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I called a therapist to consider switching my therapist and told her about my thoughts and then she asked me “is it the ocd thoughts? Don’t you have a plan to do it?” SERIOUSLY?????????????

Hey all. I’ve been struggling really badly with mental compulsions. The more I don’t want them to be there, the more they come. Mental checking/reviewing is the easiest way to describe it. Anyone have any tips on how to break the cycle?

So I’m getting treatment in person and today I had a phone call and it was basically asking questions to see if it is ocd.like an assessment. On the phone there was a lot of questions and I had to answer with numbers So for example she would say a statement “I excessively wash” and then I answer on how much I experience it : 1-not at all 2-a little 3-moderately 4-all the time But now I feel like I lied for some questions and just that I’m lying that I have ocd and using it as an excuse and that I’m just not bad enough. Like I’m scared I’m lying saying I experience some of the things. Like my head lately keeps saying that I’m putting it on and that I don’t have it or using it as an excuse I’m scared what if I don’t have it like right now it’s telling me I’m lying. I feel like I’m making it all up Because a lot of questions around ocd I never hear them talk or ask me about a lot of themes like Pocd Rocd So ocd So when I don’t experience things they ask about like symmetry , ordering or harming others it makes me feel like I don’t have ocd

I’ve been posting a lot lately because I’ve been super scared of an old theme coming back. All because of a TikTok I saw about someone who potentially was going to hurt their pet. I’ve had ugly themes like this before but it was a long time ago and I got over it but now because of this TikTok I saw-I feel it coming back and I’m scared I don’t want to think those thoughts again or make connections to my past that weren’t a big deal- If there’s someone who overcame an old theme, how did you do it? What did you when it was coming back? I just want to feel normal for once without this crap.

I looked back at my life wondered if I did terrible things and just don't remember and as much as I can sit here today and say to myself I know I would do that, and I could never forget if I did... I still can't trust myself. I hate this

I’m still a minor and living with my mother. I want to talk to a doctor about OCD because I fall into place with quite a few symptoms. The only issue is I need to convince my mom. She literally scares me, so it’s hard talking to her. And with stuff like this she typically yells at me and tells me I’m being dramatic. She doesn’t listen to how I feel till it bugs her. For instance, I injured my knee about 6 months ago while figure skating. It took her two months of me complaining to finally LOOK at my knee. She ended up taking me to a doctor where I was told I needed physical therapy, an x-ray, that I injured a lot of tissue and muscle, and that my kneecap wasn’t in place correctly. Moral of the story, something was wrong for months and she didn’t bother to care for it till she decided it was time. I’m worried she’ll push this off. Or punish me in a way because I’m “trying to be mentally ill” But this OCD stuff has been happening since I was younger, but keeps adding more. If anyone has any advice please tell me. Is there any way you think I could get her to let me speak to someone? Or any way I could “prove” my case? As an extra detail my mom works at a place that deals with mentally ill people, and lots of people who have ocd. There has always been a running joke that I’m autistic, because I count lights, and do a lot of weird stuff. One day while in the car she was talking to someone and whispered “but what she does (as in me) isn’t Autism, that’s all ocd” And that’s when my world clicked into place. I started doing research and found it easy to relate to ocd folks. She hasn’t mentioned it since. Anyways, thank you for reading. Have a good day stranger :) Take care

The last month I’ve been hyper focusing/obsessing about falling asleep and thus it’s caused anxiety and keeps me up every night. I’m not sure how to do ERP around this and I want to get normal sleep again but it’s like my brain won’t shut off whenever I go to bed. Anyone have any tips?

