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working to conquer OCD
No one would ever understand how it is to be me. I’m in an endless loop. My mind finds new ways to bully me. I’m exhausted and all I can do is cry cry cry. This isn’t the way to live
Anyone else ever get scared that their gonna start liking their thoughts!??
does anyone else have times where their OCD disappears? Like I've been dealing with a new OCD theme and it was so distressing dealing with those thoughts for weeks on end and i couldn't talk to my therapist at the time. I told my therapist about it yesterday and now there's no more thoughts? and i feel like i lied about having these thoughts and now when i do my exposures it's like i'm checking for the thoughts to pop up and they're not. I don't know if it's because I've been kind of avoiding people that trigger the theme or what. I feel like a liar.
I was diagnosed with OCD about a month ago and have only done 2 full sessions of ERP. This new OCD diagnosis is confusing to me and it is impacting my sleep like no other feeling like I cannot turn off my brain from my repetitive thoughts. I feel like all of my thoughts are OCD related thoughts right now and I am having a hard time disconnecting myself from them. I truly want to feel better, but having a hard time figuring out how to move forward with my life with this new diagnosis. Any tips for a newbie looking for some hope?
I (M21) truly don't know if im denial or have SO-OCD and am in denial or what. Over a couple years ago I struggled with hocd really bad. It started with just a random thought that led later on to what I think were false attractions or crushes? I would instantly seemingly compulsively stare at most dudes butts. I never felt aroused by this to my knowledge. Overtime though I got basically so tired of worrying that I was just like "Even if these are genuine attractions I have no desire to pursue them and I don't ever have fantasies about them so it will just be a thing that exists for me. Then for the last couple of years thats were I was at and felt like I was straight and just accepted the uncertainty. Within the last few months though it is either returning seemingly or I am actually bisexual and just very heterosexual leaning. Or both Im not sure. The reason I say this is because around 3 months ago I was just writing something down for my college class and a guy walked past me brown jeans and my eyes just got fixated on his ass the more I tried to look away the more I kept looking back repeatedly. I don't think I felt any arousal just a lot of anxiety. Eventually I got on with the day and was pondering it for a while I was like "this must mean something right?" I then looked back at my old HOCD posts and felt the experience of staring was similar. After a few hours I guess I just forgot about it and then went on with my life. Around a month or 2 ago I was going to the gym and I saw a guy exercising and kept looking at his muscles and was fixated like the other event I mentioned. I remember I felt some kind of feeling, I did not feel aroused or that I wanted to touch him or anything of that sort. I just remeber having a feeling. I don't fully remeber everything after that but I think I was just like "Maybe it was something maybe not idk" Recently a couple weeks ago we were sitting in class and I hear some guy talking and was like "wow his voice sounds deep" then after that I had some sort of panic in my head and kept wondering "I am attracted to him" "Did I like it?" again I felt no arousal or desire for him. I saw him again today and honestly felt nothing I just thought his deep voice sounded cool. Over the last couple of weeks I had been thinking through all this and was like "no, this has to mean something right?" I started watching hocd videos and am I bisexual in denial videos and my brain kept being like "Its different this time, its probably real" Ever since then I have been in an almost constant state of intense anxiety I keep wondering if im actually bisexual. Part of me feels like I am and already have admitted it but just don't like the label. Which I admit is probably true. I liked being straight it felt right for me. I have tried to watch gay porn multiple times to see if men can arouse me but I feel nothing. A lot of the time I really don't wanna watch it and just give up on trying. If I watch straight porn with a woman moaning I will get hard very quickly even if I don't think she is that attractive. At this point if I am bisexual I just want to know and not be in denial. The idea of being in denial or secretly having gay feelings and repressing them terrifies me I tried to fantasize about men and got to a point where it felt like a compulsive urge but did not arouse me. These compulsive urges involved me trying to fantasize about a guys crotch or ass seeing as that is where I had that feeling before but still nothing. Tonight I tried looking up guys asses in jeans to see if I feel anything but I felt pretty much nothing, except for one guy who was shirtless with his ass in jeans. I felt that wierd feeling again but did not feel arousal or excitement even though I legimately tried to. Is this wierd feeling repressed desire or something? It's driving me crazy I don't know what that feeling is. now I am worrying if I also had some sort of attraction to someone several years ago. I remember watching a YouTuber and I thought he looked attractive and then starting checking obsessively then just forgot ? For reference I am honestly a lot less sexual overall than I used to be. Before this whole event I abstained from porn completely. I am attracted to women but it feels more selective. Iv'e never seen a woman on the street and been like "I wanna kiss or have sex with her". But when talking to women on dating apps it would always get me excited and aroused and I have liked to listen to asmr about girls both erotic and not for a long time. Before all this questioning part of me was wondering if I was asexual because my eyes would look around at women but I didnt feel like I was attracted or anything. I found some women more attractive than others but that was about it. TLDR: Am I bisexual in denial or repressing my feelings or whats going on here?
