened there, 1 they take it seriously and deal with me as a sick person who wants to kill his family, which wouldve ruin my revovery, give me more doubt and self hate and give me trauma, or the 2nd thing, they realize its just ocd but the whole situation makes me feel shame. So i didnt went but i was so tired and sick of myself that inside i accepted that i have to get locked in a mental asylum, cause im dangerous...So my point is that ocd can be this agressive. It can manipulate you to feel anything and if you dont have the right tools, you will fall for it. If you dont have people who understand ocd, please find a therapist, you dont have to suffer with this alone. I hope i could help to some with this horrible story😅 Now its time for me to sit with the discomfort that i shared this and the memoried came back😂

My therapist says i have ocd but i have a hard time believing it ive never heard of my ocd themes before,my themes is not being loved and not being worthy and also that im not my own person i obsess over these but i have trouble think this is something thats considered ocd,is anyone going through the same experience?

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” and the scariest of them all…”why would a see a doctor if this is all real” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

Can anyone tell me about their experience ending therapy? I think I want to soon. But I still have bad days sometimes. It’s rare but it happens. But at this point it feels like therapy is a crutch or safety behavior. I rarely have any exposures to do. I still get themes coming in (or trying) - I still check my thoughts. I’m just aware to detach and move on. I still do compulsions or rumination sometimes. But I don’t think I’ll get to perfection and even if it did I don’t know if more therapy is the answer. Feels like I need to let it all go. And exist without thinking too much about OCD anymore. Just curious!

I was on tiktok there was this video about a girl saying "I Always have obsessive crushes but Then when they like me back I realize I don't like Them, I just created an idea of Them in my mind" and I related and everyone in the comments were saying "this Is Just comphet", "I used to have crushes like this and I'm a lesbian", "She Will come out soon". I'm going Crazy.

Not every emotion we have is important or say something, i struggle with this alot. Why should i accept an emotion that doesnt help me? If someone hurts me, and i get a feeling that the world is evil, and i feel depressed, its nothing good in that to accept feeling depressed that the world is evil cause this thought is even a lie, its a distortion. Its okay to acknowledge that someone hurted you, but why should i accept feeling depressed cause now i think life is bad. I dont understand this. Then if you try to change that and say no, not everyone is evil, this isnt true, now youre fighting with the thoughts so thats a compulsion. Then all you can do is actually accept the feeling being there, which frustrates me cause its based on a distortion. Not every emotion is useful. For exemple i saw a post on tiktok that roman males had the right in their time to sell, or execute their childrens and because i dont have a good relationship with my dad, i had a thought that he would sell us or kill us, and that made me feel so angry at my dad and depressed, but then i realized this is a huge distortion, my dad its not like that even that we dont get along, but instead of relief i felt like i pushed away the emotions, not numbness, but that feeling that i just pushed away all. But what shouldve i done? Feel the distorted feeling that i made up? Do you know that we have alot of thoughts and a day and letting all their emotion be there would be really tiring. This really bothers me, if i dont have to let myself be controlled by emotions then why i feel like im pushing away and i get worse when im just not letting them control my day, not letting them get fully in the surface to control how i view things

I’m getting ready to officially start ERP next week. Doesn’t this mean I must accept whatever the OCD is telling me? In my case it means I’m an awful person who does not deserve my family/friends or happiness of any kind. Last night I was thinking about this at my son’s sport event. It occurred to me that if all the people there “knew” what the OCD implies, they would hate me and shame me. Maybe it was easier to just be mildly happy by placating the OCD with reassurance and the mantra—it’s not me, it’s OCD. Anyway, guilt ridden and anxious, I excused myself from the bleachers at my son’s game last night, acting like I had to use the restroom. I walked past the restroom, got into my car and went home and right to bed at 7:30 pm. (History: Pure-O/ False Memory OCD)