Hi all! I am asking for ‚reassurance‘ and in this case I think it’s ok - and also, If anybody else experienced this. I am in therapy for 1,5 years now with this psychoanalysis therapist. She is great at what she does, but not for my OCD. Last year it got so bad and I went to the hospital for 2 months cause my ocd just flared up so badly. She helped me with my trauma a lot (father sa‘d me for years and only with her I remembered with flashbacks). Though she sees each ocd thought with direct correlation to my trauma. Which def could be the case, but it did not help me one bit. In fact, I am where I was now one year later contemplating if I shall go to the mental hospital again. The fact that there is a ‚reason‘ implied for each obsessive thought that pops my mind (e.g. cheating thought when looking at my fiancé is creating distance because I project my fathers relationship into my fiancé and then i get scared) - could be, but how does it help me? Or the fact that she says my ocd flares up when I’m angry cause I get thrown into that child-like anger from when my father abused me, which but I don’t even remember how I felt (which is great, it’s dissociation‘s purpose).how does it help me though?! I know that it actually worsened my condition cause now I realize I was ruminating all fuxking day long about the associative meaning of that stupid thought. Until yesterday I hurt myself again cause I was very close to giving up (dramatic I know, but it’s how it felt yesterday). Why did it take me so long to let her go? I wrote an email this morning to her saying that I want to change therapy style and that I want to talk about it with her… it got so bad I was questioning my reality yesterday … like 100% didn’t know what was real… Did any of you have a similar experience ? And do any of you have a good tip now to get out of this cycle myself? Thank you!!!

My partner is away this week. What’s more, my period is coming up and my ocd always gets worse because of hormones. Even in the best of circumstances, I deal with feelings of loneliness and intrusive thoughts about loneliness, being a bad friend and being a bad person. I have friends, some lifelong ones even, but I never quite feel whole. Or like it’s enough. Or if I feel good while hanging out, the loneliness creeps in after I leave the hang and ocd tells me to review everything I said (I have gotten better at resisting this compulsion). The hard thing is that this loneliness makes it harder to reach out to friends or even strike up conversations with random people I might see in my day to day. Ocd tells me terrible things when I feel lonely and it’s hard to not believe those terrible things. Anyone else go through this? Any tips on exposures? I’ve reached out to two close friends just letting them know I feel down. I booked an extra therapy appt just because the feelings are intense and my partner is away. I was planning to go to a support group if the timing works out. Just feels really hard to do anything, like a big slog, but I’m just kind of dragging myself along. Thanks for reading.

*Before beginning, I just want to clarify that when I describe these sx’s (symptoms) as “weird,” I mean what an average person without OCD would probably consider weird. I don’t judge them, but do still admittedly feel considerable embarrassment if I experience them in public.* In general, most of these triggers during high stress or when things in my life seem out of control. My best guess is that the anxiety relief I feel from fulfilling a compulsion helps me feel like I have a little more “control” and things are okay. This isn’t a thought process I actively have when obsessing, but more like a feeling based on what makes my sx’s worse and when they pop up. Some of these sx’s are associated w/ intrusive thoughts, but sometimes it’s just like everything “feels wrong” if I don’t do the compulsion correctly. I came up with random names for the sx’s: 1) “Reorienting in space” - sometimes I feel the need to say certain things (like if talking to myself) or think certain things facing specific direction. I’d experienced this before, “grew out of it,” and now it’s somewhat back. It used to be like I had to face East, or north, or whatever, but now it’s more based on facing specific objects. So like facing a doorway, facing the front of my house, or even the direction of a specific place in my city, etc. It’s STRANGE but yeah so there’s that. 2) “Overcoming imagined barriers” - so this isn’t really something that bothers me much at all anymore, but it still stands out as one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had with OCD. This trigger is similar to the last one, except in addition to facing a certain way, I would imagine a literal barrier that exists like somewhere up ahead of me, and I would have to convince myself I’m physically moving past that barrier in order to feel like I’m “in the clear” and like I have “control.” Often the first barrier I imagined wouldn’t suffice. It wasn’t far enough away, it wasn’t “strong enough,” etc. It would often take me upwards of 10 attempts or more every time this would occur in order to move on. After typing this out I understand my brain 10 times less. 3) “Desire for control of others’ behaviors, events, & objects” - so this isn’t as extreme as it might sound, I don’t like try to control people. It’s more like I’ll have to wait until someone stops coughing to put my phone down, waiting until someone stops speaking to proceed with whatever I was doing. Or waiting for train noises to stop, cars to stop going by, to mentally “move on.” Though I’ve found it’s been getting more out of control lately, and I’m not helping things by reinforcing the symptoms ever time I complete the compulsion. I’m sure there are other odd ones I can think of, but these 3, especially the first 2, take the cake 🎂 for me. If ANYONE can relate to ANY of this I’d be cool to know I’m not the single weirdest homo sapien there ever was, but I’ll be happier for you if you can’t relate.

