Am I crazy?

I feel really stupud righting this right now. I can't tell you how many times I've written something and then back spacr everything I wrote. But I guess this is my way of trying to i dont know, better myself. I read everybodys stories and I feel for each and every one of you. What you all go through, is something nobody should have to do. But I know we can't all share our complete thoughts, becausr idk about you guys. But I'm ashamed and scared. I'm scared that my thoughts will make me dangerous or violent. I often compare myself to Jeffrey Dahmer because of what I think. And it's exhausting, but no matter who tells me their story or who shares somethung similar it doesnt feel right. Nothing really feels right to me, and not in a perfect order type of way. More in a my organs are in the wrong spots, my skin feels unevenly placed on my body, and I just want to rip everything off of me. I won't go into details of course, I don't want to trigger anybody on here. But having ocd, or maybe even getting diagnosed or helping yourself through medicine and therapy just seems so pointless to me. When I look in the mirror or imagine myself I'm nothing, I'm just a sack of flesh and everything I think and feel is a chemical reaction. It's alive but not real, I'm alive, but I'm not real. When I look around and I feel my skin, there is no possibly way I can be real, there is no way my life is real. I feel crazy because I constantly think I'm crazy, and the really sad thing is I want to get worse. I don't want ti get better. But at the same time I really really do, and maybe thats why i've never healed or "gotten better" is because something deep inside my head didn't want to and it never did. I am sorry for this being a long rant/vent, I don't know what I wanted this to be, but i'm typing so here we are if your still reading this. But have a good night you know, and thanks for reading this.