Today is my birthday. A round number. I am alone with my 3 cats. One of them also has birthday today. I am waiting for my husband to come home from quite far away. I have been feeling anxious, worried, sad weeks before this birthday. I have been regretting thing from the past, all the years wasted on OCD and because of OCD. It is horrifying when you realize that half of your life is definitely over and you can barely remember years without OCD. I have been feeling so low that I was thinking of calling my psychiatrist and ask for help. I was scared I might do sth I don't really want to, but was devastated. I managed to get through pre birthday days. Now, I feel so terribly lonely. I have lost my family and relatives as a child because of OCD. Had to run away to save my life. I moved across the country almost two years ago. I have met some people. I got burnt every single times. I was a true friend to 3 women. One of them turned out to be either bipolar or a psycho. The second one with the biggest ego in the world. She would boss around and take advantage even of God him/herself. The third one I lost as a friend yesterday. I have known her for 8 months. I have been by her side through hell and back. She treated me as if I were worth less than all other people in her life. Yesterday I told her how bad she makes me feel, and she got angry and broke up our "friendship". I had often gotten into an argument with my husband over her. He saw through her immediately. He couldn't stand by and look how she manipulated with me. I don't know how to stand up for myself. When I do somehow, I get attacked and thrown away. So today I have been feeling so lonely I can't even describe how lonely. Instead of celebrating, I am alone, nobody except two old acquaintances from far away remembered it's my birthday. I feel worthless. I am driving myself nuts going through all that has ever happened to me over and over again. I still have a few hours till my husband arrives. I was hoping someone here could talk to me,say or post sth funny,... I would appreciate it. It would help me feel less lonely. I hope you are all well and are enjoying such a beautiful sunny day as it is here. I don't know what I would do without the NOCD community. You people here are life saviors. Love to you all guys. All the vest.

So I’ve been doing really REALLY WELL with pocd. I’ve been going places, to the beach, seeing kids in swimsuits and stuff really extreme things for people with ocd. And I’ve managed to do super well, sure something would pop up but I’d ignore it. So I’ve been doing super well ignoring it. Little minor flare ups here and there but yesterday my brain could not bare it. I somehow found myself in Steven seagulls Instagram where he visited a tribe in Venezuela and he had a picture of kids and the first time I saw it I didn’t really make a big deal of it but my brain kept having me go back to “test” of I can do this forever without something popping up. Eventually my brain attached to what I think is a little girl in the front but she was not wearing a shirt and I noticed it and I said “nah that’s a little boy” and obviously “but what if it’s a girl” so I checked again and sure enough it was a girl and you can see where I guess you can see where she’s starting to form up there just a tad and that did not sit with me. So next thing you know I’m compulsing by going back and looking at the picture multiple times so I did that but that made it worse cause at some point a part of me felt like I wanted to see it, like false attraction. And I’ve had moments like that before and was able to get around it but is it hard this time. And this whole night it’s been on my mind even when I’m sleeping, I just feel like a criminal, I feel like this ped****** 😞. I was doing so well these past few weeks and now I feel like all that hard work just went down the drain.

Has anyone ever had ECT treatment for their intrusive thoughts? Mine have become so bad I am suicidal, and while we are trying medications my psychiatrist has suggested ECT may be helpful? I’m just curious if anyone has any experience with this?

So, recently I’ve started looking into OCD. My partner thinks I could have it, and I used to think it was always just a cleaning thing or being a little particular. I talked to my partner recently about these intense intrusive thoughts and I guess compulsions(?) that need to be done or else things would feel bad. That’s obviously simplified, I don’t really want to get into full detail since I’m still real uncomfortable with it? I don’t know, I’m worried that I don’t actually have OCD and I’m just using that name with something that’s not that? When/how did some of you realize you have OCD?