With my ZOCD or just my regular ocd I feel like I’m content like I still see these thoughts and don’t want to do them ever and the thought of doing the act makes me not want to live with myself if I ever did it but my brain is making me think it’s normal to just have the thought and like just move on? Like I think I’m so used to the horrible thoughts that they don’t scare me as much? But I am scared but I don’t think the thoughts are as compulsive? Again I would never act on any of my ocd compulsions, I would rather die but also I’m so used to seeing and feeling the horrible thoughts that I’m just used to it? And I’m scared this means that I’m ok with doing these horrible things and that is what is scaring me I don’t wanna do these bad things I’m scared my brain is making me confused? Please don’t judge me 🥺🙏 the ZOCD started in December I have never ever had ZOCD before and my life was normal now it’s hard for me to go back to how I used to be. But I think maybe I’m getting out of the ocd?
Hi. My name is Alec. I've had this app for a year, maybe less, but never used it really. I don't know why, if it's a lack of motivation, or confusion about myself. Maybe a lot of things, piling on top of each other, day in, day out. I've had no platform comfortable sharing things with, no real community to try and be a part of, because I couldn't take the first step. I'm shooting a light into a dark night here and I don't know where this is going but here I am. I don't know what medical issues I've had, and my whole life it feels like whatevers been going on with me has been swept under the rug or categorized as just another part of autism. I may be on the spectrum with aspergers, diagnosed, but it always felt like there was something else, like these people just generalize my brain into something easy to work with. Well it's not. My brain has periodic attraction to minors, but that's being nice for the sake of it. They're kids. KIDS. And any time I've wanted to come out and get some help, maybe float the idea of someone coming out to people with that issue, I always hear the same response. Commit suicide, people like that deserve death. "If you in any way are attracted to kids, there is no excuse, people like that should be;" shot, stabbed, raped, etc. So I never have seeked anything or anyone out for help, and just sat in my own disgust and lust that I've grown numb to it. I think my brain obsessively targets a mindset to make myself feel less bad about drawn porn of the content, because that's all it's been, growing numb to sickening ideas and maybe even normalizing it. You can never be as mad at me or anything as I am, because I have to deal with these thoughts just about every day. I don't know if it's much better, but I don't look up CP. While I can't help these strange obsessive attractions, I've put so much energy directing it into fictional porn, specifically the drawn stuff, just so I couldn't be tempted in real life, and seems to be working so far, but if I can snuff out this issue for good, I don't know how I'd feel, but I hope relieved. That's simply a smaller chapter in my life, despite its vulgarity, so still be aware that I am being vulnerably open right now to a bunch of strangers that may not want to see this. I dont know. I really don't. There has been no option for me that I could find, and I'm already past the option for suicide, so I'm just crossing fingers that maybe some answer will come to because who can afford a therapist when they have no money, and listen to the comments of an ultimatum for various problems probably associated with a mental issue is murder or some twisted version of justice? I simply just want to figure out what's wrong with me, and maybe even fix all of my mental problems and blocks, despite this being an app for a target group of people. Maybe this is my root, who knows. But thank you anyways.