i have been having a really depressive couple of months and i am having an especially bad day. I have never really had suicidal thoughts until this spring, but they keep spreading like wildfire. I would never do such a thing or even plan out taking my own life. I am not one to give up that easy and there are so many things I love about my life and so many people who need me. There are so many things I have yet to live and I am excited to see!!! I think it may just be a really intense intrusive thought. It pops into my head really graphically and it immediately upsets me to a point of panic attack, because for just one moment it feels like the only path. Today it has been happening like every thirty minutes since i’ve been awake and I really just want it to stop. Is this normal for others?? How do you get it to calm down. [I think I am planning on calling a hotline tonight, i’m not going to tell them i’m actually thinking about it(because i’m not). I just really need someone to talk to. I just wish it could be someone who knows me but I don’t want to worry them. No one in my life really understands my OCD very well, they kind of just think it’s basic level cleanliness and obsessive thought OCD.]

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” and the scariest of them all…”why would a see a doctor if this is all real” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

How do you stop constantly checking/scanning your brain for thoughts! It’s my biggest compulsion and it’s getting me so down because I do not want these thoughts but I can’t seems to physically stop checking they are there which then greats even more!!!

I love my boyfriend with my whole heart. I would never, ever do anything to hurt him and vice versa. our relationship is so incredibly healthy and amazing, I just want to be with him forever, and we will be. so why am I so afraid of cheating????? I can’t even look at pictures of other guys because I feel like I am cheating just doing that. If I think about a male person I immediately feel so guilty and I feel like I have to apologise to my bf. I spoke to him about it and he is so supportive and lovely with me, so patient and understanding, still my ocd tells me I am going to cheat on him, that I don’t love him and I am just falking this whole relationship. I just love him so so much and I don’t want him to be hurt or sad ever. this is making me feel so awful and guilty.

I hate that ocd not only latches onto people/things you love. But I hate how easily triggered it can make you and compare yourself to actual scary/bad people. TikTok has been such a big trigger of mine because I keep seeing crime cases, people harming people/younger ppl, and my most recent trigger someone potentially harming their pet. When I see all these things my brain tries to make connections to my past actions/things I said/ etc to try to find connections to how I’m also bad like them and I should just end it all before I truly end up evil. It scares me I don’t want to be an evil person or bad or worse things. I’m not like those people but my brain says other wise. How do I combat this? I can’t stop thinking about my latest trigger because I feel like it’s an old theme resurfacing and I’m so scared-please advice? Explanations? Why does this disorder exist?

I’m so worried about being a literal psychopath. I keep reading that psychopaths start out hurting animals. I made some mistakes a kid. I was mean to my animals and for some reason it didn’t register that they felt pain. I never killed any animal I was just rough. I haven’t done anything since i was a kid. I get very emotional anytime I see an animal in pain and suffering. I even consider veterinary school after I graduated high school but chose not to pursue that because I have such strong emotions towards suffering animals/euthanasia. I could never see myself taking an animals life even if it was for the better. I currently live surrounded by animals and see them more as family than pets. They are my literal babies. I’m worried because I at times looked back to the things I did and wish I never did it but it’s never stuck so much with me until recently. It’s all I think about and I literally wanna punch myself and wish someone would’ve just beat me when I did that stuff. I’m worried it means I’m a psycho just waiting to break. I’ve been having harm ocd type stuff and have been ruminating and it’s all I think about is being a psycho. I feel like everything has been a lie since my childhood. I’m questioning my own emotions and everything and now I feel numb. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything but I constantly feel like a psycho and it feels so real. I always enjoyed watching true crime stuff with my bf and now that I know about all this I’m freaking tf out. Everything feels so real like it’s already happened or is gonna happen if I try to forget about it.