hey, so i’m diagnosed with ocd after my first so-ocd episode in 2020, it lasted about a year and a bit and then eventually faded out. i considered myself ‘cured’ after that. i met my ex boyfriend in summer 2021 and we dated for nearly 2 years although towards the end of the relationship i sort of fell out of love with him. i always felt used whenever he wanted to do something sexual with me (i struggled with an eating disorder and had incredibly low self esteem) and eventually we broke up early 2023. i found though that despite my apprehension that whenever i did any kind of sexual activity with him i felt so much closer and in love with him than when we went long periods of time without it. i was on prozac at the beginning of the relationship and then was moved onto sertraline (which im on now). ive always had ridiculously low body confidence and HATE the idea of people seeing my stomach and am convinced that people find me disgusting because im so disgusted by my body. i’ve spent a lot of time watching every other girls figure/body and wishing i looked like that which has been a big accelerant for my ocd my close friend died in august and i sort of went a bit insane, i stopped taking my meds cold turkey in january and was fine for a while (im taking them properly again now) in november of 2023 i started talking to this boy and he kind of got a grip on me, i loved talking to him, id stay up late just to talk to him even if i had to be up early, he was on my mind all the time. i started seeing him properly from january and was absolutely infatuated by him like i genuinely really cared about him which was hugely unexpected for me as usually it takes me longer to form a bond. anyways, he didn’t want a relationship which works for me because i have a lot going on in my personal life that i need to deal with but eventually the uncertainty started driving me nuts ‘am i even attracted to him?’ ‘do i want a relationship with him?’ and i felt like i wasn’t enough for him and then sort of pulled back my feelings for him because i didn’t want to hurt myself about it. so then i started questioning whether i really liked him or if i wanted to be in a relationship with him or what i wanted. i found myself stressed to be intimate because im so insecure and the past times ive had sex i just wasn’t turned on properly and so it hurt or it was awkward and i’ve been plagued with sexually intrusive thoughts (even about my family) since i was young - so sex has never really been a big cause for excitement for me it’s more associated with anxiety and discomfort. i like doing whatever with him but i get so anxious to let things escalate because im so terrified of my appearance and everything else and whether it’ll like…fit…. that i always kind of avoid it even though i would like to? anyways a few weeks ago i was away with my friend and when we were drunk i kept getting thoughts ‘am i attracted to her’ even though i knew i wasn’t (we’re very comfortable around each other so we were sharing a bed and helping each other tan etc) but i kind of tried to push these thoughts away until about a week and a half ago when it all came back in FULL swing. i was like nauseous and horribly anxious to be alone with my thoughts to the point where i called in sick to work because i got so uncomfortable with all the thoughts in my head when i was around other girls at lunch time. this was when i started taking my medication again and since then the anxiety has kind of dissipated but the thoughts haven’t gone anywhere. my brain uses the fact it’s happened before and my low sex drive as a reason to believe its suppression/denial, it’s truly exhausting. since it’s not my first time experiencing this i’m trying to avoid research and talking too much about it because i know what im like but i want to gather other people’s advice/support for this situation. i have barely any anxiety anymore but am CONSTANTLY questioning my attraction to people and living in my past situations despite trying to sit with the thoughts and avoid rumination. it feels so real and it’s terrifying. i’m supposed to be going to see the boy again and i found that while these thoughts were at their worst with anxiety all i really wanted was for him to give me a hug or to hold me, but now im super stressed about seeing him in case it confirms these thoughts or makes them worse, or if we do anything sexual and i get intrusive thoughts… all i want is for my head to leave me alone. any support or advice would be really really appreciated, im feeling so lost like i don’t know who i am. i really am trying my best to sit with the thoughts and not ruminate and expose myself to things that will trigger me but its so HARD. this is a small novel im aware, so im appreciative of anyone that read this far ❤️

I don't like myself anymore. OCD took my personality. I don't know if this is my reality. Why does it feel real?