I’ve always had a feeling of having OCD but I’ve never been sure. I’m a teenager, and I’m hoping people on this app can help me try to figure out if I have OCD or I’m just crazy. Starting off with these terrible thoughts I have all the time. Someone can come home late and I immediately think they got into a car wreck, and check my phone for recent car crashes and other thing etc. etc. number 2, I always have intrusive thoughts, terrible ones ever since I was a kid I can’t control. I immediately feel like thinking these will lead god to hate me, and that he made an imperfection on me. And every time I try to hide these thoughts away, like right now they’re coming out I just can’t stop thinking of them and it’s so hard to do anything. Just thoughts like, “you hate your mom” or, “you hate god” and stuff that scares me like spiders. It’s hard to do anything with these thoughts. I’m also a major perfectionist, if anything is out of order I freak out. Yes, my room is messy. But I feel a sense of incompleteness and anxiety if I don’t empty the dishwasher, or don’t clean dirty dishes around the sink. These are recent and I feel like God will punish me for committing the sin of laziness. I also have a thing with the number 5, when I touch something it needs to be 5 times and if it’s not 5 times I freak out. I’m also terrified of getting sick, every time my friend is sick I freak out and don’t get near them the entire day, constantly washing my hands. Writing this is triggering a lot of my terrible thoughts and I don’t want to continue writing. Please let me know your thoughts, mental illness runs in my family but my mom is constantly telling me there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s right.
Another thing I’ve realised and wondered if this is true for others, do you start to see aspects of your theme everywhere in things when you didn’t before?
I had been doing a lot better with my OCD for several months-- I put in a lot of effort with NoCD, was frequently doing ERP exercises, and my head was much calmer. I moved in with a friend about a month ago though, and they're an amazing friend and a wonderful roommate. But they almost definitely have OCD as well, and we've discussed that a good few times. They're willing to challenge a couple of obsessive thoughts here and there, but a lot of their obsessions and compulsions are the same ones as mine, and I've been noticing myself "relapsing" a lot recently. They're not really interested in downloading the app or reading articles I send them, and OCD therapists cost an arm and a leg where we live (if you can even find one). I'm not sure how to get myself back to a point of peace. When they verbally obsess and indulge compulsions, it makes it incredibly hard to not do the same. Does anyone have any advice on how to get back into the swing of things?
I’ve noticed an increase in intrusive thoughts when doing what I actually WANT to do and having healthy coping mechanisms, as opposed to staying busy or going out for drinks, etc.. what is this about?
how do u deal with guilt caused by intrusive thoughts during sexual activities?
This sounds insane bc ocd causes so much pain in my life, but it's almost like I'm scared to let it go?? Idk if that's ocd trying to cling on for dear life or if it's me. Logically I don't want to feel horrible bc of ocd forever but what kind of weird thought of "what if you actually want ocd forever?" ?!
i’m struggling so much with things that have happened in my past, especially in my childhood, things that i’ve done, the guilt and shame is too much and i’ve told my mum and she just thinks it was normal childhood things and part of growing up but i can’t let any of it go, my mind feels so messy, and some of the memories are blurry and it’s making me feel horrible and i’m so distressed i just want this to be over and im worried to talk to a therapist because of what they might say or think, can anyone relate?
I have a fear of losing control, and a fear of schizophrenia. so when I feel tired or fatigue or just any emotion really I think it’s a sign I’m going to lose control and then it makes me so anxious to the point I have a panic attack over the feeling of feeling tired. Anytime I feel a change in my body I take that as a sign I’m going to go insane? which makes me feel more anxious and makes it feel more real! Does anyone else feel like this or have any advice:( currently feeling weird and so anxious all cause I feel sleepy/ tired. It’s exhausting
I saw a TikTok of this really cute black baby and I had a really racist intrusive thought and now I’m worried I’m a really racist awful person. I’m convinced I commented something racist and I keep looking back at the comments to make sure I didn’t. I’m in college and I have to go down and get food at the dining hall soon because it’s going to close in not too long and the majority of people who work there are black and i‘m really worried if I do go get food I’m going to say something really awful and racist to them. I need to get food but I’m sooooo scared I’m going to call them the n word or something
I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.
Have any of you noticed that when you engage in confessing compulsions you often feel like you have to re-confess because you feel like or realized you left something out. Or that this just starts a landslide of confessing?
Does anyone have any tips on how to get a full nights rest? I had a pretty good afternoon/evening yesterday, yet still found myself waking up every 2-3 hours with anxious thoughts. Also I have this horrible chest pain in the morning, that usually takes me a while to shake. Not sure if that’s contributing to my lack of sleep.
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OCD doesn't have to
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