I feel really stupud righting this right now. I can't tell you how many times I've written something and then back spacr everything I wrote. But I guess this is my way of trying to i dont know, better myself. I read everybodys stories and I feel for each and every one of you. What you all go through, is something nobody should have to do. But I know we can't all share our complete thoughts, becausr idk about you guys. But I'm ashamed and scared. I'm scared that my thoughts will make me dangerous or violent. I often compare myself to Jeffrey Dahmer because of what I think. And it's exhausting, but no matter who tells me their story or who shares somethung similar it doesnt feel right. Nothing really feels right to me, and not in a perfect order type of way. More in a my organs are in the wrong spots, my skin feels unevenly placed on my body, and I just want to rip everything off of me. I won't go into details of course, I don't want to trigger anybody on here. But having ocd, or maybe even getting diagnosed or helping yourself through medicine and therapy just seems so pointless to me. When I look in the mirror or imagine myself I'm nothing, I'm just a sack of flesh and everything I think and feel is a chemical reaction. It's alive but not real, I'm alive, but I'm not real. When I look around and I feel my skin, there is no possibly way I can be real, there is no way my life is real. I feel crazy because I constantly think I'm crazy, and the really sad thing is I want to get worse. I don't want ti get better. But at the same time I really really do, and maybe thats why i've never healed or "gotten better" is because something deep inside my head didn't want to and it never did. I am sorry for this being a long rant/vent, I don't know what I wanted this to be, but i'm typing so here we are if your still reading this. But have a good night you know, and thanks for reading this.

rn my bf and i r in a rlly rough patch like not making time for each other just fighting back and forth and its been a while and now i feel like we're growing apart and he and i decided we r gonna talk everything out tmrw and try to fix it but idk if this is my ocd or if this js real but i had the idea that what if this is me growing apart from him inevitably and ive been forcing us trying to fix things for so long and that even if we do fix things i wont rlly care or enjoy it bcs i alr slowly lost feelings or smt which i dont want i dont want to lose feelings and i don't want this to be the end but i'm scared i do want that or that this is us like "losing feelings and processing the breakup mentally as we go thru this patch before the real breakup happens" and i'm rlly sad like what if i rlly am losing feelings and i dont regain it back like i was barely texting him today and i had fun w my friends without him which never happens and i didn't care to wear his hoodie because we ddint end up hanging out which is also abnormal for me and i want to fix things deeply but i'm dcared im losing feelings and i don't want to what if this rlly is one of those things we cant bounce back from emotionally and i lost feelings i cant gain back i'm so stressed pls give advice :( and then today we fixed things he said rlly romantic things but bcs i alr got in my head that i lost feelings and its too late to fix things im in over my head that i dont feel anything and that i dont care abt calling him or anything idk what happened all of a sudden i just had this thought and it stuck to my feelings idk if its ocd bcs someone told me i rlly am losing feelings but i don't want to i'm actually terrified rn

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

Hello, my name is Addison and I would love to share my story to see if anybody has been going through the same thing as me because sometimes I feel as if I am alone and nobody understands what is happening. I have known most of my life that I have had anxiety but it wasn’t until last year when I started noticing that I have been repeating things in my head over and over again. I later found out that it was OCD. I especially noticed it when I had any work to do or anything to do outside of my house I always zone out or close my eyes and just repeat everything over and over in my head. I also picture it in my mind so I can better understand what I am telling myself. I stress myself out so much because of it and for some reason my mind does not allow me to accept what I am thinking. So then I tried getting a planner which doesn’t really work for me. Sometimes I would be doing work and I would catch myself zoning out and writing things on my paper over and over and over again. I have tried a lot of stuff to help but it’s still mentally exhausting and by the end of the day my brain is so wore out just from repeating every little thing in my head. If anybody is going through the same thing as me and has any tips please share, I would love to learn how I myself could help myself out even a little bit! 😊