Nsfw tw// a compulsion I struggle with is m-sturbation. when the groinal responses and thoughts get to bad I do that to gain some sense of relief. but sometimes I end up agreeing with the thoughts or think bad stuff while doing it just to “give in” and also “test myself” and finish so i can find some relief. but IMMEDIATELY afterwards is a sense of shame and regret of wtf did I just do? i guess doing this gives me a sense of control over whatever this is so i try to agree with it but the compulsion is so gross and so is the theme so why would i ever find relief. i honestly believe im a p in denial. my pocd has been acting up non stop for almost 2 and a half months. I feel like im going to cry

i went to target with my sister, and i got into a mindset so bad i’m questioning everything right now. she was walking in front of me, and at one point i walking more in her direction, took a step towards her while having attention on her butt. i think i took the step bc i wanted to feel a groinal while thinking of her butt, but i don’t want that to be true. after, i couldn’t look at her, and i had a few moments where i genuinely felt like i wanted to do something sexual. i genuinely felt and thought that way. when we got in the car, i had a really bad moment like that, as i think i leaned in her direction while having a groinal. i started crying, but couldn’t take my focus off the road for the rest of the way home. now i’m in my car and i feel as though this is really the end. combined with every other horrid thing i feel about my family, children and animals, my life only feels like doom. it was literal hell tonight, and i never thought it would get that bad. i don’t know what to do, i feel like i should be waste

Does anyone recall what triggered there ocd or has anyone gotten a proper explanation of why this happens? I know people say it attacks what you love the most. And can someone explain HOW it feels so real. I’m SO tired.

So long story short I used to watch lesbian porn because I realized I was a very sexual child growing up and it aroused me. Still always had crushes on boys my whole life. And I finally got a bf who is the sweetest guy and I love him so much. I know I’m not gay but ever since ocd my whole thought process has changed like one time I was kissing my bf and bc of this disorder it’s hard for me to get aroused with him rn though I know I am because I used to feel it when we got togther a lot and I’m still very much attracted to him in every way but I guess bc I did t feel aroused while kissing him I realized I was trying to think of lesbians but I caught myself before and I told myself that’s not me like why did I go straight to that. And I realized my thinking has become so black and white anytime my bf does something and I question it my mind is it’s because you’re a lesbian. Whne I know that’s not who I am I have always loved men and I want the whole husband kids and white picket fence life and everything and I have this amazing bf who loves me who I jjst want to be with I know I’m not gay or on the spectrum I do find lesbian porn arousing because I am a sexual being but my head can’t seem to understand that I jjst love men and only want to be with them. I know OCD doesn’t reaping to logic but my libido is low again and I just want to kiss my bf and sleep with him. Being with a women doesn’t excite me and everything I do with my bf I wouldn’t do it with a women I’ve always wanted a bf and now that I get one this shit happens. Has anyone experienced this pleas help I know I’m not gay I know I love being with men it’s just hard to see that to especially because my loss of libido.

Went down the rabbit hole this morning after I got off a call with my nurse practitioner. We decided to up my fluvoxemine and change from Zyprexa to Abilify because my intrusive thoughts and depression seem to have worsened. For whatever reason after I got off the call, panic set in maybe about changing meds or upping my dosage. My mind was racing and I couldn’t calm down. I probably said “kill myself” and “I don’t want to kill myself” a hundred times. I haven’t had a panic attack in a few weeks and this one was bad. I’m finally calmed down but still having the intrusive thoughts. What have I done to deserve this. I can’t take it anymore.

Went on this date with a very creepy guy and my friend had encouraged me to go becuase she thought it would help me get out of my comfort zone and I agreed after thinking about it for a little while because before I went on the date he seemed nice enough and I decided I would go and I was explaining to my other friend why I went and I mentioned that my friend had encouraged me and that I took her advice because I know myself and I can be really picky so I was trying to not be like that but then I worry that I’m like putting the blame on her even though it’s not really her fault that I chose to go and she had good intentions either way but I feel bad telling people that and I don’t know why I did and now my brain keeps telling me that I’m blaming her and that it’s her fault but it’s not her fault but now I keep getting those “what if it’s her fault” things and I keep saying no she just encouraged me and that isn’t anyone’s fault. And I would never say out loud its her fault that I went on the date because that is literally an insane thing to say, but I also wouldn’t have gone had she not encouraged me. She was just encouraging me to do whatever she thought I wanted to do so i shouldn’t feel this way idfk what’s going on.